craig.wi.795 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 If I believe in marriage and GF doesn't, is this good reason to break up with her? Link to post Share on other sites
stupidkittten Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 If both of you are completely unwilling to compromise, yeah. I don't see how it could work in the long run although things COULD change (you decide it's not that big of a deal to you or she decides she wouldn't mind marriage if it meant making you happy). Would you be okay if she never agrees to get married or would it feel like a dead end relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 If I believe in marriage and GF doesn't, is this good reason to break up with her? How old are you? If you are both in your teens early twenties, she may change her mind as she grows older, but if you both in your forties, fifties or older, I doubt she will change her mind. Is she fundamentally against all marriage or does she see it is not necessarily for her? Some women put up a defence, "I am never getting married" or "I do not believe in marriage", as they believe no-one will ask them, so they are basically protecting themselves from disappointment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 You can still date her if you like & if marriage isn't on your immediate To Do List but if you thought you were working toward that goal you now know that is not true. You cannot assume she will change her mind about this very important & personal subject Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Some women put up a defence, "I am never getting married" or "I do not believe in marriage", as they believe no-one will ask them, so they are basically protecting themselves from disappointment. Yea, that's one reason... another is that they're on an upgrade path; flipping boyfriends until they work their way up to a certain lifestyle or finds one that feels like it's the best she can do... or another is that they aren't open emotionally or capable of real intimacy (defensive strategy) and try to maintain loose attachments, keeping one foot out the door in case it gets scary. And numerous variations. All you really need to know is that she's thinking of it as a temporary arrangement, looking to upgrade whenever she gets a better offer. If you want marriage, or a life partner, you're wasting your time... not to mention the humiliation of getting cheated or dumped when the new guy shows up. And in the meantime, who's paying for all of those nice restaurant meals? Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I think it's a decent reason to end a relationship. If marriage is important to you then dating a woman with no wish to marry is a dead end relationship and being with her is preventing you from meeting a woman who would love and want to marry you. I dated a friend of my family. Once we'd been together for about 6 months he asked me to move in with him. He also made it clear that he didn't believe in marriage. I had feelings for him and the sex was good, but I do believe in marriage and realized that I wouldn't be happy without that legal, social, and spiritual commitment. I ended the relationship. He ended up having 2 kids with the next woman he dated. He married her, cheated on her with friends and neighbors, and there was plenty of drama. I'm happily married to the love of my life. Totally do not regret the decision to move on. Had I stayed, I would have eventually been the wife he married because he HAD to and I'd have been miserable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Aside from all those other sorts of "some women" who are terribly, terribly flawed that others have mentioned, some women - like some men - simply don't believe in the state-run business of marriage and don't feel the need for a state-sanctioned piece of paper to *prove* their love exists for another person. As others have mentioned, some of these people sometimes do change their minds about being in such an institution and sometimes these people do compromise with their love and enter the institution. Whether or not you should break up with her over it depends on how much of a gambling man you are and/or how truly important being in the institution is to you. Good luck, OP.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 OP, how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I agree that your age is something to consider. I am married. That said, I can certainly respect people who want nothing to do with it. Holding such a view does not mean she is flawed or a gold-digger. You can cheat just as easily married, unmarried or engaged. But if marriage is impt to you, then yes, it likely is a deal-breaker. Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Any reason is a reason to break up if it means something to YOU. If I wanted a long term relationship and she said she will never marry, I would not invest any more time in it. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 IMO, what helps 2 people stay together long term is a common set of values and of beliefs. Marriage is a pretty big one. If you aren't looking to start a family, you don't have to break up, as marriage is still an abstract concept, at this stage. If you look at marriage more closely than a mere debate topic - as in a possibility in a near future - it does look advisable to find a more suitable match. You'd be wasting your time and your emotions on a person who long term does not see the future the same way you do. If you were a woman, I would have told you to leave that RS asap irrelevant of your age . Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 If the piece of paper really means that much to you then move on but if she is otherwise loyal and faithful and treats you well then I say why ruin a good thing. Marriage does nothing to make somebody a better partner. Just look at all the Ashley Madison stuff going on. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Woogle is right. Did the news about marriage come off as a surprise? Did she lie about it? Did she wait until sharing the truth to you ? Everything in life is possible, if you're able to negotiate it properly and if you love your partner. Good partners are extremely rare to come by Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 *of course, assuming that to you, marriage is negotiable Link to post Share on other sites
Author craig.wi.795 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 IMO, what helps 2 people stay together long term is a common set of values and of beliefs. Marriage is a pretty big one. If you aren't looking to start a family, you don't have to break up, as marriage is still an abstract concept, at this stage. If you look at marriage more closely than a mere debate topic - as in a possibility in a near future - it does look advisable to find a more suitable match. You'd be wasting your time and your emotions on a person who long term does not see the future the same way you do. If you were a woman, I would have told you to leave that RS asap irrelevant of your age . What do you mean by "If you were a woman, I would have told you to leave that RS asap irrelevant of your age" Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 differing values and life goals is a perfectly valid reason to break up. Dating is nothing more than an interview and probationary process to determine if someone is the one that you want to forge a life and home and family with or not. The basic purpose of dating is to see if you have the same values and mores and goals in life. If that process determines that you do not, then ending the dating relationship is not only OK, it's pretty much a 'must-do.' Each minute that you burn up with the wrong person is a minute that you take away from finding and being with the right person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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