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Should I have to pay?


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So my husband and I have always kept our money separate. Yes, it bothers me sometimes, but I guess it works. I pay for a number of bills, security, internet, water, gas, lights, as well as all the groceries. My husband pays the mortgage, car insurance, his car note, phone and cable (he works for a cable company, so there's a deep discount.) Well, he makes a good income and way more than me, as my job doesn't provide steady income. He makes comments about how I need to help with the phone bill (which is mom is also on). However, he will never add a dime to our sometimes $500 light bill. So I say all this to say...

 

He's signing up for medical insurance and says if I want any I need to give him $167 a month. Like really? Are we not married. I guess this is partially my fault for letting it go on for this long. I don't think I can afford that every month with everything else I pay, so I guess I'll get stuck with no health insurance. :(

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How about a divorce? A Marriage is a partnership not living as roommates. If he isn't willing to take care of you and pay for the family's medicare.

 

This has nothing to do with you letting him getting away with it for so long....he is a selfish uncaring jerk.

 

Stand up to him, tell him he is out of his mind to think you should pay for it when he makes so much more money. If he digs in, you pack your bags.

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I understand keeping some money separate, play money so to speak.

 

But money for bills, mortage and the like, and especially health insurance should be co-mingled as a family expense at least proportional to each's earnings. (Meaning he earns more, he contributes more)

 

IMO those are all joint expenses, and should be paid jointly. Health Insurance especially. You ask a good question, are you not married? His attitude speaks volumes about his feeling to that question. Either that, or he is incredibly money focused, and that's another problem entirely.

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Wow...your situation is atypical as far as marriages go. By the agreement that you have with the hubby, I would say 167 is fair (and incredibly cheap BTW), but it doesn't sound very married like. Maybe he can pro rate it based on your income and risk assessment.

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Okay, I am down with keeping finances separate as long as it doesn't screw either person. I think you guys are doing it wrong. This is what I'd suggest doing:

 

Take all of your joint living expenses and total them all up:

1. Mortgage

2. Utilities

3. Car

4. Insurance (all forms)

5. Consider creating a grocery allowance

 

Stuff like that. Itemize the whole thing and both of you review it and agree that a) the list is complete and b) the amounts on the list are accurate.

 

Next, agree on a method for sharing these joint expenses. 50/50 is one way to do it. That would be equal. The other is to take the actual annual gross income of each person and do a ratio. So if he makes twice as much as you do annually, then the split would be 66%/33%. That would be equitable. Reach an agreement on this method of sharing.

 

Finally, open up a joint checking account to handle these expenses. Each of you contribute your allotted amount into the joint account monthly and there you go. Neither of you is allowed to pay for things out of this joint account if they're not previously agreed to by both parties as joint expenses.

 

What you have going on now isn't workable. Also - health insurance should absolutely be a joint expense. Here's why - if you were to be uninsured and get into a severe auto accident, you'd rack up some serious medical bills right? Since you are married, those medical bills would be joint expenses and he'd be on the hook for them. Therefore, medical insurance for either one of you is in the other's best financial interests.

 

Good luck!

 

Mrin

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TrustedthenBusted

Your living situation is ridiculous. Sorry.

 

If you MUST track eachother's spending, create two personal budgets, and monitor against them on a monthly or quarterly basis. Him charging you for insurance, is preposterous, and just some ridiculous justification for taking a buck fitty off your hands each month, and sticking it in his fishing slush fund or whatever. And you " Guess this works?"

 

What else does he control? Can't just be this.

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For clarification: It's $335 a month and I would just have to pay my part, which is the $167. The separate accounts worked out well initially, because he pretty much supported his mom and helped her pay pretty much all her bills. I think separate accounts kept us from breaking up back then. -_- Now, we have 4 kids of our own, so it's more than just mine and his.

 

I feel like we're roommates on many aspects. And this just added on to the list. I shouldn't struggle, while he has not a worry. I've brought it up and he just says he pays more than me, so I doubt he'd want to sit down and break it down with me.

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Yea. He controls a lot. I could go on. :o

 

No offense OP but I think this financial situation you have is just a symptom of a much more fundamental cause. I think the two of you have your work cut out for you. Best of luck but I would suggest finding and addressing that root cause - one way or another.

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your husband sounds like he is a dick. If he makes, say 2X what you do, he should pay 2X the bill amount.

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So, it appears he makes 2X your annual income. Cool. Presuming stuff is all jointly owned, bills can go to 1/3 + 1/3 for him and 1/3 for you. Let's start with the mortgage. That's a biggie. Back when I was M, it was almost 2 grand a month and yup, I paid it myself. How's yours? Grand? xxx? Divide by three; you pay 1/3. Oh, right, don't forget the property taxes. Here in Cali that'll take your breath away, though some other states are similarly scary. Divide by three and you pay 1/3. Moving on to car insurance. That can be a biggie. I think it was around a grand every six months for us. How about you? Again, 1/3. Move on down the line. The health insurance is 335 a month you say. OK, cool. 335/3 = ~112 so you pay 112 and he pays the rest. Rinse and repeat.

 

This is one option in the modern two income household. There are others. Personally, I liked the arrangement my parents had. Dad earned everything and mom managed it with an iron fist. Heh.

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IMO it's really concerning that a married couple is being so calculative over who pays what. I've known plenty of non-married couples who share their costs in a less calculative way than you guys do.

 

We could haggle til the cows come home about who should pay how much (and have different opinions on it), but it doesn't change the fact that you're married to a very calculative man who isn't considerate of you and is treating you like a person he's newly dating (without all the good parts of being new, just the bad). Are you happy in your marriage, finances aside?

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Well, he makes a good income and way more than me, as my job doesn't provide steady income.

 

I think this contibutes to the OP's issues as, IIRC she runs a daycare from their home. I'd guess young "clients" come and go.

 

Cherry05, no well-earning spouse with any respect, consideration or affection for you would let you go without insurance because you can't afford it, what ever that means in a dual-income household.

 

If he's going to monetize the entire relationship, start charging him for sex...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Ha, in fairness though, if the OP was a guy we'd tell him to get his butt out the door and get another job to, well, support his family. Interesting how that works.

 

However, the proportionate formula still works even with occasional or sporadic income. It just requires more simple math. During the months where the OP makes no income at all, no math is required. H pays the whole boat. If he was truly calculating, he could, well, as my exW did, chastise his wife to save money for a rainy day to pay the bills when income was lacking. Cruel world out there. Hope it works out.

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You're married... Money is shared in my views...

 

My income pays all the bills, his money is extra money, gas, personal effects that sort of thing. There isn't a oh my money is my money and we aren't even engaged. We have a house a kid and a truck payment. I don't see how that's even fair for you.

 

I

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OP how much of the household chores does he do? I suspect very little. IMO this should be added into as part of the income contribution.

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I read your other thread about your other marital and interpersonal problems.

 

I think you should consult a divorce attorney and get an idea of what each of your rights and responsibilities would be in a divorce.

 

I am not an attorney or accountant so this should not be construed as legal or financial advice but as you are the primary care-giver of the children and have an inhome daycare, should you divorce there would be a reasonable chance you would be awarded primary custody with him being required to pay child support on 4 children.

 

And due to the fact he makes twice as much as you, he may be required to pay you spousal support for a period of time.

 

Your financial situation may actually improve via divorce and his financial situation would clearly be deeply affected.

 

If he is this much of a money miser, it may be a real wake up call for him to see what his financial situation would be in the event of a divorce.

 

He sounds like enough of a jerk that it would take having his lawyer spell out in dollar and cents terms of what he would be paying in support in the event of a divorce before he sees the light. You will likely need to actually file and petition for child and spousal support before he realizes you are serious. This probably isn't something that you can just talk about and have him take it seriously.

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Ha, in fairness though, if the OP was a guy we'd tell him to get his butt out the door and get another job to, well, support his family. Interesting how that works.

 

Would he tow along the 4 kids the OP is raising almost single-handedly :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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Sure, why not. Either with him to work or to child care. I was set up for it and I know plenty of other guys who were too. Get it done or pay someone. It's a brave new world these days. Gender roles are blurred and, yup, men can raise children and yup, wash those dishes and iron those shirts. Did all that while M. Fixed dinner too, besides working to pay the mortgage and take care of my terminally ill mother. Task Mr. Miser H on his workload too. If his wife can help out with her share of bills, he can help out with his share of domestic duties. Fair is fair.

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Sure, why not. Either with him to work or to child care. I was set up for it and I know plenty of other guys who were too. Get it done or pay someone. It's a brave new world these days. Gender roles are blurred and, yup, men can raise children and yup, wash those dishes and iron those shirts. Did all that while M. Fixed dinner too, besides working to pay the mortgage and take care of my terminally ill mother. Task Mr. Miser H on his workload too. If his wife can help out with her share of bills, he can help out with his share of domestic duties. Fair is fair.

 

But he doesn't appear to help. Not at all. So...now what?

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I have a high school friend who is on the downside end of his second marriage. Both wives left his ass because he is such a miserly Scrooge. He treated them the same way OP's husband treats her.

 

My friend works for an international database technology company. He travels 250 days out of the year and makes major bank. Major bank...close to $350k a year. His current wife, who is divorcing him, held down the fort and raised their kid while he was in Europe living fat like James Bond. She too made the mistake of having her own career and that idiot would do the same **** to her. He's a penny pinching, bean counting jerk.

 

He bitches and moans about how he has done nothing to warrant her leaving him. I counter that and tell he straight up. "You treat your wives like employees dude. You are mean and disrespectful and greedy."

 

I told him he was an idiot if he ever married again.

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Ha, in fairness though, if the OP was a guy we'd tell him to get his butt out the door and get another job to, well, support his family. Interesting how that works.

 

Uh, no, not if he was the sole childcarer of their FOUR children... :eek: That's a full-time job with overtime, IMO.

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What have you been doing for insurance before now? Bill like that wouldn't come up from nowhere....

 

I was under my parent's insurance until I turned 26, which was the end of last year. Open enrollment for his job hasn't happened until now.

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