Tempted to cheat on husband

[aussiegirl46]

Hi, I have been married to my DH for 13 years. We are having problems at the moment and he wants to move out for six months to 'sort his head out'. I suspect there may be another woman but he claims not, I have no proof of anyone else. I feel very rejected by my DH as we have two small children and I am not getting any younger (close to 50).

 

I have always been attracted to another man, we played a bit of a cat and mouse game several years ago but nothing happened. For various reasons I have seen very little of him over the past few years but have not been able to get him out of my head. I realise that I may have been in love with him but he is married and so am I.

 

I have been doing crazy things over the past couple of weeks since my husband has told me he wants to leave. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/544073-husband-s-mid-life-crisis One of these things is contacting the other man and telling him I love him. How crazy is that? What's even crazier is that he told me he loves me as well. He has sent me a couple of texts but these do not suggest any contact. This doesn't surprise me, I believe he has always been very attracted to me but does not want to take this further. Neither do I but probably at the moment I am craving attention.

 

I work in the same building as this man, how am I ever going to look him in the eye? To be very frank, what I really wanted was an afternoon with him alone. Terrible I know. If he had suggested it I would have, but then I probably would have regretted it. I am waffling, really just venting to get this off my chest. I WISH he had not said he loved me too. Surely he doesn't or he would want to see me? It's given me false hope. Please don't judge, I am in a bad place making bad decisions. I do crave intimacy, my husband has abandoned me sexually for two years.

Edited August 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Zagan]

Separate with your husband, tell him as far as you are concerned you are both free agents. Then tell your little text buddy to grow a pair and do the same. If it doesn't happen, neither of you were in love with eachother.

[elaine567]

Your husband can not expect to "sort his head out" for 6 mths whilst you play faithful wife at home, BUT this MM of yours is pure fantasy and you need to take your head out of the clouds here.

 

If you a truly unhappy in a sexless marriage, you have to take the bull by the horns and make a decision, you either tell your husband to get his act together and you both work on your marriage and go to MC, or you separate and file.

This half way house where he is "taking a break" to fulfil his sexual needs and you wait for him coming home, is madness and at 50 you cannot afford to wait around forever in a horrible marriage, when you could be actively looking for and pursuing a more suitable and sexually available partner as a single woman.

[elaine567]

Hello there, I am experiencing some very dark days. I am close to 50, DH is about 5 years younger, we have been married for 12 years with two small children. Things have not always been great but we have had our ups as well as downs. Two years ago DH's father passed away and DH received a large inheritance. After his death, DH became withdrawn, depressed, rude and did not want to share his money. He shut me down at every suggestion, stopped being intimate and basically gave up on the marriage. I have tried to support him in lots of ways but now he says he wants to leave the marriage to 'sort himself out'. He is going to see a counsellor, we have seen a counsellor together which didn't really help. I asked him how long for and he said maybe six months. He has even sorted out possible property settlement as he has sought legal advice. I told him if he wanted to go then he should just go. He seems to have both legs and one arm out the door because he feels guilty. Should I just assume he won't come back or should I support him through this? I really think this is to do with not sharing his loot. Any advice ?

 

Just read your other post ^^^

Sounds like he is depressed, is he on antidepressants and has he seen a bereavement counsellor?

 

BUT deaths of parents especially and the acquisition of new money form inheritances, can make people re-assess their own lives too, so the pulling back from you and the suggestion to separate may be merely a desire to follow his heart and not necessarily due to depression.

Here you have to protect yourself and your children, do not wait around till he clears you assets and disappears, as he is in an unstable place and is capable of anything.

See an attorney and find out your rights ASAP.

[road]

Hi, I have been married to my DH for 13 years. We are having problems at the moment and he wants to move out for six months to 'sort his head out'. I suspect there may be another woman but he claims not, I have no proof of anyone else. I feel very rejected by my DH as we have two small children and I am not getting any younger (close to 50). I have always been attracted to another man, we played a bit of a cat and mouse game several years ago but nothing happened. For various reasons I have seen very little of him over the past few years but have not been able to get him out of my head. I realise that I may have been in love with him but he is married and so am I. I have been doing crazy things over the past couple of weeks since my husband has told me he wants to leave. One of these things is contacting the other man and telling him I love him. How crazy is that? What's even crazier is that he told me he loves me as well. He has sent me a couple of texts but these do not suggest any contact. This doesn't surprise me, I believe he has always been very attracted to me but does not want to take this further. Neither do I but probably at the moment I am craving attention. I work in the same building as this man, how am I ever going to look him in the eye? To be very frank, what I really wanted was an afternoon with him alone. Terrible I know. If he had suggested it I would have, but then I probably would have regretted it. I am waffling, really just venting to get this off my chest. I WISH he had not said he loved me too. Surely he doesn't or he would want to see me? It's given me false hope. Please don't judge, I am in a bad place making bad decisions. I do crave intimacy, my husband has abandoned me sexually for two years.

