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Horrible sex life


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Along with a number of other things, my sex life sucks. My husband and I have been together 8 years, married 5. We are 26 and 28. We have 4 kids under the age of 7, but before anyone says he's scared to have more kids, my tubes are tied.

 

We have sex 4 to 6 times a month. This has been going on for about 5 years. Out of the is whole year, it's probably lasted more than 5 minutes, once. He just tells me to turn around and hits it from the back and pow that's it. He tried to get on top like 3 times this year and he doesn't even seem like he can get up. I asked him about it and he just brushed it off.

 

No foreplay. No kissing. No touching. Ever. He acts all weird if I suggest anything new like the shower, whipped cream, anything different

 

He has NEVER done oral on me. Says that it's gross. Yet, wants me to do it for him.

 

I have a high sex drive. I used to feel like I'm begging him for sex. I'll wear lingerie and move close to him and he'll just go to sleep. I got tired of throwing hints. Once you feel rejected so many times, you just give up trying and that's what I did. I no longer get any enjoyment from sex with him. The interest just isn't there. I don't know if it's me or what, but everytime I bring it up..."Marriage isn't all about sex." It isn't, but it's a big part of it. Making your wife feel unwanted isn't marriage either.

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GunslingerRoland

Again, I ask why do you stay with him?

 

Doesn't sound like he's that into sex with women.. not saying he's gay, but he just doesn't sound like enjoys your body, the way a heterosexual man should enjoy a woman's body.

 

I mean 4-6 times a month isn't the worst, but it just sounds like awful sex.

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I'm going through a similar situation all though my husband do give me oral, there is no foreplay he doesn't do anything to turn me on but he would complain about me not acting like a porn star or stripper.... Does your husband watch porn ? Dose he ever initiating sex ?

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Michelle ma Belle

Cherry, this feels like a regurgitation of your previous thread. Not sure what more people can add that hasn't already been said in that thread.

 

As for my advice, I left my husband of 20 years because he pulled sex off the table. If you can't live with how things are, then change it and if you can't then change your attitude.

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Again, I ask why do you stay with him?

 

Doesn't sound like he's that into sex with women.. not saying he's gay, but he just doesn't sound like enjoys your body, the way a heterosexual man should enjoy a woman's body.

 

I mean 4-6 times a month isn't the worst, but it just sounds like awful sex.

 

Right now. I'm just trying to figure out what I can fix in our marriage. It's getting hard to find any solutions to what's going on on my own. I may just give up, if I don't figure out ways to work past them, since I feel like I'm on my own.

 

Yes, it's awful. It's unnecessary quickies. He just.get his in. If it was actual pleasurable sex, it'd be kinda okay. But it's not at all.

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I'm going through a similar situation all though my husband do give me oral, there is no foreplay he doesn't do anything to turn me on but he would complain about me not acting like a porn star or stripper.... Does your husband watch porn ? Dose he ever initiating sex ?

 

No, I don't think he watches porn. He used to, but started saying it's not right to lust after other women...but he doesn't even lust after his own wife. It's been up to him to initiate sex this past year. I gave up trying for years. But when he initiates, it's just a quickie.

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I see selfish sex in him, is he selfish? sorry, but ...

 

or is he tired? too tired for complicated sex

Edited by darkmoon
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GunslingerRoland
Right now. I'm just trying to figure out what I can fix in our marriage. It's getting hard to find any solutions to what's going on on my own. I may just give up, if I don't figure out ways to work past them, since I feel like I'm on my own.

 

Yes, it's awful. It's unnecessary quickies. He just.get his in. If it was actual pleasurable sex, it'd be kinda okay. But it's not at all.

 

So just to recap, your husband hoards the money in the relationship so you are broke, and he isn't, you work more hours then him, and do 100% of the housework, despite all of the young kids, he is controlling. And your intimacy basically consists of him, bending you over, giving you a few thrusts a few times a months.... oh and the occasional blow job for him.

 

So, what exactly are the positives in the relationship that you have to build on?

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I see selfish sex in him, is he selfish? sorry, but ...

 

or is he tired? too tired for complicated sex

 

He's selfish in some ways in my opinion. He's not too tiered to play videos games until 1 on the morning, so I don't think that's it

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So just to recap, your husband hoards the money in the relationship so you are broke, and he isn't, you work more hours then him, and do 100% of the housework, despite all of the young kids, he is controlling. And your intimacy basically consists of him, bending you over, giving you a few thrusts a few times a months.... oh and the occasional blow job for him.

 

So, what exactly are the positives in the relationship that you have to build on?

 

Yea. This about sums up my life. Maybe I just have too much hope that'll get better.

