LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

does porn make your spouse more likely to cheat?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

Like Tree3Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 31st December 2004, 10:02 AM   #1
sadwife
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
does porn make your spouse more likely to cheat?

In your opinion, is a husband who looks at porn often more likely to have an affair?

Some therapists say that a spouse that looks at porn is more likely to cheat, because they have increased desires to make their fantasies true, with the more porn they see. Do you think that's true?

Do you think that a husband who looks at porn because he wants to get off to beautiful bodies instead of his wife's average one, is more likely to seek out a hotter woman in real life?
  Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2004, 6:27 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 74
I think that men who look at porn on a regular basis have problems of their own, which don't necessarily related to their spouse or their relationship. I think it has to do with a few things, including low self esteem and a poor understanding of women and relationships. I also think such people have an inadequate understanding of intimacy in its fullness -- not just sexual intimacy.

I can understand a person being curious from time to time about porn, but to have that as a staple part of one's sexual diet, well, that's a whole 'nother thing.

Whether or not regular viewing of porn makes a person more likely to cheat, I don't know, but I have heard that sexual serial killers have a huge appetite for the stuff. I don't think that porn and serial killing are related either, so don't go there: that was just an interesting factoid.

Have you asked the man what he finds so interesting about looking at photos of surgically enhanced strangers? I mean ask for understanding (not confronting)? I am perpetually curious about what could possibly be so interesting, over the long term, about porn. Same bits, same noises, same sxxt, different setting, same bad direction and music. I'd rather go skiing or to a real film.
missopinionated is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2004, 11:06 PM   #3
Established Member
 
LucreziaBorgia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Silent Hill
Posts: 9,555
If a man has a normal, healthy and satisfying sex life/marriage and uses the pornography for masturbatory visual aids then that is 100% normal. If his wife isn't having sex with him, his use of pornography would still be normal. Masturbation would just take the place of the wife not having sex. Pornography in that case isn't about wishing he was with other women, its about enhancing his masturbation.

If the man would rather watch porn and masturbate than have sex with his wife, then there is a problem - but it doesn't have to do with cheating, it has to do with replacing reality with fantasy and should be addressed.

Pornography isn't about cheating, its about masturbating.

Cheating happens when a husband's (or wife's) needs aren't being met. There are a variety of ways that a man or woman might cheat - I'd say among them are:

1. lack of intimacy (not sex necessarily.. but real true intimacy and closeness)
2. lack of respect from his partner (she/he berates him/her, harasses him/her, or is accusatory at every turn)
3. the wife/husband suffers from severe insecurity - which results in hostility and depression

In short, the wife (or husband) becomes a drag more or less, and every moment is spent in some sort of nagging or crisis - then the husband (or wife) will consider looking for someone more fun. It has nothing to do with pornography - it has everything to do with getting some basic needs met that aren't being met in the marriage.
__________________
Take what is handed to you, and hand it back twice...
LucreziaBorgia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2005, 4:40 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Grinning Maniac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 593
Quote:
Originally posted by missopinionated
Have you asked the man what he finds so interesting about looking at photos of surgically enhanced strangers? I mean ask for understanding (not confronting)? I am perpetually curious about what could possibly be so interesting, over the long term, about porn. Same bits, same noises, same sxxt, different setting, same bad direction and music. I'd rather go skiing or to a real film.
*laughs for about two minutes*

Well....first off, you're assuming we look at porn for actual entertainment. We're using it to masturbate, for pete's sake, not fill a lazy Sunday afternoon. You're perpetually curious about the lack of demand for full-length, epic, Oscar-nominated... JERK FILMS?