 

Just read your other post ^^^

Sounds like he is depressed, is he on antidepressants and has he seen a bereavement counsellor?

 

BUT deaths of parents especially and the acquisition of new money form inheritances, can make people re-assess their own lives too, so the pulling back from you and the suggestion to separate may be merely a desire to follow his heart and not necessarily due to depression.

Here you have to protect yourself and your children, do not wait around till he clears you assets and disappears, as he is in an unstable place and is capable of anything.

See an attorney and find out your rights ASAP.

 

 

 

 

This is why people should avoid starting multiple threads. Important information gets left out.

 

 

Block your OM so he can not contact you. Then loose OM's contact info.

 

 

Next tell your husband no to the separation. Then get him to a Dr for his depression.

[Heatherknows]

 

Block your OM so he can not contact you. Then loose OM's contact info.

 

 

Next tell your husband no to the separation. Then get him to a Dr for his depression.

 

I have to agree with this. I know the OM seems like a great distraction and wonderful ego boost to help you in your time of need; however, you're going to be disappointed. From what I've noticed about affairs is that there is a few moments of a high and then hours and hours of pain and regret. This is the cycle. Just like any addictive drug.

[No Limit]

At least find a single OM and seperate first.

[Lois_Griffin]

With respect to this married man claiming to love you too, that's just a crock of crap to get into your pants. You should know that, you're 46 years old, for god's sakes.

 

It actually sounds as though your husband feels this inheritance is his ticket out of the marriage. Sorry, not falling for the 'depression' crap. He wants to hit the reset button and was given the money to do it. He clearly doesn't want to share his bounty and wants to leave.

 

If he wants out, let him go. Telling him he can't leave is ludicrous. He wants out? I'd help him pack. But if he expects you to sit in a dark corner while he's out acting like Mr. Single Guy, he's an idiot.

[Spectre]

Your husband can not expect to "sort his head out" for 6 mths whilst you play faithful wife at home, BUT this MM of yours is pure fantasy and you need to take your head out of the clouds here.

 

If you a truly unhappy in a sexless marriage, you have to take the bull by the horns and make a decision, you either tell your husband to get his act together and you both work on your marriage and go to MC, or you separate and file.

This half way house where he is "taking a break" to fulfil his sexual needs and you wait for him coming home, is madness and at 50 you cannot afford to wait around forever in a horrible marriage, when you could be actively looking for and pursuing a more suitable and sexually available partner as a single woman.

 

I think this is just utter nonsense. They have been married for over a dozen years and you act like having to go 6 months without sex would be akin to torture. He didn't say he wants 6 years, and they haven't just been together 6 weeks with him saying he wants 6 months to think.

 

Am I saying she automatically has to be okay with this? Nah, but if she truly loved this man she wouldn't be all "6 months? Oh gods no! *immediately tells another man she loves him*". You seem to be assuming the husband wants the time to think so he can go bang other women and then come back to her..which is fine if you think that, though the OP admitted she had no evidence of this. It could be that they have been having problems and they need some time apart, but that DOES NOT mean he can't expect her to be faithful until they decide what to do, are you insane?

 

Also don't play the "you are 50 you can't afford to wait" game. If this woman can't wait 6 months while they figure things out before banging some other dude they don't belong married in the first place so no wonder the husband wants out.

 

I hate to break this to you: but when a couple has been marred for 13 years and begin having problems and decide to separate for a bit that DOES NOT give one of them license to bang others. Though I do love how you managed to turn this into "he will be at a half way house just fulfilling his sexual needs". Man I hope you never decide to use your psychic powers for evil. I know, I know, he got an inheritance and was rude and didn't want to share it, etc. so obviously we can all just fill in the rest of the story ourselves.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Spectre

[autumnnight]

Because I actually took the time to read more than just your first post in this thread, OP, I can see that you are not the only one with issues in this marriage. I would not be surprised if the cheating horse has not already left the barn...being ridden by your HUSBAND.

 

That said, HIS lack of character does not mean you should abandon yours. I would advise cutting ties with the OM and giving your H a big fat no to this separation. Ask for counseling instead.

[Spectre]

Uh what else is there to read about her besides her other topic about his mid life crisis, which basically just tells us his dad died and he started acting strange, withdrawn, etc.

[Heatherknows]

With respect to this married man claiming to love you too, that's just a crock of crap to get into your pants. You should know that, you're 46 years old, for god's sakes.

 

 

Nah. I'm 46 and I'm a complete idiot when it comes to seductive male behavior. If someone tells me he loves me I think "OMG that's so romantic."

[elaine567]

I think this is just utter nonsense. They have been married for over a dozen years and you act like having to go 6 months without sex would be akin to torture.

 

Wrong end of the stick.

 

If you read the thread the marriage has been sexless for 2 years already and "He shut me down at every suggestion, stopped being intimate and basically gave up on the marriage."

She has a lot more problems here, than the picture you appear to want to see.

[Spectre]

Wrong end of the stick.

 

If you read the thread the marriage has been sexless for 2 years already and "He shut me down at every suggestion, stopped being intimate and basically gave up on the marriage."

She has a lot more problems here, than the picture you appear to want to see.

 

This really doesn't change much actually. if she's already gone 2 years then 6 months shouldn't be like crossing the damn desert with a single glass of water.

 

Not saying she has to sit back and wait, but please..this is what happens when people separate. It is not an automatic license to go bang shady pieces of sh*t you meet online.

 

So yes, you can totally expect your spouse to stay faithful while you work out this. If the spouse doesn't like it they can just go for a divorce, but don't act like it's utterly insane to expect a spouse not to be banging strangers during a separation.

[elaine567]

This really doesn't change much actually. if she's already gone 2 years then 6 months shouldn't be like crossing the damn desert with a single glass of water.

 

Not saying she has to sit back and wait, but please..this is what happens when people separate. It is not an automatic license to go bang shady pieces of sh*t you meet online.

 

So yes, you can totally expect your spouse to stay faithful while you work out this. If the spouse doesn't like it they can just go for a divorce, but don't act like it's utterly insane to expect a spouse not to be banging strangers during a separation.

 

I already told her to forget about the OM and nowhere did I say it was OK to cheat, I told her sort your marriage out or separate and file and pursue other options as a SINGLE woman.

YOUR knickers are in a twist here over nothing.

[darkmoon]

no sex with an MM, love ok, just as close pals til he is single

 

avoid being used and even dumped, as this can happen, unlesss he leaves home, so avoid a side peice situation

[Spectre]

no sex with an MM, love ok, just as close pals til he is single

 

avoid being used and even dumped, as this can happen, unlesss he leaves home, so avoid a side peice situation

 

Lol what? So just wait until the shady cheating married man is no longer married and then get with him?

[Heatherknows]

Lol what? So just wait until the shady cheating married man is no longer married and then get with him?

 

LOL! Spectre is correct. Shady cheating married man is repulsive and should be avoided like the plague.

[autumnnight]

This really doesn't change much actually. if she's already gone 2 years then 6 months shouldn't be like crossing the damn desert with a single glass of water.

 

Not saying she has to sit back and wait, but please..this is what happens when people separate. It is not an automatic license to go bang shady pieces of sh*t you meet online.

 

So yes, you can totally expect your spouse to stay faithful while you work out this. If the spouse doesn't like it they can just go for a divorce, but don't act like it's utterly insane to expect a spouse not to be banging strangers during a separation.

 

In your world, are men ever wrong, and are women ever right....just wondering

[angel.eyes]

OP, your husband has been treating you disrespectfully for two years and has had little/no interest in your needs or the state of your marriage during this period. The fact that he's already come up with a potential property settlement suggests that he is much further along the separation path than you realize. I would guess he's already met with an attorney and is getting the last few ducks in a row.

 

I am all for fighting for a marriage, but both people need to want that. Both people need to be committed to saving it. He clearly isn't, and that's why marriage counseling proved pointless.

 

You can't make someone stay. So let him go, and focus on protecting yourself and your kids. You need to meet with an attorney and start getting your ducks in a row. If you have joint finances, open a separate account for yourself with a rainy day fund. Given the way he's treating you, I wouldn't be surprised if one day soon, you discover he's cleaned you out financially and disappeared "to clear his head."

 

I realize you're hurting. I realize it's uber-tough to discover the man you love, committed to, and are emotionally invested in isn't on the same page. But sticking your head in the sand by fantasizing about how some married dude who works in your building might love you is escapism. That's not going to fix your core problem (a husband trying to sneak out of the marriage) or repair your understandably shaken self-esteem. Besides, your kids will need some stability in the upcoming storm, not two self-centered parents off doing what makes them feel good.

 

Get thee to a bulldog divorce attorney and start individual counseling...yesterday!!

[Chi townD]

I haven't read your other thread so I'm just speculating here. But, your husband moved out to sort his head. You have no proof that there's another woman. He just left. Well, have you ever considered that he left because of you? And you might take that harshly, but let me explain.

 

 

Have you consider that maybe he knows? Have you consider that he might know that you are interested in someone else? Have you considered that maybe because of this he might think you don't love him? I mean, you've been together for 13+ years. He should know you well enough to know when something feels a bit...off. That your interests are laid somewhere else.

 

 

Now, you might come back here and tell me, "There's absolutely no possible way he could know." But, I wouldn't bet the farm on that. Guys are very visual creatures, he may read your body language when you're around this guy. You may have mentioned this guy one too many times in front of him and not even realize you're doing it. Or maybe he saw some texts between the two of you and just never mentioned it. Hell, guys have come on here with nothing more than a gut feeling only to discover that their gut was right.

 

 

Again, just speculating. But, it's something to think about.

[sandylee1]

Just from this thread it seems the OPs husband has come into some cash and wants to seperate. 6 months is a long time. I don't like to be kept hanging.

 

I would try and establish the rules of this seperation.

Are you both free to date or not?

You both need to be clear. If he says yes you can date, then I'd be inclined to think he has somone else and I'd suggest we file for D immediately. He's got a plan to set his new life up most likely.

 

Maybe he wants to enjoy his inheritance and have a home that's his. Maybe he's been having an affair and can now afford to split.

 

 

I guess I just don't understand why a married couple would seperate due to problems, unless those problems are actually with the actual marital relationship itself.

 

When you committo each other by marriage, you don't just move out when things get tough.

 

Now with regards to the guy you're in love with. Please leave him alone. He's another woman's husband and just because your marriage is in a mess, don't intrude on their marriage.

 

You show poor boundaries by professing your love to a MM.

 

Are you wanting an affair with him?

Are you expecting him to leave his marriage?

Leave them be and if you don't love your husband, then get divorced and look for love with a single available man.

[autumnnight]

Yeah, there's not only ONE problem spouse in the marriage...contrary to, um, popular belief.

 

No man who cares about his marriage asks to leave for 6 months...especially after coming into a bunch of cash. Let's get real.

[aussiegirl46]

Shiz, I am not in the USA so big time difference, will have to work that out. Good responses. Yes there are two issues here I should have put them both in one text. With respect to affair, no I don't want an affair just some attention. Lame I know but being honest. When he said he loved me that was WRONG on his part even though I was wrong too so just because I am nearly 50 doesn't mean I just ignore words like this. I know I should not be in contact with him and now I am not, but still can't forget that he told me he loved me, especially when I am feeling so low.

 

 

With respect to DH, I honestly feel you cannot just leave a marriage to 'sort out your head'. I am close to 50 but he is too. We also have two children and so it is not teenage stuff even though it seems like that. You know, he has done this. The other guy started flirting and showing me attention, and my DH started texting another woman. I am happy to blame myself but ? nah, it's him.

[Mr. Lucky]

The other guy started flirting and showing me attention, and my DH started texting another woman. I am happy to blame myself but ? nah, it's him.

 

Well no, what you do is on you. Ironic that you're doing the same emotional crossing of boundaries you condemn your husband for and I'm sure he could furnish a similar lame rationalization - "She made me do it". Would you buy that ???

 

Work on fixing your half of the marriage or get out. Any other path will leave you a lesser person...

 

Mr. Lucky