Am I being selfish/paranoid?

[Mr.Empty]

I guess I finally decided to reach out on a forum like this as I don't really know who else to speak to.

 

My wife and I have been married almost 8 years and together for over 15. We have two incredible children 5 and 2.5.

 

Since returning to work from mat leave, my wife has worked increasingly long hours. Around Christmas wine/dine season she was out past 2am on several occassions. I began having suspicions when her timing made it obvious she was out well past 'last call' at bars/restaurants. She always keeps her phone secure like Fort Knox with a password I don't know.

 

One night I finally got access to it and found some distrubing text messages between her and her boss...mostly her suggesting she wished he was with her during cab rides home, etc. I didn't have a lot of time and, at one point she made an excuse why she needed her phone back. When I got it again, the whole message chain was deleted. I called her out on it and, after straight face lying to me, I finally caught her in enough inconsistencies that she admitted to sending suggestive texts to him while drunk. She insisted it never progressed past that. Her story seemed to be complete B.S. but I chose to forgive her. I even sourced out her boss's contact info and called him spontaneously to get his side of the story. It matched her's which I don't know if it was a good or bad thing. Either way, forgiveness is not the same as forgetting and now I find myself very anxious all the time.

 

Our sex life up to that point was pretty much non-existent. After being rejected time and time again, I finally gave up at one point and we didn't have sex for 7-8 months simply because I stopped initiating (and she never does). After I called her out on the text messages and we had a huge fight (including me threatening to leave with the kids), she made significant efforts to be more intimate. Part of her exuse before was that she didn't know how to express her intimacy with me and felt self conscious. This was hard to accept given her willingness to, at the very least, initiate written intimacy with another man.

 

In any event, I know her job is very demanding and, since our big fight, she has started to come home much earlier and simply doing more work from home once the kids are in bed. We've made (much more me than her) efforts to revitalize our sex life but I still feel like she is doing it more out of obligation than desire. This is a deal breaker for me because it's not the sex I'm interested in so much as the intimacy and emotional connection.

 

To give some more background, since her job pays more than mine, I have willingly sacrificed my career so that I can be home on time to pick up the kids and care for them. I cherish my children and can honestly say this is a pleasure and not a burden. On top of being the parent responsible for dropping off at school and picking up, making breakfast lunch and dinner, etc. I'm always trying to make romantic gestures and compliment my wife to help with the alleged "self conscious" issue. I'm always trying to get as much of the housework done as possible so that she doesn't have to stress about it and, ideally, has more free time at the end of the day to spend on us. I am regularly doing the cooking, dishes, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning bathrooms, maintenance around the house and vehicles, grocery shopping and entertaining the kids. On top of my full time job, I am usually exhausted out of my mind at the end of the day. Yet I still have this bit of adrenaline/hope that my wife will use this sliver of time at the end of the day to work on our sexual relationship.

 

I have suggested baths, fireside massages, showers together, etc. but usually get shot down. Not sure if it's relevant or not, but I'm also very generous in the bedroom and never get the same favours returned. It's not uncommon for me to perform on her, followed by her saying "thanks" and going to sleep.

 

I always try to make sure we head to bed at the same time as I read that was a good strategy, however before I do or say anything, I'm often greeted with the dreaded "argh I'm so tired, goodnight, hun" and I'm left staring awake at the ceiling for hours. I don't understand why, after I try to do so much, she would rather watch that one extra 1-hr show on TV then head to bed for some time together.

 

I fantasize about being with her...and I've told her that. I don't desire being with other women. It's gotten to the point where I feel all my actions/efforts/displays of affection are either taken for granted as par for the course, or worse, she's annoyed by them.

 

I know I've typed a lot and haven't really asked a question, but I stare out windows at night wondering what I'm doing wrong and what more could I be doing? I feel guilty feeling so lonely when I have two amazing kids to look forward to each day.

 

I guess I'm looking for any advice or suggestions on things I can try. I've had very open conversations with her about my sexual drive and how much I desire her...but I'm fearful of talking about some of the stuff above because I don't want it to come off as pouting or that her intimacy should be a reward for my deeds or something she's obligated to do, since that would defeat the whole purpose. If you've made it this far...thank you so much for reading and allowing me to express myself.

[JS84]

Sounds like your wife has checked out of the marriage. And when women check out they rarely check back in. You coming off as needy, whiny and putting in the lions share to making things work when it sounds like some of the issues in the marriage can also be attributed to her is certainly not going to stoke any type of desire for you sexually or otherwise. You might as well bathe in vagina repellent if that's how you're coming off. Women are not attracted to needy or co-dependent men.

