whenisitenough Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Looking for advice about something to say or post on facebook to the other woman that has been chasing my H for years. I saw her text messages , telling my H how wonderful he is, a great father, a great person. How she would be a gift to him... My H says she has changed and doesn't believe me when I say she is like a predator just waiting until she can dig her claws into him again. Though I hardly know her, she is like two different people to me depending on location. I saw her twice at his work place and she acted like my best friend. At the grocery store she was hoping I wouldn't see her, put her head down and walked down a different aisle . She replied to my hi and quickly left. I checked her out on FB and she posts quotes like, ' do the right thing even if you stand alone.' Since when is a homewrecker right? Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 you need to deal with your H, not her. why didn't he tell her to f&ck off ten times by now? 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 you need to deal with your H, not her. why didn't he tell her to f&ck off ten times by now? I agree with Minimariah, this is something your husband should have put a stop to a long time ago. I hate the idea of posting something on a social forum, makes it sound like you are just looking for drama. If you really feel the need to say something to her, either say it in person (making sure you are cool and calm) or write it in an email (knowing that anything you write even on facebook could be used against you). If you do decide to say something or write something, keep it short and sweet. Example: "My H and I are tired of you interfering in our lives, please stop texting him." Can't he block her texts? Is she still trying to make contact with him? He really needs to block all modes of communication as do you. You both need to be NC with this OW. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Crazy chick, easy lay. I'd replace that husband of yours, he sounds like damaged goods to me if he appreciates the admiration of psycho so much. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Your H needs to tell her that the content of her messages is inappropriate as he's married. I suspect he's loving the attention though, otherwise he would have told her to stop. What does he respond to her? How does he know her? I'm not one who would want to respond to her, because I'm a bit too proud for my own good, but if I was, I'd say 'I've seen the messages you've been sending my husband over the years , they are inappropriate and you need to stop immediately ' I would tell your H that you'll be doing it first though. Otherwise she'll tell him. Would your husband be fine with a man sending you such messages ? He needs to shut her down quick smart. Time to put a stop to this woman who clearly has no respect for your marriage and has an obvious lack of boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 (edited) whenisitenough, This was your husband's problem but unfortunately it has now become yours as well. You need to make it clear to him how her behaviour makes you feel and ask him when he is going to shut her down. You need to give him a time-limit on this. If he fails then you need to rethink this marriage in which your husband stands by while you get disrespected. Unless she is some nut-job stalker then she must be getting some encouragement otherwise she wouldn't be acting like this. I'm think there is more to this than meets the eye - sorry x And NO - I don't think you should engage with her at all. Don't lower yourself to communicate with this harpy. Remember the old adage - "if you lie down with a dog you get up with fleas" . Edited July 1, 2015 by Arieswoman 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Looking for advice about something to say or post on facebook to the other woman that has been chasing my H for years. I saw her text messages , telling my H how wonderful he is, a great father, a great person. How she would be a gift to him... My H says she has changed and doesn't believe me when I say she is like a predator just waiting until she can dig her claws into him again. Though I hardly know her, she is like two different people to me depending on location. I saw her twice at his work place and she acted like my best friend. At the grocery store she was hoping I wouldn't see her, put her head down and walked down a different aisle . She replied to my hi and quickly left. I checked her out on FB and she posts quotes like, ' do the right thing even if you stand alone.' Since when is a homewrecker right? OK so this a woman who your husband has already had an affair with? My guess he is either still having a full blown affair, or he is sometimes still sleeping with her, or he keeps throwing her breadcrumbs which she avidly consumes. Stop beating HER up, she is NOT your problem, YOUR husband is the problem here. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 So your husband is a known liar and cheater, and you think the problem is the OW? Let me guess - he's sworn that after D-day he cut off the affair and hasn't talked to her since. Methinks you need to deal with your sneaky husband, not his OW. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 No need to waste your time on the OW when the problem is your husband who can't keep his hands off her. He is the source of your problem. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 She wouldn't be so bold if your husband hadn't given her permission to be so bold in the first place. A locked door can't be opened without a key. Had he put his foot down in defense of his marriage to begin with, none of this would be happening. It's not like he didn't know he was married. The OW isn't your problem. Your husband is the problem. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisitenough Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Really Appreciate everyone's advice. I think I already put myself in a corner. These texts , I call it an EA, were a few years ago during a difficult time in our marriage. Not so say he hasn't always been the flirty type. When He cut it off with her, she gave him the cold shoulder. A few months later, I heard him flirting with her on a 'work related' phone call. I was livid. He said he felt sorry for her and distanced himself again. A year later I found out she had been calling his office , again 'work related'. She could have left results like the other nurses but instead insisted he call and ask for her. Again livid I told him I'd report her to HR ( for other inappropriate things she had done). He said , "go ahead they won't do anything" but later he retracted saying this just causes trouble and threatened it would ruin our relationship. As a result of my discussions w/ HR in confidence, she had been moved off of his working floor to a floating position throughout the hospital. No longer could she conveniently assign herself to all his patients , find excuses to call him etc. That has been about a year now. I have no way of knowing what may be happening. He says his only interaction with her is a wave if they see each other on rare occasion. Yes he likes(d) the attention. I feel stronger now and if I found he was still hanging out with her, I would quickly end this. There is another nurse who had been texting inappropriately also a few years back who has just divorced. He says he only talks to her if they are working together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisitenough Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Really Appreciate everyone's advice. I think I already put myself in a corner. These texts , I call it an EA, were a few years ago during a difficult time in our marriage. Not so say he hasn't always been the flirty type. When He cut it off with her, she gave him the cold shoulder. A few months later, I heard him flirting with her on a 'work related' phone call. I was livid. He said he felt sorry for her and distanced himself again. A year later I found out she had been calling his office , again 'work related'. She could have left results like the other nurses but instead insisted he call and ask for her. Again livid I told him I'd report her to HR ( for other inappropriate things she had done). He said , "go ahead they won't do anything" but later he retracted saying this just causes trouble and threatened it would ruin our relationship. As a result of my discussions w/ HR in confidence, she had been moved off of his working floor to a floating position throughout the hospital. No longer could she conveniently assign herself to all his patients , find excuses to call him etc. That has been about a year now. I have no way of knowing what may be happening. He says his only interaction with her is a wave if they see each other on rare occasion. Yes he likes(d) the attention. I feel stronger now and if I found he was still hanging out with her, I would quickly end this. There is another nurse who had been texting inappropriately also a few years back who has just divorced. He says he only talks to her if they are working together. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) Really Appreciate everyone's advice. I think I already put myself in a corner. These texts , I call it an EA, were a few years ago during a difficult time in our marriage. Not so say he hasn't always been the flirty type. When He cut it off with her, she gave him the cold shoulder. A few months later, I heard him flirting with her on a 'work related' phone call. I was livid. He said he felt sorry for her and distanced himself again. A year later I found out she had been calling his office , again 'work related'. She could have left results like the other nurses but instead insisted he call and ask for her. Again livid I told him I'd report her to HR ( for other inappropriate things she had done). He said , "go ahead they won't do anything" but later he retracted saying this just causes trouble and threatened it would ruin our relationship. As a result of my discussions w/ HR in confidence, she had been moved off of his working floor to a floating position throughout the hospital. No longer could she conveniently assign herself to all his patients , find excuses to call him etc. That has been about a year now. I have no way of knowing what may be happening. He says his only interaction with her is a wave if they see each other on rare occasion. Yes he likes(d) the attention. I feel stronger now and if I found he was still hanging out with her, I would quickly end this. There is another nurse who had been texting inappropriately also a few years back who has just divorced. He says he only talks to her if they are working together. Your husband is a problem. Edited July 2, 2015 by kendahke 6 Link to post Share on other sites
newlywedder Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yeah you should not say anything to the OW. Block her number from your husband's phone if you can and ask him for his e-mail/facebook passwords so you can have transparency in your marriage. If he is loving the attention of this OW then he is bound to appreciate any additional OWs that may cross his path in the years to come. He is the problem here, as others are saying. He is aroused that OWs want him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 How old is your husband? How senior a position does he hold? How much free time at work does he have? Does he have a private individual office in the hospital? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Looking for advice about something to say or post on facebook to the other woman that has been chasing my H for years. I saw her text messages , telling my H how wonderful he is, a great father, a great person. How she would be a gift to him... My H says she has changed and doesn't believe me when I say she is like a predator just waiting until she can dig her claws into him again. Though I hardly know her, she is like two different people to me depending on location. I saw her twice at his work place and she acted like my best friend. At the grocery store she was hoping I wouldn't see her, put her head down and walked down a different aisle . She replied to my hi and quickly left. I checked her out on FB and she posts quotes like, ' do the right thing even if you stand alone.' Since when is a homewrecker right? Has your husband already had an affair with her or is she just chasing him? She can't get her claws into him unless he wants it. He needs to shut her shyt down. You don't need to. But if you plan on it, I would not post it on FB. FB isn't the place to air your dirty laundry or "confront" anyone. Send her an email or private message or mailed letter. If I were you though, I wouldn't say anything to her. Your husband is solely responsible for shutting her down. Unless a woman was my friend, if a woman I didn't know was after my husband I'd let him handle it. If they already had an affair, again, that makes it worse and it's 100% your husband's responsibility to ignore this woman and shut it down. Why are you her FB friend and why is he? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisitenough Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 How old is your husband? How senior a position does he hold? How much free time at work does he have? Does he have a private individual office in the hospital? No. She was a nurse on the floor specialty he is in. He has free time if in between cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisitenough Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Has your husband already had an affair with her or is she just chasing him? She can't get her claws into him unless he wants it. He needs to shut her shyt down. You don't need to. But if you plan on it, I would not post it on FB. FB isn't the place to air your dirty laundry or "confront" anyone. Send her an email or private message or mailed letter. If I were you though, I wouldn't say anything to her. Your husband is solely responsible for shutting her down. Unless a woman was my friend, if a woman I didn't know was after my husband I'd let him handle it. If they already had an affair, again, that makes it worse and it's 100% your husband's responsibility to ignore this woman and shut it down. Why are you her FB friend and why is he? Neither of us are friends with her on FB. I searched her to see who she was friends with (maybe someone from my H's office) so I could see how she might maneuver. She has been quite sneaky in the past. Since I searched her , she might do the same. I left up a family picture as my main page. Her quote is, " do what is right, even if it means you stand alone". Seems like she cares how others perceive her. Maybe I'd post a famous affair with some clever caption beneath it. Or Maybe I should forget it. She doesn't seem to care who she hurts as long as she gets what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 You need to forget about it. You've accomplished your goal of getting her taken out of his area of work. You need to worry more about your husband and less about trying to make her act the way you want her to act. If it isn't her, it'll be another woman. Your husband is your problem but she makes an easier target for you... and targeting her isn't going to change your husband from being what he is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisitenough Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 You need to forget about it. You've accomplished your goal of getting her taken out of his area of work. You need to worry more about your husband and less about trying to make her act the way you want her to act. If it isn't her, it'll be another woman. Your husband is your problem but she makes an easier target for you... and targeting her isn't going to change your husband from being what he is. How do I work on my husband? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 How do I work on my husband? You can't. You're not his mother. He is a grown man choosing to do what he wants to do, despite you and your feelings. Just like no one can make an alcoholic stop drinking, no one can make someone who is addicted to inappropriate attention not be. If you could, it would have been done years ago and this thread wouldn't be here. He's got to want to not need the attention of other women more than he wants his next breath and he's got to come to that of his own volition. You can't make him. You can't make other women not contact him when he's given his permission for them to contact him. The only thing you can do is to control the proximity to which you place your person in regards to him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisitenough Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 .... The only thing you can do is to control the proximity to which you place your person in regards to him. Can you explain? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Can you explain? The bottom line here is that you need a husband you can trust . You can't know or control any other women out there , who lack boundaries were MM concerned. You need to have a marriage where if either of you get hit on, you shut it down and make it clear you're not interested. I suggest you read, then ask your H to read the book ' not just friends ' by Linda Macdonald. If care isn't taken one can slip into an affair, if they don't recognise what's appropriate. It's up to your H to not entertain this or other women who have no respect for your marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisitenough Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 You need to forget about it. You've accomplished your goal of getting her taken out of his area of work. You need to worry more about your husband and less about trying to make her act the way you want her to act. If it isn't her, it'll be another woman. Your husband is your problem but she makes an easier target for you... and targeting her isn't going to change your husband from being what he is. Thanks. She no longer has the working requirement to contact him, however she can still look and find excuses to see him if she wants. My wanting to 'enlighten' her in a general, nondirect way is also because I see how she flirts, and chases after two other married men. I'd love to tell their wives what she does but unfortunately don't know them. Any ideas on what to say to this 'perfect person'? Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Thanks. She no longer has the working requirement to contact him, however she can still look and find excuses to see him if she wants. My wanting to 'enlighten' her in a general, nondirect way is also because I see how she flirts, and chases after two other married men. I'd love to tell their wives what she does but unfortunately don't know them. Any ideas on what to say to this 'perfect person'? I agree with others than your husband should be telling her not to contact him. At the same time, I'd tell her her you're aware of the contact, believe it's inappropriate, and would like it to stop. Adding a tidbit about how your husband feels too sorry for her to cease contact wouldn't hurt. She needs to learn boundaries and if something really is going on, that should lead to her telling you. Aside from that, I'd be concerned about your husband putting her feelings above yours. That alone is a big red flag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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