d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 An acquaintance is throwing himself a huge birthday bash later this summer. DH & I are invited. Nothing formal . . no rsvps or anything. A dear friend called the other day. Her husband & son are going camping with the Scouts for the weekend & she wanted me to do a girls' weekend with her . . . go shopping, get our nails done, get a massage, go out for a fabulous meal all while staying at a resort. I jumped at the chance to go with her without looking at the calendar. Of course they are the same weekend. I would really prefer to go with her then to the party. DH is fine going to the party without me. Most of our friends will be there. The birthday boy throws about 3 parties per year. So why do I feel so guilty, like I'm abandoning DH? Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 No advice for you unfortunately, but I totally get it. My H and I rarely go anywhere without each other, except for work. I would feel totally guilty abandoning him for a weekend anyway, much less missing a party with him. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Do you feel guilty because you said you'd go with him? Like you chose her over him? Since having kids, we've done a LOT separately. It's almost a gift to say, "you go to your friend's party, and I'll stay home with the kids." Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Go on your Girls' Weekend. Your H will be good with it, your friends will be good with it (and the women envious), and you and your friend will have a great time. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 I don't know why I feel guilty / torn. Even if I go to the party with him I won't interact with him. I'll be off dancing while he'll be talking to somebody. It's just what we do & is not a problem, simply an explanation / more info for all of you. In fact when we were 1st dating I already had a vacation cruise planned out of the country over New Years Eve so I "abandoned" him to this same group of friends while I was away. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Do you feel guilty because it would mean you are perfectly capable of enjoying yourself without him? You "have a life"...? Do you maybe think that once married, a couple 'should' always present a united front' and this feels as if you're betraying a principle...? All weekend, if you go with him (and he has already said he's fine about going on his own) you'll be wondering how she will be getting on...and going on a girl's fun day out is no fun on your own... Let your hair down.... go enjoy yourself, Your H and you will have fun news to swap when you get back together.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Carson Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Go on your Girls' Weekend. Your H will be good with it, your friends will be good with it (and the women envious), and you and your friend will have a great time. Yes, go you will come home feeling refreshed and I'm sure you can find a way to make it up to DH and ease your guilt 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Yes, go you will come home feeling refreshed and I'm sure you can find a way to make it up to DH and ease your guilt This. Go, get gorgeous and relaxed, and buy some lingerie to match your pedicure....you can show it off for him when you return 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Do you feel guilty because it would mean you are perfectly capable of enjoying yourself without him? You "have a life"...? Do you maybe think that once married, a couple 'should' always present a united front' and this feels as if you're betraying a principle...? All weekend, if you go with him (and he has already said he's fine about going on his own) you'll be wondering how she will be getting on...and going on a girl's fun day out is no fun on your own... Let your hair down.... go enjoy yourself, Your H and you will have fun news to swap when you get back together.... No. We have done things apart before. I guess I never really left him when there was something going on at home as opposed to just leaving him to fend for himself for the weekend. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Actually I think it's good to do things individually sometimes so long as you also do stuff together as well. Go, enjoy, and let hubby of the leash to enjoy himself too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Go, enjoy, and let hubby of the leash to enjoy himself too. there is no leash Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 there is no leash The way Davey talks about what goes on in his office, maybe he could use a shock collar. Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I don't know why I feel guilty / torn. That's awesome! Your husband is incredibly lucky you care like you do, most spouses would not have thought twice about it. I'm with autumnnight on this one, come back from your girl's weekend and have a reunion to remember! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 No. We have done things apart before. I guess I never really left him when there was something going on at home as opposed to just leaving him to fend for himself for the weekend. lol Depending on who you listen to, there is a lot of guilt thrown around in some places for wanting friends, wanting time, wanting anything except to be 24/7 joined at the hip with your spouse. Total dependency is not healthy. (I am not saying you are). There is nothing wrong with having friends and doing things with them as long as your marriage and spouse are your priority. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 autumnight That is sort of the weird thing. Although DH is always a priority, we have done thing apart without a second though. I probably do more things without him then the other way around but that's our personalities. He would rather stay home which is fine because we both get what we want. I don't know why this particular set of circumstances is making me Q myself. I suspect it may be because we didn't go away with the birthday boy & his GF earlier this month. His GF has been pointedly teasing me about it. (I'm actually thrilled we didn't go; it was a beach trip but was only in the 60s & it poured buckets the entire time) Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I do think think there is anything wrong with going with your female friend and letting hubby enjoy the party. However, if it really does bother you and you think it is something that would preoccupy you, then I can understand staying home and going to the party too. In the end, I would choose whatever your gut feels best about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 What is DH? Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 What is DH? dear or darling husband. please review the FAQ section for common acronyms: LoveShack.org Community Forums - FAQ: Reading, posting, editing, and deleting messages Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 If it were my wife I would want her to enjoy the girls' weekend but let me know that she felt at least a little guilty about it. I don't think I'd care whether she actually felt guilty but it would be nice if she actually pretended to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts