isthislove35 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I posted here about a financial issue and don't want to mix topics. But, since I found this forum - I need advice. A girlfriend of mine who is the same age as my husband...came to our town last weekend. She's not married...and I know my husband doesn't find her attractive....but she LOVES him. I don't know her THAT well -- but she has always been very sweet to me, too. Well, over the last couple of dinners we have had w her...she has asked his advice about men. She's single and dating... but she started talking about how she almost had sex with a guy...and how he wanted a threesome... and she didn't...and I was like..whoa. That's a lot to say to us! Boundaries?! Anyway...I kind of ignored and forgave...and let it go. Well, last weekend...she was talking to him non-stop. I would ask a question and she'd look at him and answer it! Then.... she started talking about how she went and got a brazillian wax over the weekend...and then started talking about how she liked a guy from last week...and gave him oral...etc ....and positions of sex. I was getting mad. I kept trying to change the subject but she wouldn't. I told my husband that I was ticked...and he said I had nothing to be jealous about...he thinks she's disgusting...I said I know...BUT -- she should NOT be talking like that to YOU! You are my husband. He said he understood...and tried to avoid commenting or encouraging the conversations. But, I could see he secretly liked her attention! I haven't talked to the woman since she went home....except for a few texts. But, I want to kill her! Is this a normal reaction from me...or am I too jealous? I know I can be jealous.... Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 If she considers him a friend - as I would since you're her friend and he's your husband, so that kinda makes him her friend too - she's probably talking to him like one. And since he's married, he's a safe outlet to get advice from. Some people are very open about their sex lives. Since she's talking to him right in front of you, I doubt she has any ill intention. She's just a sharer. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 She has no business coming to your home and flirting outrageously with your husband as that is what she is doing here. As she is your gf, then speak to her about it and if she persists, ban her from your home, meet her for coffee elsewhere. If she is a good friend of yours and a decent human being she should stop, but be aware if she is after your man, she may start to contact him without you requiring to be present. He may in fact be encouraging her behind your back, consider that as a possibility. She will not be the first bff to have an affair with her best friend's husband. Keep your radar on here. Do not assume anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I'm sorry, but if she had any respect and appropriate boundaries she wouldn't do this. The lack of common sense with some human beings never ceases to amaze me. She should save those questions for an internet forum or a SINGLE male friend. If she were my friend, I'd either tell her it's not the right thing to do or (because I don't like the hassle/drama) , I'd distance myself. That's no texts or calls, I wouldn't take her calls or reply to messages. She'll either realise that she's pissed me off or she'll ask what's up and then, I'll tell her exactly what I think. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 It's tough to say without knowing her, and seeing the interaction if she's just a very open and honest person who doesn't see the issue with talking about this stuff or if she was flirting. But regardless of the reason just because she feels that comfortable talking about that stuff doesn't mean you need to be comfortable listening. You and your husband can nicely tell her that it's a little more about her sex life and her vagina that you needed to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I don't understand why she was having that conversation with your husband. That is a girl to girl conversation. While she was on the subjects of vaginas did she also bring up how messy her periods can get, or is that kind of talk not sexy enough? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Well, last weekend...she was talking to him non-stop. I would ask a question and she'd look at him and answer it! Then.... she started talking about how she went and got a brazillian wax over the weekend...and then started talking about how she liked a guy from last week...and gave him oral...etc ....and positions of sex. I was getting mad. I kept trying to change the subject but she wouldn't. Guess I'm confused - this wasn't a private conversation, you were there, right? If you were "mad" and "ticked", what stops you from speaking up? She's your friend and guest at these events, not sure why you're questioning your husband's role... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pondhawk Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Since she's talking to him right in front of you, I doubt she has any ill intention. She's just a sharer. I disagree. She's sharing intimate personal information for the goal of getting a male's perspective or turning him on? Does he really need to know she just received a Brazilian Wax??? Seems like there's a motive here. You stated that you can tell your husband likes the attention. This is a major red flag. Of course he liked the update on her current vajayjay style! He probably has a nice visual in his mind. Stop this attention like yesterday.... You need to speak up. Say, "I'm sorry, this topic is completely inappropriate and if it doesn't end, then you need to leave." Personally, I would distance myself and not invite her in my home. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Since she's talking to him right in front of you, I doubt she has any ill intention. She's just a sharer. There are enough women who are your 'friend' and are chatting with you and your H like nothings going on, meanwhile they're sleeping with him. I've heard of cases where best friend and hubby organise a suprise birthday party for the wife and their having an affair. So talking out in the open means nothing. Not that I'm saying this IS the case here at all. I mean why does your H want to know about her p***y. It's madness. Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 If your husband is anything like me then you don't have anything to be worried about. I personally find it vulgar and off putting when women talk to me like that, even if I had previously considered them attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 It's tough to say without knowing her, and seeing the interaction if she's just a very open and honest person who doesn't see the issue with talking about this stuff or if she was flirting. But regardless of the reason just because she feels that comfortable talking about that stuff doesn't mean you need to be comfortable listening. You and your husband can nicely tell her that it's a little more about her sex life and her vagina that you needed to know. I generally agree, altho I'd say the thing where she looks at hubs when answering questions asked by OP betrays a preference for interacting with hubs, which I think is sth to be concerned about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 There's a lot of blame to go around here. Her for oversharing. Your husband for failing to change the subject & allowing her to dominate his time. You for not changing the subject & inviting her back into your home after last time. Put some distance in your friendship & from now on, see her without DH 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 There are enough women who are your 'friend' and are chatting with you and your H like nothings going on, meanwhile they're sleeping with him. I've heard of cases where best friend and hubby organise a suprise birthday party for the wife and their having an affair. So talking out in the open means nothing. Not that I'm saying this IS the case here at all. I mean why does your H want to know about her p***y. It's madness. I had a very similar conversation with my BFF's husband in her presence. :shrug: "Why didn't you want to sleep with him?" "Honestly? I was behind on my downstairs grooming; with the laser, I sometimes forget to do the cleanup for the errant hairs." We've also discussed our and other couple's sex lives, and how a coworker the other day propositioned me for a threesome. Some people are comfortable talking about that stuff, it doesn't necessarily mean there's a lack of respect or boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I had a very similar conversation with my BFF's husband in her presence. :shrug: "Why didn't you want to sleep with him?" "Honestly? I was behind on my downstairs grooming; with the laser, I sometimes forget to do the cleanup for the errant hairs." We've also discussed our and other couple's sex lives, and how a coworker the other day propositioned me for a threesome. Some people are comfortable talking about that stuff, it doesn't necessarily mean there's a lack of respect or boundaries. In this case the OP is NOT comfortable talking about it, so before any friend discusses her privates in the presence of my H, she better ask me first on my own if I mind. TBH , none of my friends would do that. I would have such convos with my female friends and we may discuss sex in general, but not this scenarios. These are the poor boundaries that lead women to have affairs with married men. No respect for another woman's marriage - simple as that. If this was two couples altogether talking, it would be different, but here you have a single woman and a married couple. Any friend of mine that tried that crap would not be welcome in my house again. L Davey , My H would be extremely uncomfortable with the conversation and probably leave the room. Then once she's gone he'd ask me if she was crazy. I'm the only person he'd have such a discussion with...The brazilian. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 It's,obvious. She is fishing and doesn't care if you know she is. Such talk has one purpose: to make your H think about her in a sexual way, pique his interest. What's next? Letting him look at or touch the Brazilian? What she is doing is the opposite side of the coin where a spouse will praise his/her spouse at length and in great detail to let the hearer of those words have no doubt that the speaker is not sexually interested in the hearer. This a polite way of saying "get lost". Your so-called friends words are a not too subtle way of telling H she is available,and willing and in her not so humble opinion of herself that's she's worth a rol,in he hay. So bold that she says these things in your presence. You don't need need her around. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 and then started talking about how she liked a guy from last week...and gave him oral...etc ....and positions of sex. I was getting mad. I kept trying to change the subject but she wouldn't. You needed to do more than change the subject. You needed to call her on it immediately and tell her that the discussion was inappropriate and to stop. Period. End of sentence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I have a friend who says far more outrageous things than that but her husband is usually there! It's just who she is. It's completely innocent as far as titillating my husband...she's exhausted enough with her husbands wants!!!! Many years ago I kindly threw a birthday party for my H work colleague. She'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend. We'd been out as 2 couples. The subject of the night was frequently 'The perfect man'. She told me to my face how kind, LOYAL & generally wonderful my husband was...how she would like a man like that. Told me personally how similar we are as women. She discussed her sexual preferences. Chatted about snuggling on the sofa. Behaved in a very flirty way around our male friends. She was already HAVING AN AFFAIR with my husband!!!! Only you can know if she's just being natural (she's your 'friend') or if she's a blatant h**e bi**h, sl*g, home wrecker whose taking joy in brutally rubbing your face in it!! Hahaha! Yes I'm still a bit bitter!! ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 overt sexual talk IS a form of flirting. And she already told you she wanted a threesome. So that is her plan. Keep the conversation on sexual topics, flirt with hubby, and hopefully one drunk night the 3 of you will end up in bed. You should seriously discuss this with hubby and decide which way you want to go. If it is decided that you two would never want a threesome with her...then you have to be very blunt with her about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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