Question About Involvement in Spouses Business

[SomethingToSay]

My H and I have been married about 6 months, together 3 years before that (living together 2 of those). We both have good jobs. He also has a side income stream from a vacation rental property he owned before we met. It does provide a good bit of income each year. However, it drives me CRAZY how he runs it. Mainly:

 

 

1) He spends money on things I don't think it needs, then neglects things that I do think it needs. His emotional attachment to this property cloud his judgment about the best way to re-invest money in it IMO.

 

 

2) He gets deposit checks from renters and holds on to them for 2-3 MONTHS before cashing them (rude IMO).

 

 

3) he never knows exactly how much it is making. To me it is very easy - one spreadsheet of costs and expenses, press the summation button and there you have it! But he never does that.

 

 

It should also be noted I gave him close to $10K about 2 years ago to pay off a mortgage on the property, so I do have an vested interested in it, in addition to just being a spouse and wanting it to be successful. He is very good at keeping it booked throughout the year and doing work/repairs needed but it just drives me crazy the way he handles the business/financial side I guess.

 

 

So my question is.... do I have a say in this? I mean I certainly wouldn't expect him to come to my office job and tell me how to do it. But at the same time, its our financial interests at stake, and I gave him money for the mortgage, AND I have to live/be around all the paperwork, floating loose checks around the house, emails from renters pissed off about this and that.

 

 

I just need some guidance, and yes Ive communicated with him about this and he tends to always agree with me about keeping better records, etc but nothing ever changes.

 

 

Do I stay out of it or try to get him to run it the way I feel it should. I don't want to be controlling but at the same time I really do think Im right about all these things!

[carhill]

What does your accountant or tax preparer have to say about the record-keeping issue?

 

Custom varies but I generally have also held good-faith deposits on rentals and real estate I'm selling until executed, meaning the rental or a cancellation occurs or a sale goes into escrow. Example: I have a rental up for sale, no agent involved. I accept a five grand good faith deposit and consideration on offer receipt. The deposit remains uncashed while the offer is negotiated and it is, if minds meet, deposited into escrow when we open. I've held such checks for a month or two while negotiations proceed and, of course, returned them if minds don't meet and no damages occur.

 

I think it's reasonable that you have a valued opinion on the rental property because one, you're married and, two, you've made material contributions to the property, both financially and otherwise.

[d0nnivain]

Talk to him about how you can help him. Make it like you are doing him the favor of taking over the day to day, creating a spread sheet & depositing the money. Hopefully if you pitch this correctly he'll see it as you helping, even though it's really you fixing it. Don't criticize what he did; just show how you will make his life easier.

[SomethingToSay]

carhill these are mostly non refundable deposits. Theres been several times people have emailed "did you get my check? Its been months and it hasn't cleared". One he held onto so long the account got closed. He is very defensive about it. And I find them all over the house -- in a nightstand, with the mail, in the desk. Like theres no organization and it just drives me mad b/c its so reckless and rude!

 

 

Guess its just one of those things that grates on my nerves, but if I say something he gets really defensive about it. If he were to give me some logical explanation (like you did Carhill) Id be like oh okay I see.

[carhill]

Yeah, when I owned a number of high value Marriott timeshares I'd also take non-refundable deposits and hold them until final payment was made, sometimes months later, since these particular units were often rented months in advance of actual stay. Each contract, check, and any communications went into a file with that unit. Later, when more people started using credit cards, that ended for those customers. Perhaps that's the curse of having a CPA (accountant) for a father, IDK.

 

On the rare occasion that an account was closed, the client can easily provide a replacement check from their new account or via other funds. Since they don't get use until paid in full, it's not like they can cheat.

 

If your H has always been 'whatever' about such matters, well, that's who he is and I doubt any changes at a basic level will occur. Of course, you can always offer your opinion and even go as far as to take over accounting or hire a property manager. Sure he might not like it but what is he going to do, divorce you? Heh. That's how partnerships go sometimes, pushing boundaries. Up to you.

[SomethingToSay]

I guess what I am trying to figure out is why it bothers me so much. The check thing that is. I mean the other stuff -- we just disagree on in terms of what improvements should be made, and that's bound to happen with any couple I think. And the lack of a spreadsheet or an accounting I think is something he will work on. but the check thing DRIVES ME NUTS. Im doing some digging inside myself to figure out why?? I know back when I was young and living check to check, I used to hate when people held onto stuff b/c Id get my balance, assume it had cleared, and surprise it hadn't. I guess it just seems rude to me somehow? But obviously its striking a much deeper cord in me for some reason

[Davey L]

My advice is not to be too pushy but just offer to help with paperwork and admin, then expand your involvement gradually from there.

 

If you go stomping in all over what he sees as his business, elbowing him aside and taking over what he probably sees as his domain he will feel emasculated and become resentful of you.

 

Gently does it - you want to be seen as helping, not criticising and taking over.

[rainbowsandkittens]

What about hiring a property manager? That way neither of you are doing it and their won't be the defensiveness or hard feelings on either side. It will cost something but it may be worth it to create more peace around the situation.

[dreamingoftigers]

I guess what I am trying to figure out is why it bothers me so much. The check thing that is. I mean the other stuff -- we just disagree on in terms of what improvements should be made, and that's bound to happen with any couple I think. And the lack of a spreadsheet or an accounting I think is something he will work on. but the check thing DRIVES ME NUTS. Im doing some digging inside myself to figure out why?? I know back when I was young and living check to check, I used to hate when people held onto stuff b/c Id get my balance, assume it had cleared, and surprise it hadn't. I guess it just seems rude to me somehow? But obviously its striking a much deeper cord in me for some reason

 

It drives you nuts because it's inefficiejtbahd you know other, more organized people are sitting there wondering WTF happened to their cheque.....

 

It would drive me nuts too.

 

My husband has ADHD, I've been pretty cool with "stuff that drives me nuts" for awhile now. I've learned to expect him to get it done when it's about 2.5 as long as I would expect something to get done. But in the meantime, we have fun with the 2000 distractions he comes up with.

 

Partnerships can be trying sometimes.

[SomethingToSay]

Yeah my H is ADD too. Its definitely a challenge. I know plenty of people who claim they ADD but really are just enjoying the speed each day. H legit is.

[Lois_Griffin]

If you go stomping in all over what he sees as his business, elbowing him aside and taking over what he probably sees as his domain he will feel emasculated and become resentful of you.

Hmmmm.

 

Odd.

 

He sure didn't feel emasculated when she handed him $10,000 to PAY OFF a mortgage on HIS income property.

 

He's a sloppy, irresponsible bookkeeper. Been there, done that.

 

Get a phone app for his bank. Checks are easy to deposit now - simply run the app/deposit feature, take pics of the front and back of the checks, and they're deposited. It gets NO easier than that.

Edited April 27, 2016 by Lois_Griffin

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah my H is ADD too. Its definitely a challenge. I know plenty of people who claim they ADD but really are just enjoying the speed each day. H legit is.

 

Myself, daughter and H have all been diagnosed.

 

The "daily speed" didn't work so well for my H and now he's on a non-stim. He has actually gained a lot of weight from it, but can get more done without getting agitated etc. There doesn't seem to be a "perfect solution."

 

I get by with one dose of dexedrine (cheap pills, yay). But I can't take it while pregnant. I don't seem to have the same degree of issues that H has and my daughter seems to have a much shorter attention span as well. But she's also pretty able to pick up on things, so it's interesting to play around with what strategies work with her.

 

When you said about the cheques being all over the place etc. I totally thought, "oh that's familiar." LMAO.