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My husband went out without his wedding ring


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I'm 26 and my husband is 32. We have only been married for 7 months but we were together for 7 years before we got married. He has never been unfaithful to me. A few weeks ago he went out drinking with friends and he left his wedding ring at home with his wallet. He wasn't driving and had his debit card so he didn't need his wallet. He takes his ring off when he's doing his hair. So I thought he just forgot it. I told him he forgot it and he apologized and said his finger felt empty. He did come home late and showered when he got home (he said he was sweaty, I can't stand sweat in bed). He's out again right now and again he left his wedding ring at home but it was in the nightstand drawer. I'm terrified to think what might be happening... But hope I'm over reading. He doesn't have a tan line around his ring either, which makes me wonder if he had it off a lot all summer...

 

Our marriage isn't as good as I had hoped. I mean, it took 7 years for him to marry me. I think he felt more obligated to marry me than wanting to. He says he wanted to so maybe I'm reading too much into it... I'm stressed. I'm pregnant with our "honeymoon baby" and our house is being reno'd and the stress is through the roof.

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Our marriage isn't as good as I had hoped. I mean, it took 7 years for him to marry me. I think he felt more obligated to marry me than wanting to. He says he wanted to so maybe I'm reading too much into it...

 

Sounds like a lot bigger problem than his ring. How do you end up pregnant on a honeymoon with a reluctant bridegroom? Seems like an attempt to lock him into a relationship you're not sure he wants to be a part of.

 

And the ring would seem to bear this out :( ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Sounds like a lot bigger problem than his ring. How do you end up pregnant on a honeymoon with a reluctant bridegroom? Seems like an attempt to lock him into a relationship you're not sure he wants to be a part of.

 

And the ring would seem to bear this out :( ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

He wasn't reluctant to have unprotected sex. We both agreed to have my IUD/coil removed before the wedding. I didn't get pregnant to try and trap him... He just married me, I already had/have him. Trapping doesn't get one anywhere but single down the road. Not all women trap men...

 

It's 6AM and he still hasn't come home. He texted and said he was staying at a mates flat because he was tired. I don't know though...

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How healthy is your communication style? Can you broach this concern in a loving way for the marriage to be stabilized?

 

Dear one, my husband and I , two years into our marriage.. Announced one day that he "lost" his wedding band at the beach. That was a fight to last days! Reflecting back, we could have easily resolved it and moved on. Instead we got stuck on distrust. You decide if you are willing to be distrusting.. Or would you like to resolve it with love?

 

With a baby on the way.. I'll hope you BOTH, choose love. The ring isn't the issue... The behavior is... Find a way to address it.

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He wasn't reluctant to have unprotected sex. We both agreed to have my IUD/coil removed before the wedding. I didn't get pregnant to try and trap him... He just married me, I already had/have him. Trapping doesn't get one anywhere but single down the road. Not all women trap men...

It's 6AM and he still hasn't come home. He texted and said he was staying at a mates flat because he was tired. I don't know though...

 

Is he in the habit of "staying at a mates"?

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How the hell does one sweat so much having beers with his supposed buddies that he needs to take a shower when he gets home?

 

This guy is such a snake.

 

Right down to 'forgetting' his ring.

 

Looks like he's living the single life while you're pregnant and carrying his kid.

 

It gets no lower than this - when a guy cheats on his pregnant wife. He's a snake.

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It's 6AM and he still hasn't come home. He texted and said he was staying at a mates flat because he was tired. I don't know though...

 

If he's tired he should have come home. Was he drunk? Sorry but this isn't adding up.

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I am sorry dear, but he is sleeping around on you.

 

You just need to see if he will admit it and see where it goes from there. It looks like ONS's but who really knows.

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He's experienced a lot of major life changes and is under a lot of stress, too. Affairs are said to be all about the fantasy and, as a former WW, I can confirm that claim. My affairs were all about escaping reality.

 

He's been going out without his ring and he has left his pregnant new bride home alone overnight? Forgot to put his ring back on once is nothing, but a pattern of not wearing the ring, going out frequently, and staying out all night point to either an affair or ONS/series of ONS.

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He wasn't reluctant to have unprotected sex. We both agreed to have my IUD/coil removed before the wedding. I didn't get pregnant to try and trap him... He just married me, I already had/have him. Trapping doesn't get one anywhere but single down the road. Not all women trap men...

