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Husband is away on business, and I am lonely.


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RomanticBride

Hello again. I seldom post, I know, and I doubt anyone here even remembers me, but here I am nonetheless.

 

I'm really just posting because for the first time in nearly five years of marriage, my husband has gone away on business. The boss gave him a company credit card and there's a definite chance of a promotion within a few months. I'm immensely proud of my husband and honored to be his wife, and I told him so in the letter I slipped into his suitcase.

 

Even so, I really miss him. We're not used to being without each other's company. The last time we were separated for more than a few hours was when I was in the hospital in 2014. It's nearly one in the morning, I have class tomorrow all day, and I cannot sleep. The bed is empty.

 

He did find my love letter though, and texted me to say it made him emotional, which was just heartrendingly adorable.

 

Our fifth anniversary is coming up. It's the anniversary of wood and since he pays attention to traditional anniversary gifts, I'm going to get him a customized engraved wooden desk organizer. The trouble is I don't know what I'd have them write on it. I was thinking just his full name, "5th Anniversary", and a line from our song, "One Love, One Lifetime". But somehow it doesn't seem to flow very well. Maybe you have a more romantic idea.

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RomanticBride

Gosh, it really is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I haven't laid awake at night missing him half to death since I was a teenager. I may end up flooding this post with my own replies, if only so I can manage to avoid texting him in the middle of the night.

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Hello again. I seldom post, I know, and I doubt anyone here even remembers me, but here I am nonetheless.

 

I'm really just posting because for the first time in nearly five years of marriage, my husband has gone away on business. The boss gave him a company credit card and there's a definite chance of a promotion within a few months. I'm immensely proud of my husband and honored to be his wife, and I told him so in the letter I slipped into his suitcase.

 

Even so, I really miss him. We're not used to being without each other's company. The last time we were separated for more than a few hours was when I was in the hospital in 2014. It's nearly one in the morning, I have class tomorrow all day, and I cannot sleep. The bed is empty.

 

He did find my love letter though, and texted me to say it made him emotional, which was just heartrendingly adorable.

 

Our fifth anniversary is coming up. It's the anniversary of wood and since he pays attention to traditional anniversary gifts, I'm going to get him a customized engraved wooden desk organizer. The trouble is I don't know what I'd have them write on it. I was thinking just his full name, "5th Anniversary", and a line from our song, "One Love, One Lifetime". But somehow it doesn't seem to flow very well. Maybe you have a more romantic idea.

 

Hi, there! Wow, you’re definitely a very loving wife to your husband. I really appreciate your efforts in making your 5th anniversary a memorable one! I think it would be a good idea if you can keep yourself busy to avoid the feeling of loneliness. Just hang in there, time will fly soon. I wish you good luck. Hugs!

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Hi Romantic, it is so refreshing to read your post in this day and age when the love between two people seems like an afterthought. You come across as someone who is sensitive and full of love and affection for your husband. Sadly that is a commodity that is almost nonexistent among young people these days. Most people get married based on some false idea of love which is usually infatuation disguised as love. Infatuation is hormonal and ephemeral. It evaporates at the first encounter with real life. True Love is for the long haul and creates a yearning in one's heart for one's beloved!

 

On another note, how long is your husband going to be away? I hope for your sake not too long. Warm wishes.

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RomanticBride
Why not take the trip with your H? Other wives go on business trips.

 

I attend college, and I have pretty strict professors who don't let me take off more than 2 or 3 classes per semester. I also have depression and chronic insomnia which means I need to save my sick days for when I absolutely need them, like when I'm literally too upset to get out of bed.

 

Just a Guy- He's coming home Friday evening/night. I'd like to plan something special for the Saturday after he returns, but he might be too tired to go out anywhere. Also, I'd have to think of something we both like that's a little more special than just going out to eat. Maybe the park...

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You sound incredibly in love. Congratulations.

 

I have no problem with my husband going away on business, but I do have children to keep me company.

 

You sound like loves young dream. It's great to hear of a happy wife in a loving marriage.

