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men: what does intimacy mean to you


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What does intimacy mean to you and do you truly value it or only invest in it because your significant other values it? Does it mean more now than at a different time in life?

 

I wonder if emotional connection becomes to men what sex becomes to women in ltr. A "duty". Except I love both and see them as connected. Is it rare or not as rare as I may think for men to feel the same. Guys have it tougher IMO, emotional intimacy is more effort.

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SycamoreCircle

Not for me. Emotional sharing is paramount to everything. I want to be inside you. I want to be the person you come to when you're scared, when you have doubts.

 

Intimacy is vulnerability. It is nakedness. It is putting yourself up for judgment and being wholly, boundlessly accepted. The aim of intimacy should be to get as close as humanly possible to another person, physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually.

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StalwartMind

Intimacy means everything, be it from simply feeling the presence of your loved one, to holding hands or sharing a conversation that soothes the mind. The act of allowing yourself to be completely open, with both giving and receiving, allows for intimacy to have few boundaries. There is no "duty" on my behalf, but I also couldn't be in a relationship where there is no connection on every level. If anything, feeling and seeing my partner be affectionate will always ignite something in me, which makes me want to reciprocate. Being in tune with each other makes everything feel much more intense.

 

I don't know if meeting a man like this is rare, it might be if we have too many specific requirements to how a potential partner needs to look, be, etc. I do believe though, that those who allow themselves to see and feel beauty in ways one typically don't think of, will find pleasure in ways others will never grasp. From stereotypes to generalizations, I don't care whatever your preference is, but if are too focused on many criteria to be met, then you likely are robbing yourself from enjoying something as much as you can. Not excluded to that of intimacy, but everything in general.

 

The best flow is a natural flow, if you even start thinking about "Oh No, I have to give him X or Y" then you've already sabotaged that which is supposed to be wonderful. I will not grasp why anyone would want to be in a relationship where they feel obliged to perform certain acts, just in order to either shut up or please their partner, against their own will. That is as far away from love/intimacy as I can possibly imagine.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Not for me. Emotional sharing is paramount to everything. I want to be inside you. I want to be the person you come to when you're scared, when you have doubts.

 

Intimacy is vulnerability. It is nakedness. It is putting yourself up for judgment and being wholly, boundlessly accepted. The aim of intimacy should be to get as close as humanly possible to another person, physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually.

 

You sound a lot like my fiance, which is a really big reason I chose him. :) Or, I guess, that we chose each other.

 

I love that he loves intimacy and "coupledom." He's not a one-nighter or first-date-sex guy and he told me that on our first date. We went out 3 more times over the next 3 days, and I was on his bed watching Netflix while drinking and we didn't have sex.

 

When we finally did, we had a few weeks of weird stumbling issues physically, but we worked them out and he loves our "closeness" and "togetherness."

 

The most beautiful I thought I ever saw him was asleep one night after a really hot sex session, and I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I looked at him sleeping for a few seconds and wondered how I lucked out with such a beautiful, and sexy, human being. I ordered the wedding bands we picked out a few minutes later to surprise him.

 

The ABSOLUTE sexiest and loveliest thing I've ever felt was seeing him try his ring on. We both felt it. And of course, it led to...you know. haha.

 

Glimpses of his ring during sex is the most erotic thing I think I've ever felt.

 

He's so excited about the wedding, and it feels equally entertwined because love/connection/closeness and eroticism. He's never cum inside me - that's the one holdout we're saving for the wedding night. But he can't wait to lift my dress and feel himself inside me as his wife. He can't wait to be my husband.

 

For him, I feel like the two are very very intertwined.

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Emotional sharing is paramount to everything. I want to be inside you. I want to be the person you come to when you're scared, when you have doubts.

 

Intimacy is vulnerability. It is nakedness. It is putting yourself up for judgment and being wholly, boundlessly accepted. The aim of intimacy should be to get as close as humanly possible to another person, physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually.

 

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE.. HOWEVER, IT STILL A UNIQUE PRIVATE CONNECTION THAT IS MADE SPECIAL BY ....EXCLUSIVITY.

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What does intimacy mean to you and do you truly value it or only invest in it because your significant other values it?
Intimacy was an elemental lesson of socialization and my intrinsic personality so it held value regardless of whom it was shared with.
Does it mean more now than at a different time in life?

I think it meant more as a younger person and there was more transparent emotion in it. Life, well, adds up. We change.

 

I wonder if emotional connection becomes to men what sex becomes to women in ltr. A "duty".
That's possible, sure. I see that in some of my male friends, which is why I sometimes function as a platonic 'second' husband, willingly, because, well, I love my male friends and if that's part of the deal, that's my mission.
Except I love both and see them as connected.
Pretty much the same for me. Once my exW started ignoring me emotionally, my sexual desire nosedived.
Is it rare or not as rare as I may think for men to feel the same.
It varies. Among my group of male friends, I'm outlier. Unknown if that could translate generally.
Guys have it tougher IMO, emotional intimacy is more effort.
IMO, it's only tougher because they were socialized a certain way to be, well, 'tougher' and emotional transparency wasn't a part of that milieu. Perhaps that's changing from my generation, IDK. I have observed that once mortality has crept in, with parents and friends dying off, a lot of the 'tough' guys have softened a bit and expose that emotional side to friends and spouses in a transparent way.

 

To answer your title question, intimacy to me is getting in the truck and driving 30 miles away for no reason other than to sit for an hour or two and mostly listen while someone whom I've known for a long time shares what's been going on in her life. We know each other well. There are no appearances. She doesn't have to make herself presentable for a man. I'm used to seeing her bald. That day? She wanted to share her thoughts about stopping treatments and letting the brain cancer take its course. I listened, even with the effects of the treatments on memory and getting words out and similar. We hugged and kissed and told each other we loved each other and that was that. Simple stuff. That's intimacy and she's my best friend's sister.

 

Good luck in your pursuits.

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God I hate that.

 

I hate that too, that sex is a "duty", but could be something that you do for your partner that you don't normally feel like doing, or not in the mood just to make your partner happy. That would include any intimate activity... a back rub, or a cuddle or just being with them. You do them to make them happy or feel pleasure and bond with you and they do the same for you. You "want" to do them to give them pleasure, even though you may not be in the mood.... and they do the same. Works great.

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TrustedthenBusted
I hate that too, that sex is a "duty", but could be something that you do for your partner that you don't normally feel like doing, or not in the mood just to make your partner happy. That would include any intimate activity... a back rub, or a cuddle or just being with them. You do them to make them happy or feel pleasure and bond with you and they do the same for you. You "want" to do them to give them pleasure, even though you may not be in the mood.... and they do the same. Works great.

 

For years, when it had been a few days, my wife would sort of offer these maintenance lays, where she basically lays on her back like Celie from The Color Purple, and just waits for it to be over.

 

Because I have a very high sex drive, I almost always went for it.

 

Then one day I just stopped. Said I'm not interested in a blow up doll, and for her to just let me know when she had some genuine interest, and might actually experience some pleasure from it.

 

Sex life went down in quantity, but up in quality. Even if she is faking it... I dunno. But when she is into it, I FEEL like cuddling after and bringing her coffee in the morning.

 

When she isn't into it... I usually finish, then go to bed angry.

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For years, when it had been a few days, my wife would sort of offer these maintenance lays, where she basically lays on her back like Celie from The Color Purple, and just waits for it to be over.

 

Because I have a very high sex drive, I almost always went for it.

 

Then one day I just stopped. Said I'm not interested in a blow up doll, and for her to just let me know when she had some genuine interest, and might actually experience some pleasure from it.

 

Sex life went down in quantity, but up in quality. Even if she is faking it... I dunno. But when she is into it, I FEEL like cuddling after and bringing her coffee in the morning.

 

When she isn't into it... I usually finish, then go to bed angry.

 

Very good point. I can understand that is there's just no interest from your mate, being intimate doesn't work well.

 

If Im in that situation, I'll arouse her interest (and she will do same), and usually there's enough caring to make it work. I guess I've been lucky cuz I've never had an intimate time when there was just absolutely no interest.

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