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Ever since I married. I seem to have really degraded slowly in my mental health.

 

I've lost faith in God, maybe I've started to hate most men, I've struggled with suicide, and I've lost all sense of who I am.

 

Yet I've overcome all of these things. And healed myself.

 

But I feel my spouse is holding me back. He triggers me a lot and fails to realise that dealing with past issues is what needs to be done to help me. I've tried to explain. Writing, talking endlessly, he just does not understand.

 

I've come to the point now. That I just want to go out and destroy myself.

 

I've never slept with anyone other than my husband or had a drink. I used to be such a good person. And all I want to do is go out and destroy myself. Sleep with someone and drink and just say goodbye to God. Because I feel no one is really there.

 

I have no respect for myself left and wish the world wouldn't respect me. I think I would rather that the world hated me.

 

I've only been married 3 years. And it has broken my mind.

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I can't see a doctor helping me. I have healed myself with deit. I can't see drugs helping me.

 

Maybe I need counselling.

 

More importantly I need to be able to cummonicate with my husband without him triggering me. With him realising how he hurt me. And how him not dealing with the past has caused this.

 

That's the real solution.

 

I've given up because - I've tried all avenues with my husband. To fix things.

 

But he's not understanding.

 

I don't even want to divorce or live any more. Or live a good life.

 

I just want to fly off the handle now.

 

I was stable when I entered the marriage.

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HopeForTomorrow
I can't see a doctor helping me. I have healed myself with deit. I can't see drugs helping me.

 

Maybe I need counselling.

 

More importantly I need to be able to cummonicate with my husband without him triggering me. With him realising how he hurt me. And how him not dealing with the past has caused this.

 

That's the real solution.

 

I've given up because - I've tried all avenues with my husband. To fix things.

 

But he's not understanding.

 

I don't even want to divorce or live any more. Or live a good life.

 

I just want to fly off the handle now.

 

I was stable when I entered the marriage.

 

No offense, but it doesn't sound like you have healed yourself with diet.

 

Most people, when they are clinically depressed (it's a medical condition that is treatable, by the way) can't and don't recognize that anything can help them, including medications. I have been on both sides of that coin, both as a patient with depression and as a physician. The only way you can know is to see a doctor and get assessed and treated if necessary. If that's what is going on, you may be amazed at the difference it makes.

 

It sounds like you need to make changes in your marriage. Definitely see a counselor, who can help you see that even if you need to move on from your marriage, it's not worth checking out of life - either figuratively or literally. If there is nothing you can do to fix things, then maybe it is time to move on. Best of luck to you.

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privategal

Get help right away.

You are in alot of pain clearly.

You dont have to divorce but are you able to seperate and find some quiet and get your self together?

Its ok no judgement at all.

You just need some help.

Please seek a counselor immediately.

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None taken.

 

I have been severely depressed. And I did heal it all with diet :)

 

I can be a very happy and stable person for long periods of times. And was so for quite a while before my marriage.

 

However it all comes undone, all of my stability, when the real problems in my life don't change.

 

Feeling suicidal, literally, metaphorically, or just wanting to destroy my life, for me, personally in my case, is a way to fix something I can no longer bear.

 

I can't change my husband. I've asked for his help. It isn't coming anytime soon.

 

It really lowers your sense of being when a person close to you just can't hear you. I suspect it is because of his gender. But I've tried all the healthy ways. I read endlessly about how to talk to a man, frankly lost respect for him, and for myself for the endless repeating I've done. Makes you feel worthless.

 

And I've been feeling worthless for way too long. No wonder I feel suicidal etc.

 

Makes perfect emotional mathematical sense to me. Thanks for your advice. And I hope tiu understand me.

 

But drugs isn't going to solve anything for me. Because a lack of drugs isn't causing my problem.

 

No offense, but it doesn't sound like you have healed yourself with diet.

 

Most people, when they are clinically depressed (it's a medical condition that is treatable, by the way) can't and don't recognize that anything can help them, including medications. I have been on both sides of that coin, both as a patient with depression and as a physician. The only way you can know is to see a doctor and get assessed and treated if necessary. If that's what is going on, you may be amazed at the difference it makes.

 

It sounds like you need to make changes in your marriage. Definitely see a counselor, who can help you see that even if you need to move on from your marriage, it's not worth checking out of life - either figuratively or literally. If there is nothing you can do to fix things, then maybe it is time to move on. Best of luck to you.

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Reading this recent thread, it sounds like this has been going on for awhile and you're struggling with healthy boundaries in your marriage.

 

IMO, if you feel stuck, and especially if you're losing the will to move forward and desire a quantum change in your behavior set as therapeutic, I'll echo the suggestion for requesting help from a professional. They have the tools to help, presuming you want things to change within yourself and also within your marriage.

 

I'd start with self because we all have self until we're dead and self is our mission in life. Then, engage your spouse because it sounds like your spouse has their responsibilities as well in this milieu.

 

As first steps, even before engaging a psychological professional, if you haven't had a full physical recently, schedule one with your doctor. The mind and the body are one and each influences the other and issues with either can affect both. A doctor can rule in, or rule out, medical issues and then you can move forward from there.

 

I went through something similar while caregiving, feeling worthless and trending to psychotic myself, and the attendant effects on the M, and found the counseling, and getting checked out by the doc, to help tremendously. Along with posting here, those choices probably saved my life. Up to you. You're in charge. Where do you want to go?

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Get help right away.

You are in alot of pain clearly.

You dont have to divorce but are you able to seperate and find some quiet and get your self together?

Its ok no judgement at all.

You just need some help.

Please seek a counselor immediately.

 

I agree. I am in too much pain. It's unbearable. And it's been going on for a while.

 

I keep having breakdowns, keep asking for help, keep informing my husband the past needs to be dealt with, keep telling him how to help me, directed him, spelt it out, asked for presents, or just askes for him to talk about it, anything anything really, in the end if the effort doesn't come from him it really is pointless. He's too slow, or just says yea and never talks about it or he's busy doing something else. My morale is dead.

 

I am paying serious thought to a seperation. Even a divorce really doesn't phase me.

 

Its best for everyone.

 

Thank you.

 

I will find a counselor also.

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I've had the physical.

 

I am pretty sure my mental craziness is a direct result of the dynamic that exists in my marriage.

 

I see my problem as light as day. But its hard telling the person who hurt you, to help fix you.

 

They are busy protecting themselves and are unable to deal with your crazy at the same time

 

And anyone else could be avoided. But to a spouse you still must go home. There's no escape. So it is like going back to your torture cell. Getting triggered left right and center.

 

With a perfect spouse who has no idea what's going on, thinks the past is the past. And doesn't have to talk about it all, acknoledge it or address it until his wife breakdowns out of nowhere.

 

My husband is a good man. But he's a man with his ears closed. He has created this horrible dynamic because of some real huge rug sweeping.

 

It's a very lonely world. A really lonely painful one.

 

Sometimes I think I'd be better off alone. Or better of dead. Because this marriage has honestly ripped my soul to shreds.

 

Reading this recent thread, it sounds like this has been going on for awhile and you're struggling with healthy boundaries in your marriage.

 

IMO, if you feel stuck, and especially if you're losing the will to move forward and desire a quantum change in your behavior set as therapeutic, I'll echo the suggestion for requesting help from a professional. They have the tools to help, presuming you want things to change within yourself and also within your marriage.

 

I'd start with self because we all have self until we're dead and self is our mission in life. Then, engage your spouse because it sounds like your spouse has their responsibilities as well in this milieu.

 

As first steps, even before engaging a psychological professional, if you haven't had a full physical recently, schedule one with your doctor. The mind and the body are one and each influences the other and issues with either can affect both. A doctor can rule in, or rule out, medical issues and then you can move forward from there.

 

I went through something similar while caregiving, feeling worthless and trending to psychotic myself, and the attendant effects on the M, and found the counseling, and getting checked out by the doc, to help tremendously. Along with posting here, those choices probably saved my life. Up to you. You're in charge. Where do you want to go?