 

I understand it takes two people to make a baby, not implying you "trapped" him. Just wondering why you'd agree to immediately get pregnant when you had your doubts about the relationship? And well-founded doubts they turned out to be.

 

For some couples, the ring is no big deal. Have you talked to him about it :confused: ???

 

It's 6AM and he still hasn't come home. He texted and said he was staying at a mates flat because he was tired. I don't know though...

 

Wonder why the bed at his friend's place is more...restfull...than yours?

 

Mr. Lucky

Edited by Mr. Lucky
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When he came home today I asked him how his night went and he just said "good" and kept on doing his thing. Usually he says more about what happened or who was there. I didn't bring up the ring because I don't know how and don't want to come off as accusing him. It was in his nightstand, and he never puts it there. We have a ring holder for them when we aren't wearing them.

 

How healthy is your communication style? Can you broach this concern in a loving way for the marriage to be stabilized?

 

It's not the best. We are able to talk and as far as I know we don't hide things from each other. We do tend to get into arguments sometimes because he gets defensive. I try not to accuse him of things or place blame on him, it's something we had trouble with in the past and worked on for quite a while.

 

Is he in the habit of "staying at a mates"?

 

Maybe 1:10 times that he goes out with friends. Usually he leaves because he's tired and wants to go home. Other times he crashes at a friends flat because he's too tired or doesn't want to drive or spend money to get home.

 

How the hell does one sweat so much having beers with his supposed buddies that he needs to take a shower when he gets home?

 

His reasoning was that there was a lot of people so it was really hot. Which is totally possible, but it still sits as a red flag. He also didn't want to have sex, and usually he does when he comes home from drinking.

 

If he's tired he should have come home. Was he drunk? Sorry but this isn't adding up.

 

He would have been drinking. He is not the type to ever drive drunk, and he doesn't like spending money to get home. Usually though, he stops drinking early or only drinks a little bit so he can drive home. In defense of him sleeping there, that mates flat is above a bar they frequent.

 

He's experienced a lot of major life changes and is under a lot of stress, too. Affairs are said to be all about the fantasy and, as a former WW, I can confirm that claim. My affairs were all about escaping reality.

 

He's been going out without his ring and he has left his pregnant new bride home alone overnight? Forgot to put his ring back on once is nothing, but a pattern of not wearing the ring, going out frequently, and staying out all night point to either an affair or ONS/series of ONS.

 

I'm stressed as well but I don't go out have **** other people...

 

I understand it takes two people to make a baby, not implying you "trapped" him. Just wondering why you'd agree to immediately get pregnant when you had your doubts about the relationship? And well-founded doubts they turned out to be.

 

For some couples, the ring is no big deal. Have you talked to him about it :confused: ???

 

Wonder why the bed at his friend's place is more...restfull...than yours?

 

I have had doubts most of the relationship. I'm a worrier and my gut feeling has been wrong countless times. He reassured me over and over that he was happy, wanted to be with me. I trusted him on that. He never left the relationship, didn't cheat that I knew of, treated me well, we made future plans together. Everything was right, except my gut feeling. But again, I don't trust my gut feeling as it has been wrong many times. I'm a worrier.

 

He knows the ring is a big deal to me. Long before we married he said he would always wear one because he thinks they are important as well. He said there is no reason not to wear one, and stood by that opinion all these years.

 

His reasoning is that his friend is closer than our house, he wasn't feeling well and wanted to crash. His mate lives above the bar that they go to a lot, and there are many more down the alley.

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First, I need to say that I have not worn a wedding ring, for all but 3 months of our marriage. We been together 40 plus years. I found I just did not like metal against my skin. Having said that, I was once asked by a female co worker, why, and I stated "marriage is a state of mind" She said back that was true for me, as when we first met she knew from me, "I am married" I tend to let people know I am "hitched", real fast.

 

OK, having wrote that, I tend to think he is taking it off to hide that he is married. While some, maybe most, do not need a ring to stay faithful, and show they are taken, he does. You now need to do some hard questioning, and find out his motivation. He just may not really want to be a father, or as he is about to come, miss his days of being single. IN other words he is acting out, This is to try and give insight, and not excuse. He may not really realize why he is doing this.

 

In any case, he is in the wrong, and needs to be open an honest with you. As you both are getting ready to welcome the blessing of a child, it is more important then ever. I am sorry, that there is the possibility, that he may have crossed a line, but equally he may not have made a fatal error as well. The only solution, is open honest and real communication in your marriage.

 

Lastly, congratulations on becoming a mother. Before you, is lifes most interesting and rewarding times. Full of love, some hard ache, but most of all Joy.

 

I wish you all the luck and good things in life.

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Sunkissedpatio
How do you end up pregnant on a honeymoon with a reluctant bridegroom? Seems like an attempt to lock him into a relationship you're not sure he wants to be a part of

 

not implying you "trapped" him. J

 

Really? Sure looks that way.

 

 

They are married and no one forces anyone to do anything they don't want to do. If a man asks a woman to marry her the assumption is he wants to. Mature adults don't get "forced" to make life decisions they don't want to make.

 

 

Mendews, I think this situation looks bad I'm sorry to say. Once a man could "forget" to put his band back on, twice....you've got a big problem. It looks like he either is trying to meet someone as a single man, or has already done so, because to the outside world when he is out without a ring he might as well be single.

 

I wouldn't confront him, I'd hire an investigator to follow him next few times he goes out on his own. If you were way off then it's time to work on your trust issues and definitely time to discuss in a constructive way this habit he has gotten into to forget the ring at home. If you find something then better to know now.

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Sunkissedpatio
I was once asked by a female co worker, why, and I stated "marriage is a state of mind"

 

While I respect your personal philosophy on marriage, for the majority of the rest of the world marriage is not just a "state of mind" otherwise there would be no need to endure all the other symbolic deeds that come along with the decision to marry someone; the ring, the certificate, the wedding, the engagement ring, the celebration day, the yearly anniversary celebration and the certificate of divorce issued when/if that marriage is dissolved.

 

Ask a person who has gone through all this if their bank account agrees that "marriage is a state of mind" I think they would beg to differ.

 

In your case where you can't wear a ring because the metal feels bad against your skin you have decided to not wear it at all.

 

Being selective about when you wear your ring, i.e. conveniently forgetting it at home while you are out on the town while your pregnant wife is at home, is not the same thing.

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I wouldn't confront him, .

 

Neither would I.

Confronting him just gives him an opportunity to deny and gaslight and hide his tracks better, if he really is up to no good.

You will not find out the truth by confronting him.

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Sunkissedpatio
Neither would I.

Confronting him just gives him an opportunity to deny and gaslight and hide his tracks better, if he really is up to no good.

You will not find out the truth by confronting him.

 

I think after he left his ring in the nightstand drawer, which wreaks of premeditated act (leaving it in the bathroom because he took it off to do his hair can happen by accident), there if enough there to determine he is sneaking around.

 

Confronting him will do exactly what Elaine described above.

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OP, you might also consider putting a portable GPS unit on his car as well. With it, you can get a real - time display of exactly where he is at any time. You'll be able to see, for example, what 'friend's house' he is staying overnight at, or which cheap hotel he scurries off to for a quickie during the day when he is at lunch... just sayin'. :o

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Why does everyone keep saying she trapped him by getting pregnant? She said they got married before she got pregnant and that he was there when she got her IUD removed.

 

That said, hiding his ring in the drawer and leaving his pregnant wife at home alone overnight does not bode well.

 

Not that this is an excuse but maybe he's freaking out about the baby?

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Why does everyone keep saying she trapped him by getting pregnant?

 

I think it is because she said

"Our marriage isn't as good as I had hoped. I mean, it took 7 years for him to marry me. I think he felt more obligated to marry me than wanting to."

 

How do you make sure a reluctant man sticks around? Get pregnant.

Hence why the accusations of trapping him.

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I think it is because she said

"Our marriage isn't as good as I had hoped. I mean, it took 7 years for him to marry me. I think he felt more obligated to marry me than wanting to."

 

How do you make sure a reluctant man sticks around? Get pregnant.

Hence why the accusations of trapping him.

 

I assumed that she meant that he felt obligated because they'd been together for so long.

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OP, you might also consider putting a portable GPS unit on his car as well. With it, you can get a real - time display of exactly where he is at any time. You'll be able to see, for example, what 'friend's house' he is staying overnight at, or which cheap hotel he scurries off to for a quickie during the day when he is at lunch... just sayin'. :o

 

I hate thinking that it has come to that point...

 

Do you have friends that he doesn't know? I'd see if I could send a girlfriend to the bar to see what's up. Not sure how else you'd find out.

 

No. I moved across the world for him when we got married. He was born and raised in the UK and moved to the US for university. He wanted to move back home and it was something I was okay with. Unfortunately I have yet to make any real friends. I feel a lot more out of place than I thought I would.

