Waking hours

[DanielOuteiro]

Hello. I'm in a relationship for one year and a half now. We both live in different cities, but we spend all the weekends together and sometimes my girlfriend comes for the week (and weekend). I work 9-5 everyday of the week and my question is the following.

 

 

 

 

Every Weekend morning, the only days I have to sleep until late, my girlfriend does this: she wakes up early (7/8) and starts trying to wake me up saying that she cannot sleep anymore. I ask her to let me sleep until late. She let me sleep, 15 minutes more and try to wake me once more. In that process, I get a little grumpy and wake up with a bad mood. Once she takes me out of bed she starts trying to do everything right away, clean this, do that, change this from here to that. I get really annoyed, as I ask her every time this whole process happens that I wish I could have sleep one hour long and that I'm a slow person waking up, so I prefer to do all the things after I'm fully awake and with a better mood. We've talked about it more than once but her way of waking me is always the same, no matter what a tell her or the way I tell her.

 

 

 

 

What should we do?

[loveboid]

You should go to bed earlier. What time do you each fall asleep? You are probably sleep deprived. You need more sleep.

 

Studies on circadian clock show people tend to naturally fall asleep at sunset and wake on sunrise.

 

Turn off all of your lights at sunset, especially digital devices. Light keeps people awake since it simulates sunlight.

 

This situation is probably a good thing. The girlfriend waking you up could be a symptom of the real underlying problem of sleep deprivation, and not the problem itself.

[Lois_Griffin]

Your girlfriend is extremely selfish and disrespectful.

 

My brother works 6 days a week and prefers to sleep very late on his one day off. That's HIS choice, and his wife respects that.

 

I'd be telling her she either RESPECTS your request to sleep in late, or she can sleep at her own place on the weekends.

 

I get up at 4:30 every morning and have for 20 years. It's MY preference. But I certainly don't get up at the crack of dawn and then start trying to force my husband to get up with me. How utterly childish and selfish.

[ExpatInItaly]

Tell her to bring a book or something to entertain herself with until you have had enough sleep. I would be extremely irritated by behaviour like that too.

 

If she continues, she needs to find a different place to sleep.

[ASG]

You should go to bed earlier. What time do you each fall asleep? You are probably sleep deprived. You need more sleep.

 

Studies on circadian clock show people tend to naturally fall asleep at sunset and wake on sunrise.

 

Turn off all of your lights at sunset, especially digital devices. Light keeps people awake since it simulates sunlight.

 

This situation is probably a good thing. The girlfriend waking you up could be a symptom of the real underlying problem of sleep deprivation, and not the problem itself.

 

Actually, studies on circadian clock show that some people are morning people, and others are not. And that no matter how much you try to change your own rhythm, it's nigh on impossible.

 

OP, I'd be really annoyed as well. She can read a book or go to the living room to watch tv or whatever. She needs to leave you alone to sleep until whenever it is you need to sleep until.

[Arieswoman]

DanielOuteiro,

Some people are "owls" some people are "larks" and you aren't gong to change this.

 

I am a "lark".

In UK we now have daybreak at about 5.10 am. I am awake at about 5.15.

I get up at about 5.45. and quietly make a cup of tea, watch breakfast TV, put the dishwasher/washing machine on and then make my own breakfast. I also catch up with paperwork for the business, send e-mails etc.

 

Hubby can sleep in for as long as he wants as he is an "owl" who hates mornings.

 

However, if hubby wants to stay out late, watching a band at the local pub and coming in at midnight, then I sleep in the spare room. Then no-one is disturbing anyone

 

I may well go to bed at 9.00.pm to make suer I get enough sleep. I've tried "blackout" curtain linings but I still wake early.

 

My first husband was an "owl" as well.

 

It all comes down to mutual respect for others preferences.

[d0nnivain]

Your GF is kind of mean. How dare she wake you up in your house & start demanding that you clean or that you wake up & clean her house?

 

 

Next time you see her tell her what time you want to sleep until. When she wakes up she should so anything she wants quietly without disturbing you until you awake. If she can't or won't do that you need a new GF.

 

 

I wake up before my husband & leave the room so he can sleep. Granted today, I have plans for her but I told him about them earlier in the week & he agreed in advance to wake up earlier then he would prefer to accomplish our goal

[Babs22]

I am a night person. I do my best thinking at night and get most of my work done in the middle of the night. I work a job that starts at 7:25AM M-F. On the weekends, I sleep until I feel like getting up. I would never try to make someone stay up to the hours that I do, nor would I expect anyone in my home to try to wake me when I am sleeping. As others have said this is rude and disrespectful behavior. She sounds rather immature, like when my kids were little and got up, obviously they would wake me up if I wasn't up yet. That I can understand, but a grown adult trying to wake you up? It better be important!

 

I can assure you that I would also wake up in a grumpy mood if someone woke me up the way your girlfriend wakes you up, especially if someone got me up and had me doing chores right away. I am pretty sure if I was in a relationship with someone like that, it wouldn't last very long. You have been patient so far. Tell her to leave you alone and not to wake you on the weekends. If she still does it, tell her to sleep someplace else.

[SammySammy]

My mother is like that. We would keep the house neat and "straightened" through the week, but Saturday was the day for deep, thorough cleaning. My mom would have us up at 6 am and we did whatever needed to be done.

 

I'm her son. Of course, I'm the same way. Old habits die hard. Actually, I'm worse than my mom because I take this cleanliness thing to the extreme. Predictably it has caused problems in more than one of my relationships. Even when I wouldn't ask them to help, I would feel resentful if they didn't help. Especially if I was cleaning up their messes. In my home.

 

That's one of the main reasons I've decided to forgo committed relationships. Because I KNOW that part of me is unreasonable. It's unfair to expect someone to do what I do. Yet, it's a compatibility issue for me.

 

The bottom line is something has to give or she's going to drive you crazy. Gotta find a way to work it out ... or you won't work out.

[georgia girl]

Ask her not to stay on Tuesday evening. If she asks why, tell her you plan to sleep in, you don't want to be woken up and you find her behavior discourteous and it leads to a silly and unnecessary argument you don't want to have.

 

Good grief, that's manipulative behavior in my book! She is being rude.

[anika99]

You should go to bed earlier. What time do you each fall asleep? You are probably sleep deprived. You need more sleep.

 

Studies on circadian clock show people tend to naturally fall asleep at sunset and wake on sunrise.

 

Turn off all of your lights at sunset, especially digital devices. Light keeps people awake since it simulates sunlight.

 

This situation is probably a good thing. The girlfriend waking you up could be a symptom of the real underlying problem of sleep deprivation, and not the problem itself.

 

Well that sounds ridiculous considering that in the winter the sun sets at around 4:30 pm and doesn't rise until about 8:00 am the next morning. In the summer it doesn't set until 10:00 pm and rises at 5:00 am. If we followed the sunset/sunrise theory we'd all be sleeping 18 hours a night in the winter only 5 hours a night in the summer.

 

I agree that sleep deprivation is a real problem so that's why couples should be respectful of each other's sleep schedules. I had a long term relationship with a narcissist type man. We worked opposing schedules and so we had to sleep at different times. When he was sleeping I would tiptoe around, being quiet as a mouse, so as not to wake him. When I was sleeping and he was awake about every 30-60 minutes he would come barging into the bedroom, turn on the overhead light and start opening and slamming drawers on the pre tense of looking for something or getting dressed. He was really just pissed of that I was sleeping while he was awake. He was a selfish narcissistic man who believed he owned me and that I should be at his side at all times.

 

The OP wouldn't be sleep deprived if his selfish gf would just stop waking him up. Some studies these days say that adequate sleep is even more important than diet and excercise when it comes to good physical and emotional health.

[ShatteredLady]

Sometimes people need you to REALLY spell it out for them. You think you've made it clear but they just hear what they want to. I bet she would say that you're just grumpy in the mornings & she needs to get you up & going for the day!!

 

Have you sat her down & had a really serious conversation? You know? The "We REALLY need to talk. This is serious. I'm starting to resent your behavior & that spells DISASTER for any relationship!".

 

Sometimes we think we're communicating but we're not being heard.

 

.....or she's completely selfish & believes she's correct no matter what you say. If that's true RUN!!!!