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RomanticBride

I found out some very sad news today. My mother told me that my cat, the cat I've had since childhood, who now lives with her, is very likely dying. He's 17 years old and doesn't eat or drink on his own very often anymore. My mother regularly have to take him to the vet to get him hydrated via I.V. I was shocked and I admit I yelled at her a little bit because her timing was pretty bad; she told me immediately after school in the middle of Walmart. But she took it in stride and I apologized after and she and got me some chocolate and ice cream. I'm going with my mother to the vet tomorrow to see my kitty and possibly watch as they put him down. My poor sweet kitty.

 

When I got home I called my Eternal Beloved. I asked him how his day was and made him tell me absolutely everything about what he accomplished at work. I told him I was so proud of him. Of course, I then told him about my cat. Unfortunately, words of comfort aren't exactly his strong suit, and the closest thing he got was to simply say, "I'm sorry about your kitty", and repeated "um"s and "mm-hmm"s as I miserably recounted everything my mother had told me. I told my husband straight-out that I was going to need lots of verbal affirmation and consolation because life really feels terrible right now. He said that he knows and he loves me.

 

His love language is quality time so I asked him if *he* needed anything from me. He said, of course, "Spend more time with me" So I said that when he gets home there's something special we could do. He offered to watch my favorite TV show with me, but I suggested we watch the new Jungle Book movie instead. I thought about watching Cinderella together again, but I figured the love story- and Prince Charming's impeccable way with words- would depress me further. Anyway, we're going to watch The Jungle Book movie together when he gets home tomorrow evening, and we're going to eat lots of ice cream and I'm probably going to cry.

 

Right now he's going out to dinner with his temporary colleagues in another city, they're going to have a few drinks, which is nice -to be honest- because my Beloved is always more florid and poetic after he's had a few. I'm so tempted to send him a text right now saying something along the lines of, "I'm really depressed and I need you" but I don't think I'm going to because I don't want to come off as needy and I don't want to ruin his good time. I miss him so much, and I'm sad about my cat, and I desperately wish he had the right words to say.

 

If I may be completely honest, sometimes I wish I'd married someone more eloquent. We met online, and dated mostly via text. And he's much better with words through text than in person. I wish he could comfort me verbally. Perhaps I could ask him to write me a letter. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being selfish. But I really need it. At least, as he reminded me, He'll be home soon. And we'll watch a movie and eat ice cream and I swear I won't take my eyes off him once for the whole night. I need him so much. I need comfort. And I need a hug, which fortunately, he's excellent at giving.

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RomanticBride

He called me after the company dinner. I did ask him if he would write me a letter, and he said he would. It seemed fair since I had written him one, he said. He said we should both start writing love letters again, and that it reminds him of when we were dating. I told him I absolutely couldn't agree more. I sang him a lullaby before he went to sleep and we both hung up.

 

I'm going to print out some of my old poems that I wrote for him when I was 15, and surprise him with them. I know words aren't his love language, but he teared up at my letter, so he must be able to appreciate them. I'll probably also write him something else, something original about how I still need him just as much as ever and how he holds me up and supports me and enables me to thrive.

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OP, I think part of your opening post was sweet, and I'm sorry to hear about your cat, but the remaining ones worry me a little bit. Not being able to sleep at all and wishing you'd married someone more eloquent, all over spending a few days(?) apart? It's normal to feel a bit of a void if the person you love is away even for a few days, but then you carry on living as usual. And yes it's tough if you go through the potential loss of a pet without them around, but don't obsess over needing the hug RIGHT NOW, he'll be back and able to hug you before you know it.

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RomanticBride

Elswyth- The fact that I am naturally verbally expressive and he isn't tends to be a recurring theme and a source of some unhappiness for me. The same goes on his part for my extreme introversion and anxiety about going out, since his love language is quality time. We're both aware of this and I'd say we're working to fix it and learn to compromise and put up with things when we need to.