 

You need to give your wife some ultimatums or start preparing to go your own separate way. Because you already sound like you're spinning your wheels and I see guys like you who waste years and years in dead end marriages because they refuse to see the writing on the wall, "don't want to destroy the family", insert another cliche, and in the end they either wind up getting cheated on (and it wouldn't surprise me if the thing with her boss was her first rodeo) or left by their spouse anyway.

 

Your wife is taking you for granted and treating you like a doormat, and you're letting her walk all over you. Again, not an attractive quality to most women.

[angel.eyes]

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. It sounds like your wife is cheating, and now that you're suspicious, is just trying to do a better job covering up her tracks. Unfortunately, until you address the probable cheating nothing will improve in your marriage.

 

The first step is to figure out what she's doing. Liars lie and deny, so don't say anything about your suspicions without as much solid proof as you can unearth. Stay quiet and instead gather as much evidence as you can. Start by placing a voice-activated recorder in her car. Check bank statements, credit card statements, hotel frequent stay points, etc. There is often a money trail. You just have to find it.

 

You should also meet with a good divorce attorney while you're investigating her activities. You need to understand your rights, particularly as the spouse who sacrificed his career. Ann attorney can also advice you on the laws in your jurisdiction, what might happen in a divorce, and a host of other things you might not have considered.

 

For your sake, I hope things work out. Regardless, you sound like a great partner. Please understand that whether things work out or not, you deserve a happy relationship with someone who is as committed as you are to making the relationship work. You will find that again. Best of luck!

[NTV]

Yes your wife is cheating on you but before you confront her you need to decide whether this is something to divorce her over or not. If you choose to divorce keep your mouth shut and just go see an attorney.

[somanymistakes]

Male or female, once you've let the seed of contempt towards someone into your heart, the more they work to please you, the less appealing they seem.

 

If you keep giving someone gifts over and over and they keep throwing them away, more gifts does not make you look more attractive, it just makes you look stupid. That doesn't mean that giving people gifts is bad, but even something as simple as giving requires both people to be participating.

 

Sadly I would agree that it's most likely she's cheating or at least checked-out. This doesn't seem to be going anywhere good.

 

If I take the optimistic approach, just for contrast, it's theoretically possible she's tired and stressed out and doesn't realise how much it's deadening her to your relationship. If so, counselling MIGHT be able to help. And while "if I do these chores you sleep with me" is not an appealing dynamic long-term, it might be somewhat useful to try and have a strategy discussion with her, laying out what each of you wants and how to achieve it, writing it down, and then following up on it later to see how it worked out. I mean, if she tells you "I'm too tired for sex because I have to do laundry" and you do the laundry and nothing changes, and you can point this out, that may push her to re-examine her own motivations, IF she actually doesn't realise what's wrong on her side. People do not always know what's bothering them and sometimes they come up with the wrong solutions first, but approaching it together in a systematic way may allow you to rule things out.

 

That's the most optimistic option, though, and not necessarily going to work.

[Mr. Lucky]

Yes your wife is cheating on you but before you confront her you need to decide whether this is something to divorce her over or not.

 

Were this a trial you'd be looking for means, motive and opportunity.

 

Unfortunately Mr.Empty, she seems to fail all three tests. I'd at least transition into investigative mode to understand what's going on as the "drunken texts" confession, amonst other things, raises many red flags.

 

You'll need access to her phone, email and social media. I'd also consider a keylogger and VAR for her car. Sorry to say, the signs are there...

 

Mr. Lucky

[40somethingGal]

If I take the optimistic approach, just for contrast, it's theoretically possible she's tired and stressed out and doesn't realise how much it's deadening her to your relationship. If so, counselling MIGHT be able to help. And while "if I do these chores you sleep with me" is not an appealing dynamic long-term, it might be somewhat useful to try and have a strategy discussion with her, laying out what each of you wants and how to achieve it, writing it down, and then following up on it later to see how it worked out. I mean, if she tells you "I'm too tired for sex because I have to do laundry" and you do the laundry and nothing changes, and you can point this out, that may push her to re-examine her own motivations, IF she actually doesn't realise what's wrong on her side. People do not always know what's bothering them and sometimes they come up with the wrong solutions first, but approaching it together in a systematic way may allow you to rule things out.

 

I agree with the quote above.

 

She may have the means, motive, and opportunity (as other posters agree), but it doesn't mean she is guilty. I have had the means, motive, and opportunity lots of times and have NEVER cheated on my husband. I know he has suspected me and even thought he caught me in a lie (which really did look like a lie, but it was just a coincidence).

 

If she is home when she should be and things seem like they should, then give her the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, you will start to come across as a jealous, controlling, possessive husband (also unattractive... and scary).

 

I'm not sure I agree with all this phone & email checking along with voice recorders. It might be hard to resist, but nothing screams distrust more. I think if my husband was monitoring me like that, I would run for the hills.

[Try]

@OP: Odds are there that your wife could either have sex with the other man behind your back before leaving you, or she could leave you so that she can have sex with the other man. Either way your marriage is in trouble if you do not fix it. She cannot be in love with someone that she does not respect, so when I say you need to fix it, I mean that you must earn her respect back, which is the opposite of you doing the pick me dance.

[Mr. Lucky]

I think if my husband was monitoring me like that, I would run for the hills.

 

And had you already left for your run without telling him, the monitoring is unfortunately necessary...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Try]

It might be hard to resist, but nothing screams distrust more. I think if my husband was monitoring me like that, I would run for the hills.

In a vacuum you negatively saying that "nothing screams distrust more" than the OP monitoring his wife's activities may be valid, but the OP is not operating in a vacuum. She did not have sex with the OP "for 7-8 months", was staying out with her boss "past 2am" which was well past "last call" at bars/restaurants, has admitted to sending suggestive texts to her boss while drunk, was telling the OP stories that had "enough inconsistencies" that the OP knows that they are "complete B.S.", and deletes her text messages with her boss. Sorry but these facts are more than enough reason for the OP's gut to legitimately be screaming distrust, and for the OP to take action accordingly. By her actions, she has lost his trust, and has not done what is needed to earn it back again.

 

QUESTION: How does a cheater say $crew you?

ANSWER: They say "trust me".

[Mr_Fox]

Mr_Lucky - If it was me, I would be encouraging her on get it on wih the boss! That would soon re-kindle her passion and then you would benefit too! It could be fun.

 

But I am not the jealous type and I suppose a little kinky!

[NTV]

Mr_Lucky - If it was me, I would be encouraging her on get it on wih the boss! That would soon re-kindle her passion and then you would benefit too! It could be fun.

 

But I am not the jealous type and I suppose a little kinky!

 

Yeah I vote encourage her too. Then see lawyer and get divorce started while she is distracted.

[BluesPower]

I hope you are not a one and done guy.

 

Your wife is cheating on you, with the boss, so common.

 

What are you going to do about it?

[Marc878]

Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download.

 

You're making the mistake of many. Doing way to much lets you get taken advantage of and losing respect or status. She probably regards you as the needy, clingy maid.

 

Marriage should be balanced @ 50/50. You're actions tell her she is worth more than you.

 

You can't make her do anything but you'd better fix yourself.

 

Weakness is unnattractive, get strong and stay there. You've put yourself in a bad position and only you can fix that.

 

As for her cheating. Get out of thr infidelity and go your own way.

 

I doubt you'll listen most don't that are in your situation. Trying to nice her back will only make this worse and you look weaker.

 

Better wake up!!!!!

[bubbaganoosh]

If it's me, then while she's at work, I move all her belongings in the spare room, change the lock on the master bedroom and let her know that if she wants to live like roomies then there's her room.

 

If she starts with excuses, put your hand up and tell her you heard them all and let her know that changes are coming.

 

Then I see a lawyer, file, hand her the papers or have her served at work so she knows you mean business and when she comes home then you explain to her that you've had it with her behavior, her excuses and her inability to make any kind of effort to show you that she wants the marriage to work. Also let her know that it would be best if she found her own place. Let her know this in a way that she knows she pushed you to the limit.

 

Then it's up to her to either make the changes and mean it or go through with the divorce. If she makes an honest effort to improve, you can always call the divorce off but you need to draw a line in the sand and let her know that your world doesn't revolve around her.

[usa1ah]

So you made yourself the beta homemaker and your wife's boss is the alpha male.

 

She sees you as weak. This happens a lot with guys that take on the home duties completely like you have. You should have kept your job going and shared the household duties.

[GoldSparkz]

So you made yourself the beta homemaker and your wife's boss is the alpha male.

 

She sees you as weak. This happens a lot with guys that take on the home duties completely like you have. You should have kept your job going and shared the household duties.