Edited by Keats
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I've let my husband know how I feel. I consistently do anyway.

 

I haven't been afraid to let him know any of the sordid warning signs. Though to him they haven't been alarming :( which honestly makes me feel more worthless.

 

I told him to let me know if he wants to try counselling or engage a third party to help us communicate better. I told him I'm willing to try this.

 

He said he'd rather fix things with me, that it isn't worth taking days off work to visit an expensive counsellor.

 

While I agree, I resent his lazy approach. And instead of getting upset like I always do. And feeling like I'm the only one making any effort. I just feel separation would be better.

 

Besides his fixing things when we patently and consistently can't communicate or hear each other, particularly him hearing me since I'm the one with the issues, means I no longer want to engage in his communication torture. He just doesn't get it. Is anyone else getting this? Please tell me you do :(

 

I did a quick search for counselling in my area, some are free, some are costly, but honestly not that costly! And alot cater for the working crowd. You could even have a phone, email, skype consultation. So no need to skip work. Im pretty sure evenings can be done or weekends. No need to break the bank, as some free ones have better reviews than the paid ones. And could happily leave my baby girl with grandma. They get on really well.

 

I am thinking to not bother anymore to fix this relationship. I've tried hard, and my lazy husband won't wake up.

 

I'll probably just do the counselling for myself to fix myself. It might help strengthen me.

 

All I really need is some serious space from this man that's coasting along. That can't even be asked to check his options. Dismissive ******. Ugh.

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Once upon a time I would have told him actually counselling isn't expensive, could be free, you won't need to skip work.

 

But I can't be bothered anymore. My mind feels battered honestly. I don't want to any longer fix a marriage that frankly hurts me. It hurts so bad that he can't be bothered to research the prices and weather orgs would cater to people who work.

 

He'll just say no. Then recommend the one method which he already knows will hurt me. But that spells to me that he doesn't really know or understand what's happening.

 

He doesn't show initiative, isn't proactive. Doesn't have a clue.

 

I've tried to help him. I've helped myself. I've overcome so much pain and hardship. I've managed to love him always.

 

But he never changes. He never adapts. He hasn't given up anything. And I've certainly not hurt him the way he's hurt me.

 

I even told him. Many times. If I have your support I can overcome anything and have.

 

But we've never really been able to communicate about anything basic.

 

Talking about everyday things is painful. I feel ignored.

 

It's time for me to move on :(

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wmacbride

I read this thread, and the other two you have started.

 

i mean no offense by this but you claim that you have cured yourself through diet. Basing my opinion on what you write in this thread, you have not cured yourself of anything. You still sound very fragile, and you need real professional help.

 

You first step should be to see a doctor. Stop circling round and round but not going anywhere, and stop blaming your husband for being where you are in your mind and in your life.

 

What I mean by that is that you need to get help for yourself, and you have clearly shown, by indicating that you have found online counselors, counselors who will help you for free, etc. You know these resources exist, and you do not need your husband's permission to access them.

 

Depression can be a very cruel thing, and it sounds like you have exhausted your personal resources when it comes to coping with it. It's time to call in professional help. Please start with seeing a doctor. explain to them how you have been feeling and ask for a referral to a mental health care professional. Many areas have community based mental health teams, both to call in a crisis and also to call when you need help but don't know where to turn.

 

Your husband is who he is. It sounds like he needs some kindness and understanding, but keep in mind that he can not make your mental health better. You have to do that for yourself.saying "if my H did x, y or z all would be well" is simply not realistic. I'm not saying that to be unkind, but if you want a chnage in your life, the only one who can make that happen is you.

 

 

Btw, if you have a child or children, for their sake, you need to stop circling and seek professional help for yourself. Right now, that should be your first priority, helping yourself. You can worry about changing your husband's behavior later on, once you have reached a more stable place and you feel stronger.

 

One more thing, while going online to seek assistance from different websites, etc. can be a good first step, actually talking to someone yourself can make a world of difference. Your doctor will be bale to set you up with the resources you need. Please, call him or her as soon as you can, and when you see them, explain everything that has been going on.

Edited by wmacbride
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Yes I need to help myself.

 

But there's no point if I have to go back and live with my husband.

 

Because although you may not believe that I have fixed myself through deit and other avenues, eventually I still had to go back to my husband who kept on bringing the pain.

 

That's what your missing :) which I'm trying to explain. No one should have to live with someone who makes them chronically unhappy.

 

I could get excellent counselling and excellent help. I've been to the docs before and talked about my options. It makes no use.

 

I'd still have to come back and live a husband who can the potential to hurt me very deeply.

 

I just need to separate from my husband.

 

When he goes to work I am normal. When he's back, it's terrible.

 

One thing I won't do is take drugs at all. Counselling seems like a good option.

 

The doc's here don't offer any help other than drugs and counselling.

 

But omg it would be so nice to hear someone say that they get me rather than refer me. I guess I feel deeply deeply invalidated. And feel very unaccepted at heart. It should frea anyone out that I would want to commit suicide. It's just a desperate solution to end a whole load of pain.

 

Anyone out there who gets me?

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I recall dealing with a bit of this in MC when my exW brought up depression and the psychologist did an evaluation and concluded that there were signs and that, on total, his opinion was that it was situational, meaning not organic, mainly due to caregiving. I figured out later that caregiving for a psychotic if one is sensistive to that stuff, beyond the norm, is quite unhealthy. Once the patient went into a locked facility, as the psychologist suggested, the moods and thought processes changed.

 

Perhaps you are better off alone. Nothing wrong with that. In a sense, we're all alone anyway. If this current marriage is dragging you down and taking your will and desire to live away, that's a pretty strong sign that it needs addressing.

 

Having dealt with severe mental illness with a professional team, what I took away from the process was how they slowly peeled back all the layers, examining each potential and ruling it in or out, until the likely diagnosis was what remained. That took time and a whole bunch of really smart people. Still, the process is sound, that of examination and inclusion or elimination.

 

If seeking talk therapy, interview prospective psychologists and get their opinion on brain medications and choose one who matches up well. Listen to all, though, because sometimes, even in challenging comments, there are kernels of wisdom which can lead to health. The important thing is getting started.

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wmacbride
Yes I need to help myself.

 

But there's no point if I have to go back and live with my husband.

 

Because although you may not believe that I have fixed myself through deit and other avenues, eventually I still had to go back to my husband who kept on bringing the pain.

 

That's what your missing :) which I'm trying to explain. No one should have to live with someone who makes them chronically unhappy.

 

I could get excellent counselling and excellent help. I've been to the docs before and talked about my options. It makes no use.

 

I'd still have to come back and live a husband who can the potential to hurt me very deeply.

 

I just need to separate from my husband.

 

When he goes to work I am normal. When he's back, it's terrible.

 

One thing I won't do is take drugs at all. Counselling seems like a good option.

 

The doc's here don't offer any help other than drugs and counselling.

 

But omg it would be so nice to hear someone say that they get me rather than refer me. I guess I feel deeply deeply invalidated. And feel very unaccepted at heart. It should frea anyone out that I would want to commit suicide. It's just a desperate solution to end a whole load of pain.

 

Anyone out there who gets me?

 

If you are that unhappy, then it's probably best for you to go.

If you have children, and from what I understand, you do, it is not doing your children any favors to keep them in an environment where their mom is miserable.

 

btw, I don't want to sound to hard on you, but you have alternatives here. Going around in circles is just going to drag you down even further. What do you feel is the best way forward?

 

Can you start with seeking an initial appointment with a lawyer so that you will know what your rights and obligations are should you decide divorce is a good idea for you? At least that way, you can begin to make a plan. Sometimes just having a plan can give you an anchor and something to work towards.

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d0nnivain

What exactly is it that your husband is doing or not doing? You mention triggers and you mention needing to deal with the past to move forward but I have now read this thread a few times and still can't figure out what you are trying to say. You also say you have repeatedly communicated with your husband about the problem but he may be having the same problem I am. Are you sure he understands what your issues are because I don't.

 

 

You say you want to be a bad person. You say you are suicidal. You also say you healed yourself, you won't take drugs but you want to drink.

 

 

If you have suicidal thoughts, you need to address them. They can't be resolved through diet alone. You most likely need talk therapy but individual counseling and possibly marital counseling. I worry that you haven't give your husband a fair chance using professional help. He may not know how to help you. Don't throw away a marriage until you have really worked to keep it together. If he is unwilling to put in the effort that is one thing. You certainly can't hold it together alone.

 

 

I'm not advocating pharmacology; heaven knows all those happy pills either made me sicker or stoned. They certainly didn't fix the problem.

 

 

But seriously consider finding a mental health professional to talk to. It does help.

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ChickiePops
None taken.

 

I have been severely depressed. And I did heal it all with diet :)

 

I can be a very happy and stable person for long periods of times. And was so for quite a while before my marriage.

 

However it all comes undone, all of my stability, when the real problems in my life don't change.

 

Feeling suicidal, literally, metaphorically, or just wanting to destroy my life, for me, personally in my case, is a way to fix something I can no longer bear.

 

I can't change my husband. I've asked for his help. It isn't coming anytime soon.

 

It really lowers your sense of being when a person close to you just can't hear you. I suspect it is because of his gender. But I've tried all the healthy ways. I read endlessly about how to talk to a man, frankly lost respect for him, and for myself for the endless repeating I've done. Makes you feel worthless.

 

And I've been feeling worthless for way too long. No wonder I feel suicidal etc.

 

Makes perfect emotional mathematical sense to me. Thanks for your advice. And I hope tiu understand me.

 

But drugs isn't going to solve anything for me. Because a lack of drugs isn't causing my problem.

 

Are you a Christian scientist?

 

Depression is an illness caused by too large or too small amounts of chemicals in your brain. There is medication that helps to regulate your body's production of these chemicals, which is why it helps.

 

Your husband cannot help you..it has nothing to do with his gender, it has to do with your very severe clinical depression. But if you're this unhappy with him you should leave.

 

You desperately need help from a doctor and I hope you will find one.

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OP, any self-medication going on? By that I mean treating yourself with substances or activities outside of your usual routine and relevant to your specific feelings of the moment?

 

As an example, not relevant to you, a sudden interest in or excessive use of alcohol would be a self-medication.

 

People often try, without realizing why, different things they have control over in everyday life to medicate themselves, to balance the brain or hormones or whatever the organic issue is. A doctor who is aware of the psych challenges can test organically, focusing on what they know of brain chemistry and the brain's interaction with the body. However, if they're not disclosed, they simply do a routine physical and those signs may go untested or overlooked.

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Thank you for the replies. Ok more details..

 

I am very self aware. From the first instance that I felt my.husband was stepping all over my face in the marriage, just one for example and they are little things, many of them over the years, for example: telling me that I shouldn't talk about my passion in the marriage while he's around. Ok, I did that. I don't talk about my passion anymore. Never have. Why did he say that? Because I don't know it was a very charged argument, very early in the marriage and I was deeply hurt and alone just moved. For example again, I was told that I shouldn't engage in my hobby after he comes back from work. Not even a 1 hour activity. And some calla from colleuges I volunteer with. I did that too, stopped eventually what I was doing. It was always very tense argumentative. Where I spent considerable time trying to explain to him these are normal things for a woman to do. They are healthy things they shouldn't be a threat to us and time spent together. He has no hobbies. Its only an hour God dam husband its only a freaking hour! I knew from the very first moment that he stepped on my face, that I would be heading down a road of mental decline. I've been keeping tabs on myself. And I just knew in a few years time, I'll be wanting to kill myself. It's not a chemical imbalance for me it is a simple case of emotional circumstantial mathematics. And I've been I feel doing everything to make myself not follow the book. I'm a creative person I'll find solutions to anything and not even the mainstream way.

 

I can forgive and many times I have. Ive been a ping pong in this marriage. Happy as a cat. And then just awfully depresses because hes triggered me.

 

What is the real problem now is that, I've always asked him to address these issues, and help me feel comfortable in the marriage. Perhaps my fault has been to be a bad communicator. But honestly I have always started of all my talks in a simple way. But everything he says is hurtful and so insensitive. Also saying one thing like I understand then saying something else that would make me belive he doesnt understand. Now his communication is awful, maybe becaue hes a man or im a woman but ive made so much effort to read up on how to communicate with men. His way of making me feel comfortable was to just tersely say in what sadly always turned into an argument - ok you can do that, you can do whatever you want. Which honestly doesn't take any pain away :( it didn't help me. I just felt dismissed when I already felt dismissed.

 

It also hurt that he for so long denied ever saying these things, or that he meant something elae. Basically it must all be in my head. But honestly I know telling someone that you don't want to hear their passion being talked about in their presence and no hobbies allowed when they are around means that deep down they don't really like or love or accept you. It makes you feel alienated.

 

It also upset me a lot that when I informed my husband to that these things hurt me, he always spent considerable time explaining and justifying himself away. While in my head I was left gobsmacked and truly pissed and frustrated that there's is no amount of explanation that would justify such requests, sating so means what you did wasn't wrong, there's simply no apology, and I would and have wasted so much time peacefully trying to explain to a man why something isn't wrong. Gosh. I made so much effort to use so many different examples. I gave him chance after chnace.

 

After wasting a year plus doing this dance, he finally realised he's in the wrong because I was getting no better, and my frustration and pain kept escalating and the resentment building, even after I warned him, he realises he has to face a few things. I only told him maybe a week ago that I give a monthly £5 sponsorship to the passion I believe in that he alienated me from. After three years I had the guts to share this. And I only did it out of utter sadness saying that this shouldn't be the way marriage is. Yet he hasn't picked up on that. Never mentioned it again. Given me a hug or said sorry. Once words are out my mouth they are fine and I feel I'm talking to a wall.

 

Basically I've talked myself out. Tried fixing the problem out. I'm left empty and feeling worthless. It's come to a point where I feel physical pain when verbally talking to him.about my problems. I know I'll be ignored. I just made a list of issues to talk to him about that upset me, basically the same things that have always hurt for the past the years. I thought I'd send a text to him saying ok I'm willing to talk. But as long as you don't trigger me please. And I was going to explain all my triggers. But I felt a massive surge of anxiety, wanting to just cry and fearing rejection so badly again, that I just felt more comfy with the idea of not sharing. I also feel I have explained it all before. And don't want to make myself feel anymore worthless.

 

On top of that, I have spent another half year or so asking him to broach this topic, before I have a mental breakdown, because surely talking then will be better and it will show me that he really cares to fix things. Honestly this would have made me feel so cared for. He said he would. And he never ever did. And just kept on talking about it when I had a mental breakdown. It takes a lot of work loving someone and trying to hide from yourself deep down that maybe they don't love you because of things said left unaddressed.

 

I also feel he alienated me from my family. And also tried to alienate our child from my life. But I've given a few examples already.

 

It's come to the stage now where I have to tell him to do something specifically. Then he'll forget he'll argue and blame me and I'll have to say quite clearly say this everyday. And then hell say it but it won't go beyond that. And this is fairly recently this week. Where I just feel having tell someone to say something specifically on a daily basis makes me feel even more worthless and unloved. And knowing my husband won't bother going beyond that one sentence to make conversation for me hurts like anything.

 

I want his understanding more than anything not for him to be my dog.

 

The sincere apologies and amazing texts only from him are now rolling in 3 years late. But they are too late. I have too much indifference, lack of faith, trust.

 

Maybe I want to just sleep with someone because I feel like nothing but a peice of ass and so may as well become one. I also want to just go off the rails and drink and do whatever because it's better than actually committing suicide. Or less painful. But of course these are my sentiments I say but will never do. I have a terrible low self esteem now. Why shouldn't I, I'm pissed off with a mans privileged life, I'm pissed off with God, I'm pissed off with everything. I sacrifices everything for this man. And he didn't even have the wherewithal to understated me.

