Husband always has to go above his means to look like the good guy!

[Mapper71]

We currently have 2 cats. I'm happy with two. We used to have 3 and one died last year. It took me a long time to get used to 3 cats since I am a clean freak and am constantly cleaning up cat hair. I love them to death but am not looking to add to our brood. H was gung ho about getting a dog. No no no! A dog is too much work. He finally gave up on that idea and said we should get a kitten. I finally got on board with that after a few weeks and got excited about it and said we should go to the shelter that weekend. Well it seems like as soon as I got excited about a kitten he was no longer interested and never went to the shelter and stopped talking about it. Then he finds out his mom has like 30 strays in her barn and she offers to bring one out for us. H then tells her to bring 2. I really do not want 4 cats but he says we'll be helping her out by taking them. I'm sorry she has so many but that doesn't mean we need to become the crazy cat couple to help her out! This isn't a "Oh they are so cute and we are doing good by taking 2" because this is a 15-20 year commitment. I can totally see him regretting getting 2 on top of the 2 we have a few weeks after we get them. I foresee them peeing all over the house seeing as how they are outside cats, but he thinks we are doing good by helping her out.

 

Same goes for tipping. H can barely get by check to check and if I wasn't here to help out he would probably be living on the street. Yet he'll go out and have a $15 meal and leave a $10 tip because he feels the bartender or the waiter has to make enough to live. You aren't a millionaire...not even close! 20% of $15 is $3 and that is enough. I don't understand why he feels he needs to tip everyone above and beyond. We go to our usual bar and work up a $50 tab and I only give an $8 tip and he freaks out because I should have given them twice that. He thinks if we tip really well we'll get stronger drinks. Whatever! I am not flippant about giving my money to strangers because he seems to think that everyone workgin at a restaurant is nearly broke and needs his money to get by.

 

It's great that he's has that do-gooder spirit but I hate the fact that he does it to help others out when he can barely get by himself.

[Mr. Lucky]

I really do not want 4 cats but he says we'll be helping her out by taking them. I'm sorry she has so many but that doesn't mean we need to become the crazy cat couple to help her out!

Not sure what the laws are in Washington but some places have local regulations covering the number of pets one residence can have. Might be an out for you there.

 

Are all these cats spayed/neutered? You might quickly have more than 4...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mapper71]

Not sure what the laws are in Washington but some places have local regulations covering the number of pets one residence can have. Might be an out for you there.

 

Are all these cats spayed/neutered? You might quickly have more than 4...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I've read our city code and each house can have up to 4 pets at a time. My mother in law said she is trying to get as many neutered and spayed as possible and if these aren't, they definitely will be! H sees it as our oldest cat is about 14 and she will probably only be around a few more years and the other one is 8 and can teach the kittens the ropes and if neither of them get along with the kittens then they have each other. Oh yeah but he doesn't think of the extra food we'll have to buy, the litter trail they will all leave, the vet bills, who will we have come and take care of 4 cats if we are gone for a long period. All he sees is "Oh they are so cute and we'll be helping my mom out."

[HereNorThere]

It must be so hard on you having loving partner who cares about animals without a home and people who do not even make minimum wage. I guess things are tough all over.

 

Admittedly, I couldn't handle 4 cats, but seeing the way some partners treat their SO on here, I'd feel pretty lucky if I just married a cat lover and good tipper.

[Phoe]

I understand your frustration, just wanna be a bit of a Devils advocate.

 

Can a compromise be made to get one cat instead of 2?

 

I currently live with 4 cats and yes, it takes more frequent cleaning, but it's nothing insane. Since I'm a clean freak, and am cleaning anyway regardless of how many cats there are, it never gets even close to bad.

 

Perhaps you can ask that it be one cat, maybe a small shorthaired girl cat? Do you think you'd be able to request a shorthair specifically?

 

As far as the tipping, I do agree with his sentiment that a waiter might really need it. I have a friend who's a waitress and she lives on tips. She got a $100 tip last week and cried her eyes out over it, she was so happy.

 

Can you guys go out less frequently? That way he can still tip how he likes, but not do it all the time?

 

I hope that you guys can find a balance.

[Thegameoflife]

If a big tip can cause you hardship, it's not poor character to tip less. Have to take care of yourself before you help others.

[Mapper71]

Well the whole idea (once I finally gave in to it!) was to just get one cat but now that his mom is overwhelmed with so many he feels the need to get 2. I am sorry for her situation, but she kind of brought that on herself by feeding all of them so they stuck around, which admittedly, I probably would have done too. But that doesn't mean that we should take on her burden.

