lassmary22 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I've been separated from my husband for a year and he wants me to move back. I am tempted, though nothing has changed nor does it appear like it will. We were married for 7 years and I moved out because the problems with my mother-in-law and her unemployed boyfriend became too much and he didn't want us to move out to get our own place. He's still living with them but has tried persuading me by sayng that they won't live forever, he's the only child, he will get the house, etc. However, I wouldn't want to live uncomfortable for 20-30 years more waiting for the house to become his. I worked so hard to get and furnish my own little place, to go back to the same. I love him though and would go back in a heartbeat if we could get our own place. But he doesn't. He has this mentality that he's not going to struggle with high rents just to prove to the world that he's independent. No, it's not about that for me, but about basic comfort when you're home. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 lassmary22, Q.Should I go back to my husband? Nothing has changed ? A. No. Where is the logic in this? Unless your husband makes an effort to change the situation it would just put you back to square one. IMO you should make your mind up if you really want to stay married to this guy. I love him though and would go back in a heartbeat if we could get our own place. But he doesn't. It seems he isn't going to change his viewpoint ^^^ So how long are you going to live in limbo? He had enough time to make changes and hasn't bothered. You sound like a smart lady who has a nice place of her own now, so I'd continue to be smart and drop this guy who isn't on the same page as you. This just isn't going to work - I'm sorry x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 If he truly wants to get back together, why doesn't he just move in to your little place, that you worked so hard to get and furnish? Obviously, you alone can afford the place, so the two of you, together, should be able to, too. Seems like the perfect compromise and the perfect solution. Is there some reason he's NOT into perfect compromises and perfect solutions while being in a relationship with another person? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 mrldii, sorry but I don't agree with this; why doesn't he just move in to your little place, that you worked so hard to get and furnish? because that's just making it too easy for him by giving him a soft place to land. The guy needs to use some initiative and sort this out for himself, starting by showing some loyalty to the OP. Let's face it, if he really wanted her he would've done anything to stop them separating. Personally I think he's a wimp and the OP can do better 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 mrldii, sorry but I don't agree with this; because that's just making it too easy for him by giving him a soft place to land. The guy needs to use some initiative and sort this out for himself, starting by showing some loyalty to the OP. Let's face it, if he really wanted her he would've done anything to stop them separating. Personally I think he's a wimp and the OP can do better Oh, I agree completely, aries...but, I just got tripped up on her 'I really love him and would do anything' sentiment. IF that's true, then she's obviously willing to overlook one or two major flaws, but is reticent to go back to what it was. HER place can become THEIR place at no additional cost to him, so he's not 'throwing away money', which allegedly is his primary concern. I'm more worried about the fact that there IS a *perfect* compromise and a *perfect* solution, and he's not open to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lassmary22 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Yes, I agree with Aries. I love him but I'm not that dumb. lol. I might be moved to let him move in with him if i had a bigger place, but it's a studio and he has a lot of stuff. For us, we'd need to get a bigger place. I doubt he could because when I left, his mom helped him out with credit and he got a sweet new sports car, that he has to pay wtih almost his whole check now that he doesn't have to worry about groceries and married responsibilities. Oh, I agree completely, aries...but, I just got tripped up on her 'I really love him and would do anything' sentiment. IF that's true, then she's obviously willing to overlook one or two major flaws, but is reticent to go back to what it was. HER place can become THEIR place at no additional cost to him, so he's not 'throwing away money', which allegedly is his primary concern. I'm more worried about the fact that there IS a *perfect* compromise and a *perfect* solution, and he's not open to it. Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Yes, I agree with Aries. I love him but I'm not that dumb. lol. I might be moved to let him move in with him if i had a bigger place, but it's a studio and he has a lot of stuff. For us, we'd need to get a bigger place. I doubt he could because when I left, his mom helped him out with credit and he got a sweet new sports car, that he has to pay wtih almost his whole check now that he doesn't have to worry about groceries and married responsibilities. You left and he took a loan out from his mom to get a sweet new sports car that almost all of his take-home pay goes to?!? Ummm...why did you even post this as a question...*like* there's some sort of choice TO make?!? Tell him to sell the sports car, pay his mom(my) back and call you after he's put the down payment on a house and has gotten the keys. He can sell half his sh*t to raise the money, so he won't have to buy such a big house for the two of you. That'll be less expensive, so he'll be saving money, in the long run. Best of luck to you, OP... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lassmary22 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 I know, love makes fools of us all. That's why I came here to get perspective. I DON'T want my heart to win and ruin me. I came here to get sense knocked into me. Thank you. You left and he took a loan out from his mom to get a sweet new sports car that almost all of his take-home pay goes to?!? Ummm...why did you even post this as a question...*like* there's some sort of choice TO make?!? Tell him to sell the sports car, pay his mom(my) back and call you after he's put the down payment on a house and has gotten the keys. He can sell half his sh*t to raise the money, so he won't have to buy such a big house for the two of you. That'll be less expensive, so he'll be saving money, in the long run. Best of luck to you, OP... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I know, love makes fools of us all. That's why I came here to get perspective. I DON'T want my heart to win and ruin me. I came here to get sense knocked into me. Thank you. So he just wants them to hurry up and die, then the place will be yours? He gets a sports instead of leasing a place for you both.... Seriously? Stay where you are and tell him nothings changed. None of us live forever and him yelling you that is pure and utter nonsense. So what's been happening in the year? Do you still see each other and go out etc? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Actually things have changed since you left. They have gotten worse. If you go back to him, you will not just be at the status quo when you left, the money situation will be even more difficult. This is not a man who is committed to putting your marriage first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. - Albert Einstein 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Should I go back to my husband? Nothing has changed Yours is the rare thread title that contains both the question and obvious answer... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I've been separated from my husband for a year and he wants me to move back. I am tempted, though nothing has changed nor does it appear like it will. We were married for 7 years and I moved out because the problems with my mother-in-law and her unemployed boyfriend became too much and he didn't want us to move out to get our own place. He's still living with them but has tried persuading me by sayng that they won't live forever, he's the only child, he will get the house, etc. However, I wouldn't want to live uncomfortable for 20-30 years more waiting for the house to become his. I worked so hard to get and furnish my own little place, to go back to the same. I love him though and would go back in a heartbeat if we could get our own place. But he doesn't. He has this mentality that he's not going to struggle with high rents just to prove to the world that he's independent. No, it's not about that for me, but about basic comfort when you're home. LOL. What kind of loser lives at mommy's house until she dies? Sheesh. I wouldn't go back to this man-child. There's nothing less appealing than an able-bodied man who chooses to live off someone else rather than provide for himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Yes, I agree with Aries. I love him but I'm not that dumb. lol. I might be moved to let him move in with him if i had a bigger place, but it's a studio and he has a lot of stuff. For us, we'd need to get a bigger place. I doubt he could because when I left, his mom helped him out with credit and he got a sweet new sports car, that he has to pay wtih almost his whole check now that he doesn't have to worry about groceries and married responsibilities. Jesus. He's an even bigger loser than I thought. Seriously OP, find yourself a MAN. Not a dependent little boy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I wouldn't go back to a man that values his "stuff" and a sports car more than his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Sylvia Smith Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 It sounds like your husband wants you back without making any change or putting any effort at all. What is most astonishing is that he is telling you this absolutely clearly- that he will not do what you want and deserve as a couple. It isn't your fault; both partners must understand each other's needs and respect them. You need to have your own house and your husband should certainly support this demand. In fact, since he is aware about the ongoing issues, he must be more supportive and should desire this for himself as well. He is making an excuse and does not want to take the responsibility. It won't change anything for you. Speak to a therapist and ask him to go with yoy; if a professional can help him understand this and encourage him to take responsibility, then great. There is hope. If not then I think it's best to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
ImmortalDracula Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 If you have been huffing ether then by all means go back and add to those 7 torturous years. Although why mummy’s boy doesn’t move in with you is beyond me. Well, you said the problem was not him – except it is – best not to ask him now I suspect. This small furnished hovel of yours does it have a cake baking oven or not. No and that’s all I am typing on this one or as Frankenstein’s monster said “alone bad friend good” google the clip. Link to post Share on other sites
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