 

^^ I agree. Even though what she is doing to you and the children is disgusting, many breadwinner wives find themselves in a situation where the balance of power has shifted. The husband is no longer the alpha male they met and married, so they end up finding a replacement. The fact that she replaced you with her boss is no accident. More like human nature and her need to be dominated.

 

It would be interesting to know how far she has gone in her pursuit of her boss. If the affair is still in the texting and infatuation stage, then you may be able to work on the marriage.

[BluesPower]

^^ I agree. Even though what she is doing to you and the children is disgusting, many breadwinner wives find themselves in a situation where the balance of power has shifted. The husband is no longer the alpha male they met and married, so they end up finding a replacement. The fact that she replaced you with her boss is no accident. More like human nature and her need to be dominated.

 

It would be interesting to know how far she has gone in her pursuit of her boss. If the affair is still in the texting and infatuation stage, then you may be able to work on the marriage.

 

 

She has been screwing her boss for a while. This guys is pretty much toast...

[JYYA]

I guess I finally decided to reach out on a forum like this as I don't really know who else to speak to.

 

My wife and I have been married almost 8 years and together for over 15. We have two incredible children 5 and 2.5.

 

Since returning to work from mat leave, my wife has worked increasingly long hours. Around Christmas wine/dine season she was out past 2am on several occassions. I began having suspicions when her timing made it obvious she was out well past 'last call' at bars/restaurants. She always keeps her phone secure like Fort Knox with a password I don't know.

 

One night I finally got access to it and found some distrubing text messages between her and her boss...mostly her suggesting she wished he was with her during cab rides home, etc. I didn't have a lot of time and, at one point she made an excuse why she needed her phone back. When I got it again, the whole message chain was deleted. I called her out on it and, after straight face lying to me, I finally caught her in enough inconsistencies that she admitted to sending suggestive texts to him while drunk. She insisted it never progressed past that. Her story seemed to be complete B.S. but I chose to forgive her. I even sourced out her boss's contact info and called him spontaneously to get his side of the story. It matched her's which I don't know if it was a good or bad thing. Either way, forgiveness is not the same as forgetting and now I find myself very anxious all the time.

 

Our sex life up to that point was pretty much non-existent. After being rejected time and time again, I finally gave up at one point and we didn't have sex for 7-8 months simply because I stopped initiating (and she never does). After I called her out on the text messages and we had a huge fight (including me threatening to leave with the kids), she made significant efforts to be more intimate. Part of her exuse before was that she didn't know how to express her intimacy with me and felt self conscious. This was hard to accept given her willingness to, at the very least, initiate written intimacy with another man.

 

In any event, I know her job is very demanding and, since our big fight, she has started to come home much earlier and simply doing more work from home once the kids are in bed. We've made (much more me than her) efforts to revitalize our sex life but I still feel like she is doing it more out of obligation than desire. This is a deal breaker for me because it's not the sex I'm interested in so much as the intimacy and emotional connection.

 

To give some more background, since her job pays more than mine, I have willingly sacrificed my career so that I can be home on time to pick up the kids and care for them. I cherish my children and can honestly say this is a pleasure and not a burden. On top of being the parent responsible for dropping off at school and picking up, making breakfast lunch and dinner, etc. I'm always trying to make romantic gestures and compliment my wife to help with the alleged "self conscious" issue. I'm always trying to get as much of the housework done as possible so that she doesn't have to stress about it and, ideally, has more free time at the end of the day to spend on us. I am regularly doing the cooking, dishes, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning bathrooms, maintenance around the house and vehicles, grocery shopping and entertaining the kids. On top of my full time job, I am usually exhausted out of my mind at the end of the day. Yet I still have this bit of adrenaline/hope that my wife will use this sliver of time at the end of the day to work on our sexual relationship.

 

I have suggested baths, fireside massages, showers together, etc. but usually get shot down. Not sure if it's relevant or not, but I'm also very generous in the bedroom and never get the same favours returned. It's not uncommon for me to perform on her, followed by her saying "thanks" and going to sleep.

 

I always try to make sure we head to bed at the same time as I read that was a good strategy, however before I do or say anything, I'm often greeted with the dreaded "argh I'm so tired, goodnight, hun" and I'm left staring awake at the ceiling for hours. I don't understand why, after I try to do so much, she would rather watch that one extra 1-hr show on TV then head to bed for some time together.

 

I fantasize about being with her...and I've told her that. I don't desire being with other women. It's gotten to the point where I feel all my actions/efforts/displays of affection are either taken for granted as par for the course, or worse, she's annoyed by them.

