Alora Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Hi I have been in a relationship with someone for about 4 years. I have written about this before. We are both in our 50s and have family. Mine are offhand but my expartner's are not and, coupled with his job, take up a lot of his time. Things have come to a head where I have decided that the relationship has run its' course. I am financially independent and want to move abroad next year and making plans. I have found it increasingly difficult to keep the relationship going (he is very draining and demanding of my time) so I have decided to finish it. I would rather be alone than be with someone who just wanted to share my bed, watch tv in the evenings, garden and diy (which I never asked him to do!) and then give all of his energy to his job and his family. He was very nasty to me and took it very badly. He put all of the blame on to me and would not accept any responsibility. I was kind and sensitive about it and did not blame him but when he asked why I said that I did not want to be third in line to his job and his family. I really don't think I've handled it as well as I had rehearsed and it has upset me very much... I've done it now and feel so bad because I have had it done to me by my ex-husband that's why it has taken me a while break up. My ex partner was upset but I did not expect him to shove all of the blame onto me... Is this a normal reaction? Link to post Share on other sites
startingagain15 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 It's probably a normal reaction. You ended the relationship, not him, so it would seem to him that the blame is on you. But you did the right thing. You want different things in life. I too am at a point where I need to decide. Do I want a second marriage where I will be content with a husband who likes to be home working in his garage and spending time fixing stuff with his nearly grown kids, and evenings in front of the tv? Or do I want to move on and find someone more adventurous who would like to travel, see the world etc? I'm not sure yet. Neither of those situations are wrong, it's just a matter of what you want. Staying with him would only leave you miserable. He will see that someday hopefully, now he is just hurt and lashing out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alora Posted July 30, 2016 Author Share Posted July 30, 2016 Hi Thank you for taking the time to reply..I really appreciated it. I know I have made the right decision and I feel a great weight lifted from my shoulders. I am sorry that you have to face a similar decision and I would be the last person to try and advise you. I had been wrestling with this decision for a few months now and was getting nowhere..like yours it is a huge decision to make. I have a good friend who I spoke to about this and she said to me: "listen to your heart" We drew a list of pros and cons and she helped to make the decision to break up now and get it over with. All I will say is that I am incredibly relieved, but worried about being alone again. BUT I know deep down it was not right between us and the things about my partner that irked me now (boring, predictable, narrow minded, dull...) will irk me ten time worse over the years. Just something for you to ponder... Alora Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Alora. I know it's incredibly hard to split-up with someone. You didn't hate him. He didn't really do anything wrong. You guys just dated & learnt that you weren't right for each-other. You did the right thing!!! Isn't that what dating is for? I think 'in the moment' it's completely normal for someone who gets dumped to react badly. It's a shock. It hits your heart & your ego. I don't think that you did anything wrong at all. Hopefully, with a little time & perspective he will realize that you made the best choice for all involved. I hope that you go on to have a great life! Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Of course it's all your fault! You had the guts to speak up and end it.......he's just angry that he has to start doing some thinking for himself now....don't feel bad about this, he probably needs a good look inside himself and you've given him the chance to do it. All the best for your move abroad- have the time of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 If he didn't see it coming he is going to be upset and say hurtful things to defend his own ego. Take them with a grain of salt... Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 People get upset when they get dumped, that's just how it is. Some will cry and beg and plead and make promises to change, others will lash out in anger and blame. Break ups are always hard, especially on the person who is on the receiving end as it not just the end of a relationship or losing a person, it's a rejection that hits a person right at their core. You did the right thing for you and one day your ex may see it as the right thing too, or he might blame you to his dying day. How he deals with this is his choice and it's out of your hands. Link to post Share on other sites
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