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Along with a number of other things, my sex life sucks. My husband and I have been together 8 years, married 5. We are 26 and 28. We have 4 kids under the age of 7, but before anyone says he's scared to have more kids, my tubes are tied.

 

We have sex 4 to 6 times a month. This has been going on for about 5 years. Out of the is whole year, it's probably lasted more than 5 minutes, once. He just tells me to turn around and hits it from the back and pow that's it. He tried to get on top like 3 times this year and he doesn't even seem like he can get up. I asked him about it and he just brushed it off.

 

No foreplay. No kissing. No touching. Ever. He acts all weird if I suggest anything new like the shower, whipped cream, anything different

 

He has NEVER done oral on me. Says that it's gross. Yet, wants me to do it for him.

 

I have a high sex drive. I used to feel like I'm begging him for sex. I'll wear lingerie and move close to him and he'll just go to sleep. I got tired of throwing hints. Once you feel rejected so many times, you just give up trying and that's what I did. I no longer get any enjoyment from sex with him. The interest just isn't there. I don't know if it's me or what, but everytime I bring it up..."Marriage isn't all about sex." It isn't, but it's a big part of it. Making your wife feel unwanted isn't marriage either.

 

This sounds a lot like my AP. Except she said they had sex once or twice a month in missionary position only. He would only last for five minutes, then roll over and fall asleep.

 

No foreplay, no toys, no role-playing or games ... nothing fun or different. Not interested in her lingerie or anything else she did to bring excitement to their sex life. Neither has ever given or received oral sex to the other. He's not interested.

 

She also has a high sex drive and had been frustrated for a long time.

 

Then she remembered she had this ex-boyfriend ....

 

I'm not suggesting that's what you should do, but your husband is making a huge mistake by not taking your sexual satisfaction seriously.

 

Just my opinion.

 

I'm not sure what it takes to get people to realize sex is an important part of maintaining a happy relationship. That's what you sign up for when you get married. It's not fair to renege on that responsibility.

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This sounds a lot like my AP. Except she said they had sex once or twice a month in missionary position only. He would only last for five minutes, then roll over and fall asleep.

 

No foreplay, no toys, no role-playing or games ... nothing fun or different. Not interested in her lingerie or anything else she did to bring excitement to their sex life. Neither has ever given or received oral sex to the other. He's not interested.

 

She also has a high sex drive and had been frustrated for a long time.

 

Then she remembered she had this ex-boyfriend ....

 

I'm not suggesting that's what you should do, but your husband is making a huge mistake by not taking your sexual satisfaction seriously.

 

Just my opinion.

 

I'm not sure what it takes to get people to realize sex is an important part of maintaining a happy relationship. That's what you sign up for when you get married. It's not fair to renege on that responsibility.

 

I've had 2 exes and a former co worker make passes at me recently. I say no because I'm married, but I guess he doesn't seem to think I would draw interest to anyone else...I don't want it to ever get to that point. I would leave before I do anything else.

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I've had 2 exes and a former co worker make passes at me recently. I say no because I'm married, but I guess he doesn't seem to think I would draw interest to anyone else...I don't want it to ever get to that point. I would leave before I do anything else.

 

Good deal. Don't invite those problems into your marriage.

 

I just wish your husband would wake up and realize what he's doing by not making an effort to please his wife.

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Take control of your own money, file for divorce, find a fully functional adult heterosexual man who has half a clue.

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The next time he wants sex just say no and tell him there's nothing in it for you, the way it is at the moment. Be clear and tactful that you're not getting much (anything) out of it, so it seems kind of pointless for you.

 

It's not sounding like you get an orgasm with those few thrusts 4 to 6 times a month, you'd get more satisfaction and less mess from a vibrator. I'd rather no sex than rubbish sex.

 

None of his actions show that he loves you at the moment. Maybe he has always been like this, but while you put up with the rubbish sex, he'll think it's acceptable.

 

Your husband is mean with money and selfish as a lover. Stop giving him oral.

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ShatteredLady

Was he ever good in bed?

Did he at least try in the past?

 

Has he always suffered from premature ejaculation?

Has he ever given you any indication that he's concerned that he comes too fast?

I'm wondering if he's got hang-ups because he knows he's crap in bed. In the past did foreplay make him come even faster?

Does he 'think' he's good in bed?

 

If someone suggested to you that he was gay would you laugh yourself silly or have doubts?

 

Were you eachothers first?

How old were you when you first got pregnant?

Are any of your children twins or have you been pregnant or nursing for all of those years of your young life?

 

 

People can probably guess what life's like in the ShatteredLady house from some of the questions I've asked!! My H won't even take the kids to the swimming pool because he's so physically insecure. We used to be one of those very tall 6ft (me in stilettos), very thin couples. 20 years & kids later....not so much!!