 

I know I've typed a lot and haven't really asked a question, but I stare out windows at night wondering what I'm doing wrong and what more could I be doing? I feel guilty feeling so lonely when I have two amazing kids to look forward to each day.

 

I guess I'm looking for any advice or suggestions on things I can try. I've had very open conversations with her about my sexual drive and how much I desire her...but I'm fearful of talking about some of the stuff above because I don't want it to come off as pouting or that her intimacy should be a reward for my deeds or something she's obligated to do, since that would defeat the whole purpose. If you've made it this far...thank you so much for reading and allowing me to express myself.

 

It sounds like you really want to make this work. If so, you may want to strongly consider having an honest conversation about issues both of you find unsatisfactory in the marriage. Hard to move forward without real conversations.

[Mr.Empty]

First of....thanks to those who took the time to read and those who also commented. I'll be honest, I did find humour in the ones that stated certainty with respect to my situation.

 

I did take to heart all the comments and suggestions about my own behaviour and made some immediate changes. Nothing dramatic or hostile, but more so living my days and acting with confidence as well as scaling back on doing all the household items. To her credit, my wife simply picked up whatever slack I left without comment. If nothing else, I have a greater sense of self worth even if nothing else in the marriage actually changed...so thanks for those suggestions.

 

I do have one question. I was able to find out her AppleId and password. If I were to change our iPad's settings so that her account is the one that receives iMessages, will she be notified anywhere of that change? Right now it's set up with my account and all my messages pop up on the iPad. I've already changed the settings to turn off all messaging notifications and I've hidden the message app in a folder so that it's not obvious for her to see if her messages start filtering there.

[Mr.Empty]

It sounds like you really want to make this work. If so, you may want to strongly consider having an honest conversation about issues both of you find unsatisfactory in the marriage. Hard to move forward without real conversations.

 

You are correct, I do want to make it work and not looking to divorce. My gut tells me that she cheated but stopped once I called her out. I don't know how to explain it but, at my core, I'm certain both are true.

 

I'd be happy simply knowing I'm not the only one making an effort to make the marriage work. If I see she genuinely gives a damn I can work with that.

[BluesPower]

I don't think that it notifies the user...

 

Help me understand OP. You confronted her, she lied to your face, you kept confronting her, and she gave you some BS about texting drunk and you believed her?

 

So I am guessing that finding out her ID and PW is your method of confirming that your wife in NOT cheating?

 

Listen to me, your wife is sleeping with her boss. Bottom line. I am glad that you find humor in that.

 

What makes you think that after your confrontation that she did not start using what's up or some other texting app that hides and deletes the text without any trail.

 

Has she let you see her phone yet? Do you have access to her work email?

 

If you want to think I am a nut job, hey that is fine.

 

But before you make that assumption about me, you may want to take some time and peruse my posts about this stuff.

 

I have not been wrong one time to any BS on this board for over a year I think. I don't even know how many times I have been correct.

 

Suffice to say that I am batting a 1000.

 

Your wife is sleeping with her boss. Trust me my friend...

[Mr.Empty]

I don't think that it notifies the user...

 

Help me understand OP. You confronted her, she lied to your face, you kept confronting her, and she gave you some BS about texting drunk and you believed her?

 

So I am guessing that finding out her ID and PW is your method of confirming that your wife in NOT cheating?

 

Listen to me, your wife is sleeping with her boss. Bottom line. I am glad that you find humor in that.

 

What makes you think that after your confrontation that she did not start using what's up or some other texting app that hides and deletes the text without any trail.

 

Has she let you see her phone yet? Do you have access to her work email?

 

If you want to think I am a nut job, hey that is fine.

 

But before you make that assumption about me, you may want to take some time and peruse my posts about this stuff.

 

I have not been wrong one time to any BS on this board for over a year I think. I don't even know how many times I have been correct.

 

Suffice to say that I am batting a 1000.

 

Your wife is sleeping with her boss. Trust me my friend...

 

I think 'trust no one' is more my approach right now until I see concrete proof. If I believed what she told me I wouldn't be pushing forward with my 'investigation'.

 

The only evidence I saw was texts between her and her boss where she told him she wished he was sharing the cab ride home with her. There weren't any suggestive or obvious responses back from him. When I confronted him, his response jived with what I was able to read in that he brushed off her text messages as a drunk employee and tried not to make it embarassing for her.

 

For me, it was more about piecing everything else together all around it...her lack of desire/interest in our marriage, staying out late, they way she scrambled to cover her tracks and lie to me when she knew I was both snooping around and when I blatently called her out. So yes, I agree that she likely cheated as I've indicated a couple times, but everything I've been able to see and hear with my own eyes backs up her original story, no matter how unbelieveable it is to me.

 

I was able to get access to her work e-mail last week. We now both work from home a lot and she left her computer open when she left the house for a bit. I went through every e-mail of communication between her and this guy and there wasn't the slightest, non professional e-mail. Now, if I were in her shoes, I would have either deleted everything once I was caught, or more likely, never used work e-mail to carry on an affair with a colleague...so while 'no news was good news', it was far from being a closed case in my book. That's why I'd like to see her texts coming in. She's not savvy enough to think that chaning from text messaging to whatsapp or an auto-deleting message app is appropriate. I also know she doesn't have one of those auto-deleting message apps. What I need is to be able to see her texts when she doesn't think I'm watching. Her work computer had a folder named "passwords" which is where I found her apple ID. If I was confident I could log in with her credentials without her being tipped off, I'd be able to have another layer of monitoring. It's a work phone and I'm concerned there may be a second verification code she'll be prompted for. I will likely just try and see...and if she questions me I'll play it off as some scam/phishing e-mail.

[BluesPower]

Ok good, I was worried...

 

Couple of things.

 

1) Put it on your Ipad. It will not notify her. You can also Google it to make sure.

 

2) If you know her work password, you can do the same thing as on your computer to view that email as well. Just make sure that the setting for "mark as read" is off on your end so that they do not show up as read for her.

 

3) If her work email is outlook, then there is a "recover deleted emails" option that most user don't know about. Mine don't.

 

4) If it is outlook/exchange at her work they may have a OWA server on the DMZ. (Outlook Web Access). If they do and you know or can find her work password you can monitor it from there. Most places use the domain OWA.restofstandarddomain name. You can also do a Google search for "Corp name and OWA or outlook web access" Often it will show you what the server is and you can look at it that way with her password. Some times it is the same one that is used for phone email access as well. So if you can go into her settings on her phone it may show you the OWA server name/domain.

 

5) If she does not have a what up app or anything like it on her phone and you are sure, you may be ok on that score.

 

6) Most companies don't have secondary verification on email that can be accessed by phone. It is to hard to set up and it confuses the users. We don't for those reasons.

 

That is about for tech tips. Why not hire a PI to follow her when she has to go into the corp office? I may save time. Or does she travel at all for work? If she does, you can have a PI in that town follow her from the time that she gets there until she leaves.

 

Keep it up, I am sorry but I think you will find out what you need to know. And, I am thinking it will be bad.

 

Hang in there...

[Mr.Empty]

Ok good, I was worried...

 

Couple of things.

 

1) Put it on your Ipad. It will not notify her. You can also Google it to make sure.

 

2) If you know her work password, you can do the same thing as on your computer to view that email as well. Just make sure that the setting for "mark as read" is off on your end so that they do not show up as read for her.

 

3) If her work email is outlook, then there is a "recover deleted emails" option that most user don't know about. Mine don't.

 

4) If it is outlook/exchange at her work they may have a OWA server on the DMZ. (Outlook Web Access). If they do and you know or can find her work password you can monitor it from there. Most places use the domain OWA.restofstandarddomain name. You can also do a Google search for "Corp name and OWA or outlook web access" Often it will show you what the server is and you can look at it that way with her password. Some times it is the same one that is used for phone email access as well. So if you can go into her settings on her phone it may show you the OWA server name/domain.

 

5) If she does not have a what up app or anything like it on her phone and you are sure, you may be ok on that score.

 

6) Most companies don't have secondary verification on email that can be accessed by phone. It is to hard to set up and it confuses the users. We don't for those reasons.

 

That is about for tech tips. Why not hire a PI to follow her when she has to go into the corp office? I may save time. Or does she travel at all for work? If she does, you can have a PI in that town follow her from the time that she gets there until she leaves.

 

Keep it up, I am sorry but I think you will find out what you need to know. And, I am thinking it will be bad.

 

Hang in there...

 

Thanks for the info above. Turns out she does have secondary verification so I couldn't get in. I waited until I had her away from her phone, then tried using her apple login. I was prompted for the verification code...and was hoping the text would pop up on her phone screen while I had it....Unfortunately a text came up but didn't have the code...so now when she wakes up from her nap, she'll see a text that someone tried to use her AppleId....oh well....will be interesting enough to see if she questions me on it or not.