Exchanging gifts on a single income

[Turtles]

With the holidays approaching, I was curious to see how others handle gift exchanges when 1 of the partners is not working. Does it make you uncomfortable buying gifts with the money coming from a joint account that he/she is the sole contributor to? Or does it seem hard to come up with a sincere "Thank you" when the gift has been bought with the money you brought home?

[xxoo]

All of our money has always been "our" money, so it never affected the buying or the appreciation if only one partner was working (and there have been times when each of us was the sole earner).

 

It's the thought that counts!

[Els]

There was a time when I wasn't working due to visa restrictions, and he was supporting me. The gifts I gave him during that period tended to be more DIY than bought (handmade cards, special cooked meals etc), as I felt the same way you did.

 

In retrospect I later found out that it didn't really matter to him - all that mattered to him was that I remembered the occasion and put some thought into doing something for him. So even if I had bought an item he would have appreciated it, too.

[SolG]

I took about 18 months off work when my daughter was born way back when. I still remember how horrible I felt not contributing financially to the family coffers. While I could rationally appreciate that staying at home was an incredibly valid and valuable choice, I couldn't emotionally reconcile it with my innate and ingrained sense of paid employment being necessary.

 

My then-H was nothing but supportive, and we always had the perspective of everything being 'ours' as a family. But still, I felt like a beholden mooch even though I logically knew I wasn't. And I also would never judge ANY stay-at-home parent in this way; funny how we can judge ourselves so differently.

 

Spending our money wasn't the issue (didn't have a problem with that!), it was feeling like I wasn't contributing. So in a way I understand the discomfort that you allude to.

 

Just exchange your gifts with love and try and put the baggage away. Odds are it worries the non-earning partner far more than the bread winner of the moment.

Edited December 10, 2014 by SolG

[SJS]

I am currently a SAHM. While DH feels very strongly that it's "our money" and not just his, he has said that when I buy him a gift he feels like he's buying it himself. So I tend to get smaller things that he doesn't want to buy for himself. We're not big gift-givers anyway so we'd rather do a dinner or movie or something instead.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Unless you want to make him a paper Dragon like Elswyrth I'd recommend keeping it small or just doing something really nice at home...you should kind of have an idea to say the least how your husband feels about spending money though, if he doesn't mind then do the research and get something he would really like at a good deal.

 

If he's a penny pincher don't twist his neck by spending a lot or even a moderate amount unless you really think he likes it and feels it's worth the money. Saving money for him is nearly enough on its own.

 

If it were me then I wouldn't mind you spending the money on myself because I like cool gifts

[contact1]

Depending on the income and what amount is appropriate, you could buy a gift to say some kind of sporting event that you know your husband loves and go with him. Or if it is the other way around, umm idk, tickets to the opera?

[sm2281]

I am on a budget - we have 2 incomes and we are just dating right now so there is no "joint" about anything.

 

But, I make less and we are doing advent calanders with a 1-5 limit for each day/pocket in the calander.

 

For one I even did freebie gift and got together a history of his surname (because he didn't know) maybe if they are a music lover you could do prints of sheet music, or something to their own interests that wouldnt cost.

 

Maybe you guys could suggest gifts like that.

 

I never felt comfortable buying anything to gift in a joint account I didnt contribute to. If you feel uncomfortable seeing that or having someone look at it maybe you or they could use cash so no reciepts are shown or anything like that.

[spanz1]

. The gifts I gave him during that period tended to be more DIY than bought (handmade cards, special cooked meals etc), as I felt the same way you did.

.

 

 

 

when we first got married we had zero money for stuff like that. My wife made me presents (a Christmas ornament, some clothing she sewed, etc). They were the best presents I ever got.

 

 

$ seldom equate to great presents...be creative. If you put in time making something, or even just finding something thoughtful but low cost, it means everything.

[Turtles]

I am currently a SAHM. While DH feels very strongly that it's "our money" and not just his, he has said that when I buy him a gift he feels like he's buying it himself. So I tend to get smaller things that he doesn't want to buy for himself. We're not big gift-givers anyway so we'd rather do a dinner or movie or something instead.

 

Thank you, I have a bit of the same reaction as your hubby where I feel like I am buying my own gifts sometimes. It's different if there is a lot of thought or research that went into it but when it's just picking something off my AMZ wishlist and paying for it with my credit card, it's hard to feel very excited or thankful.

 

We set up "fun money" accounts a little under a year ago so we could both have money that we can spend on whatever we want guilt free. I was hoping she would want to use that money for gifts since that would make it coming from "her" own money (even though it came from me in the first place) but she did not like that idea. It helps to see how others are handling it.

[Art_Critic]

My wife is a SAHM, she has her own CC and pays that bill with money I direct deposit into her own checking account each month or when she tells me she needs some money.

That way she feels like she doesn't have to ask me to buy something.. she just does, so with the gifts she just buys them and then they get paid for and I have no idea how much money she paid for them.

She also on occasion does some Freelance work with graphic design and that also helps with her having her own money...

[Turtles]

My wife is a SAHM, she has her own CC and pays that bill with money I direct deposit into her own checking account each month or when she tells me she needs some money.

That way she feels like she doesn't have to ask me to buy something.. she just does, so with the gifts she just buys them and then they get paid for and I have no idea how much money she paid for them.

She also on occasion does some Freelance work with graphic design and that also helps with her having her own money...

 

That sounds like a good system and is what I was trying to get to when I set up the "fun money" accounts but it didn't really take off with her.

[autumnnight]

It's been my experience that while SAHMs don't earn an income, they most certainly do a heck of a lot of work, not the least of which is caring for the children of the husband. Sp I have to say this idea that she is spending "his" money when she is raising "his" children doesn't sit well with me. Just sayin

[Turtles]

It's been my experience that while SAHMs don't earn an income, they most certainly do a heck of a lot of work, not the least of which is caring for the children of the husband. Sp I have to say this idea that she is spending "his" money when she is raising "his" children doesn't sit well with me. Just sayin

 

There is absolutely no question about it autumn. I am guessing in many cases the stay at home parent realizes that they are putting in a lot of work and that the money coming home is "theirs" too?

[xxoo]

I very much considered the money in our acct to be "mine" as well as "his" when I was a SAHM. In fact, I didn't want him spending OUR money on me!

 

When I was the earner, I still didn't spend any of our money on myself. So on holidays, when H would take some of our money and buy me a gift, it truly was a gift. He wanted me to have it.