How Do I Get This Woman to Stop Trying To Set My Husband Up With Her Daughter?

[LoveMyHusband]

I am a married mother of a baby who is very much in love with her husband and the father of her child. To say he's what I've been waiting for for years is an understatement.

 

Anyway, many years ago, before my husband and I met, this couple, the wife in particular, were trying to set their daughter up with my husband. Both this family and my husband's family belonged to a common social organization in which both families were very active at the time. This girl's mother said right off the bat that she would like for her daughter to marry my husband. The mother was very insistent; she kept holding high hopes about them getting together.

 

My husband once mentioned this to me and said that her parents wanted to set them up. He said she is a nice girl but that he didn't ask her out because he was not attracted to her. He and his family told the parents, "We'll get back to you," but never did.

 

This attempted romantic setup took place several years ago and my husband has had several girlfriends from that time until he met me, and none of them was this woman's daughter.

 

Eventually, he met me and we got married and had a baby.

 

When I was still pregnant with our child, my father-in-law ran into this girl's mother. The mother immediately started talking about what her daughter was up to and was asking what my husband was up to and suggesting that they get together. My father-in-law informed her that my husband has sinced married and was expecting a baby.

 

Okay, so I can forgive this woman for not knowing that particular time , but here is where I got annoyed. The fact that my father-in-law informed her that my husband is permanently off the market didn't discourage this woman. THE VERY NEXT TIME SHE SAW MY FATHER-IN-LAW SHE WAS ASKING ABOUT MY HUSBAND AND SUGGESTING THAT HE GET WITH HER DAUGHTER. So, my father-in-law told her, "I told you he's married and has a baby." And she said, "Oh, I forgot."

 

I highly doubt she forgot. That isn't something a woman would forget, especially since she has been very excited about the prospect of her daughter and my husband not only getting together but in her words, "getting married." I think this woman was just snooping to see if my husband had since separated from his wife or something. I don't appreciate this at all. I am his wife and I don't appreciate this woman being disrespectful and disregarding me.

 

If I were in this woman's shoes, the moment the guy's father would have told me the guy was married, I'd know it wasn't my fault for not knowing, but I'd be embarrassed and chagrined and have the feeling like I put my foot in my mouth for asking about another woman's husband for my daughter. I would remember it and never mention it again. I'd congratulate his son and look elsewhere. Not this lady.

 

I love and trust my husband. I know he would NEVER cheat on me or leave me for another woman. But I don 't want this woman disrupting our relationship and pestering my father-in-law about my husband just because she wanted her daughter to marry my husband.

 

And here's the thing: the daughter isn't even the problem. I heard she's actually a nice girl. It's the mother who is overstepping boundaries. What do you think and what should I do? This woman makes me very uncomfortable.

[contact1]

If the only contact with this woman is your father-in-law, whom is being blunt about the situation, I wouldn't worry about it. What can you do, tell her to stop talking to your father-in-law? People will say things you will not like, that is life unfortunately. No need to stress over this, unless it goes further in where she tries to contact your husband.

[MJJean]

The mother might have legitimately forgotten. Age, memory issues, whatever. Just because she seemed so enthused about setting her daughter up with your husband doesn't mean she isn't that enthused about every guy she's trying to get to marry her daughter, ya know? Maybe all the men she chases on her daughters behalf have blurred in her mind. Besides, she likely doesn't want her daughter marrying a man who would leave a wife. If he's leave his wife to marry her daughter then what's to say he wouldn't leave her daughter, too?

 

If it were me and I wanted to get it stuck in this woman's mind that my husband is off the market and happily married with a baby, I'd arrange for myself along with my husband and baby or even just myself and the baby to meet the meddling mother "accidentally". Some casual "chance" meeting so that she has a couple of faces to help cement it in her mind he's a married man!

[d0nnivain]

You don't have to do anything. Your husband isn't interested. Your FIL is telling her that his son is married.

 

Just leave it be.

 

Perhaps next time you & your family are in town if you run into this dopey woman you can hang all over your husband but that's about it.

 

If her daughter knows this is going on she's probably mortified.

 

People can be insensitive when something they want disappears. Last Spring I was talking to my parents' former neighbors at a funeral. I had been in touch with their married eldest son via FB because as part of the reminiscing process I had posted a favorite memory of him & the deceased. He's in the military stationed overseas & couldn't come home. The parents were commenting to me in person about the event I recounted because it had been really funny at the time. Somewhere in the conversation, I joked that I'd had a huge crush on their son in high school. In front of my husband, the father said "I wish you were my daughter in law. My wife & I always hoped you two would get together." The he went on to say all sort of mean things about his actual DIL. All in all it was awkward but it certainly isn't going to lead to an affair between me & their son.

[LoveMyHusband]

The mother might have legitimately forgotten. Age, memory issues, whatever. Just because she seemed so enthused about setting her daughter up with your husband doesn't mean she isn't that enthused about every guy she's trying to get to marry her daughter, ya know? Maybe all the men she chases on her daughters behalf have blurred in her mind. Besides, she likely doesn't want her daughter marrying a man who would leave a wife. If he's leave his wife to marry her daughter then what's to say he wouldn't leave her daughter, too?

