Ask the men ONLY: Men, do you considered this girl 'LOVE' you? Can you feel or tell?

[asiangirl]

Let's say a girl you been dating for one year already, mutual feelings for each others. She mostly emotionally "aloof", and she never say the "I love you" word to you.

But she did all these things below. Do you considered she loves you? Or can you 'feel' or 'tell' that she loves you?

 

Girl is the 'understanding" and 'compassionate' girlfriend. She put herself in your shoe, and understand your circumstances, and she never judge you based on your rough childhood.

 

She accept you for who you are. Knowing you have a decease father who was in and out of jail, and she accepted that.

She also accept you have a mom who have health kidney problem, and she understand you needs to take care of your mom.

 

When ever she over at your mom place, she helps your mom cook and clean. She also helps pitch in her own money to help you buy more groccery for your mom.

 

She know you are not rich, and you live in the hood (so does she), and she understand your Financial situation.

She NEVER once ask you to buy her anything, or take her anywhere.

 

In all the dates, she voluntary to pay half half on dates. Because she know you doesn't make alot of money, so she try to help out by put in her own share of pay half the bills.

 

Our first date, she told you to take her to "Coffee" date. On second date, she cooks you food. After one year of dating, she still cook for you.

 

Even when she not in the mood, she still give you sex to make you happy. But she doesn't want you to look at her facial expression during sex, because she afraid of you see her "Emotions".

 

This couple both are in their late twenties. Both are not rich, but both are Financial Independent with their own jobs.

Dating already for one year, girl never say "I Love you", but girl did all that.

 

As 'men", can you 'feel' or 'tell' that she loves you? Can you find it 'acceptable' to be under a relationship like this? Despite the lack of lovey dovey words from her. And she never initiate sex, but give you sex when you ininate.

Edited December 16, 2014 by asiangirl

[jackslife]

And she never initiate sex, but give you sex when you ininate.

 

If after a year, my girlfriend didn't initiate sex or tells me she loves me, I would assume she wasn't that into me and it wasn't going to become a long term relationship.

 

The not initiating sex would really, really bother me, especially after only a year. If your girlfriend isn't all over you like a rash in that first year initiating sex, then she never will. Same with ILY!

 

if you don't initiate sex, or tell him you love him then he will assume you don't love him or want sex with him. In his shoes, I'd be looking for someone new.

[oldshirt]

You have so many problems and so many issues with your relationship that unless he has Asperger's Syndrome or something, he has to know its never going to be a close, healthy, comfortable relationship.

 

He's probably in the relationship because he has a lot of issues and insecurities himself and doesn't think he'll get another chance at love or he's in it for the sex and will leave when the sex dries up.

[asiangirl]

lol oldshirt, okay, I make sure I let my man know the exact words that you type in your reply.

 

and jacklife, not all girls were taught to initiate sex. Go ask girls that grow up in Asian traddtional cultures, see if they were taught to initiate sex to their man.

Edited December 16, 2014 by asiangirl

[redtail]

That's an interesting situation, but maybe you're asking the wrong question. You should be asking yourself, why do I not feel compelled to say "I Love You" to this man?

 

It sounds like for the most part his needs are getting met, are yours?

[asiangirl]

Thank you redtail,

I believe as a "girlfriend", i did enough to show him that I care. I just wonder if he can 'feel' it as a man. just want to get other 'men' views on my situation

 

I have an abusive childhood where my mother belittle me, and mentally abuse me, and one time beaten me in the my childhood. So I guess I build up walls inside myself to protect me from getting hurt.

 

So I am struggling to say "I love you" to him,

But other than that, I feel that I did enough. Even when I don't initate sex to him, but I give him sex whenever he wants it. So it can't be that bad for him.

 

well i guess if he not satisfy with all the things i did for him above, feel free to leave me and find another girl.

Edited December 16, 2014 by asiangirl

[redtail]

"Everyone comes with baggage, the one who loves you will help you unpack."

[asiangirl]

thank you redtail, i don't think he gonna roll up and died, just because his gf doesn't initiate sex, he still getting sex whenever he initiate it.

 

the men who get offended when their girl don't initiate sex are "immature' men. they should get offended when they NOT getting any sex.

what is a big deal for a man to initiate sex? the girl doesn't have to stroke their ego daily by keep initiate sex with them, lol

men who need women stroke their ego daily are narcissist anyways.

 

1. i know he poor, he never use a penny of his money. i pay my owns, even on dates.

2. i put in my own money to buy groccery for his mother.

3. i give him sex whenever he needs it. even when i am not in the mood, i suck it up to give him sex.

4. i'm not his wife yet, but i cook and cleans for him

so how bad of a situation can he be in, lol

 

no offense, but i think i did enough as a 'girlfriend', if he not happy then he can leave.

which he still with me, so he can't be that unhappy, lol

 

just want to hear different male opinions/viewpoints on this.

thanks for your input redtail, u r a good man

Edited December 16, 2014 by asiangirl

[Got it]

I think your last post is a fallacy. Many emotionally healthy and mature men, and women, will be rightfully upset if their significant other never initiates sex. This is commonly complained about and just acquiescing is not enough.

 

But we can't answer for him. What we find acceptable or not is each person opinion based on their personal make up and needs. Ask him.

[asiangirl]

Got it,

he have no problem initiate sex, our relationship is fine. he getting as much sex as he wants from me, anytime he needs.

 

i just want to hear other men viewpoints.

i guess you fall under the category that expect your girl to initate sex to you, instead of you as a 'man' do the initiating.

which is fine, to each of its own, what ever float your boat.

Edited December 16, 2014 by asiangirl

[dichotomy]

Love is as love does.

[Mr. Lucky]

But she doesn't want you to look at her facial expression during sex, because she afraid of you see her "Emotions".

 

Of all the things you've listed (many of which are indeed telling and problematic), this one would bother me the most. And would in fact be a dealbreaker...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CrystalCastles]

and jacklife, not all girls were taught to initiate sex. Go ask girls that grow up in Asian traddtional cultures, see if they were taught to initiate sex to their man.

 

What is the culture of your man? Is he white?

 

Men from Western cultures would question if a woman does not initiate sex. Not initiating sex ever reads to a man as "she's not that into me". So if your man is white, then you either need to change your habits and initiate more, or tell him about the cultural difference. And not saying ILY also reads as "she's not that into me".

 

I'm not a man, so maybe I'm wrong. But if I treated my man that way, I know him well enough to know he'd be upset by it, he'd feel like I don't love him and that he's not important to me. Men want to be loved and they want to see it, not only through actions but through words too.

 

I grew up in a different culture as well so I get it. But its important to pay attention and communicate. You might end up pushing a man away because he doesn't know or understand your values.

 

I also don't understand why the problem with facial expressions?

[skydiveaddict]

Let's say a girl you been dating for one year already, mutual feelings for each others. She mostly emotionally "aloof", and she never say the "I love you" word to you.

 

Then you are history.

[CrystalCastles]

the men who get offended when their girl don't initiate sex are "immature' men. they should get offended when they NOT getting any sex.

what is a big deal for a man to initiate sex? the girl doesn't have to stroke their ego daily by keep initiate sex with them, lol

men who need women stroke their ego daily are narcissist anyways.

 

No offense, but this is really insulting.

 

It is sexy when a woman initiates sex. Why? Because it shows to the man that he is desirable, that she craves him and wants him. I cannot imagine not initiating sex ever. I find my man too desirable to never take that step unless he does. And I think never initiating would worry him.

 

Its not ego stroking and its not immature for a man to want that. I have absolutely no idea how you arrived at that conclusion. I have no idea how a man is a narcissist if he wants a woman to initiate sex sometimes. Men are humans too. They want to feel desirable to someone. They want to feel wanted. They want to feel loved. I get that its a cultural difference, its the same story in my culture, but I don't see why the need to insult Western culture, values and men, just because I've grown up with something different.

[asiangirl]

CrystalCastles, where in my post that I write 1 word regarding to "western" cultures?

Please QUOTE me from my replies.

And where in my post did I insult western cultures? lol,

I don't even mentioned 1 word of 'western' in my original post or replies, let alone insult it.

 

I have the rights to my viewpoints, same as you do. So don't put words in my mouth, if you find it offensive, that is your rights.

I don't see anything wrong with my reply. Let me Mods go back to Page 1 and read it themselves.

 

My man have no problem with initiate sex with me, if he got a problem he already leave me a long time ago.

And he getting as much sex as he needs, as I never say No to him when he wants sex.

 

And No, my man is NOT White!

 

 

-------------

and btw, To Loveshack Mod, if you happened to read this, please CLOSE this thread of mine for me.

I don't want it to turn into a debate, this thread was imply to ask the "MEN" and their opinions, I am not asking for the woman viewpoints.

Thank you Mod

Edited December 17, 2014 by asiangirl

[CrystalCastles]

CrystalCastles, where in my post that I write 1 word regarding to "western" cultures?

Please QUOTE me from my replies.

And where in my post did I insult western cultures? lol,

I don't even mentioned 1 word of 'western' in my original post or replies, let alone insult it.

 

You are from the United States, are you not? I quote a previous thread of yours:

 

"Sorry for my bad English,English isn't my first language. I am Asian-American, and sorry for the long post."

 

People who are writing to you, many of them are also American. They would be unhappy and insulted if you behaved that way towards them. You asked for their opinions, those are their opinions. In Western culture (or American), it is seen as insulting to label a man as a narcissist, immature or egotistical for wanting his woman to initiate sex.

 

My man have no problem with initiate sex with me, if he got a problem he already leave me a long time ago.

And he getting as much sex as he needs, as I never say No to him when he wants sex.

 

And No, my man is NOT White!

 

I am not putting words in your mouth. You wrote a post I found offensive, and I am responding to it. I am not Western either and men in my culture are different than Western men. However I live in a Western country and I accept that men here may be different than men back home. That doesn't make Western men "immature" for valuing different things than men back home do.

 

If your man is getting lots of sex and has no problem with your relationship, then why are you posting, if there are no problems?

 

 

and btw, To Loveshack Mod, if you happened to read this, please CLOSE this thread of mine for me.

I don't want it to turn into a debate, this thread was imply to ask the "MEN" and their opinions, I am not asking for the woman viewpoints.

Thank you Mod

 

You cannot stop people from replying to your threads. This is a public forum and anybody is free to post whatever they wish, man or woman.

[asiangirl]

I start this thead because I want to see other 'male' viewpoints on this. Different men might have different thinking, some are okay to them, some are not, vice versa.

 

You can reply to my thread all you want, and I will just ignore your post.

Remember the Forum rules. The Original Thread Starter have the RIGHTS to request his/her thread to be CLOSED!

Insult or not, let everyone read it from page 1 and judge it themselves. Everything I write is still in there, even the Mod can read it too.

 

--------------

To Loveshack Mod, if you happened to read this, please CLOSE this thread of mine for me.

I don't want it to turn into a debate, this thread was imply to ask the "MEN" and their opinions, I am not asking for the woman viewpoints.

Thank you Mod

Edited December 17, 2014 by asiangirl