Video Game Addiction...

[Dancing_Queen12]

My fiance and I are getting married in 6 months.

We just bought a house & moved in this past weekend.

He just got a new video game about a week ago and it is "really fun" and he plays it constantly.

He gets home, says hi then plays it until 2 am, and by then I've long been asleep.

Sometimes I'll ask him to go to bed with me, and he says he will, or he'll be there in 5 minutes. So I go on to bed, fall asleep, then wake up hours later, still alone, and go into the living room to find him still playing. It's like he says yes when I ask him to do something, because that's what I want to hear, but he rarely does it. IT's to the point where I don't really believe it anymore. I've told him that that is his "Yes that means no"

 

The other day he got home, kissed me and turned the tv on to play and said, "I've been thinking about this game all day, I crave playing it so bad" I really wish he'd talk about me like that.

 

I understand playing video games helps him unwind after being at work all day. And I don't mind at all that he plays. He should get a chance to relax after working all day. But a couple hours a night should suffice. Maybe on a rare occasion play for hours on end, but not every night. Its really concerning

 

I need to feel loved and wanted. And I bring this up to him and he's all lovey dovey for a day or two then it's back to this.

 

I just don't know what to do. But I'm tired of feeling like this.

[SawtoothMars]

My fiance and I are getting married in 6 months.

We just bought a house & moved in this past weekend.

He just got a new video game about a week ago and it is "really fun" and he plays it constantly.

He gets home, says hi then plays it until 2 am, and by then I've long been asleep.

Sometimes I'll ask him to go to bed with me, and he says he will, or he'll be there in 5 minutes. So I go on to bed, fall asleep, then wake up hours later, still alone, and go into the living room to find him still playing. It's like he says yes when I ask him to do something, because that's what I want to hear, but he rarely does it. IT's to the point where I don't really believe it anymore. I've told him that that is his "Yes that means no"

The other day he got home, kissed me and turned the tv on to play and said, "I've been thinking about this game all day, I crave playing it so bad" I really wish he'd talk about me like that.

I understand playing video games helps him unwind after being at work all day. And I don't mind at all that he plays. He should get a chance to relax after working all day. But a couple hours a night should suffice. Maybe on a rare occasion play for hours on end, but not every night. Its really concerning

I need to feel loved and wanted. And I bring this up to him and he's all lovey dovey for a day or two then it's back to this.

I just don't know what to do. But I'm tired of feeling like this.

 

I get obsessive about games from time to time... it usually doesn't last over a month.

 

About two years ago I got a 1st person shooter that was mildly addicting... my wife actually sat down and played with me. We play on the same team and it's crazy fun. I don't get addicted the same way I used to... because I'm less interested in single player games now. I prefer when we play together.

[Keenly]

Be very... very careful with the " a couple hours should be good enough for him " line of thinking. That sounds pretty controlling.

 

 

Understand that us gamers get very excited over games we've been anticipating for sometimes years. We buy it, and we binge in pure exctacy. But with binging comes boredom. Overexposure and repitition. Be pstiend and all will return to normal.

 

 

You chose a gamer. This is the gamer cycle.

[MuscleCarFan]

Be very... very careful with the " a couple hours should be good enough for him " line of thinking. That sounds pretty controlling.

 

 

Understand that us gamers get very excited over games we've been anticipating for sometimes years. We buy it, and we binge in pure exctacy. But with binging comes boredom. Overexposure and repitition. Be pstiend and all will return to normal.

 

 

You chose a gamer. This is the gamer cycle.

 

That pretty much sums it up. I like to game too, but I can't do it for hours on end because eventually I need to take a break and do something else.

[Dancing_Queen12]

I know a new game is fun and all. I used to play Sims a few years ago and the first couple weeks I played for hours. I get it. But it's like it consumes him and nothing else in the world matters.

Like I said, I don't mind that he plays but it shouldn't consume 100% of his spare time. I'd like a little bit of time too...

[bastus]

depend of what genre of games he played? i suggest you to persuade him using cheat/hack while playing , i believe this thing is one best way to make any games become boring

Edited October 9, 2014 by bastus

[Keenly]

I know a new game is fun and all. I used to play Sims a few years ago and the first couple weeks I played for hours. I get it. But it's like it consumes him and nothing else in the world matters.

