Jump to content

I was topless on a beach and husband thinks it was disrespectful to him


Recommended Posts

Basically what the title says. Husband and I have a disagreement over this and can't really get somewhere.

 

Context:

 

I was in Australia a few weeks ago for work (without husband obviously) and I went to a beach with a few friends. At some point in the day we were alone in the area (me, three female friends, two male friends). Two of the other girls went topless and I did too, no big deal really to me (I've gone topless before with my husband). So I went back home and yesterday my friend (who took a couple of pictures), created an album on iCloud and shared it with us, husband saw the pictures and said that going topless there was disrespectful to him and I should have consulted him first. I don't see why really.

 

So, what do you think? Some external ideas might be helpful.

 

Thanks!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, you didn't know it would bother him, and now you know, so you wouldn't do it without consulting him again, right? I am curious about how you felt with the pic upload? Did your friends tell you in advance, or did you care?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You were in a part of the world where being topless is no big deal and not sexualized to the extent that it is in the States, so I think your husband is being close-minded.

 

It was not a sexual situation. He is sexualizing your nudity, understandably, but isn't seeing the bigger picture of the situation with friends just being open and free with each other in an acceptable locale.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Well, you didn't know it would bother him, and now you know, so you wouldn't do it without consulting him again, right? I am curious about how you felt with the pic upload? Did your friends tell you in advance, or did you care?

 

Of course, wouldn't have done it if I knew it would bother him and won't do it again. Picture was only shared privately between us 3 girls, I'm not worried about that.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Of course, wouldn't have done it if I knew it would bother him and won't do it again. Picture was only shared privately between us 3 girls, I'm not worried about that.

 

That's good. :)

 

 

I've been on topless beach in Nice, France. It was fun.

 

 

So, all you have to do is reassure him that you had no intention of making him uncomfortable and won't do it again.(And then, don't do it again.)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with your husband.

 

Suppose he'd been with one of those tribes in Africa where it's considered polite for visiting men to sleep with their wives. Because that's the custom, is he supposed to partake?

 

Had there been no male friends there, maybe OK.

 

I know you ladies often don't think boobies are a big deal, since you've been around them for years and have probably seen your friends'. But to most men, they are a VERY VERY VERY big deal. Men generally do not want other men to see their women naked/half-naked. At all. You can argue about it, but you won't change our minds.

Edited by 1040
  • Like 11
Link to post
Share on other sites
Basically what the title says. Husband and I have a disagreement over this and can't really get somewhere.

 

Context:

 

I was in Australia a few weeks ago for work (without husband obviously) and I went to a beach with a few friends. At some point in the day we were alone in the area (me, three female friends, two male friends). Two of the other girls went topless and I did too, no big deal really to me (I've gone topless before with my husband). So I went back home and yesterday my friend (who took a couple of pictures), created an album on iCloud and shared it with us, husband saw the pictures and said that going topless there was disrespectful to him and I should have consulted him first. I don't see why really.

 

So, what do you think? Some external ideas might be helpful.

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

I wear a shirt all the time because I do not want to get sunburned. My spouse always asks me wouldn't I be cooler without the shirt? Why don't I take it off?

 

 

 

 

I tell HER no.

 

 

 

 

I agree with your husband. You parade around your "girls" in front of other men he is right to not like it. Also Pictures get hacked from the Cloud. So there is no security. Along with who ever this person shows these pictures to will only allow the number of other men to increase who saw your "girls".

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Apologize for upsetting him. explain you didn't know he'd be bothered because it was an asexual situation & can you now please talk calmly about boundaries & expectations.

 

 

Then pleasure him. I mean really make it all about him, even the stuff he loves that you aren't all that keen about. Make sure he understands that the physical aspects of your marriage are only for him.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
explain you didn't know he'd be bothered because it was an asexual situation.

 

This is the disconnect.

 

To many men, just seeing a woman topless is already a sexual situation. I can guarantee the 2 male friends were drinking in the view. And if one of those male friends ever smirks at the husband, it will piss him off.

Edited by 1040
  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Outside of the US people aren't as hung about nudity as they are here.

 

 

Since the OP already did this, I'm trying to come up with constructive ways of helping her & her husband get through this. She did something that upset him. They need to reconcile. Period. End of story.

 

 

Also she'd been topless in public where presumably other men could see her when her husband was there. So actually the nudity didn't bother him as much as his absence.

 

 

She needs suggestions not more people piling on her telling her she was a slut or worse.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

I can see both sides to this argument.

 

Let me type a comparable situation in proper context so you can understand your husband:

 

If he were to tell you : "I'm going to a get together with some friends at their house, I'll be back late".

 

And the following morning someone uploads pictures with 2 topless women at his side, and all 3 have huge smiles, which he then clarifies: "Oh, It was a bachelor party, but nothing happened".

 

Would you be ok with that?

 

If you are, then I guess I completely understand your point of view. And you would definitely need to communicate with your husband better in hopes of addressing the differences in your views.

 

If you wouldn't be ok with that, then I guess you owe your husband an apology.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Who called her a "slut or worse"?

 

 

It wasn't a quote. Nobody used those words.

 

 

All I'm saying is let's be helpful. On that note, what can you offer that is positive?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Outside of the US people aren't as hung about nudity as they are here.

 

 

Since the OP already did this, I'm trying to come up with constructive ways of helping her & her husband get through this. She did something that upset him. They need to reconcile. Period. End of story.

 

 

Also she'd been topless in public where presumably other men could see her when her husband was there. So actually the nudity didn't bother him as much as his absence.

 

 

She needs suggestions not more people piling on her telling her she was a slut or worse.

 

 

 

You can take an American to the a 3rd World Country (Australian joke, another war I still want them on our side) though you can not expect to take the American man's values out of her husband left back state side to approve of her Sluuutting around topless on the beach.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You can take an American to the a 3rd World Country (Australian joke, another war I still want them on our side) though you can not expect to take the American man's values out of her husband left back state side to approve of her Sluuutting around topless on the beach.

 

 

The naked body can be art. It's not always about sex.

 

 

Again, chastising her isn't productive. What suggestions can you offer to help the OP make her husband understand that she did not set out to intentionally hurt him or disrespect him and that she is genuinely sorry that he's upset?

 

 

And 1040, road just called the OP a slut. Call me psychic.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

OP, how would you feel if your husband had been traveling without you, and he hung out with a few of his female friends while they were topless?

 

I'd be very upset. Therefore, I understand why he is upset with you.

 

Show some empathy. You need to convey that you can understand how it was inappropriate in his eyes.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
You were in a part of the world where being topless is no big deal and not sexualized to the extent that it is in the States, so I think your husband is being close-minded.

 

It was not a sexual situation. He is sexualizing your nudity, understandably, but isn't seeing the bigger picture of the situation with friends just being open and free with each other in an acceptable locale.

 

^^Completely agree with this and that it is possible to be in situations with mixed company and it not lead to sexual escapades.

 

Based on some posts, I might start wondering about my doctor and gynecologist. Sheesh. I know this is not a medical situation but it does illustrate that some men are able to see naked women, even very attractive women without it being or becoming sexual.

 

That said, OP, he is your husband and if he is agitated about it then his feelings on this should be respected. It's done, so at this point an apology and reassurance would be my action. At least you know where he stands on it now.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
The naked body can be art. It's not always about sex.

 

Again, chastising her isn't productive. What suggestions can you offer to help the OP make her husband understand that she did not set out to intentionally hurt him or disrespect him and that she is genuinely sorry that he's upset?

 

And 1040, road just called the OP a slut. Call me psychic.

 

Well, if someone called her a slut AFTER I posted, it's hard to blame me.

 

All right, I will try to explain, again, what is going on and then give suggestions. I am not making this stuff up.

 

I did not chastise. I pointed out that her husband had a response, an entirely understandable one from an American husband perspective. It may or may not be totally logical, but it is there. Men are allowed to have emotions, too.

 

It is a visceral thing for most American men when other men look at their SOs topless, naked, etc. Our stomachs get upset. We don't like it; in fact we hate it. Most of us are quite territorial that way. We imagine other men looking, and lusting, and thinking about it and wanting to make a move. I guarantee that the 2 male friends now think of the OP in a different way, and will forever. I am almost certain that they were getting erections on that beach. I would have.

 

When OP's husband sees the 2 male friends, he will be thinking about this. For a long time. He will be watching them.

 

I understand that women may think that their boobies are no big deal. I get that.

 

PLEASE understand that to men, they are VERY important. They are special, and sacred, an incredible gift, and some of the most beautiful and amazing things on earth. In some ways, they are a large part of why we interact with women to begin with, as off-putting as that may sound.

