Sundown1965 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 A week ago we were out with a group of about 25 friends, mostly guys I work with and their wives. We went to a brewery that had an outdoor patio dining area. One of the guys I work with is about 25 good looking muscular type and known for drinking to much at parties and doing stupid things. The beer was flowing, I was not drinking so I could drive several people home, my wife was just a little typsy, maybe had three beers. The co-worker was pretty drunk I am 48 my wife is 45, I should note that this guy frequently makes comments and remarks about "hot" my wife is to the point I have told him knock it off a couple of times. I have told my wife this more than once and told her to be careful around him. We end up the last people in the place, just all of our group and are about to go home, I'm talking to people about driving them home when I hear whooping and laughter cheering etc. I look over and the guy has picked my wife up and was holding her facing him, her legs around his waist, her hands around his neck and his hands holding her just under her butt. about 30 feet away from me. He is making forceful thrusting motions with his hips pounding his crotch into hers,simulating stand up sex, her butt was literally bouncing up and down!! This went on for several seconds I was shocked, but more shocked when he let her down she was laughing hysterically, her face was a little red, she seemed a little embarrassed but she was cracking up,she kept her right hand around his neck and was patting his chest with her left hand as she laughed I later heard her her friends teasing her that she said to a friend of hers who was close by "that was kinda fun" while she was laughing.. Then another friend crabs her cellphone and says "do it again I want a picture" so my wife turns back to him jumps up and they do it again.. I am upset and very quiet as we take people home. We get home and she says "what's your problem"?? I am very angry and tell her there is no way she could think that was ok to do. She says she was walking towards the exit told him we were going home and he said " no we are gonna hit the bars now" and he then picked her up, carried her back into the patio area and began the hip thrusting, humping motion she didn't ask him to do it it was just a joke and she did nothing wrong. she got super defensive and started screaming at me . we had a huge fight. She says she was the victim in all this and it was all his fault, and keeps saying she did nothing wrong. I told her that I believed that she did not know he was going to do that but if she felt she was a "victim" and was not ok with him simulating sex and thrusting into her than she should not have "gone along" with it, that all she had to do was unwrap her legs and get down, push him away and act offended ,which she should have been,if she were the victim she should not have been laughing about it or said " that was kinda fun" and she would not have done it again voluntarily. She keeps saying that she did nothing wrong, she is the victim, and it was just a joke and there is no reason I should have been upset about it. She says I am totally over reacting and she is very angry that I won't agree with her. The co worker called me on Monday and genuinely apologized, he felt terrible and asked my forgiveness, he told me it was way out of line and I should have punched him in the face. Anyway I am just looking for some help and advice, this has become a major issue in our marriage and my wife will not give an inch, saying it was just a silly joke and she did nothing wrong she is saying I need to apologize to her for being upset about it and being a jerk. She will not see how inappropriate that it was, and does not care about how I felt watching her do that. My wife and I work together and share a computer so it may be hard for me to answer questions promptly. but I will be checking responses frequently Any help is appreciated, Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Does she know that the other guy called to apologize? If not tell her to show an example of knowing it was out of bounds. I'm usually on here trying to reassure people that their partners are not vile cheaters based on a little harmless flirting but what your wife did was waaaaaayyyyyy out of bounds. Even if she genuinely thought it was no big deal, the minute you said it was a big deal to you, she needed to acknowledge your point of view & apologize. You two need to have a heart to heart & soon, especially if you will be forced to be around her, your co-worker & alcohol again. In the future, perhaps she should be the designated driver to keep her out of trouble. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Since your talked to her about it have you considered counseling? Has she made any changes in her thinking on this. If she still feels its ok after this long of time you might have to seriously look at your marriage. If you do not set boundaries and give consequences for her actions then your just saying its ok without really saying it directly. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 She won't see how inappropriate it is because you are blaming her and holder her accountable for someones else's poor actions, digging her heels in as it were so she doesn't give you anymore ground to bury her. While is sounds like something very tacky and alcohol fueled he also apologized and she didn't do anything wrong other than go along with something everyone appeared to think was funny. Cut your wife a break...and watch the other guy from now on... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts