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Married Sex 2 weeks after period


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Justcurious3

So, my husband has been hinting at sex for a few days now since my period ended on the 9th which is almost 2 weeks ago. I felt comfortable that enough time had passed since the end of my period so I initiated sex.

 

I like to wait an extra while after my period is over before having sex because otherwise he'll refuse to go down on me because there might be residual blood, which is fine I understand that and it's totally ok, and that's why I wait to make sure there is nothing left.

 

But oral is how I get wettest and the only way I can climax, and he knows this.

 

So we're making out and when he goes to put it in I asked him to go down on me first and he said no that there might be blood. So I told him I would rather wait to have sex whenever he feels comfortable enough to go down on me than have 'painful dry vag only he gets pleasure sex.'

 

Well he didn't like that.

 

It's been two weeks there's no blood. I feel as if it was merely his excuse for not wanting to give me oral, and instead of just saying so he blamed it on 'potential blood' that could be there after two weeks.

 

He said that I was making it difficult and being impossible by refusing to have sex. He became very upset and told me that he shouldn't be punished just cuz I don't get to climax and that I should have sex with him just to make him happy and give him pleasure, not just to orgasm.

 

I'm so tired of it. I don't even understand anymore. Am I wrong? What am I missing here?

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Try douching.

 

And waiting two weeks after your period? It's not necessary.

 

I hope you two get counseling to understand each other and how to consider other people's perspective.

 

For great sex, there's no room for selfishness... Which you're both doing.

 

Sad really.

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RecentChange

I have to say, I am flabbergasted. So 2 weeks after your period is a no go, that leaves you what, 1 week a month that you are "clean enough"?

 

This makes no logical or medical sense, unless you have some sort of health condition anomaly. How many days do you bleed on your period? Are you like most women where it last about 5 days?

 

I can tell you I am "clean" within a week - as in 7 days.

 

And... This was a game changer. Way back ;) in 2001 when I was in college I whined to my my roommate how I was going to spending the weekend with my LD boyfriend - and I was on my period- what a bummer!

 

That's when she told me about "menstrual cups", specifically a product called Instead. Basically these keep things clean and I can have sex even while on my period.

 

Something to consider. I have been using them for about 15 years now and they they have been totally life changing.

 

I can have sex any day of the month. I always make sure it is freshly changed, and that I have cleaned well before sex, but have never had an incident, and I am talking hundreds of uses. I do always tell him when I am using one, and decline oral if I am not fresh out of the shower. He says he rarely feels it.

 

Plus I exercise, horse back ride etc and using these makes it like I don't get a period at all.

 

As for your husband - he has some issues. Not quite sure how to approach it, other then he needs some education on the self cleaning properties of vaginas and the duration of periods.

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Justcurious3
Try douching.

 

And waiting two weeks after your period? It's not necessary.

 

I hope you two get counseling to understand each other and how to consider other people's perspective.

 

For great sex, there's no room for selfishness... Which you're both doing.

 

Sad really.

I'm too sensitive for douching.

 

The thing is that 99% of the time we have sex I'm going down on him, licking his nipples, and anything else he tells me he likes because I know for great sex there's no room for selfishness.

 

But when it comes to things I like he has all these stipulations, reasons, and rules as to why he won't do this or do that. But as soon as I say I won't don't feel comfortable doing something he says I'm being difficult. I don't get it.

 

It's been four years of me putting everything into his sexual satisfaction and I feel as though he doesn't do the same.

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RecentChange

Uff, well now he sounds kinda lousy in bed.

 

Ok- you NEED to be able to get off... And I don't know how long it is going to take Prince Charming to get over his hang ups. Sounds like he doesn't enjoy oral - not everyone does (unfortunately).

 

Can you get yourself off? What if you played with yourself while you had sex so you could get yours too? That's what I would do.

 

It's up to you, you could tell him nothing against what he is doing but you want to play with yourself too - or you could tell him straight off you want to come, and if he isn't willing to make it happen- well than you can.

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Justcurious3
I have to say, I am flabbergasted. So 2 weeks after your period is a no go, that leaves you what, 1 week a month that you are "clean enough"?

 

This makes no logical or medical sense, unless you have some sort of health condition anomaly. How many days do you bleed on your period? Are you like most women where it last about 5 days?

 

I can tell you I am "clean" within a week - as in 7 days.

 

And... This was a game changer. Way back ;) in 2001 when I was in college I whined to my my roommate how I was going to spending the weekend with my LD boyfriend - and I was on my period- what a bummer!

