Hoovie Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 My mother in law and sister in law decided to talk with my husband about our relationship. I pay 90% of the bills and I've paid off most of his debt (obtained prior to us). We just recently lost our daughter. She lived a short while after birth due to Trisomy 18. We've been fighting mostly over his drinking. He had quit when I got pregnant and now he's started again. So his family, tell him... You're a good guy, there's plenty of fish in the sea, if she's not putting in her 50%, etc. Um.. What about telling him the truth? Like, if you didn't drink so much, she wouldn't be so irritated. Or... If you actually looked for a better job, finances wouldn't be so hard on her. Or, she just lost a baby I'm February, maybe give her some time to grieve. It really upsets me they encourage that I'm the main problem. I've taken a lonely lower and turned him into a wonderful Man. His mother babies him, and refuses to tell him he needs to calm the drinking and grow up. I'm not the problem. I'm so tired of the bull****. But I'm even more tired of his family not being honest with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 My mother in law and sister in law decided to talk with my husband about our relationship. I pay 90% of the bills and I've paid off most of his debt (obtained prior to us). We just recently lost our daughter. She lived a short while after birth due to Trisomy 18. We've been fighting mostly over his drinking. He had quit when I got pregnant and now he's started again. So his family, tell him... You're a good guy, there's plenty of fish in the sea, if she's not putting in her 50%, etc. Um.. What about telling him the truth? Like, if you didn't drink so much, she wouldn't be so irritated. Or... If you actually looked for a better job, finances wouldn't be so hard on her. Or, she just lost a baby I'm February, maybe give her some time to grieve. It really upsets me they encourage that I'm the main problem. I've taken a lonely lower and turned him into a wonderful Man. His mother babies him, and refuses to tell him he needs to calm the drinking and grow up. I'm not the problem. I'm so tired of the bull****. But I'm even more tired of his family not being honest with him. I'm so sorry about your loss. Keep away from in-laws they suck. Really, they're not looking out for your best interest. You need to go into protection mode and decide if this marriage is right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 I'm awfully sorry to hear of your loss, Hoovie. I guess I don't understand why you stay with an alcoholic who has no ambition whatsoever - unless it's to go to the liquor store? Your disillusioned in-laws really aren't the problem here. It's the guy you married. He's lazy, has zero ambition, has no respect for you and just sees you as his meal ticket. I don't get why anyone would stay with someone like this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hoovie Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 Thank you all. Losing a child is the hardest thing ever. I've never cried so much or tears of this volume in my entire life. I didn't know what "crying" was until this. He recently quit drinking during the pregnancy,so it's not impossible. And after the loss of our daughter I was ok with a drink or two. I needed one myself after everything. But it's been 3 months and he can't have just one or two... he wants a whole damn 12 pk to himself every day. And I understand he is hurting also. This was his first child. He has said that he knows he drinks too much and that he needs to stop again. We fight over the drinking and the fact that he is lazy/stupid. He's like a big kid that I've taken over the mother role for. At 34 years old, he had no idea how to fill out a money order. I've even had to teach him laundry etc. His mom is one of those mom's that do every little ****ing thing. i.e. His 25 year old sister was playing "Quelf" the board game with the entire family. She decided she doesn't want to read the cards anymore and requests that his mother read them for her. HIS MOTHER READ THEM!! I was raised way different. Besides being a foster child, my biological mom was not only a drug addict(METH), but she was a strict and stern mother. If I had asked her to read the cards for me... she would have told me to leave and do some chores. Ha! She is no longer a METH head, she obtains her drugs through doctors and the hospital now. Point is... I'm so independent and maybe I'm grateful that my mother didn't hand me everything. I worked hard for everything I have. I guess I just wish they would support him in quitting the drinking (he can't just cut down) and improving his life. I just want the quality of my life to become better. I'm tired of struggling to pay the bills when my partner should step up and help out where needed, without any excuses. He admits he has a problem, but I don't need them in his ear telling him there are better people out there. Of course there are, there always is! And there sure as hell is someone better for me too, but I don't want to go on that search or give up so easily. I think it will always be somewhat challenging to constantly grow and improve. Isn't that the point of life? To constantly improve? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 They are right about deserving better, but it is applied to you. The only relationship with this man that is possible is one in which you are his mother and take care of him. And for as long as his mom is around she won't allow that. The bigger question is why do you think that you deserve something like this ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 They are right about deserving better, but it is applied to you. The only relationship with this man that is possible is one in which you are his mother and take care of him. And for as long as his mom is around she won't allow that. The bigger question is why do you think that you deserve something like this ? It's just not possible to say or explain it better then this No words will heal your pain Hope that HUGE and prayer sent your way will... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
berniev Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Why did you marry such a guy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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