Cyn73 Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 So here’s the deal. I’m 42 years old, happily married with 4 kids. I started a new job about a year ago and became quite close friends with a co-worker. She is happily married as well, we are not talking having an affair or anything like that. As we have become closer she has started sharing more and more with me and I now know that she is bisexual and that her and her husband are swingers. I am fascinated by this and am now finding myself strangely attracted to her even though I have never previously had a thought about another woman. I love hearing her stories of her weekend escapades. At our Christmas break-up party we came very very close to kissing thanks to far too much alcohol. She has since told me that she would love to take it further. I can’t stop thinking about it, often picturing in my head about how it would play out if I did say yes. Of course I never would or at the very least if I did it would be with the full knowledge and support of my husband. Even the swinging that they do has me intrigued. It’s not the keys in a bowl party that you often hear about. The way she describes it makes it sound quite exciting. I’m not saying I want to go to one but I am interested in the lifestyle whereas a year ago it was something that I would have dismissed without a thought. I haven’t yet shared any of this with my husband. From previous conversations he absolutely wants me to try it with another woman, something which I have always laughed off. What do I do here? Do I just suppress my emotions and feelings? Moving jobs is out of the question. I could ask her to refrain from discussing it and I’m sure she would oblige… but is that what I really want? I honestly don’t know. Are these feelings even normal or is it a sign that something is wrong at home? I don't believe anything is wrong but I'm not sure these feelings for another person whether it be male or female is healthy. Even then, I'm not even sure if the feelings are actually for her specifically or whether it's just feelings towards the whole bisexual/swinging scenario. I'd love to hear some thoughts on this. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 she sounds like a modern version of Pandora's box....you do not want to open it to see what is inside. UNLESS you talk this over with your wife, and she is ok with you fooling around....you should go way out of your way to avoid her. She is a swinger....she may just want to bed you for fun without incurring any consequences. YOU, however, will have the consequences of a conscience bothering you, and the strong possibility of your wife finding out and having no sense of humor about it. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Steer clear of this one if you want to stay married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cyn73 Posted July 27, 2016 Author Share Posted July 27, 2016 I am the wife. Not sure how you got the idea I was the man. Not that it really makes any difference to the advice, I was just clarifying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cyn73 Posted July 27, 2016 Author Share Posted July 27, 2016 Steer clear of this one if you want to stay married. Yeah, I get that. But do I tell my husband? And I'm not sure I can just turn off these feelings. I know I will never act on them behind my husbands back but that isn't different to them not being there. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 What do I do here? It's simple. As we have become closer she has started sharing more and more with me and I now know that she is bisexual and that her and her husband are swingers. I am fascinated by this and am now finding myself strangely attracted to her even though I have never previously had a thought about another woman. I love hearing her stories of her weekend escapades. At our Christmas break-up party we came very very close to kissing thanks to far too much alcohol. She has since told me that she would love to take it further. I can’t stop thinking about it, often picturing in my head about how it would play out if I did say yes. Of course I never would or at the very least if I did it would be with the full knowledge and support of my husband. You don't put yourself in these situations. You don't drink with, lunch with, exchange personal information with or hang out with someone who's a threat to you marriage. we are not talking having an affair or anything like that. Of course you are, you're having an emotional affair that's dangerously close to becoming physical. And you're hiding it from your husband, another dead giveaway. Two potential paths from here. Either continue down the road to marital trouble or take this opportunity to take stock of your marriage and roll in it. If you invested this emotional energy into your home life, I'd guess you'd be pleasantly surprised at the difference... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Oh man, unless you plan on going through with a threesome with your husband, I wouldn't bring it up. If he gets the idea you are down for one, no doubt he will push it forward asap. What happens when he is banging that other woman and he is fully enjoying everything, how would you feel then? What if his attention is more on her then you, how would that make you feel? You have to think of all sides of this. Every aspect and how it will make you feel. If you are still game, then you can tell him. But you need to discuss everything clearly first hand. And then you both need to really think about how it could ruin your marriage. What are the things that could cause a divorce over this. All the different ways each other's feelings can get too hurt to recover from. Give it time and think of all of it. Then if you are both still game, have at it. But realize all the planning and thinking about it won't guarantee how you will actually feel when it's over. So there is that. I wouldn't tell him honestly, cause well, he will push for it. Perhaps help talk you into something you're not sure about. Unless you are 100% sure you want to try it, don't say anything to him. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 You can write and feel whatever you want, but steer clear of this one if you want to stay married. It's simple, turn you feelings off and get away from the coworker, or go ahead and proceed with the hedonism and see where it takes you. With one you most likely will stay married, and the other most likely not....there is no middle ground. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 This has disaster written all over it. You may not be having a full blown EA or physical affair with this woman, but you are heading in that direction. Let me get this straight: right now, it sounds like you are just interested in having a threesome with her and her husband. Well where does your husband fit in to all this? Is he chopped liver? Why would he not be invited? Or am I understanding this wrong? And like the other poster said, what if you invite your husband and a full swap happens and he and the woman you have feelings for really get it on good and hard? Are you going to be jealous of your husband having hot sex with the woman you are cheating on him with? What if your husband gets left out of the orgy while you and your girlfriend double-team her husband? How would that make him feel, being odd man out? Do you see how crazy this all is? Swinging is only for couples who really have strong marriages and have their acts together and are not looking to hook up on the side with others. IT sounds to me like you want to use such a meetup as a conduit for starting something up on the side with this woman. If you and hubby want to get into the swinging lifestyle, do it with a couple with whom you have no emotional connection. But regardless, you need to dial things way back with this woman before you end up in a full blown affair. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Yeah, I get that. But do I tell my husband? And I'm not sure I can just turn off these feelings. I know I will never act on them behind my husbands back but that isn't different to them not being there. You will if you continue down this path. Trust your husband with your feelings, or you will be posting g in the infidelity section.....which honestly you've already crossed the line. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I'm happily married, but... You know how to finish that sentence. DONT DO IT! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I've learnt in life that there are certain things that you can't undo. You don't forget. You don't stop seeing those 'movies' in your head. Somethings seem a lot more exciting in theory. I don't know what kinds of things you're fantacising about doing. Straight swap? Can you live seeing this woman all the time wondering how your H felt whilst bedding her? Can he cope with the mind moves of you having sexual experiences with a man far more experienced than him? Are you thinking you + OW + your husband? Do you just want to experience sex with this woman? Are you ready to watch her & your husband 'at it'? What if he seems more 'excited' than he does with you? What if he focuses on parts of her body that he doesn't with you? What if you or your H hate it? You've still got to see her! Wouldn't strangers be better? Maybe, just maybe this is just like any other affair? You're strangely attracted to 'this' woman. Do you really want to share her? Do you really want to share your H? Read a lot of stories on this subject. Not just the people who are happily participating but also the 'common' horror stories. A bit of kinky fun & letting your freak flag fly can come back to bite you in the bum...& not in a sexy way!! Be VERY careful is my advise. How strong is your marriage? The fact that this relationship has been building for a while but you haven't communicated in an open way with your H is NOT a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Yeah, I get that. But do I tell my husband? And I'm not sure I can just turn off these feelings. I know I will never act on them behind my husbands back but that isn't different to them not being there. Cyn73 Until you do and regret it. Until you regret not talking to your husband. Until you continue and find yourself doing thing you thought you would not. I think your only why out to to talk to your husband and really let him know what you think and what you want. I wish you luck... Link to post Share on other sites
azlightsout Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 (edited) don't go dancing with the devil .... be happy with what u got at home - some swingers swing just to destroy other people marriages(so many hidden motives) Edited July 28, 2016 by azlightsout Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 why are you not happy with the life you have now? do you really need something more? If your marriage is a car, do you really need another rental or is it a waste of money? Do you really want to trade the car in for a sports car, or is it just the used car salesman is really good? Link to post Share on other sites
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