 

A topless beach, to most American men, is a sexualized situation. The fact that people in other countries think differently is of no concern whatever to American men.

 

So, for recommendations:

 

OP should apologize to her husband. She should say that she did not truly recognize how he thought of her body. She should ESPECIALLY not try to change his mind or argue or debate or tell him his emotions are wrong or talk about how "It's no big deal." Getting defensive is also a bad idea. She should recognize his feelings.

 

Assuming it's the truth, she should say she now understands how he feels and that she agrees she should not have done this.

 

It has to be a real apology, not one of those "I am sorry if you misinterpreted the situation" ones. She should not do this or anything like it ever again, unless he's along and approves.

 

This is a lot more important event than some of you ladies may think. OP had better not minimize this or tell him to "get over it."

 

Ladies, I am telling you the truth. I hope you can believe me.

Edited by 1040
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
autumnnight
I wear a shirt all the time because I do not want to get sunburned. My spouse always asks me wouldn't I be cooler without the shirt? Why don't I take it off?

 

 

 

 

I tell HER no.

 

 

 

 

I agree with your husband. You parade around your "girls" in front of other men he is right to not like it. Also Pictures get hacked from the Cloud. So there is no security. Along with who ever this person shows these pictures to will only allow the number of other men to increase who saw your "girls".

 

I am a woman, so I think like one. Here is the jist: She and her husband have been on the beach numerous times when she went topless. It was no big deal. He has never had a problem with it. Even when they were with friends. She was with friends, probably on one of those same beaches, and when they all went topless, so did she, because in her mind, they do it all the time. It would never occur to me in the moment that just because he wasn't there, all the rules changed.

 

Now she knows. Now she can go forward doing things differently. But piling on just because she didn't think like a man and psychically KNOW it would bother him does not make her awful. It makes her a human who thinks like a woman.

 

Good lord, such automatic assumptions of female evilness.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
autumnnight

I'm trying to figure out exactly where the OP dissed her husband. She is on here looking for ways to fix it.

 

We get it. No skin showing if our man isn't with us. Sans a time machine, what purpose does dissecting past actions and calling names serve?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You can't undo what's done, but apologise that your action of being topless upset him. State that there was no intent to disrespect him and you won't do it again.

 

I'm wondering if the two male friends are a factor in him feeling this way.

 

I can empathise with him, however, as you regular go topless on the beach, I'm wondering why he was surprised.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My boyfriend and I have been to a couple nude beeches in Maui...together.

 

Would I go topless elsewhere without him...no. For exactly the reasons that you bring up. I don't want to do anything that puts a chink in our trust. That trust is the glue that keeps a good relationship thriving.

 

Should he be upset? That can be debated forever. The fact is that he 'is' upset. My boyfriend is a male...males are territorial about their woman. The cave man thing. I never do anything that in any way gives him doubts.

 

Do I have coffee with an ex? No. Go out with girls and stay out after midnight...no. I could if I wanted but the pluses just don't outweigh what I value most in the universe...the feelings of my guy. I want him to be carefree and happy about the two of us.

 

Bottom line, I know what male buttons to push and which to avoid. Is this some pandering to male insecurity, etc? I really don't care. What I do know is that my relationship is the priority in my life.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

Lady,

 

Speaking as a man: don't ever let a man (or anyone)decide what you do with your body. Only you have the right to decide who you show it to. Your body, your choice. He's your husband, not your owner.

 

You say that your husband has no problems in you being topless when he's around. Why should he be worried when he's not?

Are your breasts only beautiful and desirable when he's around? Why should you hide them when he's not near? Is he afraid that another man will have sex with you just because you're topless and without a husband near.

 

Well... here's the news: I suspect most women who cheat on their husbands never go topless on the beach. And if you wanted to cheat on your husband you wouldn't need to remove your bikini to to that.

 

Again, as a man I say: it's you who decide what to do with your body and what's appropriate or not. I always stated to my girlfriends what I thought was appropriate or not, but in the end it was their call. They should decide what suited them best or not.

 

It makes me sad to see that, in the 21st century, there are still so many women who choose what to dress or what to wear based on what their husbands think it's appropriate or not.

 

We guys never ask a woman what we should or not wear. We just wear it (or not).

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...