 

The rejection & his obvious self loathing over his weight (it's hardly anything! Not fat by any stretch of the imagination, in my eyes) which I project as loathing of me because I'm not like I was at 21 & have surgery scars all around 'there'.... he discussed this (just me) in a very negative way with his mistress so I KNOW how he feels (or how he told her he did!!!! I'm a mess).....whatever! It's all destroyed my sexual self & our sex life.

 

Now it's reached the point that I have zero self-esteem & cant imagine letting anyone even feel me naked in the dark, let alone SEE ME!! Ugh!!!!!

 

This is all so much more important than most people think.

 

As young women we are raised with the notion that men will have sex with anything. They want sex. When they're not having sex, they're thinking about sex & when they're not thinking about sex it's because they've fallen asleep from having sex & are dreaming about sex!!

 

Rejection is devastating! It creates a lump in your heart that slowly decomposes. It changes who we are as women.

 

You've got kids. It's always worth trying but you're so young & there seems to be so very much wrong with your relationship. It's not surprising that these things are starting to become huge issues. You're of an age that you're starting to be done with emotionally developing. You're starting to know yourself as a woman....not a daughter, wife, mother.

 

You still have so much time. I'd been married for 2 years at your age. We've just had our 20th wedding anniversary. I don't know where all the times gone. Don't get me wrong, I've lived a great life in many ways but if I could turn back time.....

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bad sex is the body's way of saying you are with the wrong person.

 

You can have great sex with the wrong person too.

 

But, ... yeah. Bad sex does say ... something.

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You really just need to start getting your ducks in a row to leave, Cherry. I mean, this problem might be resolvable in isolation, but NOT with all the other problems in your marriage. If you're staying for the children, don't bother. They will be likely to emulate your relationship dynamics with your husband subconsciously, and end up in terrible relationships for years if not decades. Far better for them to grow up with a loving single mom, as long as you make sure he pays child support so they get the upbringing they deserve.

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Cherry you are getting awful advice here. 4 kids and you have sex 4-6 time a month? That is pretty good. Marriage is not romantic, fun, sexy, etc. Marriage is tough and it goes though stages. Talk to you husband about what you want. Divorced with 4 kids is far from ideal.

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Cherry you are getting awful advice here. 4 kids and you have sex 4-6 time a month? That is pretty good. Marriage is not romantic, fun, sexy, etc. Marriage is tough and it goes though stages. Talk to you husband about what you want. Divorced with 4 kids is far from ideal.

 

 

It's not the quantity of sex that's the problem, it's the quality of it and the fact he's not making it good for her. A man who is only concerned about his own sexual enjoyment makes a lousy lover and is pure selfish.

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Cherry you are getting awful advice here. 4 kids and you have sex 4-6 time a month? That is pretty good. Marriage is not romantic, fun, sexy, etc. Marriage is tough and it goes though stages. Talk to you husband about what you want. Divorced with 4 kids is far from ideal.

 

Now, I've never been married so more experienced posters can correct me if I'm wrong, but marriage should be romantic and fun. Probably not always, because real-life adult issues get in the way and that initial passion simmers down, but at the core it should be about two people who have romantic feelings towards each other, who are friends and partners and who enjoy physical intimacy with each other.

 

Of course, marriage, as every relationship, ebbs and flows and runs into rough patches, but it seems like the OP has been very unsatisfied for a while and her husband does not seem interesed in bettering things and getting over this rough patch.

 

She's 26 years old, a young woman with a healthy sex drive. She shouldn't be putting up with this for the rest of her life. Although being divorced with 4 young children is far from ideal, to be honest it can be better than being stuck in a loveless, emotionless relationship. It's far more lonely and isolating to be in a marriage where you aren't getting any of your needs met than being single. And her children will be better seeing her happy, fulfilled and witnessing her in a healthy relationship.

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Cherry you are getting awful advice here. 4 kids and you have sex 4-6 time a month? That is pretty good. Marriage is not romantic, fun, sexy, etc. Marriage is tough and it goes though stages. Talk to you husband about what you want. Divorced with 4 kids is far from ideal.

 

 

Did you not read?

"Out of the is whole year, it's probably lasted more than 5 minutes, once. He just tells me to turn around and hits it from the back and pow that's it."

 

I think living in a shoe box with her kids is better than being disrespected like that.

Soul eroding stuff.

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Cherry you are getting awful advice here. 4 kids and you have sex 4-6 time a month? That is pretty good.

 

I don't think the frequency is anywhere near the reason for anyone's advice. I suggest you read the OP's history.

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