 

Neither would I.

Confronting him just gives him an opportunity to deny and gaslight and hide his tracks better, if he really is up to no good.

You will not find out the truth by confronting him.

 

This is a good point... I don't want to confront him, have him deny, then hide any evidence so I'll never figure it out... I don't really want to play dumb until he slips up though.

 

I assumed that she meant that he felt obligated because they'd been together for so long.

 

Yes, this is what I meant. We had been together for a very long time and family (and friends) kept asking when he was going to propose, when they'd get grandbabies. My gut feeling told me that he was unsure if he wanted to marry me or not, and maybe he was just staying because it was familiar and comfortable.

 

Before we planned our wedding he talked about what he wanted in a wedding. When we actually started planning, he wanted to do it quick and cheap. First venue available, no flowers, etc. We wrote our own vows... I read mine first, they were long, personal and I cried. These were his "vows"... "I don't know what to say other than I really love you and can't wait to marry you". It was, and still is, embarrassing. People bring it up and make jokes and I hate it. I try and play it off.

 

Not that this is an excuse but maybe he's freaking out about the baby?

 

He was on board and excited in the beginning. He was very happy, told all his friends right away, bought some things and talked about names. At 12 weeks I had very heavy bleeding and was told I was miscarrying. I suppose he grieved differently, he pretty much ignored me and was not supportive at all. 2 weeks later when I had to be checked to make sure there was no infection we found out the baby was still there happy and healthy. He wasn't overjoyed like I was, just neutral. He said he was relieved when we "lost" the baby because he realized he wanted to wait longer to have kids and maybe didn't even want them at all. He won't participate at all, won't help assemble furniture or talk names, won't feel my belly when she kicks.

 

So no, he's not excited at all. Not anymore. Everyone keeps saying it will change when she is born...

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Wow. So sad :-( I'm not sure what advice to offer accept to get your ducks in a row. Hire a PI, talk to an attorney. Something. Because it doesn't sound like you're headed down a good path.

 

FYI - most men don't feel a connection to the baby until it's born. And even then, it often takes a bit of time. But a man who cares about you will be involved with the pregnancy and helping with furniture, names, etc. because he cares about YOU. It often doesn't have anything to do with the actual baby in those early stages.

 

I'm really sorry for your situation and I hope it works out for you. Would he go to marriage counseling?

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I hate thinking that it has come to that point...

 

 

 

No. I moved across the world for him when we got married. He was born and raised in the UK and moved to the US for university. He wanted to move back home and it was something I was okay with. Unfortunately I have yet to make any real friends. I feel a lot more out of place than I thought I would.

 

 

 

This is a good point... I don't want to confront him, have him deny, then hide any evidence so I'll never figure it out... I don't really want to play dumb until he slips up though.

 

 

 

Yes, this is what I meant. We had been together for a very long time and family (and friends) kept asking when he was going to propose, when they'd get grandbabies. My gut feeling told me that he was unsure if he wanted to marry me or not, and maybe he was just staying because it was familiar and comfortable.

 

Before we planned our wedding he talked about what he wanted in a wedding. When we actually started planning, he wanted to do it quick and cheap. First venue available, no flowers, etc. We wrote our own vows... I read mine first, they were long, personal and I cried. These were his "vows"... "I don't know what to say other than I really love you and can't wait to marry you". It was, and still is, embarrassing. People bring it up and make jokes and I hate it. I try and play it off.

 

 

 

He was on board and excited in the beginning. He was very happy, told all his friends right away, bought some things and talked about names. At 12 weeks I had very heavy bleeding and was told I was miscarrying. I suppose he grieved differently, he pretty much ignored me and was not supportive at all. 2 weeks later when I had to be checked to make sure there was no infection we found out the baby was still there happy and healthy. He wasn't overjoyed like I was, just neutral. He said he was relieved when we "lost" the baby because he realized he wanted to wait longer to have kids and maybe didn't even want them at all. He won't participate at all, won't help assemble furniture or talk names, won't feel my belly when she kicks.

 

So no, he's not excited at all. Not anymore. Everyone keeps saying it will change when she is born...

 

 

This is the real issue(s).

 

The ring is just a metaphor for your real issue and concern.

 

He's not as invested in the marriage/family/future as you'd want.

 

Pregnant women need a lot and at times even extreme assurance and support and commitment.

 

He's not prividing that and is out carousing at the bar all night.

 

This is not going to end well.

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