Catholic weddings...to a non catholic

[guest yet again]

Do you have to be a member of a certain catholic church in order to get married there?

Does anyone know how picky most priests are concerning a non- catholic and a catholic getting married in a church- under what circumstances will a priest not marry them? Even if it is a non-mass wedding?

thanks you guys...learning more about this...

[quankanne]

Do you have to be a member of a certain Catholic church in order to get married there?

 

usually one of the couple is a member of the parish where they seek to hold the wedding or it's the family's parish; I don't think I've heard of any church allowing someone to just book the church without having a connection to that particular parish.

 

Does anyone know how picky most priests are concerning a non-Catholic and a Catholic getting married in a church- under what circumstances will a priest not marry them? Even if it is a non-mass wedding?

 

again, we're working on the assumption that the bride- or groom-to-be is a member of X parish. The normal process starts with the couple going to talk to the priest WAY IN ADVANCE to set up the pre-marital counselling they will receive -- the Church takes the sacrament of marriage VERY seriously and has a process in place to ensure the couple understands what they are getting into and see that it's not something taken lightly.

 

depending on what the diocese (the region the church is part of) offers, the couple will be signed up for either an Engaged Encounter or Marriage Prep weekend or will be matched up with a married sponsor couple, which meets with them over a set period of time to help the engaged couple to understand marriage as defined in the eyes of the Catholic Church. (Most of us older folks refer to this sort of counselling as Pre-Cana, the name taken from the Bible passage about the wedding feast at Cana, where Jesus worked his first miracle.)

 

this counselling helps couples to also see how well they are matched to each other by having them look at compatibility in certain areas, including marriage sexuality, children, finances and faith perspectives, to name a few. From what I understand, most couples sail though this stage of the marriage preparation, though there are some who realize this is not the time to undertake such a serious endeavor, and postpone their plans.

 

once you've successfully completed this stage, it's back to Father's office to set up a date for the wedding -- don't expect to get anything booked immediately, I don't think I've heard of anyone getting a date for the church or the ceremony any earlier than 4-6 months from the time they first talk to the priest.

 

now for the tricky part: if you or spouse to be has been married before, there is the matter of having that previous marriage declared by the Church as sacramentally null. Not the same as a civil/legal divorce, but having to with the marriage as a sacrament, which is a Catholic tenet. Until that person is free and clear to marry in the church, no wedding will be held. And the wait for that can be 18 months or more, depending on what diocese you're in and how fast its tribunal works (these are the folks to look at the marriage in question to see if meets the checklist of sacramental validity). And this is something you must go through if you are planning to marry in the Catholic Church even if the divorced party isn't Catholic!

 

as for a non-Mass wedding, I don't know how that one works nowadays. I've interviewed older couples who have told me that because one was non-Catholic, they weren't allowed to say their vows in church, but instead had to do a quicky ceremony in the priest's rectory. The marriage was blessed, but not really witnessed by whole families or groups of friends. I imagine that since Vatican II, the Church has revamped the process to make it more user-friendly but I can't say for sure. Those people who have decided to marry in a civil ceremony can also be married in the church (called "convalidation") during a regularly scheduled Mass once it's determined that they are free and clear to be married sacramentally.

 

I'm sure there's something I've left out, but in a nutshell, there's more to being married in the Catholic church than just choosing the site or saying you want to be married in the Catholic faith. Because she is serious about the sacrament of marriage, the Church has very strict guidelines couples must follow in preparing for and in getting married.