I think I am the most boring person around and this was embarrassing!

[Mapper71]

I am so tired of spending the weekends sitting on the couch in front of the tv while he sits in front of his computer. I get such pitiful looks at work every Monday when everyone is talking about the things they did and places they went over the weekend and then I get asked if I did anything and the answer is always the same--"Nope, just sat around for the most part". Yes I do realize that I can go and do things on my own, but that's not fun, especially for me who is really shy and not good in solo situations.

 

I don't really have any friends that I can call up to do things except for maybe one of my coworkers but even then I really don't want to spend a day doing things with her. If I do go out I usually get some snide remark from my husband "Oh fine, go out and have fun with your friend. See if I care. I'll just be sitting here playing video games as usual". I know this remark is usually coming so I don't even WANT to make plans with anyone. Even if I do go and do something he’ll snidely say “Oh that sounds RIVETING! Sorry I’m not going”.

 

Then if I'm at home and tell him I'm going to go for a walk he'll go "Oh you must be pretty bored". Or if I walk up and down the hall back and forth from the living room to our bedroom cleaning stuff or something he'll go "Wow...bored?" Or if I come into the computer room and try and talk to him he'll go "Well I can tell you are bored and you probably want me to come out and watch tv with you, huh?" Or if I'm simply sitting on the couch reading a book with the tv off and he comes out after hours on the computer he'll go "Wow, you must be really bored if you're reading". If I go out and clean up the yard “Wow, how bored do you have to be to clean up the yard when it’s still wet out?”

 

It's like no matter what I do, if it isn't simply sitting and watching tv, I MUST be bored! Some weekends by 6PM I can tell even he is bored with the computer and there's nothing on tv and he just decides he wants to go to bed. He never wants to go out and experience things, unless it's a bar. I never ask him to do anything because I know it's going to get a "Oh we'll see. It might be fun" which I know means he is going to decide not to do it.

 

I even asked him to come up to this bar after work a few days ago because my company was having a gathering after work and he works not far from me and usually I'm off of work 2 hours before him. He said he'd come by and then 5 minutes later I get the text "Oh I forgot that I have to drop my coworker off at his house tonight, so I guess I'll just go directly home." Yet I get home shortly after he does and he tells me that they are having this thing online tonight about his video game and he wanted to get home to see it. So was the first excuse just an excuse and this is the real reason you wouldn't come out? He can't spend time doing anything because he can't be away from this video game for long.

 

I mean he can't do anything on it while he's at work so when he comes home that's all he wants to do. He even tells me yesterday that the sun is finally supposed to shine on Sunday. Well yippee! All that means is that the sun will come through your window while you're playing your video game! It certainly doesn’t mean we’re going to do anything!

Edited March 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Arieswoman]

Mapper71

Was he always a couch potato, or is this something new?

[aileD]

Did you marry a 13 year old?

 

Why can't you tell him that it's his online game or you? Speak up.

[rester]

Have you ever been to or considered an Al-Anon meeting?

 

What if I?m not ready to go to a meeting?

[Mapper71]

Mapper71

Was he always a couch potato, or is this something new?

 

No, sadly he has always been this way, but not to this extent. Most people can't wait to have a long weekend, like 4 days off at Thanksgiving, because it gives them a chance to travel or whatever. I can't stand the long weekends because after 1/2 a day I am ready to go insane from doing nothing. I'll say to him "Why don't we go and do this tomorrow" to which he'll give an enthusiastic "Sure. That sounds great" but by the time tomorrow comes, he just wants to sit in his pajamas in front of his computer and he'll go "Well let me take a nap and then we can go" 2 hours later he'll get up and go "Well you know I just feel like being lazy today. Maybe we'll go and do it next week", which of course means we aren't ever going to go.

[RecentChange]

Well of course you are bored!! That sounds terribly boring.

 

I find few things more boring than watching TV, I would rather clean house, work on the yard, etc. A moment being productive is always better than time spent doing nothing.

 

Why is it an insult to be bored? If my husband and I are idle, often one will say “I am bored, lets do x, y and z!”

 

What do you say? I think “yes, I am bored, we aren’t doing anything” or “I rather be productive than lazy” to be a reasonable answers.

 

Honestly, your husband sounds extremely lazy, lacks any sort of motivation, and is wasting his life sitting in front of a computer.

 

We have only so many days on this earth, how many more are you going to let this man steal from you? GO enjoy life! If he doesn’t want to, that’s on him, but do not let him drag you down like this.

 

He sounds like dead weight. What does he contribute to the relationship? Is he depressed? Why choose to live life like this?

[Whodatdog]

Youre married....why?

[VeveCakes]

This isn't his problem, it's yours. Yes he is a lazy slug, but it's not his job to entertain you.