 

Same goes for tipping. I understand that he wants to help out, but when he can't even pay his share of the bills on a monthly basis then he shouldn't be tipping someone 150%! He can't pay his share of a $140 phone bill, which is $70, but he can drop a $20 tip on a $30 meal!

[Mapper71]

 

I currently live with 4 cats and yes, it takes more frequent cleaning, but it's nothing insane. Since I'm a clean freak, and am cleaning anyway regardless of how many cats there are, it never gets even close to bad.

 

 

I too am a clean freak! You could say it's my hobby I know even though I think something is clean, it's not because within a few hours there will be fur flying. Do you feel okay with 4 cats? I mean honestly I feel like we will be considered the crazy cat couple!

[pink_sugar]

I am still heartbroken over my kitty that died last year, but HONESTLY? I don't miss the cat hair all over from her shedding and glad we just have the one cat right now. We'd like a dog, but we need stable jobs first! I'm honestly wondering with all that's going on how you can stand to be with him this long. There are plenty of shelters that will take the cats and adopt them out. He can help by calling rescue organizations that can take the cats. Especially if they are kittens. While he has point to tipping since it is how waiters make a living, he should only be tipping the minimum (15%) until he has stable income.

Edited October 27, 2014 by pink_sugar

[DaisyLeigh1967]

There is nothing wrong with generosity, but not when it affects your home and well being and that of your spouse and family.

 

As far as waitstaff living on tips, it is their choice to do that kind of work. I have done it and it is a crapshoot some days. It is just how it is.

[lollipopspot]

H sees it as our oldest cat is about 14 and she will probably only be around a few more years and the other one is 8 and can teach the kittens the ropes and if neither of them get along with the kittens then they have each other.

 

I don't think you know much about cats.

 

I urge you, and I warn you, put "introducing cats" into Google and read how to do it.

 

You think this will be easy. It won't be. DON'T JUST THROW THEM IN A ROOM TOGETHER AND HOPE IT WILL WORK OUT. YOU NEED TO DO VERY CAREFUL INTRODUCTIONS. You think that an older cat will "teach the kittens the ropes." Neither one of you understands cats (not to fault you, a lot of people don't understand the nature of cats). The younger ones will have way too much energy for the older ones. Generally, you need to match cats by energy. The younger ones are likely going to really irritate the older ones. If the older ones are spunky, they're going to fight. When the younger ones get bigger, they may fight and bully the older ones. Cats are not dogs. They're not pack animals. They're territorial. You need to do your research. Your house may well become a cat war zone, stressful, and someone may get hurt. I predict you will have a disaster. Of course it could all work out great, but this will not be an easy transition, that much is certain.

 

I would only take them if it is a true rescue, and know what you're in for, and have the patience and will to do proper introductions. Not because your husband thinks it would be fun. It won't be fun.

 

But the idea of two kittens as opposed to one, has a lot of merit, and I would suggest that, if you go ahead with this. They will play together and probably irritate the older ones less.

Edited October 28, 2014 by lollipopspot

[Thegameoflife]

There is nothing wrong with generosity, but not when it affects your home and well being and that of your spouse and family.

 

As far as waitstaff living on tips, it is their choice to do that kind of work. I have done it and it is a crapshoot some days. It is just how it is.

 

Where I live, a meal is pretty expensive. I tip based off certain criteria. Cost of the meal, number of tables, and quality service. If they have 4 tables, average meal cost of $100, and the service isn't great, 10% is generous. My reasoning is that it would be $10 from each table+ 10.20 minimum wage. That's $50.20/ h. Tipped at 20%, that's 90.20. Multiply by 4 serving hours, and that's $360 a night. Multiply 360×52×5, and that's 93, 600. Per year. That's not reasonable pay for the job at 20% tip.

[HereNorThere]

Where I live, a meal is pretty expensive. I tip based off certain criteria. Cost of the meal, number of tables, and quality service. If they have 4 tables, average meal cost of $100, and the service isn't great, 10% is generous. My reasoning is that it would be $10 from each table+ 10.20 minimum wage. That's $50.20/ h. Tipped at 20%, that's 90.20. Multiply by 4 serving hours, and that's $360 a night. Multiply 360×52×5, and that's 93, 600. Per year. That's not reasonable pay for the job at 20% tip.

 

Servers in the U.S. do not make minimum wage, so they can literally walk out of shift that actually cost them money to work.

[Mapper71]

I don't think you know much about cats.

 

I urge you, and I warn you, put "introducing cats" into Google and read how to do it.