Peter North, Jennifer Connelly, (and two other random women) starring in...
"A Beautiful Behind"



Also, you'd rather go skiing or to the movies? Maybe you have a thing for masturbating while zipping down the slopes or sitting in your local multiplex...but that's too much for me.
Grinning Maniac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2005, 4:48 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Zoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 135
I can certainly understand you point - but DOES YOUR HUBBY really think he would have a chance with one of these overpaid hotties or is it like looking at a streer racing car he will never own- but he just enjoys looking and pretending? I'm not sure this demeans his 'homie' vehicle at all. It only opens a fantasy land for himself which he would probably be more uncomfortable with than you are. The key word is FANTASY. It has nothing to do with you or his real life.
Zoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2005, 10:48 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Pocky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: The Chocolate Factory
Posts: 2,985
Quote:
Peter North, Jennifer Connelly, (and two other random women) starring in...
"A Beautiful Behind"
__________________
People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
__________________
Reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
Pocky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2005, 10:57 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 436
Quote:
Do you think that a husband who looks at porn because he wants to get off to beautiful bodies instead of his wife's average one, is more likely to seek out a hotter woman in real life?

awww come on, you never got excited whilst reading a jackie collins? fantasised about the main male character, who is hot, horny and hung like the proverbial horse?


is that being unfaithful? or does it mean you are going to be unfaithful? NO! its just fantasy.


get ya own porn collection, swap tips, have fun, then he wont go anywhere.
_Saffy_ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2005, 11:18 AM   #8
immoralist
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
does porn make your spouse more likely to cheat?
No, having a penis makes one's spouse more likely to cheat.
  Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2005, 11:41 AM   #9
sadwife
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
well

I guess you guys are right that it's normal, and I don't want to become a nag wife that he wants to escape from...

Unfortunately for me, I have to accept that I can't stop him from watching it, so I asked him to at least keep it from me, and don't let me find it accidentally all the time (I never searched for it, he didn't bother to delete). Even if it's no big deal, and all men do,..One morning when I was getting our kid ready for school, a video with a lady and four dicks came on my realplayer, and my son overheard those noises and asked me about them---Even with admitting porn is normal for guys, that's pretty bad.

Well, I'm way off from the original question, but the reason I can't "join in" is that my mom and stepdad used to watch porn in the living room and have really loud sex with the door open and wake us up with it, walk around naked, etc. It was a really gross situation, and this stuff reminds me. My own sex life with him is fine, but I'm afraid he'll start taking forever to get done, because he more and more will need these better looking women in his vision. You know, how people known as having a fetish will need it to orgasm. I already take way less time than he does to climax and then I just wait with my ass in the air, I don't want to increase that time any.

OH well, in the end, finding porn all the time when I'm just trying to have a normal day makes ME less attracted to HIM, because I have less respect, less comfort, less trust, less love and it makes me more likely to have an affair with another ******* who looks at porn, because in my attitude, the love of my life turned out to be a porndog and it makes men look about all the same.

And also, we were once a religious couple and we got married with those ideals, but with the more porn I find, my own "moral values" get less and less, I feel. Because I'm like "F- it" I'm just going to do whatever I want too, then.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 1st January 2005 at 12:46 PM.. Reason: Spacing
  Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2005, 8:28 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Northwest, USA
Posts: 340
Quote:
Originally posted by immoralist
No, having a penis makes one's spouse more likely to cheat.
Sort of like, having a vagina makes one's spouse more likely to cheat.


Sadwife, I think you and your husband have some issues you should talk about. I'd also say you have some understandable hangups if your mom/stepdad acted like that when you were growing up. As well, yeah thats a bad thing for the kiddo to hear porn coming from the computer. he ought to be more careful.
__________________
"Life is a sexually transmitted terminal illness"
Fritz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th January 2005, 7:08 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 114
I think porn can be like drugs, you keep searching for the better high. Do I think it always happens? No. But i do think that some men will get bored with the porn, move on to strip clubs, then maybe prostitutes or an affair.