 

If it were me and I wanted to get it stuck in this woman's mind that my husband is off the market and happily married with a baby, I'd arrange for myself along with my husband and baby or even just myself and the baby to meet the meddling mother "accidentally". Some casual "chance" meeting so that she has a couple of faces to help cement it in her mind he's a married man!

 

From what I am told, however, this woman specifically wanted my husband and nobody else for her daughter. She is very fond of my father in law and wanted their families together. It's not about getting her daughter married, it is specifically about getting her married to him in particular.

[LoveMyHusband]

You don't have to do anything. Your husband isn't interested. Your FIL is telling her that his son is married.

 

Just leave it be.

 

Perhaps next time you & your family are in town if you run into this dopey woman you can hang all over your husband but that's about it.

 

If her daughter knows this is going on she's probably mortified.

 

People can be insensitive when something they want disappears. Last Spring I was talking to my parents' former neighbors at a funeral. I had been in touch with their married eldest son via FB because as part of the reminiscing process I had posted a favorite memory of him & the deceased. He's in the military stationed overseas & couldn't come home. The parents were commenting to me in person about the event I recounted because it had been really funny at the time. Somewhere in the conversation, I joked that I'd had a huge crush on their son in high school. In front of my husband, the father said "I wish you were my daughter in law. My wife & I always hoped you two would get together." The he went on to say all sort of mean things about his actual DIL. All in all it was awkward but it certainly isn't going to lead to an affair between me & their son.

 

I most definitely will do that. Thank you. I'd introduce myself to her as my husband's wife and see how she reacts. If she cops an attitude, that says more about her than about me.

[angel.eyes]

Your husband isn't interested and never was. Don't turn a non-issue into one.

[LoveMyHusband]

And on top of it all, my husband was not interested in her daughter to begin with. After they approached him, he told his parents she may have been a nice person but that he didn't like her that way right then and there.

[angel.eyes]

So let it go.

[mammasita]

I don't see how this is even a problem. She's not knocking on YOUR door or contacting YOUR husband directly, right?

 

Non-issue. Don't be so possessive. This is out of your control.

[MissBee]

If the only contact with this woman is your father-in-law, whom is being blunt about the situation, I wouldn't worry about it. What can you do, tell her to stop talking to your father-in-law? People will say things you will not like, that is life unfortunately. No need to stress over this, unless it goes further in where she tries to contact your husband.

 

I agree.

 

It doesn't seem like you know the woman personally or that she interacts directly with you and your husband. Your father in law can tell her off himself if he's tired of her. But as of now it's not really an imposition on your life. The girl herself doesn't even seem to care so this is all this woman's fantasy and something I'd actually find a bit comical if it were me rather than be angry about it. I'd only be upset if the woman met me and proceeded to try to push this idea on my husband in front of my face or behind my back because that is extremely disrespectful, but if we've never met and she just says this to my FIL who tells her point blank his son is married with a baby, then *shrug* I wouldn't worry about it.

Edited December 23, 2014 by MissBee

[LoveMyHusband]

I don't see how this is even a problem. She's not knocking on YOUR door or contacting YOUR husband directly, right?

 

Non-issue. Don't be so possessive. This is out of your control.

 

I'm not being possessive. I am far from possessive and jealous. Like I said, the daughter herself is not a threat. I hear she's actually nice. I'm a very laid-back wife as I let my husband hang out with his friends and have female friends, too. He can do what he wants as long as he's loyal, and I know he is loyal. That's not my issue. In fact, my husband is friends with her daughter on FB and I don't mind that at all.

 

I didn't have a problem with her asking initially because she didn't yet have the news that he was married. What I didn't like was that my father in law told her and she continued to push the idea on him. I find that disrespectful. From what I am hearing about this lady from other sources who I won't specify for privacy reasons, it sounds like she might escalate things to achieve her end. The mother's behavior makes me uncomfortable. I find her a pest.

[LoveMyHusband]

I agree.

 

It doesn't seem like you know the woman personally or that she interacts directly with you and your husband. Your father in law can tell her off himself if he's tired of her. But as of now it's not really an imposition on your life. The girl herself doesn't even seem to care so this is all this woman's fantasy and something I'd actually find a bit comical if it were me rather than be angry about it. I'd only be upset if the woman met me and proceeded to try to push this idea on my husband in front of my face or behind my back because that is extremely disrespectful, but if we've never met and she just says this to my FIL who tells her point blank his son is married with a baby, then *shrug* I wouldn't worry about it.

 

You're right. The daughter doesn't seem to care and she's friends with my husband on FB and I'm okay with that. I have nothing personal against the daughter. Even if she was interested in him back then, I wouldn't care. It's just that I've been told by someone else that the mother was and still is very eager. And that's what is causing me to raise an eyebrow.