 

You think this will be easy. It won't be. DON'T JUST THROW THEM IN A ROOM TOGETHER AND HOPE IT WILL WORK OUT. YOU NEED TO DO VERY CAREFUL INTRODUCTIONS. You think that an older cat will "teach the kittens the ropes." Neither one of you understands cats (not to fault you, a lot of people don't understand the nature of cats). The younger ones will have way too much energy for the older ones. Generally, you need to match cats by energy. The younger ones are likely going to really irritate the older ones. If the older ones are spunky, they're going to fight. When the younger ones get bigger, they may fight and bully the older ones. Cats are not dogs. They're not pack animals. They're territorial. You need to do your research. Your house may well become a cat war zone, stressful, and someone may get hurt. I predict you will have a disaster. Of course it could all work out great, but this will not be an easy transition, that much is certain.

 

I would only take them if it is a true rescue, and know what you're in for, and have the patience and will to do proper introductions. Not because your husband thinks it would be fun. It won't be fun.

 

But the idea of two kittens as opposed to one, has a lot of merit, and I would suggest that, if you go ahead with this. They will play together and probably irritate the older ones less.

We don't have any plans of "throwing" them in a room together the moment we get them. We aren't that dense! We plan on segregating them first while we get them checked out at the vet and then keeping them in the bathroom together while we aren't home so they can get to know each other through the door and then when we are home, slowly and carefully introducing them. Once they get to know each other then we hope that the older ones can teach them some things.

[pink_sugar]

Servers in the U.S. do not make minimum wage, so they can literally walk out of shift that actually cost them money to work.

 

It depends on the state. In CA, they are paid minimum wage plus tip.

[Mapper71]

So his mom is coming this Friday to bring us the kittens, but just as I thought, she is not only bringing the 2 we asked for but all 5 of the kittens so we can choose and she has to give them extra milk and wants to bring them so her husband doesn't have to worry about doing it.

 

Am I crazy for asking her to JUST bring the 2 we picked? I do not need 5 kittens in addition to our 2 adult cats roaming around our 1000 square foot house for the weekend! I even told my husband a few days ago "Watch, she will probably bring more than 2 cats" and sure enough! She says not to worry as they will be in a cage the whole time. I don't want them to sit in a cage the whole time either!

 

This is our house and if I don't want 7 cats in it I should be listened to but even my husband is saying "Well if we have that many for just a few days it will be fine". No! They will be pooping and peeing and needing to be fed and meowing all night long. We are not a rescue or a farm!

[Mapper71]

So his mom is coming this Friday to bring us the kittens, but just as I thought, she is not only bringing the 2 we asked for but all 5 of the kittens so we can choose and she has to give them extra milk and wants to bring them so her husband doesn't have to worry about doing it.

 

Am I crazy for asking her to JUST bring the 2 we picked? I do not need 5 kittens in addition to our 2 adult cats roaming around our 1000 square foot house for the weekend! I even told my husband a few days ago "Watch, she will probably bring more than 2 cats" and sure enough! She says not to worry as they will be in a cage the whole time. I don't want them to sit in a cage the whole time either!

 

This is our house and if I don't want 7 cats in it I should be listened to but even my husband is saying "Well if we have that many for just a few days it will be fine". No! They will be pooping and peeing and needing to be fed and meowing all night long. We are not a rescue or a farm!

 

And JUST as I predicted! Nothing is going as planned. His mom didn't get here until Sunday morning and was supposed to be here Friday night but got a late start. So there was no time for anyone who may be interested to come and look at the kittens and god forbid I bring that up right away because H doesn't know now which kitten he wants yet so we can't have people come and look at them. Now of course they ALL need to go to the vet and be looked at and 3 of them have eye infections that need medication. They all need baths. Now we may need to keep all of them for weeks until we can get them farmed out. Oh and I seem to remember H telling me that I could handle 5 kittens for JUST the weekend. Oh now it may be weeks because rather than her take them home with her she is going to leave them with us to adopt out. His mother hasn't even been here 24 hours and she's driving both of us crazy. You'd think she was moving in by how much crap she brought with her!

 

We could have gone to the shelter and gotten two cats already vaccinated, fixed, ready to go for $100 each but now instead we have 5 cats in need of all of that plus medicines and apparently I am expected to pay to have all 5 cats looked at, not just the 2 we wanted because why would we give away cats in need of that? Why do we have 5 cats in the first place? Oh that's right, H couldn't tell his mom to just bring the 2, even though he knew how upset I was by her bringing 5, because he thought it would be nice to choose from the 5! Lets see, I barely wanted one more cat, much less two more and now we have 5 running around in need of vet treatment. Oh and to top it off, I stepped in a pile of poop on the kitchen floor this morning!

