regret143 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Hi, Me and my wife are in counseling because of a very troubled time we had in our marriage. I ended up finding out (or at least I think so) she doesn't like sex. And sex very important to me (actually sex started all our trouble). Is it possible to "teach" someone how to enjoy sex? Or I will have to content with a life where sex is just a returned favor? Tks Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Is she getting pleasure in sex ? If she is and still not interested then it is just her nature and cannot be changed. If she's not getting pleasure, then you have to improve your technique. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Maybe. But the other person has to be open to learning. What does your MC think? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Considering your other thread about trying an open marriage and you being cuckolded, I don't believe your wife doesn't like sex. I think she just doesn't like sex with you. Based on your other thread, I do believe you should consider divorce. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Considering your other thread about trying an open marriage and you being cuckolded, I don't believe your wife doesn't like sex. I think she just doesn't like sex with you. Based on your other thread, I do believe you should consider divorce. I concur. She seems to like sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Is she getting pleasure in sex ? If she is and still not interested then it is just her nature and cannot be changed. If she's not getting pleasure, then you have to improve your technique. I think she doesnt get pleasure. The problem is I think she never did. With anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Maybe. But the other person has to be open to learning. What does your MC think? We havent got to that point in MC yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Considering your other thread about trying an open marriage and you being cuckolded, I don't believe your wife doesn't like sex. I think she just doesn't like sex with you. Based on your other thread, I do believe you should consider divorce. Wrong... She did for the attention. The other guy gave her attention that I wasnt giving. What also makes me feel like this is that she enjoy sex with him even less, she only wanted attention. She shows appreciation for the attention with sex. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I think she doesnt get pleasure. The problem is I think she never did. With anyone. There are so many mixed messages: Someone who doesn't get pleasure doesn't actively seek other men and ask their men to engage in cuckolding behavior. And you THINK she doesn't get pleasure? You aren't sure? What has she told you? Women who don't experience pleasure generally don't pursue open relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 There are so many mixed messages: Someone who doesn't get pleasure doesn't actively seek other men and ask their men to engage in cuckolding behavior. And you THINK she doesn't get pleasure? You aren't sure? What has she told you? Women who don't experience pleasure generally don't pursue open relationships. She never asked. I asked her. A lot. It was all me. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I think she doesnt get pleasure. The problem is I think she never did. With anyone. She sounds like cold as a fish. Why did you marry her ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It is obvious she is not communicating something. You state in your other thread that you two are liberal... Why did you open your marriage in the first place? I was in an open marriage those that work successfully do so because the partners can be completely and totally honest with one another. What was your rationale or reasoning for having sex outside your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I ended up finding out (or at least I think so) she doesn't like sex. And sex very important to me (actually sex started all our trouble). Is it possible to "teach" someone how to enjoy sex? Or I will have to content with a life where sex is just a returned favor? I think that somebody who never experienced pleasure can be taught to enjoy sex. I think you are either into all the kinky stuff or you like vanilla. If you like the other people etc but she was just doing it for you, no I don't think she will ever learn to like what you like. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 She doesn't like/want sex as much as you do, she doesn't want it with you, and it's definitely HIGH TIME you talked about it in MC. ASAP. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 She sounds like cold as a fish. Why did you marry her ? I didnt know before. These are new discoveries to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 I think that somebody who never experienced pleasure can be taught to enjoy sex. I think you are either into all the kinky stuff or you like vanilla. If you like the other people etc but she was just doing it for you, no I don't think she will ever learn to like what you like. I just want her to like the sex act. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 She doesn't like/want sex as much as you do, she doesn't want it with you, and it's definitely HIGH TIME you talked about it in MC. ASAP. Working on it... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 I just want her to like the sex act. Have you considered that asking her to do all that other stuff is what ruined it for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 15, 2014 Author Share Posted October 15, 2014 Have you considered that asking her to do all that other stuff is what ruined it for her? It's possible. But what about before all that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Share Posted October 16, 2014 Had sex last night. Tasted stale sugar free vanilla. Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 I read your other thread... Honestly, reading your history... "I'm bored with our sex life, go get a boyfriend," "Now we're having marriage problems, dump the boyfriend," "that didn't fix it, go get the boyfriend again," " that still didn't fix it... Here's divorce papers..." all knowing that she was in to none of it and was doing it solely to please you, I just suspect the woman is exhausted. She's obviously tried to spice things up in the ways you asked, but you still make comments like above... It's hard to be sexually satisfied or enjoy an act where your partner has made clear they're not happy with you, the marriage, your performance, and wants to explore their options with others in their bed. Just sitting here reading the story, I feel like you're yanking her all around and she's just doing it to make you happy and it's still not enough for either of you. The fact that she's being criticised for it, for her performance, and your bad sex life... I'd dread sex too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Share Posted October 16, 2014 I read your other thread... Honestly, reading your history... "I'm bored with our sex life, go get a boyfriend," "Now we're having marriage problems, dump the boyfriend," "that didn't fix it, go get the boyfriend again," " that still didn't fix it... Here's divorce papers..." all knowing that she was in to none of it and was doing it solely to please you, I just suspect the woman is exhausted. She's obviously tried to spice things up in the ways you asked, but you still make comments like above... It's hard to be sexually satisfied or enjoy an act where your partner has made clear they're not happy with you, the marriage, your performance, and wants to explore their options with others in their bed. Just sitting here reading the story, I feel like you're yanking her all around and she's just doing it to make you happy and it's still not enough for either of you. The fact that she's being criticised for it, for her performance, and your bad sex life... I'd dread sex too. For what you say, only thing to do is divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 For what you say, only thing to do is divorce? Not necessarily... I think you maybe need to stop making demands of her for a bit and listen to what she needs... Because it appears you make many of them, and you make them without regard of her feelings or if she wants it, or if it's best for your marriage, and without a hint of really listening to what she needs. It also looks like when she makes demands back you're incredulous, like she's the one who owes you something for not making what you demanded of her (and she didn't want) not work for you. Her saying that she's not attracted to having sex with you because she doesn't feel appreciated... I can get why she feels that way and I get why that may mean she's not into sex. The other thing is, it's great that sex is important to you. Sex is important to me. It's really important to my husband. Important to a relationship is fine... But the be-all and end-all of the relationship? You're setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. Sex will not always be like a porn movie and it's really hard to enjoy having sex with somebody when you think the only reason they want you around is for good sex. It makes you feel like there's no genuine commitment, just conditional attraction. You've made clear that sex is important to you, but I get the definite impression based on your comments that if sex isn't satisfactory, you'll divorce. That's a lot of pressure, and there's a lot there that says "you have little value to me beyond the bedroom." She's your wife, she's a mother to two of your children, but to hear that so much of your happiness in her is tied up in sexual performance? That's like ignoring her complete package and focusing on one small portion of who she is. Women want to be appreciated as women, wives, mothers, and people too. Not just sexual partners. If I felt like my husband was basically using me for good sex and I had little value beyond that, I'd be less excited about sex too. I'd feel like it's about sex, not about a relationship. Sex would feel like he's using me to basically masturbate with and that I have no definable quality that makes him want to be with me, not somebody else. You guys seem to be competing to see who can push the marriage past the point of no return faster, but if you want to stop that, make the first move. Try meeting her needs for a bit and giving her realistic needs of yours she can meet... Keeping in mind that rafter-swinging, pornstar sex is not a realistic need right now. Because for all you claim that you're an animal, she's not liking what you're offering. Think about needs that are beyond sex she can help you with. If you can't think of any, or if all you can think of are ones that are in physical service of you (do the dishes, do the laundry, make my dinner), time to ask if you're invested emotionally in this woman because if you're not, there's no point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Wrong... She did for the attention. The other guy gave her attention that I wasnt giving. What also makes me feel like this is that she enjoy sex with him even less, she only wanted attention. She shows appreciation for the attention with sex. Lol, if this were true, your problem would be solved with attention. To answer your question, no, not really. Sexuality is a complex set of biological processes in your brain and for the most part, involuntary. She either has a health problem or the more likely answer.. She's just not that into you. That's why she bangs other dudes. She could get attention a million other ways. She wants sex, just not with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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