 

I do feel a separation is my beat option. It elimates all my mental health issues almost on the dot. Sure I'll cry at marital demise but it won't be the kind of crippling crying I've done while in the marriage.

 

Of course now he let's me do anything. He constantly says I can do whatever. But he won't address what be said in the first place that caused me to basically stab myself in the heart. He doesn't know how. I've told him how and it doesn't get through. Yea I guess hes just he. I didnt intend to set out and change him at all.

 

Even now I see hope. I can easily fix this marriage. But I can't face the pain of his communication.

 

It is painful. I've given up.

 

He was an amazing husband though. He thought he'd be an amazing husband instead of addressing issues. And the rug sweeping has really done a job on me.

 

He's confused, wanting to fix things, and says he will do what he needs to now.

 

But I have a physical, mental aversion towards him. He can't address the past there's no way in hell in can fix anything else. So I have to stop kidding myself. And just leave.

Edited by Keats
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GorillaTheater

Maybe I want to just sleep with someone because I feel like nothing but a peice of ass and so may as well become one. I also want to just go off the rails and drink and do whatever because it's better than actually committing suicide. Or less painful. But of course these are my sentiments I say but will never do. I have a terrible low self esteem now. Why shouldn't I, I'm pissed off with a mans privileged life, I'm pissed off with God, I'm pissed off with everything.

 

 

I get self-destructive tendencies, trust me. But also trust me when I say that acting on those tendencies will only bring you more pain and no gain. You already have enough pain in your life. What I suggest you do is start making some changes in your life, starting with counseling.

 

 

 

 

But I have a physical, mental aversion towards him. He can't address the past there's no way in hell in can fix anything else. So I have to stop kidding myself. And just leave.

 

 

That sounds like another valid change, based on what you've shared.

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I'm not self medicating.

 

A good diet will really help promote mental health folks.

 

For example, if your a woman and have been through labour, using gas and air can knock you're b12 supply out, it causes depression, cod liver oil was like happy crack to me. Not having it for two days made me very depressed. And so many other vital things we can consume to help ourselves. Exercise etc social stuff, faitj family hobbies blah blah.

 

No offense to all the people who suffer from real mental health issues that need real medication. Not saying you fail on diet at all. I am just saying I am not one of these people.

 

I'll try counseling.

 

I'll try separation.

 

The awful marriage dynamic has taught me to become indifferent to my husband.

 

And it makes me cry so much that I've been pushed here. I feel it is irreversible and feel it's so unfair.

 

I can't let the past go. I need his help. But time has gone now. Things have cemented.

Because he's terrible at listening and terrible at communicating.

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Thank you.

 

I know. Every time I want to kill myself I only do so when I am crying and wracked with internal pain. Suicide is an immediate eacape.. It's so unbearable.

 

Also feel like the sentiment of wanting to sleep wirth anyone is self destructive but also showcases how badly out of love I am with my husband. Like a fall from grace.

 

I've always managed to love him. Even told him a few months ago. And many times before. The more this drags on the more my feelings will be lost. And then we will have no chance whatsoever. I've done a lot to not make myself get this far.

 

But all love is gone now. How is it that I'm still crying my face off at the tragedy of it all. I really loved him and feel we lost a good marriage all because he was too lax in hearing. I don't know. Maybe he's broken. Maybe I broke him too. But I didn't control him like he's controlled and confined me.

 

He took personal issue with my passion and used that as a wedge between us. Accepting me yet rejecting me. And he always refused to talk about it.

 

I get self-destructive tendencies, trust me. But also trust me when I say that acting on those tendencies will only bring you more pain and no gain. You already have enough pain in your life. What I suggest you do is start making some changes in your life, starting with counseling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That sounds like another valid change, based on what you've shared.

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Girlfromcali

Well you can't just decide you'll become bad, you have to be born bad like me ;)

 

No, but seriously, that sounds so painful that you're not allowed to talk about your passion, or participate in things you love!

 

I can't even imagine how difficult that would be.

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ChickiePops

So..you're contemplating suicide and you don't think you're mentally ill...?

 

Mentally healthy people do not contemplate suocide. Again..please see a doctor. Immediately.

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