 

You're probably right that it's an overreaction on my part. I struggle with the concept of "emotional permanence" much in the way that infants struggle with object permanence. Meaning, if I'm sad, I automatically think that life is hell and I'm damned to suffer forever. Meaning, if I endure even the slightest amount of time without someone showing me affection, I presume that they're over me and may never speak to me again. I'm perfectly aware how ridiculous this sounds on paper, but in my head it's true. I am in psychotherapy in an attempt to mitigate the misery that these depressive delusions cause me. I'm also on medication to hopefully the same end.

 

My Eternal Beloved, thankfully, is quite understanding of this. He texted me this morning that he didn't think I was silly, and that he would always love me and support me."with everything he is, no matter what".

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Hi Romantic, I am sorry but I have to agree with Elswyth on her observations about you. Your subsequent post indicate a degree of emotional dependence on others including pets to a level which is, to my mind, unhealthy. What I apprehend will happen is that, since you have propped yourself up on support from your husband, and to some extent, on others including your pet kitten, any changes from the norm, especially of a negative nature, is likely to throw you completely off balance emotionally. This, in turn, is likely to have a very adverse effect on your emotional and physical well being.

 

From the way you have written, it appears you are an only child and for whatever reason, your patents have evidently mollycoddled you during your formative years. To a large extent your current attitude to life reflects this. I would strongly urge you to shed your dependence on the various props that you have habituated yourself to and start toughening yourself to face the adversities of life on your own account. You cannot afford to be a shrinking violet as it is unhealthy. But I guess deep down you know this yourself. I would be most worried about your smothering your husband with sickly sweet love as that may eventually turn him away from you. I wish you the very best for the future. I wonder how old are you? I hope young enough to be able to adapt to a realistic view of the world. Warm wishes.

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You're probably right that it's an overreaction on my part. I struggle with the concept of "emotional permanence" much in the way that infants struggle with object permanence. Meaning, if I'm sad, I automatically think that life is hell and I'm damned to suffer forever. Meaning, if I endure even the slightest amount of time without someone showing me affection, I presume that they're over me and may never speak to me again. I'm perfectly aware how ridiculous this sounds on paper, but in my head it's true. I am in psychotherapy in an attempt to mitigate the misery that these depressive delusions cause me. I'm also on medication to hopefully the same end.

 

I understand, I suffer from this myself as well and have to constantly remind myself that a bad day does not equal a bad job, a bad life, or a bad relationship.

 

I'm glad you're working on this, but I do hope you also work on finding other things in life that you can enjoy when you are alone.

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RomanticBride

Just a Guy- You're kidding right? I mourn for my pet cat the day I'm told that he's going to die tomorrow, and you somehow believe I'm overly dependent upon him? Do you know nothing about the way grief works? I mean for goodness sake I've only cried once so far. I'm nowhere near finished grieving.

 

As to what you said about my dependence on my husband, I think he himself would probably disagree with you. After all, I asked him what I could do for him, and he said spend more time with him. That doesn't sound to me like a man who's being smothered to death.

 

Besides my therapist actively encourages me that if I'm going to become obsessed over anyone's undying support, it would be best for me if it were my husband.

 

As to my childhood, though, you're quite right. If you read through my previous posts- I've only posted like 3 times and the first time was in 2009- I met my husband on my 16th birthday. My parents always supported us as a couple, and though it wasn't an arranged marriage by any means, nobody was surprised when he proposed when I was 17. We got married just a few months after my 18th birthday, and my parents were relieved that my husband could take care of me so they didn't have to do so much anymore.

 

My husband is older than me, and seems to be quite happy being my provider and protector. Although of course he wants me to mature and learn to handle my emotions better, he also doesn't mind my childishness in the slightest. He loves watching cartoons with me. Although I'm emotionally needy in a way he doesn't always know how to provide for, it's clear that he always tries his best. As my therapist has said many times, many girls aren't lucky like that.

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Lois_Griffin
I met my husband on my 16th birthday. My parents always supported us as a couple, and though it wasn't an arranged marriage by any means, nobody was surprised when he proposed when I was 17. We got married just a few months after my 18th birthday, and my parents were relieved that my husband could take care of me so they didn't have to do so much anymore.

