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My husband has been at the same company for 7 years now and only make 42k a year. They greatly underpay him even though he is a senior level computer technician and programmer. He comes home complaining about his job all the time and really hates working there, yet he will not take the steps to find other work. I even offered to type him up a resume and help him look for other jobs but he won't bother.

 

It is straining our relationship because I make double his income and we are looking to try for a baby in a few months. I want to be able to stay at home for a few months to take care of the child, but on his salary alone, that will be very difficult. Jobs that require even less experience than he has are paying 60k+. It makes no sense why he won't look for another job if he hates this one so much. Any advice?:(

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It sounds like your husband is one of those people who dream, but never do what it takes to get what they want. I would definitely post-pone baby until this gets sorted out. He either steps up and does what it takes to find other work, or he accepts the job he has now. I can see how it would get annoying to hear him complain, but not make any effort to change the situation. It does sound like he is grossly underpaid. Maybe he could also ask for a raise all things considering. He might be able to petition for higher pay if he does some research on the market rate. I also think it would be a good idea to build up some savings before you decide to try for a baby, so if he does decide to keep the job he has, you have more financial leeway.

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If he hates the job, and feels underpaid, then yes, he should look for another job.

 

 

I too am underpaid for what I do, however, I like where I work, and along with the "underpayment" comes a lot less stress. That's a fair trade off for me. It's not all about the money, at least, not for me.

 

 

And..

 

 

If you make double his income, why can't he be the one who stays home with the baby for a few months? Child care shouldn't be relegated only to the mother.

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This is actually a very serious situation and an affair or divorce are on your horizon if this is not addressed. The reason for that is you are losing respect and admiration for him and women cannot desire men they do not respect or desire.

 

You are already having feelings for another woman, it's just a matter of time before another man comes into the picture that has the ambition and career drive that you admire.

 

Your challenge is to get your husband to understand the seriousness of the situation and to get off his butt and do something about it.

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I also think it would be a good idea to build up some savings before you decide to try for a baby, so if he does decide to keep the job he has, you have more financial leeway.

 

^^^^

 

This. If you're making $120K+ per year together, you should be able to create a nice nest egg (pun intended :)). Don't see why money would be a stress point...

 

Mr. Lucky

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^^^^

 

This. If you're making $120K+ per year together, you should be able to create a nice nest egg (pun intended :)). Don't see why money would be a stress point...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Exactly. If you make $120 combined, you both should have some savings by now in addition to the pay you get while on maternity leave. You guys shouldn't have any issues if you take some time off of work for 3-6 months unless there are some financial issues you guys have that haven't been mentioned. It's a good idea to have 6 months to a year of salary in savings before having a baby. :)

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Exactly. If you make $120 combined, you both should have some savings by now in addition to the pay you get while on maternity leave. You guys shouldn't have any issues if you take some time off of work for 3-6 months unless there are some financial issues you guys have that haven't been mentioned. It's a good idea to have 6 months to a year of salary in savings before having a baby. :)

 

Yeah we have almost 100k saved up and intend on putting 50k down a home within the next few months.

 

In regard to another post, I would never cheat on him. I do have bi feelings from time to time but never act on them. When I married him, I gave my body on this earth entirely to him alone. I don't even like that other lady anymore (that I posted about before) because she is a self-absorbed and rude person. :p

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What does he say is the reason he won't look for a job that is more commensurate with his training an experience??

 

I talked to him the other day and he does agree with me. He said that he has been feeling this way long before he met me but needs a push. I guess I need to get the ball rolling like making his resume, business cards, thank you cards, and searching for jobs for him/planning interviews. I do all the finances and dictate all the chores out. He gives me so much influence in the relationship and I hate it but like it at the same time.

 

I rather him be more aggressive and have a driven attitude to get what he wants like I always have had. He just has no motivation and drive of his own to do anything so needs me to motivate him on everything. I even have to plan all the social activities and dates.

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I confess that I have developed an admiration to the previously mentioned lady's husband. He just completed a masters in engineering and is always reading books on self-improvement. He is so driven and successful, a real leader. I wish my husband would be like that. He even is going to lead classes at church and regularly gives lectures in our Bible class. My husband is extremely intelligent but lacks the same drive and motivation for success. I just get frusterated all the time about this. :(

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hook him up with a professional job seeker (head hunter). the head hunter will find the jobs, and hubby only has to show up. problem solved.

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I'd suggest that you stop anything that even looks like "helping" your husband fix this problem. He has to be the one to do that. You're not his mommy. He may accept your help and suggestions but most men really resent their wives doing these kind of things. Unless he actually asks you for your help or suggestions, stay out of it.

 

I'd also recommend that you put the kid thing on pause for now. You need to make sure this is the man for you. Just from the few things I've read, the two of you have serious issues and don't need to be dragging kids into this.

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Keep saving your money. Maybe you'll find someone with the ambition you need. Maybe you'll go out and do more yourself. Are you sure this need for ambition isn't really about doing more in the world yourself? Maybe you really want to stay the main breadwinner. If you don't find someone better or resolve this need within yourself then I would just accept him. Maybe he has an unrealized ambition to be a stay at home dad and he would be outstanding at it.

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I talked to him the other day and he does agree with me. He said that he has been feeling this way long before he met me but needs a push. I guess I need to get the ball rolling like making his resume, business cards, thank you cards, and searching for jobs for him/planning interviews. I do all the finances and dictate all the chores out. He gives me so much influence in the relationship and I hate it but like it at the same time.

 

I rather him be more aggressive and have a driven attitude to get what he wants like I always have had. He just has no motivation and drive of his own to do anything so needs me to motivate him on everything. I even have to plan all the social activities and dates.

 

He sounds similar to my husband. My husband makes little effort to plan things for us to do as well. I don't really mind doing it as long as he has some input. He does at least take responsibility for applying for other work and finding himself another job. However, I think your husband needs to take responsibility for finding himself another job. You're not his mommy. If he is serious about looking for other work, he needs to be sending out resumes, doing his own business cards and etc. What is comes down to is how he presents himself in the interview that will ultimately get him another job. And you obviously cannot sit in with him and hold his hand. Let him either, stop complaining about his current salary or step up and start job searching. If he doesn't want to change the situation, you might need to evaluate if you still want to be with him.

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