Marunda Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Hello I have been with my husband for 12 years. All in all, he's a good guy, caring, generous. I love family life with our 3 children and being a mother but honestly I don't have any interest in sex. If my husband became impotent tomorrow, fine with me. I'm hitting 40 next year and I'm just soo tired of feeling 'defect' and like a bad wife because I'd just simply rather read a good book, have a bath, clean out the garage, walk the dog, bake 40 cupcakes (you name it) than have sex..... Am I REALLY the only wife feeling this way? How many of you are REALLY craving it? How many of you are faking it? How do you deal with the 'duty Dilemma'? Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Hello I have been with my husband for 12 years. All in all, he's a good guy, caring, generous. I love family life with our 3 children and being a mother but honestly I don't have any interest in sex. If my husband became impotent tomorrow, fine with me. I'm hitting 40 next year and I'm just soo tired of feeling 'defect' and like a bad wife because I'd just simply rather read a good book, have a bath, clean out the garage, walk the dog, bake 40 cupcakes (you name it) than have sex..... Am I REALLY the only wife feeling this way? How many of you are REALLY craving it? How many of you are faking it? How do you deal with the 'duty Dilemma'? Thank you! I have to ask, is he good at it? Are you getting anything out of it when you do have sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marunda Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yes, he's good. Attentive, making sure I come.... but come on! 12 years with the same guy and still pretending you get excited by the outlook of sex?! Isn't sexual arousal for women all about novelty and dopamine? I have never faked with him. Maybe I'm just a more honest 40 year old wife than all the orgasm fakers out there trying to please their man? Just a thought! Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yes, he's good. Attentive, making sure I come.... but come on! 12 years with the same guy and still pretending you get excited by the outlook of sex?! Isn't sexual arousal for women all about novelty and dopamine? I have never faked with him. Maybe I'm just a more honest 40 year old wife than all the orgasm fakers out there trying to please their man? Just a thought! Do you masturbate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marunda Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Good point. Used to quite a bit but not really interested in that either anymore, so probably a general decrease in libido to blame. But again, how many over 35 year old mothers masturbate frequently? Aren't we just moving out of our childbearing age? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Good point. Used to quite a bit but not really interested in that either anymore, so probably a general decrease in libido to blame. But again, how many over 35 year old mothers masturbate frequently? Aren't we just moving out of our childbearing age? I asked these questions because I wanted to see if it was loss of attraction to him or loss of sexual desire as a whole. It sounds like it is the later. Have you had your hormone levels checked? At your age, you are around peak or near peak in sex drive. In other words, pretty horny. Unless there are some mitigating circumstances like breast feeding/medication you are on that inhibits sex drive/other medical problems, this seems like a hormonal issue. Would you be willing to discuss this with your doctor? To answer your question, lots of mothers over 35 masturbate. I ask this gently, could it also be that you see yourself as a mother now and therefore not sexual? Does that play in to it at all? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marunda Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yes, i do enjoy family life and like how my husband is a devoted dad. I find the whole 'sex' thing not necessary and almost disgusting and a bit dumb. Just don't think the picture of kind parents during the day and humping porn stars at night matches. Good point though, I'll have hormone levels checked. Don't mind at all talking openly to daughter. Just always think: why on earth do something like 80% of women have to fake orgasms if they're so crazy about sex? Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Just always think: why on earth do something like 80% of women have to fake orgasms if they're so crazy about sex? I don't think the number is that high. However, they fake it in a mistaken impression that the "performance" makes their husband happy. And of course many women over 35 are masturbating. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 But again, how many over 35 year old mothers masturbate frequently? Aren't we just moving out of our childbearing age? I'm 50 and I masturbate two to three times a week at least. My 62-year old sister just had her libido re-awaken after almost forty years of what you are going through and she is going through the roof in masturbating three and four times a day and putting her poor husband through the ringer in wanting sex on a daily basis. I predict it will happen for you at some point as well, but who knows what that trigger will be that re-awakens it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Marunda, would you have any problem with your husband having sex with other women? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 *slowly raises hand* I have just never had much of a sex drive and I wish I did have more. Glad to know there are others out there like me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yes, i do enjoy family life and like how my husband is a devoted dad. I find the whole 'sex' thing not necessary and almost disgusting and a bit dumb. Just don't think the picture of kind parents during the day and humping porn stars at night matches. Good point though, I'll have hormone levels checked. Don't mind at all talking openly to daughter. Just always think: why on earth do something like 80% of women have to fake orgasms if they're so crazy about sex? Why wouldn't a couple be loving parents by day and sexual partners at night? It seems odd that you think the two cannot be mutually exclusive. Did something change to make you feel this way? Many women fake orgasms in the misguided attempt to please their man. All it does though is reinforce the ineffective technique he is using. It does nothing but lead to frustration for the woman. If you are faking them, tell him what feels good and what does not. You are shooting yourself in the foot by lying about it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I will raise my hand. No interest in sex with my H whatsoever, although I'm a very passionate person and crave intimacy. We have had too many years of problems, with him only paying attention to me for sex, so my desire is gone and I don't know if it will return. When I was able to do it, he was an attentive partner, trying to please me. But he also drank too much and my last memories over the years are of him not being able to "release" so he would go on and on and on in desperation. That's not fun. I began to avoid it at all costs when he'd been drinking. Married 17 years and I'm 47 and he's 40. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Good point. Used to quite a bit but not really interested in that either anymore, so probably a general decrease in libido to blame. But again, how many over 35 year old mothers masturbate frequently? Aren't we just moving out of our childbearing age? *Raises hand Almost daily. Sometimes several times a day. Yes i need sex...All my children are under 10, I have a full time job and do the lion's share of housework. But more than that, I need intimacy, and a connection. Most humans do. Ive also found that once you get back into the swing of it it becomes a solution itself...kind of like you realise just what you've been missing and having quality sex leads to more intimacy and connections and therefore more quality sex. Try it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Marunda, Go back and read some of my posts to see how my marriage has turned out due to a lack of intimacy. I have to say, if my partner actually told me that he's rather read a book/walk the dog/bake cupcakes/ clean the garage (REALLY?!?!) than be intimate with me, my fragile self esteem, which has already been affected by his lack of interest, would be irrevocably shattered. As it is, his actions already tell me what he wont say in words - he would prefer video games than to come to bed with his wife - hearing it from him would cut to the core. So yes, your actions already communicate to your husband that you would rather not, that other things are more important. Also, you only need to take a look on any dating websites to see...there are men everywhere who love their wives and their lives, but are so deeply unsatisfied with no sex that they ARE seeking it elsewhere. I'm not saying that's their right, but it is a very real risk and consequence. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yes, i do enjoy family life and like how my husband is a devoted dad. I find the whole 'sex' thing not necessary and almost disgusting and a bit dumb. Just don't think the picture of kind parents during the day and humping porn stars at night matches. The bolded is actually quite frightening to read. I've heard a lot of men complain about their sexless marriages and how uninterested in sex their wives are always with a faint bit of disbelief. Now? My god! There is no reason why you cannot be both parents and sexual creatures. What about the two states of being do you find so unimaginable? Just always think: why on earth do something like 80% of women have to fake orgasms if they're so crazy about sex? You're allowing your own aquired disdain for the act cloud both your judgement and sense of reason. 80% of women aren't faking orgasms and even still, penetrative sex in itself is very enjoyable even without the PIV orgasm. We women are crazy about sex. The majority of us aren't doing it just out to please our spouses or lovers. Again, as another poster asked, how would you feel about your husband going outside your marriage for sex? Because frankly, what you're doing is cruel and selfish. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Another question, did you always feel this way about sex? If so, did he know about your true feelings? If you didn't always feel negative about sex, what changed? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Yes, he's good. Attentive, making sure I come.... but come on! 12 years with the same guy and still pretending you get excited by the outlook of sex?! Isn't sexual arousal for women all about novelty and dopamine? On average, how often do you currently have sex with him? Do you think he's satisfied with the way things are? And lastly, have you discussed any of this with him? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Yes, he's good. Attentive, making sure I come.... but come on! 12 years with the same guy and still pretending you get excited by the outlook of sex?! Isn't sexual arousal for women all about novelty and dopamine? I have never faked with him. Maybe I'm just a more honest 40 year old wife than all the orgasm fakers out there trying to please their man? Just a thought! Why assume that other women you age would be lying, if they say that they enjoy being intimate with their husband? Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Marunda, unless your husband is asexual too, you must realize you are playing with a lit stick of dynamite. Your disdain for ANY sex for him will drive him into another woman's arms. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Yes, he's good. Attentive, making sure I come.... but come on! 12 years with the same guy and still pretending you get excited by the outlook of sex?! Isn't sexual arousal for women all about novelty and dopamine? I have never faked with him. Maybe I'm just a more honest 40 year old wife than all the orgasm fakers out there trying to please their man? Just a thought! I couldn't make it past this post. I gotta ask, do you care about your husband? Or do you expect him to just deal with it because it isn't important to YOU? If it's such a bother, would you allow him to get it elsewhere? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) Hello I have been with my husband for 12 years. All in all, he's a good guy, caring, generous. I love family life with our 3 children and being a mother but honestly I don't have any interest in sex. If my husband became impotent tomorrow, fine with me. I'm hitting 40 next year and I'm just soo tired of feeling 'defect' and like a bad wife because I'd just simply rather read a good book, have a bath, clean out the garage, walk the dog, bake 40 cupcakes (you name it) than have sex..... Am I REALLY the only wife feeling this way? I want/need sex constantly it's my H who isn't interested How many of you are REALLY craving it? Currently? Constantly! It hasn't always been this way How many of you are faking it? I don't fake. If I'm not getting satisfied I do it myself. How do you deal with the 'duty Dilemma'? No delema at all. The only delema for me is that I initiate 100% of the time and 80% I'm rejected. 20-30% it feels like gut punches. I question so many things when rejected and then I'm scolded for being a "baby" about it or what he thinks is "pouting" My H is a prude too. He can't separate the two. Family/kids and sex/passion. Hotel rooms and being kid less does it for him. Since this has only happened less than what I can count on one hand I feel deprived. I CAN separate the two. Perhaps out of sanity or nessesity. I'm a Mother (to 5) 95% of my day (of course less and less as they get older but I am available to them any time. Edited December 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fixed quotes Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Hello I have been with my husband for 12 years. All in all, he's a good guy, caring, generous. I love family life with our 3 children and being a mother but honestly I don't have any interest in sex. If my husband became impotent tomorrow, fine with me. I'm hitting 40 next year and I'm just soo tired of feeling 'defect' and like a bad wife because I'd just simply rather read a good book, have a bath, clean out the garage, walk the dog, bake 40 cupcakes (you name it) than have sex..... Am I REALLY the only wife feeling this way? How many of you are REALLY craving it? How many of you are faking it? How do you deal with the 'duty Dilemma'? Thank you! Do you ever feel turned on? Maybe it's a hormone issue you're having. Or are you just not sexually attracted to your husband anymore? You're 40 and should be in a good phase sexually. Does he know how you feel? If so, how does he feel about it? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Originally Posted by Marunda Just always think: why on earth do something like 80% of women have to fake orgasms if they're so crazy about sex? Why fake it? Sometimes women don't cum or have orgasms every single time they have sex. I know I don't. He's okay with it and so am I obviously. Who says you have to have an orgasm every single time you have sex? Be honest and just enjoy feeling him inside you and having intimacy and closeness, making him feel good if you can't cum. And sex has it's ups and downs. You're not always going to feel hot for your husband all the time or feel intensity all the time. Of course the sex isn't the same as it was when you two met, that happens as life goes on and you two get used to each other but that doesn't mean you can't work and put effort in to keep the flame alive. Have baths together, make time for one another, even if it's a dinner date or walk around the block holding hands. Your husband IS your friend too, not just a guy you married and live with. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I hope you get some help or counseling, it sounds like both you and your husband are really missing out! Link to post Share on other sites
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