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Couple married 67 years


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Just reading an article about a couple married 67 years and died holding hands.

The Hartwigs of California.

Touching story.

Quoting the article, "it would be nice if the world got back to the core of marriage. They need to go back to the basics that marriage is forever."

 

Married August 16, 1947.

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I saw that article.

 

My dad died on Christmas Day. They had just hit #65 in July. If my mom was also very ill, or not with it, that would have been a good way to go. But she's very much got life in her yet, so we carry on.

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I saw that article.

 

My dad died on Christmas Day. They had just hit #65 in July. If my mom was also very ill, or not with it, that would have been a good way to go. But she's very much got life in her yet, so we carry on.

 

Sorry to hear about your father. 65 years is amazing.

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It's not really about people getting back to the core, or the basics, of marriage. It's about the number of mentally unstable people in the world today. Most of the time, they simply cannot sustain a relationship, and if they do, the marriage is a living hell. I know numerous people who have been married 30+ years and they have the most insane relationships you could imagine. This is extremely unhealthy.

 

The couple that died holding hands is a rare exception.

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Both my sisters have been married 30 + years.

 

Brother in law #1 is an alcoholic. All though sober for the last 8 years, there were some really bad times.

 

Brother in law #2 is a work work aholic , who was not very affectionate to my sister, he let his health go and refuse to take medications his doctor prescribed for him. He had a stroke two years ago, and has lost about 30 percent of his movement and functionality.

 

 

I talk to them sometimes why they stayed married. Both considered divorce many times over the 30 years. We all remember our mom and dads divorce and the effects on the family. They took the long view that marriage should be forever, and also frankly that marriage is more than just a happy love with a spouse, its about family and home and a life and more.

 

When I think of the "old days" of marriage the history of marriage - I dont always think of lovey dovey happy marriages - but rather a more fundamental understanding that my sisters have of the reasons for a marriage and family and staying in it. Sacrifice is not a big thing these days.

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Both my sisters have been married 30 + years.

 

Brother in law #1 is an alcoholic. All though sober for the last 8 years, there were some really bad times.

 

Brother in law #2 is a work work aholic , who was not very affectionate to my sister, he let his health go and refuse to take medications his doctor prescribed for him. He had a stroke two years ago, and has lost about 30 percent of his movement and functionality.

 

 

I talk to them sometimes why they stayed married. Both considered divorce many times over the 30 years. We all remember our mom and dads divorce and the effects on the family. They took the long view that marriage should be forever, and also frankly that marriage is more than just a happy love with a spouse, its about family and home and a life and more.

 

When I think of the "old days" of marriage the history of marriage - I dont always think of lovey dovey happy marriages - but rather a more fundamental understanding that my sisters have of the reasons for a marriage and family and staying in it. Sacrifice is not a big thing these days.

 

Marriage #1 -- I would've left.

Marriage #2 -- I probably would've stayed.

 

Maybe you're right because I personally don't stay with unstable people -- abusers, alcoholics, drug addicts, control freaks, etc. My parents had a wonderful marriage and after growing up in a home with parents like that, it's not possible to accept anything else.

 

However, this whole attitude of staying no matter what, is exactly why so many loyal woman stay in abusive marriages. Because of the judgment associated with divorce. I think we all need to know when it's smart to stick it out and stay, and when it's smarter to walk away. And everyone else needs to stay out of it.

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Lernaean_Hydra

When I think of the "old days" of marriage the history of marriage - I dont always think of lovey dovey happy marriages - but rather a more fundamental understanding that my sisters have of the reasons for a marriage and family and staying in it. Sacrifice is not a big thing these days.

 

That's just the thing. A lot of people fail to realize that "back in the day" when divorce was a huge social/religious taboo many couples stayed married because they had to, not because they were deeply in love or even out of "honor" or obligation. They simply had no other reasonable alternative. society is on some kind of rapid decline toward orgies and anarchy.

