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How important is sex in the decision of marriage?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 23rd July 2016, 12:07 PM   #1
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How important is sex in the decision of marriage?

My boyfriend and I have always been very open about everything, more than any other relationship I've ever had. For 99% of topics its helped, when it came to sex I'm not so sure...we both agree the sex is great. I'm his 3rd best if you were to somehow gauge it, and he's about the same for me.
I feel that the person you marry should be your best - is this unrealistic? Will he never want to marry because he's feel like he's settling or always looking for the 'perfect' girl....or is this common that your relationship is perfect in every way but 1?


I'm an over thinker by nature, so I'm sometimes not sure if my thoughts are accurate or being dramatic
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Old 23rd July 2016, 12:24 PM   #2
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3rd best? any chance you two could work on the technique...maybe move it up a notch or two?

Sex gets MUCH better with someone you truly love, trust, and care for. So even if the technique is poor, it will seem so much better after you get married.

Just be honest about the TYPES of sex you both expect...do not want some deal breaker problems after you get married when you say "you want me to do WHAT???"
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Old 23rd July 2016, 1:02 PM   #3
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I'm his 3rd best if you were to somehow gauge it, and he's about the same for me.
I feel that the person you marry should be your best - is this unrealistic? Will he never want to marry because he's feel like he's settling or always looking for the 'perfect' girl....or is this common that your relationship is perfect in every way but 1?


I'm an over thinker by nature, so I'm sometimes not sure if my thoughts are accurate or being dramatic

Sex is very important to marriage, but I think it's a mistake to rate a person. People are diverse. What's important with sex in marriage is how giving you both are to each other. Are you willing to give him sexually what he needs, and is he willing to give you sexually what you need? Are y'all in agreement with what those needs are? Will y'all provide fulfillment of that need for each other?

Why in the world are you and your partner rating each other with past lovers???

If my hubby told me I was his "3rd best" he would not be my hubby. My hubby loves me for who I am, and I love him for who he is.
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Old 23rd July 2016, 2:58 PM   #4
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I suppose it's different for everyone. But to me it is critical.

The thing about sex in a loving RL is that it is a direct reflection of your feelings about each other. The more in love you are with someone the better the sex gets.

I married a girl who was virgin and did not care for the sex after a while. We got divorced.
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Old 23rd July 2016, 6:26 PM   #5
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You can't have everything - or expect everything.

Assuming you do rank your lovers, I have heard it said more than once about a partner "he/she was mind blowing in bed - but just not marriage material" or he/she was great but not trustworthy, kind, or caring about me.

I think the key in selecting a marriage is they are near the top (or best) in caring/giving/supporting your needs - in sex, in life, activities , in family, etc. and you feel the same way about them. You put in the effort ....because after marriage you need two people who will do that - for each other.\

I guess what I am saying about sex is that its not import that they be the best in terms of pure experience/equipment/technique but they actually care about your satisfaction and enjoyment and will keep at it with you.
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Old 23rd July 2016, 7:47 PM   #6
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Kinda weird to rank each other. My wife isn't the best I ever had...she's GGG, but she aint a freak like some in the past. She is unique, I couldn't rank her. With that said, sex is very important in a marriage. To us, it's the glue along with communication.

As far as being the best you ever had, I don't think that is nearly as important as keeping each other satisfied with the frequency. Marriages, commonly end up being sexless after the kids arrive, more job stresses, weight gain, drinking, losing respect for one another,etc. IMHO, it is far more important to satisfy the others physical needs. If you could go at it daily, and she is once a week...or vice versa...then a compromise must be made. As far as the deep, loving stare in your each others eyes stuff...well that is good for some, but not necessarily everyone. Sex style and frequency is what works for you.
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Old 23rd July 2016, 8:26 PM   #7
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If he's only had three partners total, then you're dead last! However, for most people, 3rd best is very good - and could get better. Anyway, it would be highly unusual for even your ideal partner to be the best in ALL ways. As long as overall, they're better than anyone else you could have chosen, and there are no areas that are seriously lacking, then you should be happy to have found someone so compatible.
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Old 23rd July 2016, 10:46 PM   #8
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i can't imagine why you two are rating each other against past lovers! I could never do that with my fiance. If he told me I was his 3rd, I'm not sure how our relationship would be faring now Doesn't seem like an appropriate topic in any healthy relationship, and as you can now clearly see, it is affecting you in this way...making you question everything.
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Old 23rd July 2016, 11:34 PM   #9
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Lol yeah the whole third outta how many crossed my mind too.

Ultimately if you're thinking this way you may just not be ready to get married. Marriage is HARD. But it really is about comfort more than anything else. Sex doesn't always get better life doesn't necessarily get easier. But life on average gets more comfortable. For me at least.

I guess to answer your question... Sex is really important to marriage. Without it you have a passionless marriage. .. not fun.
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Old 24th July 2016, 12:20 AM   #10
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Why not just become each other's best?
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Old 24th July 2016, 12:35 AM   #11
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I don't know but I'm hung up on the fact that you both rated each other regarding sex. Have an open honest discussion about sex in general but rating each other especially if you're not #1 seems counter productive and fraught with issues.

Is this really what it's come down to now? Ugh.


To answer your question, the best sex of your life is rarely with the person you settle down with long term.
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Old 24th July 2016, 12:38 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Always.thinking View Post
we both agree the sex is great. I'm his 3rd best if you were to somehow gauge it, and he's about the same for me.
How old are you two that this sort of discussion and debate came up!?!? It honestly sounds like you guys are still teenagers or in your early 20s, at best....

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Originally Posted by Always.thinking View Post
I feel that the person you marry should be your best - is this unrealistic?
Yep.

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Originally Posted by Always.thinking View Post
Will he never want to marry because he's feel like he's settling or always looking for the 'perfect' girl...
Someone striving for the "perfect" partner will always be wanting and looking for The Next Best Thing. No one person can uphold that sort of demand for another.

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Originally Posted by Always.thinking View Post
or is this common that your relationship is perfect in every way but 1?
Or two, or three, or more...

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Originally Posted by Always.thinking View Post
I'm an over thinker by nature, so I'm sometimes not sure if my thoughts are accurate or being dramatic
I believe you are being WAY over-dramatic. And possibly still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. May I ask, is this relationship less than a year old?
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Old 25th July 2016, 1:16 PM   #13
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I'm his 3rd best if you were to somehow gauge it, and he's about the same for me.
Is it like the Olympics where you toss out the lowest and highest scores and average the rest?

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Old 25th July 2016, 3:31 PM   #14
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If the guy has the guts to tell you you're the 3rd best woman he'sever slept with....he's a keeper.
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Old 25th July 2016, 4:30 PM   #15
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Yeah, ideally your spouse should be the best ever lover you've had, but it can't always happen that way. I would worry less about the fact that you're each other's third best lovers, and worry more about if you are having great sex. If you've both been lucky enough to have sexual relationships with other great lovers, then does it matter if there is a slight difference?


If the sex is only ok, then it might be worth considering if you can improve it, or if maybe you guys aren't compatible enough?
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