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DH procrastinates when we travel UGH


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I love my husband. I really do. But right now I want to throttle him. (Figuratively, not literally).

 

 

He procrastinates when we travel. We're going on vacation tomorrow for 2 weeks. The trip has been planned for a year.

 

 

I told him I wanted all his clothes laid out by March 1. I knew that would never happen. For the past 2 weeks I asked every day if he wanted / needed me to do laundry. Every time I was in a store buying something for the trip I texted him & asked it he wanted me to buy him anything. The answer was always no.

 

 

This morning he announces he's going to work for a few hours but will leave by noon so he can go shopping for shorts, snacks & sunscreen, plus get his hair cut. I hit the roof because he's done nothing. He leaves. I fume. I pull together what I can for him. I do two loads of laundry so he has the SPF 50 shirts I bought him so he can go out in the sun.

 

 

He just texted me now -- 3:00 p.m. EST saying he's leaving the office shortly. It's a 45 minute drive home; he still plans to go shopping; he needs to get his hair cut & we have to be at a sit down dinner at 6:00 p.m. (takes 1/2 hour to get there). The car service is picking us up at 5:00 a.m.

 

 

Now he just advises that he has not arranged ground transportation for our arrival even though I gave him the list of cost effective options in January.

 

 

He's actually pissed at me because he just realized that he doesn't have enough time to get his haircut today. I have no idea why his failure to be organized is my fault. UGH.

 

 

My current plan: ignore him; have fun at the dinner: only speak to him as essential until the plane lands. By then I should be so happy to be at our destination -- one of my bucket list places for a once in a lifetime trip -- that I should have been able to become more zen about the whole thing.

 

 

So what do you do when your nearest & dearest makes you crazy?

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My cousin is like that. She is about 65 now and has been this way her whole life. Her husband just takes it in stride. It amazes me that he doesn't lose it, but he doesn't. He is so mellow, I have never heard a complaint. Of course, her ways infuriate everyone else and she has suffered many consequences because of it, but she has not changed. Not one bit. I actually know 3 people who are like this and somehow they have all done very well in life, despite minor setbacks due to that behavior. I don't know, I think maybe the solution is just to not care about what happens when they do this.

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He's a big boy so he should be responsible for himself. If he doesn't get the things done he needs to do to prepare for the trip, then he will suffer the consequences.

 

Have a great time!

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Yep, i completely understand. My wife will never be packed for a trip or vacation until well after midnight regardless of the time we depart. It drives me crazy....she also has a great deal of stress in going on vacation regardless if i have made all the plans and arrangements.....

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Me: "We need to leave no later than 6:30"

H: *gets in shower at 6:30*

 

Every single time! I don't care anymore. If we are late we are late.

 

If I was in your shoes I'd just pack for him and call it a day.

 

Where are you going? Is it warm? Can I come?

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Quiet Storms

I would say that since you can't change him, you do the things that impact you or both of you (ie, schedule ground transportation) and leave him to do the things that impact himself (making sure he has enough shirts) and if he ends up not having what he needs, then maybe he will learn for next time.

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whichwayisup

People are who they are. Just laugh to yourself and let him stew in it. My friends husband is just like that, he leaves everything till the last minute and then rushes around stressed out. Maybe someday your husband will learn.

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Oh, my guy is that way with travel too. Our arrangement is that I do ALL the planning, booking, packing and preparation, and he drives and pays for most of the trip. Works for us. :laugh:

 

It does concern me a bit that he got pissed at you for his lack of haircut though. I mean, if he's gonna procrastinate, be a big boy and lie in the bed you made for yourself, ergo no haircut.

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Yep I'm that way as well. Before I got married I was all over everything but once I got married my wife wanted everything on her terms and as a result I stepped back. Basically her stubbornness and inpatients has resulted in her doing more than her fair share in our relationship. Based on this experience I have started using this tactic in many other areas of my life. At work if there is a problem I just take it in and then wait awhile. 99% of the time the problem resolves itself by someone else doing what needs to be done.

