Nikki Sahagin Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Hi all, This isn't a gender specific friend so men, women - feel free to reply. If you're married and have gone off sex, what's your reasons? * Health * Loss of attraction * Pregnancy/kid related Or something else? I'd be really interested to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 This thread made me think about things more clearly so thank you. I'm a woman who's birthed 4 children (3 pregnancies, 1 twin pregnancy). I remember a number of reasons why I've felt turned off: (not in any particular order & not all with same partner) * being upset or angry from spouse's actions or words * not wanting the critical analysis of the session afterwards * no foreplay * feeling ill * no privacy or not private enough * feeling totally unattractive - "unsexy" Can't think of any other reasons. Lion Heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Usually exhaustion, or because baby is in the bed between us. Oh, and shiftwork - that's a nuisance. It's hard to have sex when I'm in bed and he's working in a different country. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 In the past reasons for me were : 1. Feeling tired and stressed with young kids to look after 2. Getting no (not enough) help with chores/kids, so ticked off 3. Financial stress 4. Resentful towards my H for all the above 5. Body image /feeling unattractive 6. Not getting enough out of it The first 4 haven't been an issue for many years now. I'd say the last point is linked to the 5th one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Not my choice. My ex acted higher drive than she was to catch me, and quite literally after saying "I do" she started saying "I don't". Bait and switch. I tried for many years to change that, to no avail, so finally divorced her and found someone who is compatible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Usually exhaustion, or because baby is in the bed between us. Oh, and shiftwork - that's a nuisance. It's hard to have sex when I'm in bed and he's working in a different country. Why is there a baby in bed between you? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 #1 reason for married people to go off of sex: Marriage Certificate 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Trickled Truthed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 For those of you who have said body image/feeling unattractive, has your husband said or done anything to encourage you feel bad about yourself? Or the opposite? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 For those of you who have said body image/feeling unattractive, has your husband said or done anything to encourage you feel bad about yourself? Or the opposite? Yes; this is an interesting point! Low self-esteem/self-image would be a big sex killer if you dislike your body etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Donate Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I believe that many people [men and women] never intend on having a healthy, long-term sexual relationship after marriage. They do the bait and switch routine with hopes that their partner will not leave. Sometimes even going so far as to make their partners unattractive to others by making them gain weight for example. This way the 'cold' person does not have to have sex or worry so much about the other person leaving them for someone else. The best thing anyone can do after marriage is to stay fit and healthy, continue to dress well and be generally attractive and leave before you have any kids if the OP starts to become cold. Do not waste time trying to change someone, negotiate or wait things out....the years will pass and nothing with happen except continued frustration. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillmind Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 When I was pregnant I was so miserable and exhausted by 8 pm I wanted nothing to do with sex. He was so good about toughing it out that as soon as my body only contained 1 person instead of 2 he got daily bjs for a month straight while I healed up LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Can't believe nobody said boredom. Sex isn't really that exciting. Other than needing to release once a week, sex is boring to me. It's the same person and eventually everything is routine. My wife is always willing, but I'm not that interested. Rather work on projects. Maybe I'm spoiled. Novelty wears off when you don't have to work for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pauduro Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I'm happy to not be on this boat. My wife, young looking 35 is always horny. I make plans often for us to get out of town so she can let loose. She enjoys wearing sexy outfits and getting attention when we're away. I surprise her with club wear dresses and high heels which she loves wearing. I'm enjoying this ride Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I'm happy to not be on this boat. My wife, young looking 35 is always horny. I make plans often for us to get out of town so she can let loose. She enjoys wearing sexy outfits and getting attention when we're away. I surprise her with club wear dresses and high heels which she loves wearing. I'm enjoying this ride How often do you have sex? Is it just when you go out of town, or are those just times to be louder away from kid? Link to post Share on other sites
Panda9080 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 My marriage became sexless due to my husband's illness. A sack of rock on my shoulder. Link to post Share on other sites
Anderlie Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Honestly? Getting an IUD. We still have sex once or twice a week and I enjoy it but my mirena has killed that desire to get going. I wish I could get rid of it but it's the best birth control I've ever had in every other respect. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 My marriage became sexless due to my husband's illness. A sack of rock on my shoulder. I am so sorry about your husbands illness. Not his fault but a painful loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 #1 reason for married people to go off of sex: Marriage Certificate Never stopped us. Then having a child was supposed to. Nope. Oh, but wait until you have the second one, you can do those same tricks with two of them in the house, you'll have less time. Want to bet? Two kids, both under 4 and we have sex a few times a week, meaning 4 times or so. Basically the same without kids. If you want it, you'll figure it out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 For those who've gone off sex in marriage; why? In the realm of total celibacy, I didn't go off sex but, when the love died, it felt completely different and the desire for frequency died with the love. It became more like what my exW had spoken of many times, sport-fµcking. Nice in the moment but meh, the afterglow was like the deep black of space.... Fortunately, few men are wired this way so, generally, such issues like that won't occur. Barring physical issues, men are generally 'up' for sex. I think one tell-tale sign of my anomalous behavior was my dislike for 'make-up' sex. Yeah, making love was nice after issues were resolved but not as a band-aid to resolve the underlying issues. I had great difficulty separating the emotional content from the physical and, in general, this is not an issue for most men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartWon'tHeal Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 My husband cut off all intimacy many years ago. So it's his doing. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I didn't go off sex in my marriage; I went off sex with my xH. We drifted apart, and lost the connection. And with the loss of connection, I lost all attraction for him. But my drive never disappeared. I remember on many occasions waiting for him to leave so I could masturbate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Never stopped us. Then having a child was supposed to. Nope. Oh, but wait until you have the second one, you can do those same tricks with two of them in the house, you'll have less time. Want to bet? Two kids, both under 4 and we have sex a few times a week, meaning 4 times or so. Basically the same without kids. If you want it, you'll figure it out. I don't think people stop having sex because of their kids. They might use them as an excuse, but it's not the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
dixiepix Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Too much beer makes a weenie limp... especially if it is 1/2 case/day habit. it's not my choice but sure is my H Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) My STBXH was overly fond of secretly getting it from other women and then from a bottle of grey goose. I wasnt even third on his list... That was his computers. I love the idea of intimacy. Marriage actually really increased my desire to be intimite, and have a satisfying sexual relationship. Next time I'll just choose my partner a little better. Edited March 23, 2015 by EverySunset 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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