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My husband wants me to pose nude for Internet porn sites.


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Old 21st January 2005, 5:25 PM   #1
Melissa44
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My husband wants me to pose nude for Internet porn sites.

My husband enjoys the porn sites involving amateur nude photos of other men's wives.

He wants me to pose for photos, so he can post them on these websites, telling me that "everybody does it", and that it would be fullfilling one of his favorite fantasies.

I have told my husband that I am not comfortable with my pictures being all over the Internet. His reaction is that I am "frustrating" him, and that the other wives are doing it "to please their husbands", so therefore I should do the same. We have had some terrible arguments over this issue, and lately he has lost interest in sex.

This is becoming an obsession for him. I want to please my husband, but not by allowing other men to see what I feel should be private between us.

Please help; any advice would be appreciated.
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Old 21st January 2005, 5:51 PM   #2
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You did right by letting him know how you felt. He has told you that it is a fantasy for him, but he is completely refusing to understand your feelings or concerns. The only suggestion I have is ask him to go into marriage counseling. Your marriage is suffering from sexual dysfunction, emotional blackmail, violation of boundaries and privacy, and those are just a few that I can tell from your post. If he refuses, tell him that you have no choice but to go through the process of a legal separation. There is something very wrong going on with him on a couple of different levels, and it does not sound like something that can be solved with a heart to heart talk.

Having fantasies are one thing. Forcing them on your partner or forcibly introducing them into your marriage at the expense of the other partner is quite another.
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Old 22nd January 2005, 8:43 AM   #3
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Everybody's wives are not doing it. Then for him to tell you it frustrates him because you told him you were not comfortable with it, well boo freaking hoo to him. I hope you know he is just telling you this stuff so you will go along with it because its his fantasy to share your nude pic with the internet world. Theres nothing wrong with taking nude pics and having them for each others enjoyment and viewing, but when one wants to put their spouse or s/o on the web just to get their kicks, thats prettty wrong and selfish. He is being very disrespectful to you and how you feel about the whole thing.

Don't do anything you're not comfortable with just to please him. I know hes your husband and all but we are all individuals too and have a right to feel the way we do. I mean most people have limits and boundaries as to what they will and will not do, so don't if its something you do not wont to do. Just out of curiousty, I wonder what he would say if you asked him to pose nude so you could post his nude a$$ all over the internet?
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Old 22nd January 2005, 11:19 AM   #4
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There was a recent discussion of this subject, here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49181/.

This is just NOT okay. Lucrezia is correct whe she says, "Your marriage is suffering from sexual dysfunction, emotional blackmail, violation of boundaries and privacy".

Sexual fantasies in a healthy marriage are between the two married partners. When you start adding other people into the equation, you lose intimacy.

Without intimacy, sex is just sex. It loses meaning because it's no longer exclusive to just the two of you. It makes each of you less special to the other.

I would say that if he has become actively involved with these internet porn sites, meaning he is in communication with other members, that you may have a bigger problem than you know. It's one thing, I think, to look at porn occasionally and in a manner that is not detrimental to your relationship. It's something else entirely to become involved in a porn community.

These places are NOT benign. Many of the people that frequent them have AGENDAS. Many of those agendas are NOT healthy.

I think it's a good sign that he is sharing all this with you, btw. It doesn't mean that you should agree to any of it. I sure as hell wouldn't! But he could have been just doing all this behind your back. So at least you know what's going on. There are lots of folks who don't have even THAT much to work with.

Don't be afraid to stand your ground. He should be more concerned with your feelings than fulfilling his sexual fantasies. And if he isn't, then DO get some marriage counseling.
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Old 22nd January 2005, 11:56 AM   #5
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I have seen those sites before that you're talking about. Theres sites where people can go and post pics of their wives, girlfriends, partners ect. I don't know which particular site your husband is looking at but the one I have seen not only can you post post pics of your s/o but its also a place where others can chat about the pics submitted and if there are people that are local, they can hook up with each others partners ect. Its called "swinging". I'm not saying thats what your husband is looking into doing, but like I said there are some sites like that. I hope he doesn't have any intentions of going that route. I look at it like this, when someone posts a naked pic of their s/o, on the web, its kind of like pimping their wife,s/o out for other peoples viewing pleasure. Please do not do this if its not something you want to do. Good luck.
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Old 23rd January 2005, 11:05 PM   #6
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Yup, I'll rubber stamp Lucrezia's excellent advice. This behavior is definitely WAY out there on the fringe. Don't let him tell you any different.

In addition to the advice you have already been given, I want to say: pleasing your husband is wonderful, but NOT at the cost of your integrity, self-respect, etc. Please be aware that his perverse statements and behaviors can have a powerful effect on your thoughts. In other words, if he tells you often enough that"everyone does it", and "there is no harm to it", and maybe even "a good wife would satisfy me in this way", you might start to believe it. Take it from me - HE IS WAY AROUND THE PORN BEND AND IS DRAGGING YOU THERE WITH HIM. Please don't go.
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Old 24th January 2005, 9:55 AM   #7
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Ditto everything everyone else has said.

When my daughter was in junior high and wanted to do something, she would use the "excuse" that "everyone is doing X," so he sounds like a pre-teen, for goodness sake!

And no, not everyone is doing it. Sheesh.

One of your last sentences says that your sex life is suffering. It's called manipulation . . .
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Old 24th January 2005, 4:38 PM   #8
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hey melissa,
i can't believe that he is wanting to put your body out there for all to see.. to me that shows that he has no respect for you at all!! i can understand if you wanted to do that for the privacy of your home .. but to send to every tom,dick and harry i can't see it!! if it was me and he done it behind my back and i didn't know i would leave his a## !! good luck you are going to need it!!
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Old 25th January 2005, 7:54 PM   #9
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Good for you for holding your ground. This is not "intimacy" and it has no place in a marriage. My ex use to like these sites too. He wanted me to be on them. But no way. No one else is going to see my body! Talk to him about this. If it doesn't stop after that, maybe you need couples counseling.

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Old 25th January 2005, 8:09 PM   #10
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Yeah, and if he pulls the crap about pleasing him again tell him in return he must let a large girthed man in a gorilla suit sodomize him for YOUR pleasure. All the other husbands are doing it for their wives.
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Old 25th January 2005, 9:36 PM   #11
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OHMYGOD!!! Did those pictures of my husband in the gorilla suit get on the internet?!!? Dont tell all the others, okay?

Oh honey....screw him. I mean that in a negative way, not as what to do tonite. And if hes such a prick about it after you have lectured him on how uncomfortable you are, then he wont ever get you. Dump him...Unless you secretly WANT to do it, and are looking for encouragement from someone here. If thats the case, throw on some lipstick,Put a few fake moles on your body, and get a sexy mask and have at it.the MASK being KEY, here--as when you come to your senses you'll be glad that you wore one and can vehemently deny it was you--I mean look-you dont have that mole(or birthmark).
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Old 25th January 2005, 11:12 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Spock
Yeah, and if he pulls the crap about pleasing him again tell him in return he must let a large girthed man in a gorilla suit sodomize him for YOUR pleasure. All the other husbands are doing it for their wives.
You know, it really is the little pleasures in life that make it sweet.

This is brilliant!
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