 

Now let me pose something that may get your husbands attention. Hire someone to do everything except packing the bags for you. You might be surprised at his reaction to the thought of paying a premium for the things you do that he takes for granted.

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Now let me pose something that may get your husbands attention. Hire someone to do everything except packing the bags for you. You might be surprised at his reaction to the thought of paying a premium for the things you do that he takes for granted.

 

Good idea, but will only work if they have separate finances and her husband will be paying for it IMO. Otherwise that'll just be shooting herself in the foot.

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I'm beginning to think that this is a "man thing". :)

 

My first H was like this and so is my 2nd :rolleyes:

 

With my first husband, I took over, tied myself in knots and nearly gave myself a nervous breakdown fixing/organising it all.

 

With my second H I changed tack. I pack my own case and that's it. If he forgets tickets, medication etc that's his problem.

If we arrive and he says he's fogotten XYZ I say "oh dear what are you going to do?" and shove the ball back in his court.

So far he's only forgotten swimming trunks/shaving kit/deck shoes.......

 

Mind you, second H has been in the military and I suspect has a better idea that most guys about this kind of stuff..........

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Not all men are this way. My ex-H was all over it. If anyone was going to forget something or procrastinate it would be me. I am better now though.

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I love my husband. I really do. But right now I want to throttle him. (Figuratively, not literally).

 

 

He procrastinates when we travel. We're going on vacation tomorrow for 2 weeks. The trip has been planned for a year.

 

 

I told him I wanted all his clothes laid out by March 1. I knew that would never happen. For the past 2 weeks I asked every day if he wanted / needed me to do laundry. Every time I was in a store buying something for the trip I texted him & asked it he wanted me to buy him anything. The answer was always no.

 

 

This morning he announces he's going to work for a few hours but will leave by noon so he can go shopping for shorts, snacks & sunscreen, plus get his hair cut. I hit the roof because he's done nothing. He leaves. I fume. I pull together what I can for him. I do two loads of laundry so he has the SPF 50 shirts I bought him so he can go out in the sun.

 

 

He just texted me now -- 3:00 p.m. EST saying he's leaving the office shortly. It's a 45 minute drive home; he still plans to go shopping; he needs to get his hair cut & we have to be at a sit down dinner at 6:00 p.m. (takes 1/2 hour to get there). The car service is picking us up at 5:00 a.m.

 

 

Now he just advises that he has not arranged ground transportation for our arrival even though I gave him the list of cost effective options in January.

 

 

He's actually pissed at me because he just realized that he doesn't have enough time to get his haircut today. I have no idea why his failure to be organized is my fault. UGH.

 

 

My current plan: ignore him; have fun at the dinner: only speak to him as essential until the plane lands. By then I should be so happy to be at our destination -- one of my bucket list places for a once in a lifetime trip -- that I should have been able to become more zen about the whole thing.

 

 

So what do you do when your nearest & dearest makes you crazy?

 

Just want to gently point out that as much as he is a last minute flaky procrastinator, you sound like kind of an over the top control freak.... you wanted his clothes for the trip laid out NINETEEN DAYS early?! I cannot possibly fathom a reason for that. If you start with more reasonable expectations, you'll save yourself a lot of stress and resentment.

 

I don't think that giving him the silent treatment is a very mature or effective way to deal with the issue, but I also recognize that you're at that point of longterm built up resentment where it's easy to default to that. My previous marriage was like that on some issues too, and it's a hard place to come back from.

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hippychick3

My ex was just like this, and he was an ass about it. It was so stressful for me as I am extremely punctual.

 

When I was dating, being late was a dealbreaker because of what I went through for so many years. Current bf is super punctual like me, so not all men are like this!

 

Anyway, hope you have a great trip!

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I actually don't like my wife packing for me as I need to know what clothes, etc. I'll have with me. That being said, I'm almost always doing laundry/packing for myself at 11pm-midnight the night before we leave.

 

He was an a-hole for getting pissed off about his haircut if he left it to the last day and then stayed at work an extra 3hrs. Tell him he's paying for your massage while on vacation to make up for it and then forget about the whole ordeal so you can enjoy your vacation together.

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