 

Time to start getting out of your shell. Go join some groups, join the gym, get out. Join a walking or running group. Find a hobby.

 

No one is responsible for their life but you. No excuse is viable in this instance. As for the husbands condescending comments, who cares. If he makes a comment say yes! I am bored! You may be content in the house 24/7 but I am not and I am going to live my life.

 

You only have one shot at life. Don't waste it in front of the boob tube.

[Mapper71]

Yes he is lazy. I mean we had joined a gym together for a while and then quit, but he left his sneakers in a locker at the gym with a lock on it. Rather than make a trip back there to go get them he just left them there. He got a sweater thru L.L. Bean from his mom for Christmas. He didn't like it so sent it back and had them ship him a gift card worth the same amount. So he has a $60 gift card sitting in his wallet but says there's nothing that he wants from the website so that will sit unused. Wanted to return an item he got on Amazon, but didn't have the gumption to print out a return receipt for it and after he finally did decide about 45 days later he wanted to do it, he couldn't because it had to be within 30 days so he lost $25 on that. At his previous job, a collections agency was taking money out of his paycheck nearly every week. Sometimes up to $300 a check. Rather than call them and discuss what can be done, he let it go for months when he could have nipped it in the bud.

[RecentChange]

Well you can't change someone else, so what are you going to do?

 

And you are married to him, so his problems can become yours. Having your paychecks garnished is pretty serious, that means they went to court and got a judgment against him - he obviously ignored that for quite a while to get to that point.

 

What steps are you going to take to start living a more fulfilling and enriched life?

[BaileyB]

It would seem that you knew your husband was like this before you married, so I'm not really sure why you are expecting him to be different now.

 

If it's true, that you can't change someone else, you can only change yourself... then, what are you prepared to do?

 

You have two choices, pull up a chair beside him and continue to complain about the situation, or find something to do and go enjoy yourself.

 

If it was me, I would be looking for new friends and looking for something to do that would bring me happiness... And if he complained when I put my shoes on, he would be talking to the other side of the door...

 

Life is what YOU make of it.

[NTV]

have you tried to play the video game with him?

[whichwayisup]

Yes he is lazy. I mean we had joined a gym together for a while and then quit, but he left his sneakers in a locker at the gym with a lock on it. Rather than make a trip back there to go get them he just left them there. He got a sweater thru L.L. Bean from his mom for Christmas. He didn't like it so sent it back and had them ship him a gift card worth the same amount. So he has a $60 gift card sitting in his wallet but says there's nothing that he wants from the website so that will sit unused. Wanted to return an item he got on Amazon, but didn't have the gumption to print out a return receipt for it and after he finally did decide about 45 days later he wanted to do it, he couldn't because it had to be within 30 days so he lost $25 on that. At his previous job, a collections agency was taking money out of his paycheck nearly every week. Sometimes up to $300 a check. Rather than call them and discuss what can be done, he let it go for months when he could have nipped it in the bud.

 

You expect him to change yet you're not willing change anything about yourself, so it seems either accept him for who he is and what he's about or YOU change your ways, get out there make some new friends, take some courses, do evening yoga, or even GO out to a movie by yourself and enjoy the evening. He isn't wanting to go out so you go out. Don't sit at home full of resentment. That's on you.

[mikeylo]

How old are you ? Do you have kids? How old is he ?

[Dolfin80]

Yikes! Time to divorce, seriously you married a loser. I gather he wasnt a loser before marriage right? Time to trade him in for a better one.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Mapper, what attracted you to your husband in the first place? He seems to be the same guy he was before you got together with him so what was it that you liked about him? Also, if this goes on any longer you will end up having an affair out of sheer boredom. You seem to be in a dead end situation so it is best to get out and let him handle his own problems. How long have you been married? From the way you've written it seems you have no kids so that is a good thing in a way. Find someone who is more fun than your current spouse. What about your sex life? It would be a miracle if you said that department of you're life was good. I think you have received some good advice so it's time to start taking action to change your life for the better. Warm wishes.

[Mapper71]

Every time I finally go thru with making plans to go out with friends for a night or an afternoon and I tell H about it I get the same damn response of "Oh and I can't go?" He just told me on Tuesday that he was going to go out with his friend tonight and never asked if I wanted to go. Then tells me last night that he's going to a concert with a coworker in August and never asked if I wanted to go. I don't like them anyways but the fact that he just tells me he's doing something and doesn't ask me to go. Yet every time I tell him I'm going out I get the smarmy "Fine go out and have fun without me. I'll just be sitting here at home".

 

I then tell him that he can come too and he responds with "Oh I don't want to ruin your girls night". He did the same thing a couple years ago. I had plans for dinner with someone I hadn't seen in 6 months and he made this huge deal about how I was going out and he was just going to stay home and be on his own. Made remarks about how her and I must be secret lovers or something. Just would not let it go until I was on the verge of tears and then said he was just kidding and to chill out. I ended up cancelling because he upset me so much.

