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New baby, post partum, starting to hate husband


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I've been with my husband 3 1/2years now and now have a 6 month old with him. Things are okay. Been rocky at times but we have made through it and I do love him. Most of the time I'm happy. I clean, take care of baby, have a job usually, make sure he's taken care of sexually. I'm a people pleaser too so I don't mind....I'm called "Wonder Woman" home and work. That type of person.........ever since I had my son though I feel like something inside me changed. This hatred for my life and my husband has grown. I don't feel it all the time. I have good/bad days, weeks. And since he got laid off I feel so much hate.

 

We ended up loosing our car n our jobs and while my father is financially helping us, I'm stuck 24/7 at home with my husband and it's just freaking me out.

 

It's been a month, He gets to sleep in, sleep freaking 10 hours then cook everything to dirty every pan, he'll play with our son here and there(some help) hell smack my ass tell me he loves me, we watch tv, I clean, more clean, baby, clean, baby 100x. He'll have friends over, drink or leave with them, come home sit on his ass, go to bed.

 

I tried to talk to him. He's stubborn and acts like I'm just SO naggy and to "chill" he is "working" on a job blah blah he'll get to cleaning...blah

And I drop it Bc I don't want to fight with him, but late at night when my sons crying, I'm getting 4 hours of sleep maybe, I cry and feel so mad at him for not manning up and supporting the family or helping out more around the house. It's not fair.

 

And even if I wanted to leave him, I can't. My family tells me I'm too hard on him and I made my choice having a baby etc w him all this and they will help w rent for us til we get back on our feet but they won't let me and my son move in w them.

 

It's just so weird too because he's so happy.

I don't get it. I don't know what to do. Hes stuck in this lazy state and I just don't wanna blow.

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How about an email or a letter? Maybe you can.write all these feelings and let him read them. I would prefer that over my girl planning to leave me behind my back

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I don't plan to leave him, I couldng and it would never happen but I feel so frusterated.

I wrote him a letter awhile back like a month ago and it's STILL sitting in the same place.

He acts like I'm crazy feeling how I do n makes me feel guilty like I can't handle my son.

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If he's that filthy maybe not with a baby in the house. Both people don't need to be super heroes about cleaning but both should be pulling their weight to ensure the place is habitable.

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Babies put so much pressure on a marriage and this is why I do not want kids to be honest. If you already have marital issues, children only make those issues 10x worse. Is he looking for a job or doing anything to contribute to the household? Why did you have a baby with this man if you were already having problems?

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You have been through a LOT of life changes: new baby, the shift in a marriage after a baby, job losses, and practically stepping over each other 24/7. Plus, if you are struggling with post partem depression that just magnifies and darkens everything (I've been there).

 

You are confused because he seems so happy. Of course he's happy! He sleeps every night, has regular sex, watches TV, plays, and gets to "conceptualize" a new job.

 

If he will not go to counseling with you, I would recommend going on your own. I wish I had after my first baby because I think it would have helped so much. I tried to hard to just keep being perfect.

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You have a job usually? What does that mean?

When my son was little, my husband stopped working (after battling cancer) and was at home fulltime, driving me nuts. We were extremely broke at the time and relying on family to help us out. My solution was to go to work myself and leave the childcare and housework to him. Could that work for you?

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My solution was to go to work myself and leave the childcare and housework to him. Could that work for you?

 

Had the same thought. Things may not be done to your satisfaction but I doubt your house would burn down or child would starve. And besides the benefit of your income, he'd have much more appreciation for what you've gone through.

 

My guess is he'd then be very, very motivated to find work ;) ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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We literally have no car and the closest place is an hour walking distance in snow so it's been a pain to say the least. My parents are driving us around/helping with rent. Until we can slowly pay back. Its embarrassing and I feel like it's no excuse to be lazy though. At least for us to have something lined up with work. He is just waiting til tax time. I wish I picked a man who could provide better. Getting pregnant was by accident but I love our son. His dad just lazy with cleaning all the non fun stuff and being with him this much is driving me nuts ESP when his old job consisted of him out of town weeks at a time. I feel like he's up my butt a lot and expects way too much and I walk on eggshells sometimes. Leaving him right now is not an option and I don't want it to be. But it's like all I'm doing is thinking. About my life, future and the man I have chose.

 

I've defintely been rude to him. I find myself giving him dirty looks when he asks me to get him a soda/make him a sandwich. I'll say "do it your damn self" when in the past 3 years I've never felt this way.

 

Just trying to coexist well and try not to go off on him until we get a car/job.

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I defintely want a therapist. My ppd is scary. I use to self harm myself when I was a teenager and those thoughts come back I hate it. ESP Bc I stopped drug use, everything and I have no clutch. I just hate having my parents drive an hour to take me to appointments or my son. I know they like the visit but they are busy people and its so much driving I feel bad. ive tried telling family/a friend how I feel but it's either dismissed or I'm told to stop Bc I'll have my son taken from me. I just feel low. I miss being pregnant. I had a great pregnancy felt amazing in my life n confidence . And my husband is fixed so I know it probably won't happen again. So that's deff a major bum.