 

Add that on top of his annoying MIL, and I am ready to get a motel room for the week!

[lollipopspot]

We could have gone to the shelter and gotten two cats already vaccinated, fixed, ready to go for $100 each but now instead we have 5 cats in need of all of that plus medicines and apparently I am expected to pay to have all 5 cats looked at, not just the 2 we wanted because why would we give away cats in need of that? Why do we have 5 cats in the first place? Oh that's right, H couldn't tell his mom to just bring the 2, even though he knew how upset I was by her bringing 5, because he thought it would be nice to choose from the 5! Lets see, I barely wanted one more cat, much less two more and now we have 5 running around in need of vet treatment. Oh and to top it off, I stepped in a pile of poop on the kitchen floor this morning!

 

Add that on top of his annoying MIL, and I am ready to get a motel room for the week!

 

Well, if they're there, try to enjoy having them as best you can. Kittens are cute.

 

But you shouldn't be stepping in poop. If the litterbox is being cleaned, they should be using it. Someone may have a medical issue is they're not using the box. It's instinct for cats to be able to use a litterbox.

 

Also, sounds as though these cats need some care. Think of it as a rescue. At this point it's not about them enhancing your life, but you enhancing theirs. Make sure they get spayed/neutered before getting adopted out please

 

Do you have a good no-kill shelter in your area? My community has a good no-kill shelter that takes kittens. They do the vet care and adopts them out spayed and neutered. That's a good option for rescuers. If you don't have a no-kill, I'd adopt them out myself (already fixed).

 

Why is she having to give them milk? Are they bottle feeding? Where's the mom?

[rester]

And JUST as I predicted! Nothing is going as planned. His mom didn't get here until Sunday morning and was supposed to be here Friday night but got a late start. So there was no time for anyone who may be interested to come and look at the kittens and god forbid I bring that up right away because H doesn't know now which kitten he wants yet so we can't have people come and look at them. Now of course they ALL need to go to the vet and be looked at and 3 of them have eye infections that need medication. They all need baths. Now we may need to keep all of them for weeks until we can get them farmed out. Oh and I seem to remember H telling me that I could handle 5 kittens for JUST the weekend. Oh now it may be weeks because rather than her take them home with her she is going to leave them with us to adopt out. His mother hasn't even been here 24 hours and she's driving both of us crazy. You'd think she was moving in by how much crap she brought with her!

 

We could have gone to the shelter and gotten two cats already vaccinated, fixed, ready to go for $100 each but now instead we have 5 cats in need of all of that plus medicines and apparently I am expected to pay to have all 5 cats looked at, not just the 2 we wanted because why would we give away cats in need of that? Why do we have 5 cats in the first place? Oh that's right, H couldn't tell his mom to just bring the 2, even though he knew how upset I was by her bringing 5, because he thought it would be nice to choose from the 5! Lets see, I barely wanted one more cat, much less two more and now we have 5 running around in need of vet treatment. Oh and to top it off, I stepped in a pile of poop on the kitchen floor this morning!

 

Add that on top of his annoying MIL, and I am ready to get a motel room for the week!

 

I'd move out permanently. Or move out and not speak to your husband until you have proof those cats are gone. On what planet does a significant other bring in FIVE CATS and get away with it? How much are you going to tolerate with this guy?

[Mapper71]

Well, if they're there, try to enjoy having them as best you can. Kittens are cute.

 

But you shouldn't be stepping in poop. If the litterbox is being cleaned, they should be using it. Someone may have a medical issue is they're not using the box. It's instinct for cats to be able to use a litterbox.

 

Also, sounds as though these cats need some care. Think of it as a rescue. At this point it's not about them enhancing your life, but you enhancing theirs. Make sure they get spayed/neutered before getting adopted out please

 

Do you have a good no-kill shelter in your area? My community has a good no-kill shelter that takes kittens. They do the vet care and adopts them out spayed and neutered. That's a good option for rescuers. If you don't have a no-kill, I'd adopt them out myself (already fixed).

 

Why is she having to give them milk? Are they bottle feeding? Where's the mom?