 

He makes me feel horrible for not asking him to come too but he has no problem telling me he's going out without asking me.

[basil67]

You ALLOW him to make you feel horrible. He's playing you like a fiddle and you're listening to him.

 

After reading this post and your previous one, it seems to me that you're not throwing his comments back at him. When he snarkily wishes you a happy evening, reply in a charming manner "Thank you. Hope you enjoy your evening in"

 

Remarks about how the old friend and you must be lovers? Just smile and charmingly agree with him. "Yes, we are lovers. Have been for years. Can't wait to see her again" The more you try and pander to him and defend yourself from his ridiculous comments, the more he will continue.

 

Or you could always simply leave him.

[usa1ah]

Why do you put up with it?

 

Next time tell him to shove it.

 

Have fun with your friends. The two of you do things together too right.

 

You should have told him that your female friend was a better lover then he is. It he is going to suggest. He gets whatever comes back at him.

[somanymistakes]

I assume from his tone that he's not just teasing? Because I know a lot of people say that sort of thing by reflex when they don't really MEAN that they want you to stay home or invite them, they just want a little attention and to remind you that they care.

[Mapper71]

Then I get a call last night about 8:30 from a number I don't recognize so I don't answer it. I thought in the back of my head it might be him calling, but why wasn't he calling from his own phone or his buddies phone (who's number I know). A voice message is left and I listen to it and it is indeed him calling to tell me that he's getting dinner with his buddy before the show and he and his wife extended the invitation for him to just spend the night there if things get crazy so he may take them up on it and see me after work tomorrow. They live only a few minutes from his work and I know he was out with him because I saw the numerous texts between them and I could hear his buddy in the background when he called (just quashing anyone who is going to say he was out with another woman).

 

If I did that, do you know what an earful I'd get from him about partying too hard that I couldn't come home, all the while he was sitting at home doing nothing. He can tell me he's going out without extending an invitation to me and then also call and tell me he's not coming home that night and it's all supposed to be perfectly fine. Yet I want to go see a show with a couple friends and he gets all huffy and goes "Oh I'm not invited?" and then I tell him he can come and says "I don't want to ruin your girls night but I'll come if I must". Passive aggressive at it's finest!

[Whoknew30]

Then I get a call last night about 8:30 from a number I don't recognize so I don't answer it. I thought in the back of my head it might be him calling, but why wasn't he calling from his own phone or his buddies phone (who's number I know). A voice message is left and I listen to it and it is indeed him calling to tell me that he's getting dinner with his buddy before the show and he and his wife extended the invitation for him to just spend the night there if things get crazy so he may take them up on it and see me after work tomorrow. They live only a few minutes from his work and I know he was out with him because I saw the numerous texts between them and I could hear his buddy in the background when he called (just quashing anyone who is going to say he was out with another woman).

 

If I did that, do you know what an earful I'd get from him about partying too hard that I couldn't come home, all the while he was sitting at home doing nothing. He can tell me he's going out without extending an invitation to me and then also call and tell me he's not coming home that night and it's all supposed to be perfectly fine. Yet I want to go see a show with a couple friends and he gets all huffy and goes "Oh I'm not invited?" and then I tell him he can come and says "I don't want to ruin your girls night but I'll come if I must". Passive aggressive at it's finest!

 

It's no different than a child. When I leave the house my son screams, until he can no longer see me & then he's fine.

 

Don't allow him to make you feel bad...if you have plans, just go. He'll be fine...also in my experience the worst is when the one woman brings her husband & or boyfriend to girls night. Changes the whole dynamic, don't allow him to make you "that" woman.

 

He can only get away with it if you allow it...he's not going to die bc you out.

[BaileyB]

You are not a victim here. If you want something different, decide what you want and make it happen.

 

just what do you hope to accomplish by complaining about it on the Internet? With all due respect, you both need to grow up and learn to communicate and treat each other with more respect!

Edited March 25, 2017 by BaileyB

[mikeylo]

FWIW, there is an underlying reason for this behavior. He is probably holding resentment against something.I would dig deeper.

[Poutrew]

When he gets home, have a smile on your face and tell him he needs to stay overnight more often. Him not being there gave you a chance to go out with your friends and you had a blast. Do not tell him what you did. Ever. If it is too late to do this, then do it tonight. Have a note on the table telling him frozen TV Dinners are in the fridge, and to not wait up for you , as you are out with friends. When you next see him , tell him he needs to stay overnight out of the house more often. If he goes all baby on you and accuses you of having sex with someone, just say, very sweetly, "So then I can assume were having an orgy with your friend and his wife last night? If you can do it, I can do it...sweetums."