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We literally have no car and the closest place is an hour walking distance in snow so it's been a pain to say the least. My parents are driving us around/helping with rent. Until we can slowly pay back. Its embarrassing and I feel like it's no excuse to be lazy though. At least for us to have something lined up with work. He is just waiting til tax time. I wish I picked a man who could provide better. Getting pregnant was by accident but I love our son. His dad just lazy with cleaning all the non fun stuff and being with him this much is driving me nuts ESP when his old job consisted of him out of town weeks at a time. I feel like he's up my butt a lot and expects way too much and I walk on eggshells sometimes. Leaving him right now is not an option and I don't want it to be. But it's like all I'm doing is thinking. About my life, future and the man I have chose.

 

I've defintely been rude to him. I find myself giving him dirty looks when he asks me to get him a soda/make him a sandwich. I'll say "do it your damn self" when in the past 3 years I've never felt this way.

 

Just trying to coexist well and try not to go off on him until we get a car/job.

 

The Way you say you wished you could have found a better provider to have a child with makes me annoyed. You chose to have the child, you should be prepared to support that child yourself if necessary. just my view. I don't mean to offend but there comes a time when you do what you have to in order to look after your kids.

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you both need to get the heck out of the house more often. at least join a gym. A job for you makes perfect sense...do you have a marketable trade?

 

 

I hope you did not just marry a guy and have a kid hoping your "job" in life would be to stay at home and watch tv while hubby brought in big bux, because it sounds like that fantasy land drifted away in the haze.

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We were married before our child and I always work I was working 4 months after having my son til just recently. Just teying to vent Bc I really don't have many people to talk to and I'm embarrassed about my serious depression. It's like people yell at me if I'm not happy to do it all myself. I just got out of highschool a couple years ago this isn't easy. ESP when it takes money to make money. I just want people that understand that I can talk to but I know I can't have it. It's just im not usually this way and he's not usually like that. When he's laid off hes lazy

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I defintely want a therapist. My ppd is scary. I use to self harm myself when I was a teenager and those thoughts come back I hate it. ESP Bc I stopped drug use, everything and I have no clutch. I just hate having my parents drive an hour to take me to appointments or my son. I know they like the visit but they are busy people and its so much driving I feel bad. ive tried telling family/a friend how I feel but it's either dismissed or I'm told to stop Bc I'll have my son taken from me. I just feel low. I miss being pregnant. I had a great pregnancy felt amazing in my life n confidence . And my husband is fixed so I know it probably won't happen again. So that's deff a major bum.

 

You are broke and now fantisizing about another baby because of the feeling it gave you? What about the $$$ that it takes to raise a child in reality. Did you even have a discusion about this before the pregnancy?

 

I don't see you as totally inocent in this scenario, sorry. Something seems a little fishy here. Some therapy might put you on the right track to better choices. Probabbly a good idea. You only do self-harm when bad **** has happened in life. The normal emotional response is not to cut ones self with a sharp object to avoid feeling emotional pain. Did the issues behind the self harm get resolved when you were a teenager or not?

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Hey OP,

 

I'm sorry that you're in such a frustrating situation and you're feeling really stuck and angry.

 

You talked about how you live far and it would be an hour's walk to get to places. If your family is helping you out with money since you and your husband are unemployed (which is really nice of them), what if they bought you a clunker of a car for $800-1000? It could be a loan, and that way at least you would no longer need them to drive you around and there would be no excuse for you to not being able to find at least a fast food kind of job (it would be income for you - which means that they wouldn't have to give you as much money monthly).

 

It would provide income, transportation and a way for you to get a break from being in the house with your H 24/7.

 

Would that be an option?

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Was he always this lazy?

 

Why is he so happy? Probably because he gets 10 hours of sleep a night and has someone to take responsibility for both home and child so he doesn't have to. Also, no job so no responsibilities other than "chilling" with his friends and more or less living like a grown teenager.

 

If he was this unmotivated before baby and this is not just some odd phase he is going through then you can probably expect to be stuck with this for...oh who knows however long. Some people get older but they never grow up.

 

There really is nothing you can do, including nagging (or not nagging). If the presence and responsibility of a baby is not enough to motivate him to as you say..."man up" then good luck. Probably nothing will.

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I'm on your side OP. It's hard to be so young with a baby and not have any support. Your baby won't be taken away from you if you tell your doctor you have ppd. Perhaps there is a parent support group you can join. I don't know what to advise regarding your husband since you don't want to leave him and he doesn't listen to your feelings or care about helping you. Vent as much as you want here

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