They are too young to spay/neuter (not even 2 months old yet). And yes, my husband works with a guy whose wife works at a no kill shelter and will take them if we can't find them homes. These were kittens born to a feral mother and my MIL apparently has never seen which one out of her 30-40 outside cats is the mother. This woman has a huge hoarding problem but sees nothing wrong with what she is doing. She has 30-40 cats, 30 chickens, 3 goats, 4 dogs. She is constantly talking about all this other stuff she needs to get to make things. Her husband only makes $18/hr and she doesn't work. Where they get money to feed and vet all these animals is beyond me. She is a real piece of work and I really want her out of my house!

[Mapper71]

Oh and the best part is H has kept saying that his mom needs to come out to visit and she finally does after 5 years and he was fed up with her in just a few hours. He literally went to bed at 6PM last night because he couldn't stand her anymore and left me with her! He was in the middle of making a stir fry dinner and then just shut it down saying he was tired and we could just make mac and cheese!

 

He does the same thing with his daughter, well when his daughter was talking to him. He wouldn't see her for months and she'd finally come up and he'd pick her up at the train station at 6:30 and by 7:30 he'd be in bed because he was tired and leave me to hang out with her.

 

The only time he goes to bed that early is when we have people staying with us. And not just any people, but his own family members. Why in the HELL do you insist these people come to visit and then tire of them immediately and leave me to entertain them??!!

[rester]

Oh and the best part is H has kept saying that his mom needs to come out to visit and she finally does after 5 years and he was fed up with her in just a few hours. He literally went to bed at 6PM last night because he couldn't stand her anymore and left me with her! He was in the middle of making a stir fry dinner and then just shut it down saying he was tired and we could just make mac and cheese!

 

He does the same thing with his daughter, well when his daughter was talking to him. He wouldn't see her for months and she'd finally come up and he'd pick her up at the train station at 6:30 and by 7:30 he'd be in bed because he was tired and leave me to hang out with her.

 

The only time he goes to bed that early is when we have people staying with us. And not just any people, but his own family members. Why in the HELL do you insist these people come to visit and then tire of them immediately and leave me to entertain them??!!

 

Do you discuss this stuff with him or do you keep your mouth shut and build up more and more resentment? Sounds like you take a lot of crap from him without speaking your mind.

[Mapper71]

Do you discuss this stuff with him or do you keep your mouth shut and build up more and more resentment? Sounds like you take a lot of crap from him without speaking your mind.

 

I got upset and said I only wanted two kittens here and he just blows a gasket and says "It's ONLY for 2 days. You can handle it for TWO days. Just chill out. Everything will be fine". His response to everything I get upset about. I tell him his mother is going to overstay her welcome and he tells me to chill out yet here he is less than 5 hours into her visit and he can't even stand having her here. I tell him I don't want kittens and tells me to chill out it will be fine. Now we still have anyone to say they want one of the three other cats when he swore to me there were two takers already. If not, he says, he knows someone who works at a no kill shelter who will take them. Really? You spoke to this person and made SURE they could take them? "Well no but.." He is joking that we will keep all of them. If he even tries to say that we will keep all 5 and I need to "Chill out it will be fine" I will lose it!

[lollipopspot]

I got upset and said I only wanted two kittens here and he just blows a gasket and says "It's ONLY for 2 days. You can handle it for TWO days. Just chill out. Everything will be fine". His response to everything I get upset about. I tell him his mother is going to overstay her welcome and he tells me to chill out yet here he is less than 5 hours into her visit and he can't even stand having her here. I tell him I don't want kittens and tells me to chill out it will be fine. Now we still have anyone to say they want one of the three other cats when he swore to me there were two takers already. If not, he says, he knows someone who works at a no kill shelter who will take them. Really? You spoke to this person and made SURE they could take them? "Well no but.." He is joking that we will keep all of them. If he even tries to say that we will keep all 5 and I need to "Chill out it will be fine" I will lose it!

 

I do believe in animal rescue, so I would be easier-going about the foster. Kittens - especially ones that young - should never be adopted singly, only in pairs. They learn how to relate to others through relating to their siblings, so please don't let bottle feeding kittens go solo, or to somewhere unsafe.

[Shepp]

I've read our city code and each house can have up to 4 pets at a time.

Really!!? I never knew they had those kinds of laws in the states!!

So could you have four dogs but not have five guinea-pigs??

 

 

 

 

Its not helping the cats by taking them in unless you can take them in and provide for them properly i.e. food, vets, space(I believe cats don't like being too packed in with other cats they don't know too well).

After that its a life decision you guys need to make together but pick your battle - if its about the cats, its about the cats - don't make it about everything he does!

(That is the most annoying thing my wife does when i'm in the dog house - she'll be irritated about one little thing and then before I even know how it happened it's transcended to me not watering the house plants or something stupid )