 

She didn't directly talk to my husband, but I do believe she was flirting with disrespect when she continued to ask my father in law about it.

[Poppygoodwill]

So she asked once, and was told he's married.

 

Then she ran into your FIL again, asked again, and was corrected by your FIL.

 

Has it happened since? Is it goign anywhere other than this? Why are you so caught up in what seems, from the outside, entirely harmless??

 

On another note, has it ever occurred to you that is has nothing to do with you, or with your husband? Maybe this woman has the hots for your father, maybe she's in love with him, or aspires to his social class/status and has hopes of linking her family to it, or somethign else that has nothing to do with you/your husband and everything to do with her frame of mind?

 

It seems you're taking this personally, when it doesn't have much to do with you.

[spanz1]

try this. call the mom up. tell her you heard how she said her daughter was interested in your marriage and that you are always looking for new sex partners and you are especially interested in her daughter for FMF encounters. Ask for her daughter's phone number.....THAT should shut her up for good.

[LoveMyHusband]

So she asked once, and was told he's married.

 

Then she ran into your FIL again, asked again, and was corrected by your FIL.

 

Has it happened since? Is it goign anywhere other than this? Why are you so caught up in what seems, from the outside, entirely harmless??

 

On another note, has it ever occurred to you that is has nothing to do with you, or with your husband? Maybe this woman has the hots for your father, maybe she's in love with him, or aspires to his social class/status and has hopes of linking her family to it, or somethign else that has nothing to do with you/your husband and everything to do with her frame of mind?

 

It seems you're taking this personally, when it doesn't have much to do with you.

 

That's the thing. You are in some ways right on the money. I do suspect that it is about this woman's own personal objectives other than seeing that her daughter gets married. She wants to be closer to the family. But she has to respect boundaries. There are other circumstances that I can't go into on here because this is a public forum, but believe me I have a reason to be spooked.

[LoveMyHusband]

try this. call the mom up. tell her you heard how she said her daughter was interested in your marriage and that you are always looking for new sex partners and you are especially interested in her daughter for FMF encounters. Ask for her daughter's phone number.....THAT should shut her up for good.

 

Hahahahahahahaha! That is so funny. I wouldn't actually do that, but thanks for the laugh.

 

The daughter is totally innocent in this. But I am hearing from some other sources that the mother may have sinister motives, so I'm a bit uneasy.

[Woggle]

I don;t think you can reason with the kind of woman who wants their daughter to date a married man.

[mrs rubble]

Hahahahahahahaha! That is so funny. I wouldn't actually do that, but thanks for the laugh.

 

The daughter is totally innocent in this. But I am hearing from some other sources that the mother may have sinister motives, so I'm a bit uneasy.

Tell these "sources" that your husband said the mother's interferring and pushiness was the major reason he never went for the daughter.

[Appreciate]

The mother is a pest, but you've got to let it go after venting your anger here. The world is full of weird people with bad intentions. There's no place to file a complaint about her, so just keep a watchful eye out, as you've been doing.

[whichwayisup]

All your husband has to do is say NO, I'M MARRIED, stop trying to set me up!

 

I don;t think you can reason with the kind of woman who wants their daughter to date a married man.

 

This pretty much sums it up.

 

Your H would be a total idiot if he took her up on the offer. And as you said, your H loves you and wouldn't cheat on you, so don't worry about it. Best to ignore her and do as I mentioned in my other reply, your husband can tell her to stop.

Edited December 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[LoveMyHusband]

I don;t think you can reason with the kind of woman who wants their daughter to date a married man.

 

Oh, she cuts right to the chase and wants her daughter to "marry" my husband. So, no, you can't reason with this lady.

[evanescentworld]

try this. call the mom up. tell her you heard how she said her daughter was interested in your marriage and that you are always looking for new sex partners and you are especially interested in her daughter for FMF encounters. Ask for her daughter's phone number.....THAT should shut her up for good.

 

One, that's incredibly childish,

 

Two, you never know: it might backfire.

 

Is your husband aware this is going on?

Perhaps HE should be the one to confront this woman and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is bang out of order.

Maybe coming from the horse's mouth will put a lid on this once and for all....

[LoveMyHusband]

One, that's incredibly childish,

 

Two, you never know: it might backfire.

 

Is your husband aware this is going on?

Perhaps HE should be the one to confront this woman and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is bang out of order.

Maybe coming from the horse's mouth will put a lid on this once and for all....

 

No, I would never do what that user suggested about making an obscene phone call to the mother. That would constitute criminal harassment. I think that person was kidding.

 

Someone who knows this woman suggested to me that I have my husband tell this woman outright that he is not interested.

[LoveMyHusband]

All your husband has to do is say NO, I'M MARRIED, stop trying to set me up!

 

I personally don't want my husband to reach out to this lady. If she's the manipulative sort, she could turn it around on him and claim that he's harassing her. I think I will just "accidentally" have this lady see that he has a wife and child by joining one of the activities of that organization and hope she sees us there and finally gives up.