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Is this abuse? Should I leave?


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My husband of 6 months has been unstable. He threatened to kill himself recently but then told me the next day it was indeed manipulation since he "loves himself" too much and it would make me "too happy" since he would just disappear

 

This situation freaked me out among other things so I went to the bank the next day ..took out my portion of the money and drove out of town to work. He immediately began freaking out and begging me to stay.

 

But less than 30 min later our neighbor (my good friend) called me and said that he came to her house (he barely knows her) and told her that I took money out of HIS account and that he told her that I left him and that I was probably going back to my ex. He went on and on about how he thought I was acting suspicious and told her he went through my phone!

 

I was so mad. I called him and said wtf. He said I left him in disarray and he was going to tell whoever would listen how awful I was.

 

After hours of arguing and begging ... He drove to me. I was at a work meeting at a restaurant. He came in and invites himself. He wanted to accuse me of cheating. Instead he saw it was just work. But in front of my boss...he leaned in and showed me his phone and said "watch this" and showed me (in front of boss) how he was deleting his relationship status of me on Facebook. That brought tears to my eyes and me running to the bathroom. It was awful.

 

So we fought for the next day and eventually made up. But today he went nuts again and said he can't deal with my work schedule (working long hours 2 days a week) and that while we can't afford for me to quit...he can't deal with me anymore on this schedule. I cried and said okay...

 

Then, I left for work and he called and said he loves me and will "try" to deal with my schedule. I met him up at the coffee shop after I took a break from work and he told me there that he was sick of my bad attitude. He felt I wanted to end it. I told him I just want him to respect that I need to work sometimes and it has no bearing on our relationship.

 

He said he would "do his best" and I didn't like his attitude. So I told him that. He snapped and said he can't live like this. I said okay. Then, he demanded I write him a check for A quarter of the money I took. I said no. I didn't think I owed him anything! I started walking to my car. He started to block me in the parking lot with his body and then told me he was going to go to my car and get my paycheck and caSh it! I couldn't believe how he was acting.

 

So I ran to the car and the tried to take off. He wouldn't let me close the door. He asked to get in the car and I was crying so I allowed it. He demanded money again. I said no and I immediately decided to just appease him. I told him that I was just mad and we could work this out (to get him out of my car peacefully)

 

It worked. But now I'm wondering ...should i stick to my guns and break up or should I follow my heart and see if we can reconcile.

 

The problem is I realize his behavior was extreme. Is this abusive???

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Scarlett.O'hara

The relationship sounds toxic, and yes it does sound abusive. If you feel threatened, manipulated or at risk then you need to take action immediately. The longer you stay in an abusive situation, the worse it gets. As you become more desensitized to his behavior, the more extreme it will become, and you will start to believe you deserve it, you don't.

 

I think it would be a good idea to talk to family and friends about the situation so you have some support. Maybe you can stay with someone for a few days to clear your head. At the very least you both need some counselling because this is not going to go away.

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The problem is I realize his behavior was extreme. Is this abusive???

 

Most every time people ask this question, they already know the answer. Of course it's abusive. And manipulative. And passive/aggressive. How did you get to the altar with this gent? Hard to believe this behavior is only months old.

 

M But today he went nuts again and said he can't deal with my work schedule (working long hours 2 days a week) and that while we can't afford for me to quit...he can't deal with me anymore on this schedule. I cried and said okay...

 

What type of work do you do :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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I'm in marketing. And no I suppose this isn't new. But it's still hard. I love him but then I realize the pain That he has put me through. He tells me pretty much every day all the mistakes that I've made to produce his actions.

 

And honestly one of his biggest issues is my work. He has his own business and tends to only work a few hours a day. I have the luxury of often setting my own schedule, but I have to work.

 

And he melts down if I have to travel. I have been asked to do a day and a half trip in another state to help a CEO. He demanded that I take him! I said I can't do that! So he said "something is wrong... You are trying to hide me!" I just need to be professional. And my instinct is he is coming off weird by going ... Am I right?

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His entire family is supposed to come to our house for thanksgiving. I'm wondering what to do????

 

Do I just pick my daughter from school and disappear or do we stay through the holiday??

 

I just don't know what to do. I'm so torn.

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