 

My husband is older than me, and seems to be quite happy being my provider and protector. Although of course he wants me to mature and learn to handle my emotions better, he also doesn't mind my childishness in the slightest. He loves watching cartoons with me. Although I'm emotionally needy in a way he doesn't always know how to provide for, it's clear that he always tries his best. As my therapist has said many times, many girls aren't lucky like that.

This story went from really sweet (your first post) to really creepy in just 2 short pages. Quite honestly, it sounds as though your parents were happy to hand off their emotionally needy child to some creepy older guy who enjoys playing daddy to young girls. How your 'therapist' can actually encourage this unhealthy dynamic is beyond me.

I'm going to print out some of my old poems that I wrote for him when I was 15...

And now the 'story' changes. You claim that you met your husband on your 16th Birthday but then you say you were writing him poetry when you were 15. So...either your husband is an even bigger pervert than he already appears to be, or someone's having fun weaving quite the tale.

 

Odd.

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RomanticBride

Oh for gracious sake. Lois, you've NEVER believed me. I posted last year and you said almost the exact same thing. Go back if you wish and look at my very first post on LS, and my second. I met my husband when I was 15. We had a fairly chaste relationship online as I relentlessly pursued him and flirted with him and he politely turned me away over and over and over. He didn't want much to do with me at first until he and I spoke to my parents and they agreed to finance his trip over here, so he could know I was serious about him and not just a kid with a crush. We met for the first time IRL on my 16th birthday, and "officially" began dating. It was just kind of a foregone conclusion from that point that we were eventually going to get married.

 

Now he works a good job. (with hopefully a promotion on the way) At first, my father was his boss, but since dad is considering retirement and gradually pulling away from his responsibilities, Eternal Beloved now answers to the CEO directly. He works full time so I can spend all my time either going out with him, going to school, or working to improve my mental health. I have had anxiety from the age of 11- or earlier, my mother suspects- and was sadly diagnosed with depression a few months after are wedding. We're talking sobbing openly at the dinner table. He was and is a trooper in dealing with my depression and has come to be pretty good at chasing away "the sads", as we colloquially term it.

 

He told me on the phone tonight he's going to have to go away on business a lot over the next few months as his role in the company is expanding. Possibly one next week, another in October, and again in December. I made sure my father was aware of these trips- because we all know stories of men who go out "on business" and come home with lipstick on their collars. I feel really nervous about that, and insecure. But my therapist has met my husband and tells me she's fairly certain he's in it for the long haul as they say. He looks after me, and dedicates every second he's not working to spend time with me. I'm very lucky indeed.

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RomanticBride

I have only slept about 4 hours in the last 48, both due to my husband's absence and the cat's illness. I don't believe I slept at all Wednesday night, and only got 4 hours tonight. I'm utterly exhausted yet I cannot sleep. I need to be awake right now anyway, to get ready to accompany my mother to the vet. I shouldn't take caffeine supplements to stay alert today, even though I know I'll barely be functional without them. I've got to try to sleep later today to be ready for my husband when he gets home.

 

I am miserable. I greatly look forward to my darling getting home.

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RomanticBride

The cat is going to be okay, actually. The tests showed his blood work and his heart were just fine, so Mom decided we shouldn't put him down yet. He's staying for a few hours in the animal hospital for re-hydration treatment, which Mom and I will take the Kitty in for every other week as needed.

 

I'm pretty relieved, but of course still quite upset about the fact that my poor kitty-baby likely doesn't have much longer for this world.

 

And talking of re-hydration treatments, I need one myself. I've barely eaten, drunk, or slept since my husband left, and when I checked the mirror this morning, I noticed several fine lines that I know were not there yesterday. I'm 23 years of age; I cannot have wrinkles when my husband gets home. I want him to come home and see someone pretty, or at the very least, the same woman he left and not some worn-out old harridan.

 

With the cat's death no longer imminent, I hope to be able to relax somewhat. I've prepared myself a nutrient shake, a glass of water with a few drops of herbal oils in for relaxation, some decaffeinated Earl Grey tea, (to take the taste of the medicine. Ick.) an herbal bath of bergamot and lavender, and if all of that fails, a hefty dose of Diphenhydramine. Before I retire to bed, I'll slather my face in moisturizer. I hope I can restore my face...

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And talking of re-hydration treatments, I need one myself. I've barely eaten, drunk, or slept since my husband left, and when I checked the mirror this morning, I noticed several fine lines that I know were not there yesterday. I'm 23 years of age; I cannot have wrinkles when my husband gets home. I want him to come home and see someone pretty, or at the very least, the same woman he left and not some worn-out old harridan.

 

Honey... you need professional help. I'm saying this with the best possible intentions. You CANNOT fall apart like this just because your husband is away for a few days. How are you ever going to cope when life throws you some REAL curveballs, when you cannot cope with him being on a business trip for a few days?? It's very worrisome. Do you have friends or a support network of any sort, do you have hobbies of your own?

 

Wrinkles are the least of your worries at the moment.

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RomanticBride

Elswyth- You are quite right. I am aware I need professional help and I'm getting it. I'm on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication, and I see a therapist every other week.

 

Honestly stress and anxiety have been pretty constant companions for me ever since I can remember. My woes are not solely circumstantial. If eternal beloved wasn't away, I would likely be almost as upset about something else. It is an unfortunate but very constant aspect of being me.

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Elswyth- You are quite right. I am aware I need professional help and I'm getting it. I'm on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication, and I see a therapist every other week.

 

Honestly stress and anxiety have been pretty constant companions for me ever since I can remember. My woes are not solely circumstantial. If eternal beloved wasn't away, I would likely be almost as upset about something else. It is an unfortunate but very constant aspect of being me.

 

Repeating the question, do you have hobbies and a support network aside from your H? If not, time to start trying to get some. Both are instrumental in helping with anxiety IME.

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RomanticBride

'm not sure what exactly you mean by a real curveball, but I have had human death in the family, and financial worries, which thankfully are past. Honestly, my reaction to those things was pretty much exactly the same as my reaction to this. The state of my mind is such that the slightest thing is a tragedy. It does not seem to differentiate between degrees of awfulness.

 

And to answer your question, yes I have hobbies. I enjoy writing, singing, and Photoshop work, and I attend University. I have a small support network outside of my husband, consisting of my immediate family and a few close online friends whom I've known for years.

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He's coming home Friday evening/night. I'd like to plan something special for the Saturday after he returns, but he might be too tired to go out anywhere. Also, I'd have to think of something we both like that's a little more special than just going out to eat. Maybe the park...

 

 

Take him on a lovely picnic somewhere.

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Elswyth- You are quite right. I am aware I need professional help and I'm getting it. I'm on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication, and I see a therapist every other week.

 

Honestly stress and anxiety have been pretty constant companions for me ever since I can remember. My woes are not solely circumstantial. If eternal beloved wasn't away, I would likely be almost as upset about something else. It is an unfortunate but very constant aspect of being me.

 

20 years ago, I was a bit like you. I was married to the man I'd been dating since 17, very dependent on him, and dealing with a lot of anxiety just about all the time.

 

The more you can do and experience--independently--the more your will grow and mature and gain confidence. My initial gut response to opportunity is to say, "No" and avoid the pain of stretching and growing, but I've learned to push through that and say, "Yes" as often as possible.

 

You're going to be anxious anyway. Might as well be anxious about something that will move you forward. Say "yes"!

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Have you thought about the crushing amount of pressure your dependence puts on your husband? It's seriously unfair to him that you refuse to function without him (and don't say you can't, because of course you can).

 

 

This is one of the problems with marrying so young..you never had a chance to take care of yourself so you don't know how to.

 

 

Ever read Of Mice and Men? If not, what I'm referring to is a scene where a man loves his pet mouse SO VERY MUCH and hugs it and pets it SO VERY HARD that he ends up killing it. That's what you're going to do to your marriage if you don't fix this ASAP.

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