 

Even still, while there is a lot to be said about sacrifice and I agree, it's not as common as it once was, there's a difference between sacrifice and suffering. It's wholly unrealistic to expect that your marrige will be rainbows and sunshine until you die holding hands yet I think it's equally unrealistic to believe the best possible route is to stay in a marriage that makes you miserable for years as you quietly hope your spouse dies before you so that you may have at least a little peace before you quickly follow suit.

 

I certainly agree that with the relative ease of obtaining a divorce, people are increasingly unwilling to work though their issues and instead flee at the first sign of distress. However we only get this one life and on you do not get extra years or do-overs for making yourself a martyr. In truth, I can't even fathom spending the rest of it with someone who makes me tremendously unhappy for years on end because that's just what people should do or something.

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That's just the thing. A lot of people fail to realize that "back in the day" when divorce was a huge social/religious taboo many couples stayed married because they had to, not because they were deeply in love or even out of "honor" or obligation. They simply had no other reasonable alternative. society is on some kind of rapid decline toward orgies and anarchy.

 

Even still, while there is a lot to be said about sacrifice and I agree, it's not as common as it once was, there's a difference between sacrifice and suffering. It's wholly unrealistic to expect that your marrige will be rainbows and sunshine until you die holding hands yet I think it's equally unrealistic to believe the best possible route is to stay in a marriage that makes you miserable for years as you quietly hope your spouse dies before you so that you may have at least a little peace before you quickly follow suit.

 

I certainly agree that with the relative ease of obtaining a divorce, people are increasingly unwilling to work though their issues and instead flee at the first sign of distress. However we only get this one life and on you do not get extra years or do-overs for making yourself a martyr. In truth, I can't even fathom spending the rest of it with someone who makes me tremendously unhappy for years on end because that's just what people should do or something.

 

Very good points.

 

I think there is a balance somewhere and in society have gone from one extreme to another.

 

There is also a line between someone abusing you, taking advantage constantly, spite, ruining you financially, etc.........and not making you happy.

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Just reading an article about a couple married 67 years and died holding hands.

The Hartwigs of California.

Touching story.

Quoting the article, "it would be nice if the world got back to the core of marriage. They need to go back to the basics that marriage is forever."

 

Married August 16, 1947.

 

My husband showed this story to me. I'd already seen it, but I thought it was sweet that he thought of me when he read it :love:

 

We have many very long, very loving marriages in our families. Yes, my grandmother will tell me that her husband of 70+ years drives her crazy, but she's laughing when she says it. I'm sure he annoys her (heck, my H and I already annoy each other, and it's only been 20 years!), but the love is deep and strong. It's really one of the most beautiful things a human can experience, imo.

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When I think of the "old days" of marriage the history of marriage - I dont always think of lovey dovey happy marriages - but rather a more fundamental understanding that my sisters have of the reasons for a marriage and family and staying in it. Sacrifice is not a big thing these days.

 

i absolutely agree with this.

 

50 years of marriage rarely means 50 years of "true" love and happiness - in my opinion. people stay married for a lot of different reasons, not just love.

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Lernaean_Hydra
*society is **NOT on some kind of rapid decline toward orgies and anarchy.

 

Whoops, excuse the weird typo!

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Just wanted to share my 2 cents:

 

My parents have been married for almost 40 years now. To those that see from the outside they really look like an adoring, stable couple.

 

Well, as their son, I can say that their marriage is a hell of misery, madness and insanitity.

So much so that when I was a kid I used to ask them to please get a divorce, because I couldn't bear with it. Most of the kids cry when their parents want to divorce, right? Well, I remember crying because my parents wouldn't divorce.

 

Their marriage was so bad that it ruined my emotional life. The damages to my psyche were so big that it took me until I was 25 to finally realize the extension of the damage and begin work on myself.

 

My luck was that I was a curious kid. I hid myself in literature, because books offered a great way to escape reality. If it were not for literature I'd most probably be dead or in jail right now.

 

My parents never even taught me a thing about life. I had to learn 90% about the world by myself. The sole thing they did for me was feed me, dress me and buy me a book once in a while. Why? Because they were too busy making life a living hell to one another.

 

Some of you may ask: "if they're so miserable, why are they still married to each other, after such a long time"?

Short answer - they're emotional psychopats. They like the chaos, pain and insanity that their marriage provides for both of them. I know that if they got a divorce and found new mates neither one of them would ever succeed in mantaining an healthy and stable relationship. Both of them are broken inside. And that's why they stay together.

In a perverted way, they sometimes remind me of those psychopatic couples, who would sometimes kidnap, rape and kill young girls, performing those hideous crimes together.

 

So, yeah... having grown up in such a distorted and sick relationship has opened my eyes to the dynamics of marriages and made me a bit ceptic on relationships in general (couples, friends, whatever).

 

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely believe in true love.

In fact, I strongly believe that 10% of marriages are based on Love (and I emphasize the capital L).

The remaining 90% are selfish, comfort or "contract-like" relationships.

 

I'll share a story concerning a guy I know: he's a divorced dad and he's actually dating a woman his age (mid-thirties). The woman in question is emotionally unstable and their relationship has been on-off for more than a year, with its fair share of drama, shouting, etc.

I recently asked him why he didn't terminate the relationship since he was the first to consider it "bad".

His answer: he thought that she was a nice girl (meaning that he didn't see it likely that she'd ever cheat on him), he didn't feel like being alone right now and he liked to have sex with her.

Some relationship, huh?

 

Well, I'll admit that all of this it's just my opinion. And my bad experiences have certainly left their mark upon me.

 

But, to all of those who are married and took the trouble of reading this, I ask:

You're married and in love with your spouse (at least I certainly hope so). But are you really certain that your spouse is in Love with you?

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But, to all of those who are married and took the trouble of reading this, I ask:

You're married and in love with your spouse (at least I certainly hope so). But are you really certain that your spouse is in Love with you?

 

Yes, 100% certain. As much as my parents were for 65+ years. It's obvious to everyone around us as well.

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My parents have been married for 62 years and drive each other nuts, but dang- who wouldn't drive you nuts after 62 years? Just having teenagers almost sent me to the looney bin. Anyway, they love each other and have a good marriage. :love:

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My parents have been married almost 50 years, and they do love each other deeply. I heard them argue from time to time growing up, but they also knew how to apologize. They supported each other through tough times and yes, their marriage went through seasons where life was stressful and seasons where the hearts and flowers abounded. Their commitment and comfort with each other is apparent, and they do little things almost unconsciously to take care of each other.

 

I could talk about how erare that is and how horrible most of the world is....

 

Or I could learn from them.

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My grandparents would have celebrated their 66th anniversary 3 days ago....except that my grandmother died this past Christmas Day. It was a sad day 3 days ago for my grandfather who is now so sad without her. They were 16 and 17 when they started dating ....

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Put it this way, we've lost something in our society, and that is loyalty and the ability to fix something if it is broken. Yes it is true that in the old days (our grandparents generation) there were women that probably SHOULD have left. Divorce wasn't as easy as it is today and had more of a stigma to it. However, we see this today too. There are plenty of couples that should simply split up. So it is a wash, really from generation to generation.

 

 

What is the difference? We have gone way too far on the other side of the pendulum. Divorce is easier nowadays. People think the grass is greener on the other side too often. We forget why we even fell in love with that person. We get caught up in social media and don't work on our real relationships. Then there is the examples from celebrities. Kim Kardashian and her 72 day marriage. Stuff like that.

 

 

I am only at 7 years of marriage right now, but I have never forgotten the way I first looked at my wife. I still do it to this day the same way. I'll never forget that either. We don't even entertain the idea of a divorce. We love each other and believe God brought us together. That's a tough thing for an outsider to try and break. I know that from the moment I met my wife she was the one. In fact, I told her just two weeks into us dating! I hope we make 50 years, because our generation will NOT have a lot of Golden Anniversaries.

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