 

That's when she told me about "menstrual cups", specifically a product called Instead. Basically these keep things clean and I can have sex even while on my period.

 

Something to consider. I have been using them for about 15 years now and they they have been totally life changing.

 

I can have sex any day of the month. I always make sure it is freshly changed, and that I have cleaned well before sex, but have never had an incident, and I am talking hundreds of uses. I do always tell him when I am using one, and decline oral if I am not fresh out of the shower. He says he rarely feels it.

 

Plus I exercise, horse back ride etc and using these makes it like I don't get a period at all.

 

As for your husband - he has some issues. Not quite sure how to approach it, other then he needs some education on the self cleaning properties of vaginas and the duration of periods.

It only lasts 5 days and the last two is no new blood. I don't see any blood after day 5, and I've told him about that and how the vag works still nothing.

 

Even postpartum when I had no period he had an excuse on why he didn't want to do anything other than penetration. Tired, he had already put his pens inside, he already came...etc He tells me if I don't come to cut it as a loss and try again next time. But when next time rolls around its the same old story.

 

Now that you mention it, I'm going to buy some cups and try it out I recently saw them when I went to buy tampons and researched them and all the reviews were positive.

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Justcurious3
Uff, well now he sounds kinda lousy in bed.

 

Ok- you NEED to be able to get off... And I don't know how long it is going to take Prince Charming to get over his hang ups. Sounds like he doesn't enjoy oral - not everyone does (unfortunately).

 

Can you get yourself off? What if you played with yourself while you had sex so you could get yours too? That's what I would do.

 

It's up to you, you could tell him nothing against what he is doing but you want to play with yourself too - or you could tell him straight off you want to come, and if he isn't willing to make it happen- well than you can.

I've tried introducing a toy and he's against that too. He says it makes him feel inadequate that I need a toy, or lube, and that I should just be soaking wet by just looking at him or by the time his pens gets close to my vaginas like every other woman he's been with, he tells me he's never had this problem with any other woman, and I remind him those other women cheated on him.

 

He tells me to use the toy alone to get myself off so he won't have to worry about it.

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Justcurious3

I just feel so defeated I've tried everything except being selfish. He tells me to stop focusing on his pleasure and 'get mine' but only as long as it includes little to no effort from him and only his penis.

 

I guess I'll be in a sex less marriage. Now I'm just venting.

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Clarence_Boddicker

If I was a girl, I would instantly dump any guy that had issues with blood. It's completely natural. A real guy won't be afraid of a little blood, especially from someone they are in love with.

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Justcurious3
Is he controlling in other ways too?

 

Usually it's not just one particular thing.

Yeah, pretty much he calls it protective and says it's because he worries. I used to believe him now I'm not so sure.

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RecentChange

I was talking about using your fingers not toys, but it sounds like he doesn't care if you get off, and will take offense if you try to get off.

 

What a douche bag - has the sex ever been good? Or did you marry someone that has always been a selfish jerk in bed?

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I'm too sensitive for douching.

 

The thing is that 99% of the time we have sex I'm going down on him, licking his nipples, and anything else he tells me he likes because I know for great sex there's no room for selfishness.

 

But when it comes to things I like he has all these stipulations, reasons, and rules as to why he won't do this or do that. But as soon as I say I won't don't feel comfortable doing something he says I'm being difficult. I don't get it.

 

It's been four years of me putting everything into his sexual satisfaction and I feel as though he doesn't do the same.

 

 

Then a shower head with a long reach (handle with a long hose attached) should wash you thoroughly without adverse reactions = it's just water.

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Then a shower head with a long reach (handle with a long hose attached) should wash you thoroughly without adverse reactions = it's just water.

 

But 2 weeks after her period and she is still "unclean" according to him when she stopped bleeding 9 days ago???

He is being absolutely ridiculous.

 

This is a lot bigger an issue than just period blood.

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Justcurious3
Then a shower head with a long reach (handle with a long hose attached) should wash you thoroughly without adverse reactions = it's just water.

I'm don't wait because there's blood just because he always uses that excuse if I try to have sex with him, so I wait to avoid rejection. I've tried the water thing before he wasn't convinced and then I just felt like I was pleading a case.

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Justcurious3
I was talking about using your fingers not toys, but it sounds like he doesn't care if you get off, and will take offense if you try to get off.

 

What a douche bag - has the sex ever been good? Or did you marry someone that has always been a selfish jerk in bed?

It's always been good for him. If I ever voiced my concern he always found a way to make it my fault and something I should solve on my own. Because according to him no other woman has had any issues with what he does or doesn't do in bed and he hasn't changed anything so it's my problem. For all this time I believed him and I've been trying all kinds of different things telling myself to lead by example and to be the love I seek by doing to him what I would want him to do to me, by asking him directly what I want him to do unfortunately nothing worked he always finds a reason to say no, a different way to reject me or tell me to figure myself out.

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Good heavens, I can't even imagine! I couldn't wait to get back to the "altar of love" after my wife was finished with her period, we'd time my return visit with a clock, not a calendar. Now, she no longer has a monthly cycle, so I'm free to imbibe anytime! :bunny:

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Make an appointment with your Gyn/OB doctor and be honest with them. You can take your BC pills in a way so as to SKIP your period each month, and it's still healthy to do so, perfectly safe.

 

This will eliminate your husbands "blood issue" and get down to the truth. If he persists on making your sexuality and orgasms low priority you can then take this newfound truth to a marriage counselor.

 

Then you will decide, with him and in counseling, if this is a deal breaker in your marriage. It would be in mine, and many other women, but perhaps not you. Either way, there will no more yanking your chain as to what he will do, or why, and you can make an honest decision based on truth.

 

Good luck.

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It's always been good for him. If I ever voiced my concern he always found a way to make it my fault and something I should solve on my own. Because according to him no other woman has had any issues with what he does or doesn't do in bed and he hasn't changed anything so it's my problem. For all this time I believed him and I've been trying all kinds of different things telling myself to lead by example and to be the love I seek by doing to him what I would want him to do to me, by asking him directly what I want him to do unfortunately nothing worked he always finds a reason to say no, a different way to reject me or tell me to figure myself out.

 

Much bigger issues going on here. Marriage counseling could help. Are you two open to that?

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He seems to have zero interest in pleasing you and he clearly does not care if you experience pleasure, which would be a deal breaker for me. He even implied that he didn't care if it hurt you (by nixing lube and toys.) How would he react if, every time he wanted sex, you told him to go in the bathroom and rub one out? Because that's essentially what he's suggesting you do rather than have an orgasm with him.

 

I'd suggest couples counseling, but it sounds like he is too selfish to agree.

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Make an appointment with your Gyn/OB doctor and be honest with them. You can take your BC pills in a way so as to SKIP your period each month, and it's still healthy to do so, perfectly safe.

 

This will eliminate your husbands "blood issue" and get down to the truth. If he persists on making your sexuality and orgasms low priority you can then take this newfound truth to a marriage counselor.

 

 

Good idea BUT....

 

Even postpartum when I had no period he had an excuse on why he didn't want to do anything other than penetration. Tired, he had already put his penis inside, he already came...etc He tells me if I don't come to cut it as a loss and try again next time. But when next time rolls around its the same old story.

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Justcurious3
He seems to have zero interest in pleasing you and he clearly does not care if you experience pleasure, which would be a deal breaker for me. He even implied that he didn't care if it hurt you (by nixing lube and toys.) How would he react if, every time he wanted sex, you told him to go in the bathroom and rub one out? Because that's essentially what he's suggesting you do rather than have an orgasm with him.

 

I'd suggest couples counseling, but it sounds like he is too selfish to agree.

Yep, you're right he won't agree to counseling he says he's had bad experiences with them in the past like the counselor was biased and his ex kept lying so he got angry and left. He just told me that not having sex is not the answer that we should continue having sex until the issue is fixed. Which really offers no solution.

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ShatteredLady

I use contraception that stops my periods but that's MY choice because I had very painful ones. No woman should have to put chemicals into her body of she doesn't want to. He's got a problem. A big problem!! Does he not really like sex, or women? This seems to be a symptom of something much bigger. I'm so sorry. This is just weird!

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Yep, you're right he won't agree to counseling he says he's had bad experiences with them in the past like the counselor was biased and his ex kept lying so he got angry and left. He just told me that not having sex is not the answer that we should continue having sex until the issue is fixed. Which really offers no solution.

 

Well there ya go. The guy is not in any way willing to work on it with you. So it appears to me you've got three choices:

1. Don't have sex with him until he changes the issue by fixing his own attitude.

2. Have sex with him the way he wants it and when he wants it and resent it.

3. Tell him his selfishness and unwillingness to see your side and work on the issue together is a deal breaker and leave.

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