jenkruger Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 My husband and I got married last year and it was our one year anniversary not too long ago. On the day of, I expected him to bring flowers or at least wish me a happy anniversary. But he didn't mention anything until we were having our anniversary dinner. I wasn't angry, just very hurt. Am I being too sensitive? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 No you are not being overly sensitive but going forward I would make a point to discuss your expectations in advance with your husband. Every year about 2 months before our anniversary I mention the upcoming anniversary & we talk about what will happen. It really helps to avoid the hurt & angst you experienced. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ohjoyitsjulie Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 My husband and I don't really celebrate our anniversary, but it's been mutually discussed before. Still, we'll usually do something nice for one another - one makes breakfast the other has dog duty for the day, etc. The same with birthdays. We'll usually ask what the other wants to do, but since it's their day if they say nothing, then nothing it is. I don't think your being too sensitive about it, but if you haven't said anything to him, he might think you're as nonchalant about it as him. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 No you are not being overly sensitive but going forward I would make a point to discuss your expectations in advance with your husband. Every year about 2 months before our anniversary I mention the upcoming anniversary & we talk about what will happen. It really helps to avoid the hurt & angst you experienced. It might be that he doesn't know how happy he has the potential to make you, in which case, next time he does do something sweet, go overboard letting him know he scored big with you. I think men don't understand the power of flowers, if the gesture is genuine. However, I don't see the point in having 'expectations' that you have to firmly make clear to the H. If the H himself doesn't "voluntarily" have romantic feelings about the date, then what's the point? If he buys you flowers, not because he wants to make you happy, but just because he doesn't want to get in trouble, then what good is that gesture? Who cares about that sort of fake thing? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 While most people celebrate special days, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays there are a few that don't. So I could make an argument to be sure your feelings are known to him. For the most part, I don't like to celebrate such, like there's some pressure that you "have" to do something. However, anniversary was special enough to do something special. I could pass on holidays and birthdays, with the exception of perhaps a card. On the other hand, I like to do spontaneous things when the time and mood is right. Like, a romantic few days in another town or doing some touristy things. Just did that and worked out very well. Link to post Share on other sites
Iron Bubba Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I don't understand why anniversaries are so important to women myself. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 He may have forgotten , but the first anniversary is quite special. I think rather than just keep quiet, you should say something, otherwise the rest of your anniversaries will make you feel sad. I'm not saying to speak in a complaining type manner, but talk calmly about how important the anniversaries are to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Did you two talk about it at all going in? Or did you do that passive aggressive thing some people do where they wait and see if they do anything and then get upset later on if their expectations aren't going in? Because the answer to those two questions are very important. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Are there any significant problems or issues in your relationship, or that he perceives as such? If so, he may feel that celebrating a dysfunctional relationship isn't appropriate. If there are no such issues, then he's inconsiderate or clueless about what this means to you - in which case, prepare him as others have suggested. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I don't understand why anniversaries are so important to women myself. ..."That is why you fail".... (Yoda, Star Wars.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 But you already celebrated the anniversary with dinner, didn't you? How does that equate to him 'brushing it off'? Or did you do everything for the dinner - plan, pay/cook, etc, while he just sat there? That being said if you would like flowers in addition to dinner, tell him how much you love flowers on anniversaries. And observe what happens next year. Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Hmmm, I guess anniversaries are different for some people. My wife and I always plan a night's stay somewhere, we have a few "favorites". We make sure there is a nice place for dinner that evening and usually sometime before we have our anniversary dinner, we read our vows (we wrote our own) to each other and discuss them as we go, I personally really enjoy doing that. We are able to reinforce each promise and remember why we made them. Every five years we go someplace extra special for multiple night's stay. Anniversaries are important to me and to us, so I personally would be hurt if it was "brushed off". 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 My husband and I got married last year and it was our one year anniversary not too long ago. On the day of, I expected him to bring flowers or at least wish me a happy anniversary. But he didn't mention anything until we were having our anniversary dinner. I wasn't angry, just very hurt. Am I being too sensitive? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Are you saying that you took the time to cook a special Anniversary dinner and it was only after he'd seen the effort you'd made that he remembered it was your first anniversary? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I can see anniversaries kind of become a non-event after years But the FIRST one? Yeah, that should be special. I wouldn't dwell on it. You're both "new" at marriage. Next year, as the date approaches, maybe tell him you'd love for the two of you to make the whole day special, from the good morning to the sweet dreams. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Are you saying that you took the time to cook a special Anniversary dinner and it was only after he'd seen the effort you'd made that he remembered it was your first anniversary? Yep, can't really comment without more info and context. If you were expecting an expensive gift and/or huge event, maybe that's not him. But to expect him to contribute to celebrating your marriage, entirely reasonable and appropriate. What happened ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I forgot my first anniversary and lived to tell the tale. However, I have gotten to listen to my wife describe it in excruciating detail to everyone we've met since then. Probably well into the thousands now. Glad to hear I'm not alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 it actually is fairly common for a married couple to have vastly different ideas on how important celebrating an anniversary is. And it you are talking about a normally brain dead guy...yeah the problem is doubled. it is PERFECTLY alright to start talking about what you will do for your anniversary a week or two out from the event. Make YOUR expectations known. If you expect to go out to a restaurant...then say so. try to find out what HE might want. If after you did this, he still blows it off, then you DO have a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 My husband and I got married last year and it was our one year anniversary not too long ago. On the day of, I expected him to bring flowers or at least wish me a happy anniversary. But he didn't mention anything until we were having our anniversary dinner. I wasn't angry, just very hurt. Am I being too sensitive? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Wow, I could see it if this was your 23rd, but your first? Was he happy to marry you? I don't think you're being too sensitive... it was your 1st anniversary. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I dated my H for 8 years and realized quickly that special days like birthdays or Valentines day just were not very important to him. It took him forever to remember my birthday. When we had kids, he couldn't remember their birthdays. They are 17 and 20, I'm still not sure if he has their birthdays straight. He did finally learn my birthday and we usually celebrate it. By the time we got married, I knew dates just didn't mean anything. It still hurt that he would usually forget our anniversary. I would remind him the day of and he always looked surprised. Btw, this is a smart man with a college degree, but some things just are not important. I used to be able to laugh and joke it off. I really lowered my expectations so as to not have my feelings hurt. I would be happy just to get a card. I have never had an anniversary gift. I hope your hubby is not like mine and he gets with the program. It doesn't need to be anything big, but anything thoughtful would do. Link to post Share on other sites
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