csny111 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 For the wedding? I have always liked the traditional, "the bride's parents" pay for the wedding, the groom for the license & honeymoon. I think that is a fantastic way to do it!! That being said, I do not know if my parents would be able to afford that! So, I have taken it upon myself to start saving for my future wedding! I don't want my groom to have to put a penny towards the reception, or wedding. He will be the financial breadwinner after that, so I don't see the point! I wish we never got away from the traditional way of doing things, but c'est la vie, we did!! How are you going to handle your future wedding? Parents pay, you pay, both pay? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 As a mature woman...i dont expect my mum to pay for me to marry.....it would be nice if the guy i eventually wanted to marry would help me pay.....luckily for me i am not into bells and whistles and a pumpkin carriage glass slippers and a dress that looks like a dress from gone with the wind......i am not sure how much a dr suess wedding cake would go for....i would get part time work ....and go barefoot......only having those closest to me around......that would be a dream wedding for me..... as far as my daughters go.....i expect to pay......but i will ask my ex to help....he probably wont...again a part time job dish washing might apply for me.....i would save up for them......adn make their day really special......maybe not with bells and whistles...but with thoughtful......ways and crazy clarks...........deb Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 In the modern age, the couple should expect to pay for their own wedding. If family offers to help that's great but you cannot expect money from anyone. Go to a board called http://www.theknot.com for all the wedding Qs you could ever have. Be warned, those girls are brutal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I think the couple marrying should pay for their own wedding. I can see how it was traditional for the brides family to pay considering that the typical bride in days gone by was totally dependent on her family and generally didn't work outside the family home or have resources of her own and the groom was usually just starting out and not flush with cash. Now? I see no reason two grown adults can't foot the bill for their own shindig. My own wedding cost us $80. $40 for the marriage license and $40 for the Justice of the Peace. We were in our 20's, had been living together for about a year, and I didn't see any reason to waste thousands of dollars on a single day when we could use that money for much more useful purposes like a car or a house. I've never regretted it. Especially after acting as Matron of Honor for my friend. The stress, the expense, the mistakes and bloopers, dealing with family and friends at the reception....no thanks. I may not have had a big white dress, but i got to avoid all the drama and BS. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csny111 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Oh, I am definitely looking forward to my wedding and I know for a fact that if my parents could afford it, they would foot the whole bill!! So, that is why I am starting to save my own money, to put towards it. I have my dress picked out and everything, for when that day comes. And I have a wedding album, with everything in it that I want it to look like and everything. A CD, with songs on it that I want to be played, which song I dance with the groom to, the father & daughter dance, the mother & son dance, etc etc etc... Definitely would be the best day of my life!!! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 It's good that you are saving for it but fashions change. My advice: pick out the groom before you worry about stuff like the dress. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csny111 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 It's good that you are saving for it but fashions change. My advice: pick out the groom before you worry about stuff like the dress. I have a few "prospects" I have my eye on, but I'm a woman, so I have dreamed of this day my whole life! I was hoping I could give them the style number and make of the dress, and be able to special order it, if they didn't have it available anymore! I also don't want my bridesmaids to have to pay for their dresses. I find it tacky, and rude to ask your girlfriends to be apart of your wedding and then go, "Oh, and here, spend $$$ this amount on it" and they only get to wear it once, and they didn't even get to pick it out! Traditional, is the way to go!!! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Fashions change & tastes change. The dress you love now probably won't be the one you get married in. Dreaming about your wedding day is fine but right now your posts read like those trappings are more important than your marriage. You have everything backwards. MJJean had it more correct: the promises & the commitments are important. Spending a fortune on one day is nuts. Dream all you like but make sure your priorities are in order. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 The kids already know we won't be paying for their weddings. They will have no student loans or any living expenses during their post secondary educations. If they want traditional weddings, the financing will be up to them. Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I hope you put as much effort into the marriage as you do the wedding! Just sayin. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 He will be the financial breadwinner after that, so I don't see the point! I hope he has a job that pays well cause both of you will need it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csny111 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Fashions change & tastes change. The dress you love now probably won't be the one you get married in. Dreaming about your wedding day is fine but right now your posts read like those trappings are more important than your marriage. You have everything backwards. MJJean had it more correct: the promises & the commitments are important. Spending a fortune on one day is nuts. Dream all you like but make sure your priorities are in order. Well, I don't care what modern day times are doing, so who says I will care what modern day fashion is doing, either? Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Oh, I am definitely looking forward to my wedding and I know for a fact that if my parents could afford it, they would foot the whole bill!! So, that is why I am starting to save my own money, to put towards it. I have my dress picked out and everything, for when that day comes. And I have a wedding album, with everything in it that I want it to look like and everything. A CD, with songs on it that I want to be played, which song I dance with the groom to, the father & daughter dance, the mother & son dance, etc etc etc... Definitely would be the best day of my life!!! The last woman I heard say such things before actually being engaged ended up marrying to the tune of $26,000, not including the honeymoon. The divorce papers were filed before the first anniversary. His grandmother paid for the wedding. I always wondered how furious she must have been when they announced they were divorcing. Especially since the family is catholic and truly believed the marriage would be for life. Too many women are more concerned with the wedding than the marriage. There's an old Dave Barry bit about that. Something about the wedding mattering more than the groom and advising wedding crazy women to invite 3 possible grooms. If they all show up, she should pick the one she likes best and send the others home. Make a Groom album. I imagine scrap book style. In it, do the same thing you did with the wedding details, but fill it with groom details. You know, what kind of man you want him to be. Include things from day to day life. For example, if you see a man mowing the lawn you could add a page with images of men doing yard work and home repairs. If you see a man resolve a conflict in a way that you admire, put it in. Do pages on religion, politics, finances, even do a page or few on sexuality. Add a page for parenting style and child rearing beliefs. Heck, you could even do a section on things you don't want in a mate! Pay much more attention to the Groom album than the Wedding album. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csny111 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 I don't know where people are getting I care more about the wedding, than the marriage. I never said, nor implied that. This is simply a post, stating that I prefer the old fashioned, traditional way of things. I'd say that ups my chances of a successful marriage, after the wedding, not that it hurts it! Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 The groom always pays sooner or later in America. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csny111 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 The groom always pays sooner or later in America. That's why I said, he would most likely be the breadwinner. Generally speaking (I speak in general terms, often), because of the career paths, and career choices/differences men and women make, men still make more money than women, on average. If it's the same job, same hours, same amount of time put in, no days taken off, etc etc etc.... The pay is the same. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) many times, this is not the case for women and men. Men still do the dirty work, the hard jobs, the jobs that take a lot of muscle and a lot of physical strength, and a lot out of you! My career choices, would not sustain us in a married life. They would help! But, they would not sustain us. I posted something similar over on another relationship advice forum, and people translated that as, "she's going to sit at home, not work, and have babies". Well... even if I DID choose to do that, that is my right (especially as a woman), and there's nothing wrong with that! However, I do make my own money and I will continue to do so once I am married. I simply stated that he would be the "breadwinner". Meaning, he would probably earn more than me. I will say, though. I do have a strong desire to home school my kids, if I ever have them. I do believe that babies need their moms, and that the mother's job is FIRST to her husband, and her children and her home. Which is why I said, if I DID choose to stay at home, while my husband works. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that!! I just need to find the groom. And he needs to understand the differences between men & women!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 That's why I said, he would most likely be the breadwinner. Generally speaking (I speak in general terms, often), because of the career paths, and career choices/differences men and women make, men still make more money than women, on average. I don't mean to say it's a bad thing, it just is what it is. Women tend to spend less time on their careers and tend to be less inclined to take risks. That's fine. In fact if I had to pick someone to care for my kids that would be part of her resume I would like. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 My H and I paid for our wedding together. Our parents contributed various things (a dinner the night before, the flowers) but the bulk of it was out of our own pockets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csny111 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 I don't mean to say it's a bad thing, it just is what it is. Women tend to spend less time on their careers and tend to be less inclined to take risks. That's fine. In fact if I had to pick someone to care for my kids that would be part of her resume I would like. I know (I think) you didn't mean to say it as a bad thing. I wasn't sure yet. Women are definitely less inclined to spend time on their careers, I know that of myself. And definitely less inclined to take risks... I wouldn't consider myself a risk taker. In fact, since this is on topic, the biggest risk I ever would take, would BE to get married!! haha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I don't know where people are getting I care more about the wedding, than the marriage. I never said, nor implied that. This is simply a post, stating that I prefer the old fashioned, traditional way of things. I'd say that ups my chances of a successful marriage, after the wedding, not that it hurts it! I stated it because you practically have the wedding planned. All you need is a groom. You even said you have dreamed of this day your entire life. Not saying this is you, but I have seen women who get bored when there's nothing left to do. Plan a wedding, plan a house, plan a family...when there's no more planning left and only living to do, they leave so they can start new over again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I don't know where people are getting I care more about the wedding, than the marriage. I never said, nor implied that. This is simply a post, stating that I prefer the old fashioned, traditional way of things. I'd say that ups my chances of a successful marriage, after the wedding, not that it hurts it! Women who dream of and plan their marriages their entire lives can also be so focused on the wedding and their vision of marriage that they want to plug a groom into the empty groom slot so badly they don't see red flags. It's something to think about as you date and start to discern marriage with prospective husbands. Besides, what will you do if your Mr Right happened to be the type of guy who absolutely hates weddings and would prefer a small ceremony with only the required witnesses at the Justice of the Peace or in the pastor's office? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I have to agree with MJJean. It's a nice to sentiment to save for the wedding, but there are better things to save money for than that... like retirement and downpayment of a house, or a car. You know, practical stuff that you can plan for right now versus a wedding with a guy you haven't met yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author csny111 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Women are hard wired to dream of their wedding day, and with whom it will be, and with whom they will spend their lives with. The life with your SO doesn't start until the wedding day, so it's a good place to start if you want to start saving for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Women are hard wired to dream of their wedding day, and with whom it will be, and with whom they will spend their lives with. The life with your SO doesn't start until the wedding day, so it's a good place to start if you want to start saving for your future. Women aren't hard wired to dream of that. They are TAUGHT to dream of that. Also, if you really believe your life with your SO doesn't start til that day, you have a lot of learning yet to do. Your life with your SO begins much sooner than that. That's the foundation on which you build upon before the wedding. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Women are hard wired to dream of their wedding day, and with whom it will be, and with whom they will spend their lives with. The life with your SO doesn't start until the wedding day, so it's a good place to start if you want to start saving for your future. LOL no we are not. I don't know a single woman who has spent her life dreaming of a wedding when she wasn't even close to being engaged. Anyway, I think it's nice when parents can contribute but the bulk ime has been on the couple, except in the cases of very rich families in which case dad paid for it all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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