It just depends on how much they rely on that stimulant I guess.
deesgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th January 2005, 9:52 PM   #12
Member
 
Jason 2003's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 42
Porn might actually prevent him from cheating. If he gets his sexual gratification at the computer, that is alot easier and less dangerous than getting involved with a real person. I think that's one reason why porn is so popular with married men. They get to have an affair without leaving home.
Jason 2003 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th January 2005, 1:45 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Beautiful South Pacific
Posts: 156
Sadwife - don't put up with it if it causes you pain. Nearly everyone who responds to this issue is viewing love and fidelity from an incredibly MEDIOCRE perspective. Nobody addresses this from a place of what is IDEAL. Most people in life settle for less then their dreams especially in relationships and marriage. **** that! If you can provide sexual fidelity to him, he should be able to return it. Jacking off to images of other women to my mind is no different than him going and doing it in reality. As a man thinks within himself - so he is! And I'm sick of this fudging that goes on when the guys say it's just masturbation. It's not, it's masturbation AND porn. I love masturbation personally, but I don't need pictures of men with cum all over their faces to do it.
ollydolly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th January 2005, 2:07 AM   #14
Former Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: In the Shadow of Devil's Mountain
Posts: 1,015
Quote:
Originally posted by immoralist


No, having a penis makes one's spouse more likely to cheat.

Snort.

Immoralist

It only makes him more likely to cheat if that is already an option.

The porn displaying itself while your children are in the room is just WRONG. He deserves a tongue lashing on that issue. Not ok in any way.

And inspite of your observation that you have a good sex life, you are in fear that viewing porn is going to make him "take longer", that you will have to be there with your ass up in the air whilest you wait for him to finish. That sounds kind of lack luster to me. A lot of women would LOVE for their man to last longer.

Your parent/step-parents are horrid for putting you through that, and he should be made aware of this issue.

Remember though, you asked him to keep it hidden, so no complaining about him hiding it.
RowanRavyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th January 2005, 7:13 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,422
Re: does porn make your spouse more likely to cheat?

Originally posted by sadwife
Quote:
In your opinion, is a husband who looks at porn often more likely to have an affair?
I am a porn hater (so you know which side I belong to ) yet I don't think that someone who looks often at porn when in a relationship is more likely to cheat. I don't think the two things are related.

Quote:
Some therapists say that a spouse that looks at porn is more likely to cheat, because they have increased desires to make their fantasies true, with the more porn they see. Do you think that's true?
I don't agree, but I think that men who look at porn very often are usually more lacking in the romance department, and put less effort in doing something nice for their wives/girlfriends than they would if they had no porn available.
(I got this idea from my personal experiences, and if I'm wrong, all the better)
Quote:
Do you think that a husband who looks at porn because he wants to get off to beautiful bodies instead of his wife's average one, is more likely to seek out a hotter woman in real life?
No.

Quote:
Originally posted by Zoot
or is it like looking at a streer racing car he will never own- but he just enjoys looking and pretending? I'm not sure this demeans his 'homie' vehicle at all.
This is funny......by bf told me the same thing (using the very same cars comparison)yesterday (and in a couple other different occasions).
Instead of feeling better, I felt offended and I found it an extremely untactful comparison.

You don't want to be considered the equivalent of a homie vehicle.
You want to be considered like a porsche and treated like one from the man who is supposed to love you, even if you are the equivalent of a pizza-delivery van.

Also, most men *would* swap their homie vehicles with a Lamborghini if they were offered the chance to do so for free.
So it's like telling your SO that you'd swap her for a porn star, and you don't do so only because she is all that you can afford to have.
Adunaphel is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
how to make a cheating spouse come back unreasonable gf Infidelity 9 14th September 2005 5:08 PM
If you Won't have sex with your spouse, you might as well expect them to cheat. FolderWife Infidelity 27 3rd May 2005 11:40 AM
If you are attracted to your spouse and they will fill any sexual desire, why cheat?? CanadaGuy The Other Man / Woman 8 13th September 2004 7:30 PM
Would it make you mad if your spouse..... HurtinginVA Marriage & Life Partnerships 11 26th February 2004 7:33 PM
How often do you make love to your spouse? Jose's cousin Archive 0 1st September 2001 1:20 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:51 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.