dandgr332 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Hi there, I'm 29, she is 31 and we are married for 7 years (together for 12 years) with 2 daughters. I noticed that my sex drive has declined significantly in the last two years. It could be stress although it was bad also on times when I wasn't stressed. I ran a blood test and my testosterone levels are even a bit above average. Other than the low sex drive, since the first pregnancy my wife's body has gotten much less attractive than it was back in the day when I also had crazy high sex drive due to being very young (18-22). I'm having a very hard time getting over this, especially the small saggy breasts that used to be those perky c cups back then and used to attract me into sexual activity all the time. Now, the breasts are not only not attractive but actually getting me repulsed (sorry if it sounds harsh but I can't blame my mind/hormones for what they feel when seeing it). We have talked about it openly (not about the fact that this is one of the major low interest in sex catalysts) but about the fact that her breasts bother her also. She even suggested to get a breast lift/fill and I have told her that I would never want her to do that for me but she said that she wanted it BUT she wants at least two more kids (one of them very soon) and she will probably have to go through the lift/fill again after the next pregnancy (researched it already...). So right now the bottom line is that I have no interest in having sex with her and she gets mad at me for not taking care of this as she suggested to go to marriage counseling. The thing is that I know the main reason for my low sexual interest but the last thing that I want to do is tell her that it's because of her body which is something that she can't change right now (as mentioned above). Any ideas? she just went to sleep mad at me for not wanting to... Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Boner pills and porn. See a doctor, they pass prescriptions out for that stuff like candy. Then, load some mental images into your mind from the internet and focus on those as you do the deed. Either that, or tell her you are fine with her seeking sex outside your marriage with someone who does find her attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 assuming this is a legitimate and sincere post, the issue is not her breasts. The issue is you have been with her since you were 17 and you have fallen out of love with her. I agree that you should go to counseling. Perhaps start with individual counseling yourself to help see if there is something else that is interfering with you having feelings for her or if your marriage has simply ran it's course. An IC can also help you peel back the layers and help determine if you actually want to be married with her any more or not. Marriage counseling would be for the two if you if you both did want to remain together. MC may also be a benefit if both of you agreed to divorce but you wanted to make it as amicable and cooperative as possible. Either way do NOT bring another child into this situation until things are resolved and you actually want to be with her. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I believe there are a fair number of husbands who don't care about having sex with their wives. It's just that their wives don't want to have sex with them either (all unspoken), so everybody's comfortable and content and there is no problem. If your wife doesn't want to have sex with you either, then just live your life and be happy. If she's complaining, then you either have to admit it (I don't believe these things change or improve, jmo) or pony up and have sex with her anyway as much as she wants, even though you don't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 You do not want to have sex with your wife, yet seem to be on a path that will increase the size of your family by two more. Lack of sex will kill your marriage stone dead, either she or you will cheat, or one will walk out all together, so is bringing two other little souls into the world, wise? I also agree with oldshirt, it is NOT the breasts, she could get implants tomorrow and maybe there would be a brief surge of interest but I guess it would be short lived. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Well, even when we are out all alone and loving each other then it still bothers me alot. The problem is not love here. About the more kids, it's a plan for the case that we survive together. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Did she nurse the babies? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Did she nurse the babies? Yup, the first one for 2 years... Good for the baby, not for the daddy Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Yup, the first one for 2 years... Good for the baby, not for the daddy Yes good for the mommy and the baby. Well it's not her boobs. Otherwise you wouldn't have been able to get it up to make baby #2. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Well, even when we are out all alone and loving each other then it still bothers me alot. What bothers you? Usually the person who doesn't care to have sex is not bothered at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 What bothers you? Usually the person who doesn't care to have sex is not bothered at all. The breasts thing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Yes good for the mommy and the baby. Well it's not her boobs. Otherwise you wouldn't have been able to get it up to make baby #2. Darkness is a wonderful thing... Or being exceptionally horny on rare occasions + a shirt on Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Darkness is a wonderful thing... Or being exceptionally horny on rare occasions + a shirt on You make her wear a shirt? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 You make her wear a shirt? Make her? she was already wearing it...usually at night then i take off only the "bottom half" Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 The breasts thing... If you're that much of a "breast man" where you can't even get aroused by your wife who doesn't have perfect breasts, then you'll just have to pony up the money to have breast implants two or three times. Or, divorce those saggy-boobs. Personally, I just think some married people are bored and love to hear themselves complain about stuff they can't or won't change. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 If you're that much of a "breast man" where you can't even get aroused by your wife who doesn't have perfect breasts, then you'll just have to pony up the money to have breast implants two or three times. Or, divorce those saggy-boobs. Personally, I just think some married people are bored and love to hear themselves complain about stuff they can't or won't change. Maybe many people are like that (like to complain about what they can't change), anyway I'm not one of them, if I didn't want to be with her then I would have ended it by now. Anyway, thanks for the advice, I guess there is no magic solution or something that I haven't thought about that I somehow missed... Good night Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Maybe many people are like that (like to complain about what they can't change), anyway I'm not one of them, if I didn't want to be with her then I would have ended it by now. Anyway, thanks for the advice, I guess there is no magic solution or something that I haven't thought about that I somehow missed... Good night You are presenting an impossible situation in the way that you are presenting it. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) You shouldn't make her self-conscious because she doesn't have the same body she use to. She's the mother of your children. Edited February 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator insult redacted ~6 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 You are presenting an impossible situation in the way that you are presenting it. It's not a way that I present it, i just wrote it as it is. I thought that there is nothing that I can do about it right now to make it better but maybe I have missed something, so that's why I have opened it up here in order to talk to the "experts" or at least get a different perspective as I know that I don't know everything. So the bottom line is that it seems that unfortunately I haven't missed anything and it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 (edited) You shouldn't make her self-conscious because she doesn't have the same body she use to. She's the mother of your children. You have a mainstream mentality that doesn't allow you to accept a nuance point. If it helps me have sex with her then it's much better than not. She is bothered by her breasts just like I do and even before I even said or showed my opinion about it. She being the mother of my children doesn't make her more physically attractive. Wanting to solve a situation without her knowing about it (through this forum) is caring that she wouldn't get hurt by knowing how much it bothers me. Edited February 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator redacted response to insult ~6 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dandgr332 Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Anyway people, thanks for trying to help, thought it would be more professional here but it seems like at least half of the comments here are driven by mainstream thinkers. ie "you should be attracted to the mother of your children you jerk", wow it's like talking to a bunch of 16 yo making me feel like a grown man on a teen chat room talking about zits. Thanks though for the more mature comments of those who gave real advice. Cheers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 You have a mainstream mentality that doesn't allow you to accept a nuance point. If it helps me have sex with her then it's much better than not. She is bothered by her breasts just like I do and even before I even said or showed my opinion about it. She being the mother of my children doesn't make her more physically attractive. Not being attracted to her body doesn't make me a jerk. Wanting to solve a situation without her knowing about it (through this forum) is caring that she wouldn't get hurt by knowing how much it bothers me. Someone above already suggested boner pills and porn. You can fake it with those. When it comes to innate attraction, that can not be fabricated. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 OP, I'm curious what happens when you two (if you stay together) go through menopause and not only will your wife's breasts sag, but so will get skin *and* her nether region will no longer get moist. If you can't get excited by her now, how do you expect to survive in your marriage and make it to old age? I am not pointing fingers, but asking a rhetorical question about what your future DOES look like! Will your wife have to keep having surgeries to try and maintain some mythical youthful appearance just to keep you interested in her? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Don't know if you're still there, OP... but I actually think that getting some counseling might be a good plan. Sometimes guys end up having a subconscious hang-up when their wives become mothers. Your wife's breasts seem to be your focal point, but they're also symbolic of her motherhood. Not saying you're crazy or weird or anything. But it's not unheard of for guys to experience a loss of attraction after starting a family and then not to know where that loss of attraction is coming from. That's why they call it subconscious. Go talk it out with a professional. What can it hurt just to check it out? You've got everything to gain and nothing to lose. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Don't know if you're still there, OP... but I actually think that getting some counseling might be a good plan. Sometimes guys end up having a subconscious hang-up when their wives become mothers. Your wife's breasts seem to be your focal point, but they're also symbolic of her motherhood. Not saying you're crazy or weird or anything. But it's not unheard of for guys to experience a loss of attraction after starting a family and then not to know where that loss of attraction is coming from. That's why they call it subconscious. Go talk it out with a professional. What can it hurt just to check it out? You've got everything to gain and nothing to lose. I heard that it's common that once men see their wives boobs as functional it can have an impact on how they perceive them. They aren't sexual to some men anymore. Maybe that's what's happening here. And it's affecting his boner. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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