LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

Husband hurt my feelings


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

Like Tree27Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th October 2016, 10:55 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 4
Husband hurt my feelings

My husband and I have been married for almost forty four years. We have two children and three grandchildren.

Last night we went to dinner with our kids, grandkids and their in laws. Our grandkids were joking around and asked the grandpas "who is your best friend?" Both in laws said their wives. Then the kids asked my husband and our grandson said "don't take the easy way out and say Grandma." He said "ok then, Chuck." Both the kids started laughing Chuck is our very good, very eccentric friend who jokes around with the kids a lot. They all love him. He is my husband's best friend in the world, and when they get together it's a riot. Then our grandson said "okay, who's your best friend and now you can say Grandma." My husband looked at him and said "still Chuck." And smiled and punched his arm.

Both the other wives looked at me with sad faces, I think they could sense my heartbreak. I excused myself and went outside to cry. He came out and told me to stop overreacting and come back in. The whole rest of the night I was so embarrassed.

I've been up crying all night. I don't know why it hurts so much, but it is so painful. Has anyone experienced this before?
Sad wifey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2016, 11:59 AM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,775
Sorry Sad but I'm with your husband on this one. It sounds like he was 100% joking around trying to get laughs..I think you did overreact.

However if it hurt your feelings he should still apologize for it and be more sensitive towards the types of jokes he makes in the future.
ChickiePops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2016, 1:35 PM   #3
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 4
Maybe I did a little over this, but I guess when the other husbands said it I wanted to hear him say it too. He is without a doubt my best friend and the love of my life.

I think another thing is he hasn't been affectionate lately. He hasn't put his arms around me in weeks... the last time we made love I had to ask him to look at me. He is always acting distracted when it's just us.

I love Chuck, he's very funny. He and my husband are two peas in a pod. He gets a little more rambunctious when the kids are at our house. He'll put his shoes on the wrong feet, come in wearing flippers or his shirt backwards, slide on the floor and hit my husband into the wall saying it's house hockey. That's why they love him, and my husband does too.

Maybe my husband was trying to channel that. I don't know.
Sad wifey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2016, 1:48 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Hobbiton
Posts: 1,444
I don't think it matters if you overreacted or not. It made you emotional and it upset you. Instead of being a snarky jerk about it and telling you that you were overreacting he could have taken the opportunity to apologize and tell you that yes he does in fact appreciate you and you ARE his best friend. He didn't.

So what to do at this point? I say that if it upset you that much, there must be other reasons for why you felt like that. It seems to me that it's much more than just one joking comment. You could let it eat you up or you could talk to him and tell him how you feel. Not just about the comment but that maybe you feel like he's pulling away from you more lately and it worries you. Sometimes the best way to deal with something is to communicate it clearly and without emotions getting in the way. Don't blame him and make him feel like it's all his fault, but do let him know how you are feeling and that you want to know how to fix it.
__________________
Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't make a rainbow without a little rain.
Raena is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2016, 3:05 PM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,775
Have you asked him why he's been less affectionate?
ChickiePops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2016, 3:10 PM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,775
I hit post too soon.

I meant to add - actions speak louder than words. It sounds like you overreacted because he's been neglecting you. I bet if things had been normal in your marriage recently you'd have been much more able to laugh it off.

Seriously, you need to talk to him.
ChickiePops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th October 2016, 12:56 AM   #7
Established Member
 
standtall's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,413
Dear sad, I can understand where your coming from....and it sucks. However, he may have a hard time expressing himself seriously about a subject like that. I think 44 yrs speaks a lot and that you have nothing to worry about.
standtall is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th October 2016, 1:27 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 256
You way overreacted. If there are problems in your marriage focus on them, not this nonissue.
Gemma1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th October 2016, 10:22 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Madame_Noire's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 276
I agree with a previous poster, they stated that because your husband has not been affectionate recently, his punchline at the meal really highlighted how you have been feeling and it is the icing on the cake.

You state your husband is your best friend and the love of your life, do what best friends do with one another, talk to each other.
Madame_Noire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th October 2016, 11:13 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 357
This sounds like a situation with my wife. She is hyper-sensitive and depending on the day I need to walk on egg shells. It has really affected my personality over the years as I hold back jokes, comments, opinions in my daily life as not to offend anyone who is sensitive.


OP - I don't think he was trying to hurt you. It was just a group setting and he was trying to be funny. Cut him some slack.
Wookin Pa Nub is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th October 2016, 7:42 PM   #11
NTV
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 1,689
Heck if I called my wife my best friend... that would be a downgrade. I have a bunch of friendly acquaintances, fewer friends and a handful a best buds that I'd be at their or their families wedding for or jump to if they needed it etc and consider them my best friends. I only have one wife. And if we get to 44 years of marriage there is no way she'd be in the same league as any of them in terms of importance in my life. They aren't even at her level.
NTV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th October 2016, 6:49 AM   #12
Member
 
lillybelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 10
Sounds like he was joking around, but you're hurt because you feel an overall loss of connection. The lack of affection, the disconnected sex. If he joked around like that then gave you a wink or a smile and put his arm around you, I'm sure you'd take it as a joke and not be upset. But it sounds like you feel neglected in general.
lillybelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th October 2016, 5:27 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1,281
I think what he said was worthy of a backhand. Right there in front of the kids and everyone.
Cephalopod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th October 2016, 8:33 PM   #14
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 4
We talked about it and he said he didn't even realize he hadn't been giving me my hugs... he's had some pretty major things going on at work and just been on autopilot lately.

I'm really sad that he did that in front of the kids though... right when every other man was saying it was their wife... he said not to worry about it, but I just felt like he thinks that it's a game. I guess it's just something I have to live with.
Sad wifey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th October 2016, 8:42 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,865
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad wifey View Post
We talked about it and he said he didn't even realize he hadn't been giving me my hugs... he's had some pretty major things going on at work and just been on autopilot lately.

I'm really sad that he did that in front of the kids though... right when every other man was saying it was their wife... he said not to worry about it, but I just felt like he thinks that it's a game. I guess it's just something I have to live with.
Wifey: It's impossible you made it to 44 years of marriage with being so touchy. You have to be above all this BS about your husband doing the same as the other husbands around the table.

Don't hold a grudge because of this. He didn't see the big deal in it and I don't see the big deal in it. Let it go. Now he knows for next time.
__________________
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is online now   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
hurt feelings wierdmunky Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 4 23rd August 2010 9:17 PM
I hurt his feelings by accident and now I'm hurt Fun2BMe Dating 21 3rd February 2008 7:31 PM
Feelings hurt and don't know when it'll end loveinlife Coping 2 26th July 2006 2:21 AM
Hurt feelings Ray Ray Archive 3 13th March 2001 9:07 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:56 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.