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He Can't Look Me in the Eyes


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Our marriage is over and has been for a few years but this has been bothering me and I need an answer, preferably a male perspective.

My ex-husband would never open his eyes when we had sex. Not to be vain, but I have been told I'm an attractive woman and I keep myself in good shape. We were married for almost 20 years but I could never understand why he did this. When I asked I got many different and ridiculous stories none of which I believe were true.

So in general, why would a man not look his wife in the eyes when he is making love to her?

Thanks in advance for helping me with this.

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WhatYouWantToHear

Cause he's thinking of something disgusting that turns him on.

 

As a female, you can only accept how the male mind works, you will never understand it.

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Cause he's thinking of something disgusting that turns him on.

 

As a female, you can only accept how the male mind works, you will never understand it.

Thanks. You confirmed what I was thinking but really didn't want to admit to myself.

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there are a ton of potential reasons.

he might be fantasizing about sexual things.

he might be concentrating on trying to cum, and does not want to be distracted from the physical sensation

you might have complained in the past (it was too painful, too long, too whatever) and he is trying to forget your lack of commitment to sex

He might be guilty about something and not want to look into your eye

He may have already checked out

He might just like to have sex that way. lots of women like the room all dark, for instance.

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Cause he's thinking of something disgusting that turns him on.

 

As a female, you can only accept how the male mind works, you will never understand it.

 

Thanks. You confirmed what I was thinking but really didn't want to admit to myself.

 

I really hope you're not basing any conclusions on this flawed piece of misandry. There is no "male mind", there's only the mind of your man...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Ninjainpajamas

He may feel a lack of romantic intimacy with you, it might not be a sexual thing...

 

The other thing I find strange that women say about men...is that every man supposedly has a subjective taste, therefore one might find one woman beautiful while another man does not...

 

Yet, when it comes to justifying their own attractiveness, they have no problems making a blanket statement that they are in fact attractive.

 

Sorry to bother you with that OP, but there's a lot of contradictory opinions on this forum that constantly need to be weeded out.

 

I think the true reason he may not look in your eyes are;

 

- lack of intimacy, fear of intimacy...it may be too close to comfort for him to focus on your eyes as that is more intimate than sex, as well as kissing for men

 

- his lack of desire/attraction for you...whether it's gotten old or he was just never that into you sexually

 

- he likes to fantasize about other women, men tend to fill their heads with a variety of things you'd never want to know because they don't always include you

 

- he lacks an emotional connection...things might have fallen out of love, he may need to mentally put himself somewhere else to fully enjoy the experience

 

- he needs to focus and concentrate on the sensation or feeling...looking at you in the eyes might throw him off or cause a loss of focus, possibly throwing him off his performance

 

As your marriage is over now, likely it was a combination of factors that attributed to his lack of eye-balling you directly.

 

Now getting men to admit the truth...that's a whole other ballgame and likely impossible, they don't even do it on these forums let alone in real life...there is no reward or benefit to that unless they can attach it to a bad woman/experience exclusively.

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whenisitenough
Cause he's thinking of something disgusting that turns him on.

 

As a female, you can only accept how the male mind works, you will never understand it.

 

Who is to say only a man's mind works that way. Although probably not about the same things as you , I fantasize and therefore suspect that some or most other women do too.

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I'm going to throw my hat into he is probably just concentrating ring.

 

 

I've done that before, trying to block out the sense of sight so that the sense of touch is more intense.

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My money was on intimacy avoidance

 

was he good with intimacy in other ways?

hoping2heal he was not good at all with intimacy. As a matter of fact, I often say (to myself) the man is emotionally constipated.

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I think it's an intimacy issue too. I had an ex who also would not make eye contact with me during sex. We had sex with the lights on and he loved looking at my face while we made love but only when I wasn't looking at him. The moment I would lock eyes with him he would quickly avert his eyes to something else. Not surprisingly we had very little emotional intimacy outside of the bedroom too. I was with him for 8yrs and it never stopped feeling like I was talking to a wall whenever I tried to broach a conversation with him regarding his feelings.

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Poppygoodwill

Why does it matter to you still? that's the more interesting question, I think.

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Why does it matter to you still? that's the more interesting question, I think.

 

It really bothered me. One of those unanswered questions and is hard on the self esteem. Sort of 'post-processing' from the divorce and quite honestly even at the age of 59 I am trying to figure out who I really am aside from the men in my life that I have spent years trying to please.

 

Getting answers from this forum is not the same as hearing it directly from him, which would have likely been a lie anyway, but gives me a variety of sources from which to draw different viewpoints. I really appreciate that. I can then sift through and make a little more sense of things. ;)

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acrosstheuniverse

I'm a woman and I am the same as your husband in that regard! During sex I find eye contact to be super super intimate, seriously there's nothing more intimate and in a way, scary. It's like letting someone into your soul. Any dirty act under the sun is fine but eye contact is really a huge deal for me. I've had to purposefully make it happen the handful of times I have done it with people and it's incredible but on the whole I find it less distracting to just close my eyes. Otherwise unless you're up close gazing at each other I find it quite awkward not knowing where to look... And in pleasure, don't most of us involuntarily close our eyes? So I prefer to keep them closed and focus on the sensation. It's absolutely nothing to do with how hot my partner is, I promise you. Maybe it's just my hang up but it makes it more special when we do lock eyes during sex.

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