Driver Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 My future mother in law is a kind, generous, successful woman. She is a very take charge type person and as a result wears the pants in my fiancé'/ family. She is always getting overly involved in her kids' lives who are fully grown adults. She likes to have control. Since my fiancé and I bought a house and got engaged a few months ago she has been extra annoying. She texts and calls him a lot and he frequently fails to respond. The problem is she then tries to get to him through ME and it drives me nuts. It makes me think she thinks I am responsible for the fact my fiancé has distanced himself from her - even though he has kept to himself his whole life. For example two weekends ago while I was working he went over to her house to hang out and she for some reason texted me "Itvwas so wonderful to see Guy!!!!" Last weekend again she did the same thing when he spent all afternoon there helping them with chores. "I am so thankful Guy came over and helped - we could not have done it without him!" Uh - why is she texting ME that? Almost like she's thinking me for ALLOWING her son to be with them? It's very annoying but not sure if I am looking into this too much. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Given that she is predisposed to overreaching, I think you should just be thankful that you're on good terms and that Guy doesn't allow her to micromanage your lives. Just respond with an emoji or something and don't worry about it. Hold good firm boundaries, don't consult with her on decisions, ignore inappropriate questions or comments without getting upset... stay one step ahead and above. Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Just wait until you have kids with him. Hehe... Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Maybe she's just trying to connect with you and has nothing else in common besides Guy. Doesn't seem like she's being mean right? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Doesn't seem like she's being mean right? Agreed. No motive other than thanking you for being considerate enough to share him with her. Driver, pick your battles wisely... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Your soon to be MIL texted you that she's greatful that your soon to be husband helped her clean her house & that she was happy to spend time with him...I'm truly confused to how you read that as an issue? Do you come from a family that's not close? That would be considered normal in my family bc we're close. Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I had this issue with my kind, young, personable, pretty mil. Something always felt off in all her comments and gratefulness and sweetness. It never rang sincere. I'd bring it up and I'd get skewered by my husband. Sometimes (and I've had her in my life 30 yrs now) she'd say something sweet and the hair on my neck would stand up. And I'd cringe and then I'd be called all kinds of hateful things. I was 19 and my body was trying to tell me something. And my body was soooooo right. Manipulators are experts and rarely do something blatant - but they can make you feel, well, off. If you feel something is off, you tense up, whatever, pay close attention. She may be doing it to get closer to you. Boundaries are key. Enforce them. My mil acted like she was so super cool and young, but the mask slipped sometimes. And she'd whisper horrible things in my ear then kiss me. Granted she's an extreme example, but we have those physical reactions for a reason - they announce a threat, like when you see a snake in the garden and your body reacts before you even realize it. It's a real thing, snakes could be a danger in the history of man. People who ignored those reactions got bitten. Tread carefully. I no longer have contact with my mil at all. Link to post Share on other sites
anitahayles Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 There is a reason that the MIL relationship is a tough one - so many emotions! I don't see what she is doing to be odd or rude..but what I DO see is that you all need to work on YOUR relationship! The most amazing thing my MIL did right after we married was to take me to lunch - and set the tone for our relationship. She looked me in the eye and said she never wanted to replace my mom - just wanted to be my good friend. She had not been close to her MIL and wanted to turn the tide. She laid the ground work for our now almost 20 year friendship. She loves me and I love her - and we both love our guy. Lay aside the yuck and just be on each other's team! Good luck! XO 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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