Like I said, I don't mind that he plays but it shouldn't consume 100% of his spare time. I'd like a little bit of time too...

 

If you're not a gamer, then you can't sympathize. But trust me. If its been two weeks, he WILL get bored in probably a week and a half. He will still play, but not as much as he is now.

 

 

Be patient. Let it run its course.

 

 

Do you know what game it is?

[angie2443]

My fiance and I are getting married in 6 months.

We just bought a house & moved in this past weekend.

He just got a new video game about a week ago and it is "really fun" and he plays it constantly.

He gets home, says hi then plays it until 2 am, and by then I've long been asleep.

Sometimes I'll ask him to go to bed with me, and he says he will, or he'll be there in 5 minutes. So I go on to bed, fall asleep, then wake up hours later, still alone, and go into the living room to find him still playing. It's like he says yes when I ask him to do something, because that's what I want to hear, but he rarely does it. IT's to the point where I don't really believe it anymore. I've told him that that is his "Yes that means no"

 

The other day he got home, kissed me and turned the tv on to play and said, "I've been thinking about this game all day, I crave playing it so bad" I really wish he'd talk about me like that.

 

I understand playing video games helps him unwind after being at work all day. And I don't mind at all that he plays. He should get a chance to relax after working all day. But a couple hours a night should suffice. Maybe on a rare occasion play for hours on end, but not every night. Its really concerning

 

I need to feel loved and wanted. And I bring this up to him and he's all lovey dovey for a day or two then it's back to this.

 

I just don't know what to do. But I'm tired of feeling like this.

 

Your not married yet. This is something that would be best to hash out before you two tie yourselves together. It doesn't matter if he's a gamer or not. If you don't get the time from him that you need to feel fulfilled in a partnership, you are going to have a very unhappy marriage. I've seen marriages like this. It rarely turns out good.

[Elliotte]

You haven't mentioned whether or not this is the first time he has played a game this much, but a week is pretty normal to be super into binge-playing through a video game. I used to game all the time when I was a teen to early twenties but after awhile I got bored with them. Have you never gotten into something and binged on it for awhile? A new show on Netflix gets its hooks in you and you watch every episode in a week? That's all it is. About twice a year a new game I really want will come out and I will play it until I win the game, and time will fly by, the rest of the time I barely touch video games. If this is what he is like, you're fine. My wife will sometimes have a show get its hooks into her and watch from getting home from work til bedtime too, we all binge on something in small bursts from time to time.

 

I'd start to get worried if he's playing something online and getting really into befriending/fighting/socializing with other players so much that he neglects you and the rest of his real life for months on end. A game like World of Warcraft can cause this sort of thing, where the game never ends and you can 'be social'. Come back and ask for help if he ends up binging for more than 3ish weeks, one week is really not a need for concern.

[pteromom]

That's his thing, and you can't stop him from being the way he is about games.

 

But you also don't have to sit there twiddling your thumbs waiting for him to come to bed being lonely.

 

If it isn't possible to join in and play with him, go out with friends. Do something that makes you happy so you aren't relying on your bf for feeling fulfilled, while he's excited about this new game.

 

Now if he is like this all the time... then, you need to decide whether you can deal with it or not.

[Elliotte]

That's his thing, and you can't stop him from being the way he is about games.

 

But you also don't have to sit there twiddling your thumbs waiting for him to come to bed being lonely.

 

If it isn't possible to join in and play with him, go out with friends. Do something that makes you happy so you aren't relying on your bf for feeling fulfilled, while he's excited about this new game.

 

Now if he is like this all the time... then, you need to decide whether you can deal with it or not.

 

Girls who are supportive of their guys playing video games and/or joining themselves (and guys who get into it with their girl gamers!) are awesome. Anytime I've been with a girl who likes to play a game or at least says "hey thats cool" and points something out in the game I am playing is very much appreciated.

[gaius]

I have my occasional video game binges too but you can't ignore your girlfriend for a week straight. =/ I'd suggest to him that you need some attention and tomorrow you're having a date night, with him or without him.

[Tayken]

I am glad I never got into this, considering am a techie type that has access at work to toys that cost millions of dollars.

[pink_sugar]

When my husband and I had our own place, he only seemed to be on the computer or playing video games. It got to a point where I felt resentful, because it eventually interfered with him looking for work and overall productivity. You think it's bad now, it'll likely get worse if he's having a hard time managing his time.

[Mr. Lucky]

If you're not a gamer, then you can't sympathize. But trust me. If its been two weeks, he WILL get bored in probably a week and a half. He will still play, but not as much as he is now.

Will admit in advance I'm not a gamer.

 

As "me" becomes "we", don't you modulate this a tad? There's no attempt to make even the slightest accommodation?

 

Seems like a dangerous example to set as you settle into a relationship...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Els]

If you're not a gamer, then you can't sympathize.

 

For the record, I am a gamer. So is my SO. We played in college tourneys previously.

 

Now that I've apparently established my street cred...

 

OP, I'd be concerned. I mean, if you've been living together for years and once in a very blue moon this sort of overindulgence happens for a few days here and there... yeah, I'd say it might be worth overlooking. But on your very first week living together he spends the entire week engrossed in a game... it isn't really looking good. It's possible that it might be an addiction.

 

And if he knows he is prone to overindulge when buying a game, why would he choose to do that on the very first week of moving in with you? It's like someone who says, "Oh, I only overeat when I go to buffets," but then goes to buffets every single day. For the entire three months leading up to his/her wedding.

 

A man (or woman) being a 'gamer' doesn't give them an excuse to ignore their relationship and all the other things going on in real life (like moving in to a new place with their fiance!) that needs to be addressed. IMO you should bring up your concern with him and be observant about how things go from then henceforth. Don't nag, just observe. And make your decisions for the future accordingly.

[MidwestUSA]

First week together in YOUR NEW HOUSE!

 

Honestly, aren't there things that need to be done? Empty boxes, organize, decorate, hang drapes/curtains, stock the fridge? Make the house uniquely yours? Have wild crazy monkey sex in your new bedroom? Take showers together? Get nailed from behind on the kitchen counter? (That's 'christening' btw).

 

 

Yea, my husband loves his games, but keeps it reasonable. The house, animals, and his wife come first. When all responsibilities are covered, he can play to his heart's content, but he also knows he needs to get enough sleep.

[Dancing_Queen12]

First week together in YOUR NEW HOUSE!

 

Honestly, aren't there things that need to be done? Empty boxes, organize, decorate, hang drapes/curtains, stock the fridge? Make the house uniquely yours? Have wild crazy monkey sex in your new bedroom? Take showers together? Get nailed from behind on the kitchen counter? (That's 'christening' btw).

 

 

Yea, my husband loves his games, but keeps it reasonable. The house, animals, and his wife come first. When all responsibilities are covered, he can play to his heart's content, but he also knows he needs to get enough sleep.

 

Yes, there is work that needs to be done. But he's not doing it. I had to unpack by myself. Oh and I also had to pack by myself. Needless to say why. I told him that and he said, "well I moved all the stuff"

 

We lived together a couple months before wet bought this house.

 

Hrs always played video games but not like this. But then again this is the first new release game I've lived with him for. I have heard stories of how he's been with other games amd it's scary lol.

 

And to Keenly, it's Shadow of Mordor

 

I tried to play it. He says he wants me to play with him bit he plays battlefield amd halo amd this mo don't like first person shooter games. This Shadow of Mordor game isn't bad but nothing of want to play for more than an hour.

 

And I do Have hobbies of my own. I do enjoy watching Netflix. But he Just set up the internet last night ( and only because I took it out of the box and went to set it up myself) it makes me mad because he's there entertaining himself all night every night and I have to sit around not doing anything because there's no internet and I don't get signal on my phone out there.

 

We moved from a tiny apartment so when I moved in with him I only bright my clothes. I don't have all my stuff yet which is my crafty stuff I like to do.

[Keenly]

Yes, there is work that needs to be done. But he's not doing it. I had to unpack by myself. Oh and I also had to pack by myself. Needless to say why. I told him that and he said, "well I moved all the stuff"

 

We lived together a couple months before wet bought this house.

 

Hrs always played video games but not like this. But then again this is the first new release game I've lived with him for. I have heard stories of how he's been with other games amd it's scary lol.

 

And to Keenly, it's Shadow of Mordor

 

I tried to play it. He says he wants me to play with him bit he plays battlefield amd halo amd this mo don't like first person shooter games. This Shadow of Mordor game isn't bad but nothing of want to play for more than an hour.

 

And I do Have hobbies of my own. I do enjoy watching Netflix. But he Just set up the internet last night ( and only because I took it out of the box and went to set it up myself) it makes me mad because he's there entertaining himself all night every night and I have to sit around not doing anything because there's no internet and I don't get signal on my phone out there.

 

We moved from a tiny apartment so when I moved in with him I only bright my clothes. I don't have all my stuff yet which is my crafty stuff I like to do.

 

That's what I thought it was. I just did the same binge last weekend. He will burn himself out on it. Its an amazing game, but once he beats it and completes the challenges it will be back to normal .

[Dancing_Queen12]

That's what I thought it was. I just did the same binge last weekend. He will burn himsand i elf out on it. Its an amazing game, but once he beats it and completes the challenges it will be back to normal .

 

I tried playing it but I'm not good at video games and all the different buttons that do different manuevers and I kept dying and got mad. Lol.

But I did try and I'd try it again. I'm sure it would be fun to play a game together that we both enjoy.

[Keenly]

I tried playing it but I'm not good at video games and all the different buttons that do different manuevers and I kept dying and got mad. Lol.

But I did try and I'd try it again. I'm sure it would be fun to play a game together that we both enjoy.

 

Single player game :/

[Mysterio]

Either you are going to have to accept this from him. Or the two of you schedual Couple time and Game time.

 

So Couple time is at least 3-4 times a week. Game time. How ever you want to plan it. Maybe. Let him have Sat/Sun during the day for his game and at night its couple time.

 

Another thing is that you should have friends or a hobby, so that you are not depending on him to entertain you all the time. That way he can't say that you want to be with him 24/7.

[Mascara]

I live with my boyfriend and I know the cycle. He's playing the same game at the moment. When he starts talking about a new game he's excited about picking up, I know the signs - so I load up my kindle, buy some wine and sit next to him as he starts his 3 weeks of being engrossed in something that looks exactly like all the other games he owns.

 

We all get engrossed in different things.

[Sassy Girl]

Yeah my partner is a gamer .... From after dinner until well after I fall asleep about six nights a week. It's impacted our intimacy, our sex life, and if it weren't for the kids I would have left.

 

I asked for him to meet me half way... He wouldn't

 

I asked him for an open marriage.... He shot me down

 

I told him id find someone who would be interested if he didn't put the effort into

Our relationship... He laughed at me and told me to let him know When I found someone to take that on

 

I am now having an affair with a man who pushes all my buttons. Not proud, but there it is.

 

I hate gaming and wish id given the ultimatum before I had kids. I never honestly believed I would lose out to a gaming console time and time again... But here I am.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think everyone needs to keep in mind that while you may not agree, understand or approve of a certain type of behavior or even addiction of your partner, it is not your responsibility to personalize their issue and make it about you. That's about the worse thing you can do, and it will immediately create conflict/tension between the both of you will almost certainly get nowhere, it will NOT result in the other person changing.

 

Keep in mind that this already been something that they've very likely established a pattern with, so you're not going to just come in and put your foot down and change everything, essentially a way this person has lived for years just because you feel based on your own perception that this is required now...for essentially your needs, and for you to be happy, do you see the conflict in that?

 

Women often have these ideas that somehow their presence and due to the "seriousness" of the relationship, that things are automatically expected to change and somehow these men are aware of when these intervals or cycles are occurring or that they even agree, and then instead of constant and fluid nonjudgmental communication (I realize this knowing that sometimes you may complain or be subtle about your needs) they instead move to "enforce" that by essentially imposing their emotions or feelings upon the situation as an expectation for change, instead of a compromise and then they're actually disappointed when the man doesn't just respond and do what you wanted him to do...but at the end of the day you don't control the man, you don't get to "fine tune" him into the perfect mate, women really need to take more responsibility in the fact of who their partners are BEFORE they move on with them deeper into the relationship, stop being a victim and take responsibility for your own decisions instead of expecting the man to change just for you.

 

A lot of women feel that these issues/personal hobbies are just this temporary single guy thing, that they feel needs to change over time due (as he grows up and inherits more responsibility) and certainly will agree due to their own logic, because the man needs to be more "responsible" and accommodating and women want to feel that they are always being "prioritized", when men usually are with you because they think you are happy and satisfied with the dynamic instead of expecting them to morph into these different roles over time...they don't see themselves or understand how their behavior that you tolerated with in the past has now become "neglectful", and women are notorious for tolerating the intolerable to move the relationship along and ultimately get what they want, but the men didn't even realize it was a problem because maybe you bit your tongue over it or just expected that things would change at some point.

 

I'm not trying to isolate women to this problem but it's a very common situation with women and then they come out in the open like poor me look at how neglectful my guy is when the guy never even changed, you just got tired of it and now you want immediate results after "waiting" and feeling like you put in enough time and patience for it just to happen on your own (I'm not saying this is the definite case here but it's unlike that most people just create brand new issues or problems because of a particular relationship, because it's personal not relationship oriented)

 

If you choose to date a gamer and you expect him not to be a gamer because of your presence into the relationship then I think you're ignoring the fact that this is and may very always be apart of who he always will be and you cannot alter that on your watch. You don't accept relationships for what they could be, but what they are and I see A LOT of women struggle with that and blame men for not changing, because they really think they can change men and use their emotions and needs to basically corral them into doing something that they'd prefer.

 

If you want to be effective in working with your partner, you need to be able to understand him and be supportive...and I'm sorry to say people who think love conquers all and the fantasy in your head is going to come to fruition if you can just tweak this or that, but unfortunately for you compatibility is just as important if not even more necessary to sustain a long-term relationship...because even if you love each other, if you are not compatible and do not understand one another needs, you will fight, and have a lot of endless conflict and possibly be at each others throats...at worse, completely disconnecting from one another and allowing it to become this huge isolating barrier within the relationship that makes you feel more single than in a relationship, which is about one of the worst feelings you can have.

 

You need to accept a certain part of this person for who they are and what they are passion about, you need to let them feel free to express that and be able to communicate with him in a non-attacking not passive aggressive way. When he buys a new game, go to the store and grab him some snacks or order him a pizza, help him relax and unwind, getting everything he can out of it. Show your support first before you start making any kind of demands, make him feel like you're on his side for happiness instead of just trying to become between something he gets a lot of pleasure out of, because you will not win the battle...and when you express and explain to him your needs, focus on telling him how YOU FEEL and what you makes you feel happy and loved, instead of attacking him as a person or his hobby/issue...that you feel really lonely when going to bed at night, and that you really miss him there. But understand this just doesn't mean instant change, it can take time to adjust and you may need to let him get his fill first so that he feels he was able to get it out of his system, before he feels released from spell...it may not be what you think is right, but it's the reality...because you cannot expect people to change based on how YOU FEEL, you can only make it easier for them to understand that and they have to have the will and motivation to fulfill that...fighting someone on these issues will NEVER get you what you want.

 

At some point you need to admit to the reality of things you allowed yourself to overlook and make a real adult decision of whether this is a situation you can be happy with, but you CANNOT CHANGE A PERSON...crucial elements to a relationship are understanding, respect and support, along with reciprocation, if you start communicating through passive aggressive comments, attitude, emotional outbursts, ultimatums and the likes, you are just distancing yourself farther and farther and digging a deeper and deeper hole of resentment and anger.

 

I get really sick and tired of coming to LS and reading people throwing tantrums because they feel justified in the way that they feel because of their point of view without taking their partners into consideration, and coming on here and painting this one-dimensional easy to pigeon hole or slam situation based on what you are telling us...which those who support it only blinds them into thinking that they can essentially ALLOWED to control another person but they try and word it and sugar-coat it in another way...instead of making decisions and being responsible for yourself, people actually think because of their feelings that they have the right to impose that on somebody else when that person at the end of the day either has to be that person to do so or willingly make the changes based on their own motivation...and you can only give them that "choice", THEIR CHOICE, by expressing and helping them understand how something makes you feel, without attacking or making them feel cornered...I know you feel hurt and neglected by their behavior, but you need to take more responsibility upon yourself and your own feelings, you need to be understanding of his and actually have a conversation about this without essentially trying to be his parent, because that's exactly how it's going to feel for him.

Edited October 13, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas