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Sexless Marriage - how / when to leave


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I'm sure there are many stories her that are just like mine but i haven't found the advice i'm looking for yet so I thought I'd go ahead and put my story out there.

 

I'm 37, married to a woman a couple years older than I for 15yrs, together for 20. After 4 yrs of dating I went in to the miltary and we were married soon after. I could write forever about details / red flags that hind sight has shown to have gotten me here, but i'll try to keep it as short as i can.

As most couples sex was good in the beginning. The first few yrs we were married were filled with deployments, both short and long, which always made for good homecomings. At times our sex life would slow down and I would mention it and she would tell me that she had gained some weight and didn't like the way she looked and didn't want me touching her.

 

Now is a good time to mention that I am very much a giver in the bedroom and have always made sure she was taken care or satisfied first whenever possible. I assured her that I didn't care, that I was still attracted to her and she still turned me on and if i didn't I wouldn't be coming after her all the time. That didn't seem to matter much and slowly once a week became once every two, then three and by the 7th year of marriage we were at once a month. Around this time is when we got pregnant with our son. I remember being able to tell her the day he was concieved because I used to keep a calendar and had marked it and of course it was the only mark during that month.

 

Pregnacy and the first couple years there after were not any better. I must also mention that I am not one to just ask for sex or think she's just going to want it automatically, I would put serious effort in. Back rubs, flowers, dinner, talking and many other hours of foreplay and intimacy that may or may not end up in sex... probably 1 out of 3 or 4 times she would cave and give it up.

One day something came over me and it dawned on me that I am always the one coming after her and wanting her, never her wanting me or being the persuer. I decided to see how long it would take for her to notice that the back rubs and sweet things that I had always done had stopped and her to come after me.

 

I think that was about a 2 1/2 month dry spell. It was about that time I realized that this really not what i wanted but I had a small child at home and quitting is not something I am known for.

It was not long after that I started thinking that there has to be more to life than this but always thought that raising my son in one household was more important than my personal happiness. After all, we hardly ever fight or argue about anything, mainly because I seldom speak up, and besides, she seemed like nothing was wrong. Her sex drive was getting met, bills are paid, we're all healthy....... all good.

 

This is when i started losing interest in her and pulling back. I oftien found myself sleeping in our spare bedroom or on the couch. At first it was because she said i would snore and wake her up or would poke and shove me enough that i would leave anyway. I figured, we would both sleep much better in separate rooms. 2 nights a week, became 4 , and now i haven't slept in my marital bed in well over a year.

 

About 5 yrs ago, I found myself in an situation and had a one night stand with a woman that i met at a bar after work. ( I'm not a frequent patron of bars ). Fast forward a few more months and i learned that a friend of mine was in a simliar situation and we began a sexual affair and we slept together a few times (maybe 10) over the next several (maybe 9 or 10) months before breaking it off.

That was about 3 yrs ago.

 

Soon after that she came to me and asked if i was cheating. I denied the affair, but did admit that I wasn't happy and explained why I wasn't. She said she was sorry and begging me not to leave her. For the next 2 weeks i could not keep her off of me. The only problem is that I knew she was doing it just to save her "happy" household and not because she desired me and wanted to be with me. I thought things were turning around and then things quickly died off and we were back to once every couple months again.

 

We had another big discussion about it some time ago and I told her I felt like she wasn't doing it because she wanted to and was just going through the motions. During one of these discussions her immediate response to me was that she was not going to let my son be the son of divorced parents.

This statement left me to realize that she knows it's over and is pretty much playing house with me as well.

 

Last year about this time, I met another woman and she and I started seeing each other. All women have known my situation and until this most recent affair, I always thought no matter how unhappy i was, I wouldn't leave because of my son.

I'm sure i want out. Not because of the woman I've been seeing off an on for a year but because I have finally realized that my personal happiness is worth something and there is no change of our situation in sight.

 

I have told her that it is like i'm living with my sister or a roommate. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I am very close to her dad and brother. He's like my dad and her brother is like my brother, the problem is that she is like my sister and not like my wife.

I admit that my infidelities are and were wrong and i accept whatever cheater bashing i'm going to recieve here becasue of that. I had many opportunities to be unfaithful during my military service and managed to remain faithfull to her for many years.

 

I guess the advice i'm seeking is how to break it off in a way that is civil and in a way that we can be friends and co-parent and get along. After all my sons well being is what is most important to me. I have no ill feelings toward her. Thinking back through many details not mentiioned here, how we ever got married, i don't know but hind sight is 20/20.

Thanks

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Michelle ma Belle

Okay, cheater bashing aside, I know this all too well and have been here myself (sans the cheating bits).

 

I'm not going to go into great detail of my experience since I've written about it many times in other threads but I will tell you that the only way things can be civil is if she's on board with things as well.

 

That may seem like a tall order and it may take some time for her to get used to the idea of your marriage ending and your family breaking apart but with enough patience and understanding and love it is possible.

 

I would strongly advise you to end your affairs until you can get your marital affairs in order. If your wife ever got wind of your cheating it will not only wreak havoc on the goodwill you're trying to establish but she could use it against you in court if it were to ever get to that point.

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Its funny that you are the first to respond. I've read many of your replies to others and thought to myself, "God, I wish i could pick her brain". I guess I don't understand what to do next. I think she is getting to the point that she is getting fed up as well, which is fine but i'm not sure what is the correct approach

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I'm worried about 3 things.

1) my sons future and how it will effect him. He's 8.

2) selfishly enough, i'm worried about my image. How people i respect will see me. No one knows anything on the outside.

3) my financial hit. While we both work and she stands to inherit a boat load, i currently make quite a bit more.

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Michelle ma Belle

I was in the same situation. I had "threatened" divorce to my husband several times before I came to the realization that it was the ONLY option. When I got to that place, I felt an inexplicable peace come over me, like I knew in my gut this was the path we needed to take for both of our sake.

 

I knew my husband wouldn't be jumping for joy about the decision or even believe me this time around which is why I made a very conscious decision to do whatever it took to get him to come around, slowly if need be.

 

As I said, I was so resolute and unswerving in my decision that I no longer felt the need to yell and cry and provoke my husband into action. I acted with loving kindness but I made every attempt to let him know that although I loved him, we both were unhappy and have been for a very long time. Sometimes he would brush me off but other times he would listen and engage with me.

 

I was always deliberate in letting him know that I wanted us to always be friends, that we had a beautiful family that were born out of love and they deserved to have parents who cared for each other even if we couldn't be a traditional family.

 

My husband would go from understanding and consideration to denial and disapproval. Ironically, this was when HE suggested we go back to couple's counselling. Up until that point he wasn't interested and fought me all the way. I agreed and decided to be brutally honest in those sessions where I echoed my new found resolve.

 

I think discussing this with a mediator was very helpful for my husband and paved the way for us and his coming around.

 

All in all it took about 3 years or so from the time I realized I wanted out to the point where my husband and I sold the house and signed off on the legal separation.

 

It was a very slow process compared to many but I think for US it was a blessing. The time gave us a chance to work through many issues and slowly but surely come to a point where we were able to separate with love and respect as well as make peace with everything.

 

We remain the best of friends to this day and co-parent our children who are happy and healthy and well adjust despite the situation. But we BOTH work it all the time.

 

I know we are an anomaly and I guess I take some pride in that. Despite how our happily-ever-after ended, my husband is a really good man and an even greater father. I can never take that away from him just as he wouldn't take any of that away from me. It's with that in mind that we have been able to rise above all the bullsh*t and make the best out of a sh*tty situation and hopefully become better people.

 

:)

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Michelle ma Belle

I'm worried about 3 things.

1) my sons future and how it will effect him. He's 8.

 

Divorce is not uncommon and not the taboo it once was. Children are resilient and if you conduct yourselves with integrity and honor if only for the sake of your child it will be fine. Remaining in an unhappy marriage is no better for children since they are much more aware than you might think.

 

2) selfishly enough, i'm worried about my image. How people i respect will see me. No one knows anything on the outside.

 

Who cares what other people think? This is about YOU and YOUR happiness for heaven's sake. Again, 50% of marriages end in divorce. Who's to say that those people you respect aren't going through their own marital hell? No one knows what goes on behind closed doors after all. Things aren't always what they appear to be. Besides, they might have MORE respect for you for being so brave. Would you rather remain a hostage out of fear of disappointing a few strangers?

 

3) my financial hit. While we both work and she stands to inherit a boat load, i currently make quite a bit more.

 

Sure it may cost you but again, what is your happiness worth? Or better yet, what will it cost you by remaining unhappy and unfulfilled?

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That is awesome. I hope that is what will come of my situation. I go back and forth constantly about everything ultimately ending on the fact that I'm just not happy and haven't been for some time. I'm sure that if i had voiced just how unhappy i was years ago we wouldn't be in this situation or it would have been over long ago. I am just not good with confrontation when i know it's going to hurt someone's feelings so bad so i've always chosen to take the bullet. Now I'm so disconnected from her that, I just don't care anymore. We don't fight, we don't argue, which i'm sure is why i haven't done anything up to this point. As far as my son goes, I have always wondered about the effect it will have on him, knowing that in many circumstances it's better for people to divorce than stay together for the kids. The fact that we don't argue or fight has always answereed that. Just not sure this is the best example of a marriage for him either, never seeing us affectionate to one another or even sleeping on the same level of the house.

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3) my financial hit. While we both work and she stands to inherit a boat load, i currently make quite a bit more.

 

Sure it may cost you but again, what is your happiness worth? Or better yet, what will it cost you by remaining unhappy and unfulfilled?

 

 

I had a friend at work tell me "Half of everything will never be any less than it is right now"... I say that to myself more often than you can imagine.

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Your wife has a body image problem... you need to solve that and then you can take it from there. It's not easy. Doesn't matter that you tell her you love her body regardless. She sees a fat blob in the mirror. Maybe you can suggest she loses some weight. But this is a minefield... :D if she loses weight and she regains her self-esteem, maybe she will regain her libido too... only guessing, but since you are on the brink of a divorce, it could be your last ditch effort before you pack it in...

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several layers of multiple issues here.

 

 

The baseline issue is that after marriage she quickly began to lose sexual attraction for you. The fact that started it's downslide before your son came along is particularly concerning.

 

 

Her loss of attraction and lack of enthusiasm for you eventually caused enough frustration and dissatisfaction in you that you lost attraction and affection for her. Women have what is called 'responsive desire' which is women responding to the desire that men have for them. when you lost attraction that set off a downward spiral and viscious cycle.

 

 

When you began your affairs the remainder of your attentions and affections were transferred to the other women and that was pretty much the nails in the coffin.

 

 

Now you pretty much see these other women as hot babes and your wife as dead fish (or as a sister/roommate being the term you use)

 

 

Her brief burst a sexual energy was probably one of two things.

- one may have been she was picking up subtle signs of your affair and it stimulated some instinctive competitive drive to keep you in the house.

 

 

- or she had had a brief affair herself and being with another man got her a little turbo charged temporarily from the hormone rush.

 

 

Either way, you are in a real dire situation now as far as your marriage goes. People have been able to turn around and save their marriages from worse situations but many have also failed from much less.

 

 

I often recommend getting the books and getting on the website forums at "Married Man Sexlife" and getting the books by Athol Kay. IMHO that is the best resource and best formula for dealing with loss of attraction issues.

 

 

The affairs certainly add a deep layer of complexity and difficulty in turning this situation around but it can be done if you are willing and able to put in a lot of work and effort. And by that I mean A LOT of work and effort.

 

 

If you start to read Athol Kay's material, you will see him use the term, "it's easier to give birth than it is to resurrect the dead."

 

 

I'm not necessarily saying your marriage is dead but it is at least really circling the drain on life support. It would be easier to throw in the towel and find someone else. The question is whether you believe the marriage is worth saving and whether the effort to save it would be worthwhile or not.

 

 

That is a decision that needs to be reached between you, your wife and your counselor.

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I'm worried about 3 things.

1) my sons future and how it will effect him. He's 8.

Children are harmed by abuse, addiction, chronic adultery and neglect. They are not harmed by having two loving, caring, supportive parents who take care of them and support them from two separate houses. They are likely more harmed by living in a broken home than coming from one. Nothing you have said indicates that either of you is a bad parent or is abusive or neglectful towards the child. Having two loving, supportive homes may inconvenience him at times but not harm him.

 

 

2) selfishly enough, i'm worried about my image. How people i respect will see me. No one knows anything on the outside.

 

 

People understand unsatisfying marriages and understand people moving on with their lives and trying to improve their life when they are chronically unhappy.

People are less forgiving when someone is just a douche and is a skirtchaser screwing around with chicks while trying to carry on a façade of being happily married and cheating on their spouse all the time.

you harm your image more by being a cheater than being upfront with your issues and proactively working out a fair and amicable divorce.

 

 

 

 

3) my financial hit. While we both work and she stands to inherit a boat load, i currently make quite a bit more

 

 

This is something you need to discuss with a lawyer and financial advisor. You may not take as big a hit as what you think. With joint shared custody there may not be much child support and the fact that she is employed herself may not be as bad of spousal support.

Issues like division of property, distribution of assets etc all need to be discussed with lawyers and financial advisors based on your specific situation in your specific jurisdiction.

A divorce will cost you, but she is costing you day in and day out by being in your home as well. You have to way the cost of having her around as a roommate vs having her gone but having your freedom.

 

 

.

 

 

 

Responses in bold above.

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Thanks to you both for all of your advice. I do feel much better about the possibility of us being able to do this in a civil manner. I still don't know what to do now. I know i need to get some financial advice. Other than that I'm guessing I just wait a bit until she opens her eyes. I'm afraid that if I bring it up too soon the civil part may go out the window.

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Your wife has a body image problem... you need to solve that and then you can take it from there. It's not easy. Doesn't matter that you tell her you love her body regardless. She sees a fat blob in the mirror. Maybe you can suggest she loses some weight. But this is a minefield... :D if she loses weight and she regains her self-esteem, maybe she will regain her libido too... only guessing, but since you are on the brink of a divorce, it could be your last ditch effort before you pack it in...

 

I appreciate the response. Unfortunately this bridge was crossed about 5 yrs ago. Actually probably even before my son was born. The years of being turned down have taken their toll and now i just feel like enough is enough. If we would have had this conversation a couple years before my son came along, things may be different. That is on me and it is my fault. I have always been one to take one for the team if it means she was happy. She knew years ago i wasn't happy with our sexual frequency. I would drop comments here and there but we didn't have the discussion.

Now I'm to the point that I'm ready to go but I want to do it as peacefully as possible.

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Your wife has a body image problem... you need to solve that and then you can take it from there. It's not easy. Doesn't matter that you tell her you love her body regardless. She sees a fat blob in the mirror. Maybe you can suggest she loses some weight. But this is a minefield... :D if she loses weight and she regains her self-esteem, maybe she will regain her libido too... only guessing, but since you are on the brink of a divorce, it could be your last ditch effort before you pack it in...

 

I appreciate the response. Unfortunately this bridge was crossed about 5 yrs ago. Actually probably even before my son was born. The years of being turned down have taken their toll and now i just feel like enough is enough. If we would have had this conversation a couple years before my son came along, things may be different. That is on me and it is my fault. I have always been one to take one for the team if it means she was happy. She knew years ago i wasn't happy with our sexual frequency. I would drop comments here and there but we didn't have the discussion.

Now I'm to the point that I'm ready to go but I want to do it as peacefully as possible.

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Thanks to you both for all of your advice. I do feel much better about the possibility of us being able to do this in a civil manner. I still don't know what to do now. I know i need to get some financial advice. Other than that I'm guessing I just wait a bit until she opens her eyes. I'm afraid that if I bring it up too soon the civil part may go out the window.

You're going to have to accept some conflict, anger and difficult discussion as part of the process. In military terms, there will be some collateral damage.

 

I focused on three things:

 

1). Protecting my son and being there for him as much as possible.

2). Taking the high road and treating my soon-to-be ex with dignity and respect, regardless of how she responded. I took a long term view, we were going to be parenting together for years to come.

3). Tried to be a good person and the better person if required. I was only responsible for and in control of me so that was my focus. Her anger would not be an excuse for mine.

 

With some bumps, bruises and challenges, we got through it, our son is now a fine man with a family of his own. With the right attitude and approach, so can you...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I appreciate the response. Unfortunately this bridge was crossed about 5 yrs ago. Actually probably even before my son was born. The years of being turned down have taken their toll and now i just feel like enough is enough. If we would have had this conversation a couple years before my son came along, things may be different. That is on me and it is my fault. I have always been one to take one for the team if it means she was happy. She knew years ago i wasn't happy with our sexual frequency. I would drop comments here and there but we didn't have the discussion.

Now I'm to the point that I'm ready to go but I want to do it as peacefully as possible.

 

Have you mentioned it to her? Well, I guess you've past the point of no return, now... I understand that.

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You say that you know she knows it is over but yet you never say that she SAYS it is over.

 

You have had three affairs so far and are certain that the one you are with is one to move forward with. If you divorce, do you think maybe it is better to not do so with this new woman in mind?

 

Is this only about the lack of sex?

 

And since you lied to her about your affairs, are you convinced that you can move into another relationship and not have an affair in it?

 

I know all about being in a sexless marriage, and I know all about staying for the kids. But I also know that too often the grass is greener on the other side of the fence...until you get there.

 

Your son will cope. He will survive no matter what you do. But I think if you ask him and truly care about his feelings, then he would want you to give it one more real try. He would want you to stop all affairs and sit back and reexamine why you married his mother in the first place.

 

It is not about your happiness. Repeat....this is not about your happiness. It is about the commitment that you made to your wife the day you got married. End of story. Remember saying for better or for worse?

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Other than that I'm guessing I just wait a bit until she opens her eyes. I'm afraid that if I bring it up too soon the civil part may go out the window.

 

So in other words you want to wait untill you both are MORE miserable and perhaps wait untill she catches you in your affairs and throws you out in a storm of drama and slanders your name across the galaxy? ....or untill she has an affair of her own??

 

Your waiting to see what happens is what has lead to this situation in the first place. Don't you think it's time to show some leadership and pick a direction and move forward with it, whichever route that is?

 

You've been miserable for the better part of a decade and have 3 affairs. At what point do you take a stand and make something happen one way or another??

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You have had three affairs so far and are certain that the one you are with is one to move forward with. If you divorce, do you think maybe it is better to not do so with this new woman in mind?

 

Is this only about the lack of sex?

 

And since you lied to her about your affairs, are you convinced that you can move into another relationship and not have an affair in it?

 

 

A question for Imezru2 regarding this question above. What is the role of this OW in your contemplation to divorce your wife?

 

Are you thinking about leaving her to be with this OW? Or has the OW made you realize there is a life out there and you want to move on to a new life regardless if you end up with the OW or not?

 

There is a difference.

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I appreciate the response. Unfortunately this bridge was crossed about 5 yrs ago. Actually probably even before my son was born. The years of being turned down have taken their toll and now i just feel like enough is enough. If we would have had this conversation a couple years before my son came along, things may be different. That is on me and it is my fault. I have always been one to take one for the team if it means she was happy. She knew years ago i wasn't happy with our sexual frequency. I would drop comments here and there but we didn't have the discussion.

Now I'm to the point that I'm ready to go but I want to do it as peacefully as possible.

 

Sorry I disagree. Her body issues are not your issue. I have dealt with anorexia. That had nothing to do with my first husband or my second husband.

 

Her body issues and any disordered tied to it has nothing to do with your or your fault. That is on her.

 

I get the unhappy marriage piece, my first marriage was like that. I major disconnect on sexual preference with my husband not having a high sex drive. I too saw the red flags but we had been together since high school and didn't connect the dots on things. Also we were great friends and so that was "good enough". It just stopped being good enough once we were married and as time moved on.

 

I too decided to have an affair before ending the marriage. I was decided on divorce but worried about his emotional state of mind if I wasn't there to take care of him. I took the slippery slope that I would do this one selfish thing that was all for me and started the affair.

 

At that point I realized that I was done with the marriage and separated. For me it was pretty quick turnaround since I emotionally was already there and we had had many conversations on my unhappiness, pleas for therapy, etc.

 

We had no children which does make it easier. We had an amicable divorce and an amicable post divorce. We are both happily remarried and he has a child.

 

Logically looking at things, what will completely muddy the waters and will be used against you are the affairs. Then you are 100% the bad guy and any shared ownership of the marriage goes out the window. She will be out for blood.

 

It isn't uncommon for the "hysterical bonding" piece either. It is weird I saw that with my parents even after their divorce. When my father started dating again (years later) my mom would suddenly be interested in him. If he wasn't dating, no interest. It was kind of the "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to either" claiming.

 

Get your ducks in a row and figure out legally and financially what you need to do for any scenario. Knowledge is everything.

 

I have never regretted my divorce. My ex is a great guy. I am so happy for him in his life. And he is with someone that is a far better fit now as well. We were young and dumb and confusing a really great friendship with something more.

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How/when to leave?

 

You leave just like everyone else who leaves does. You just do it. Unfortuntely, when the other spouse does not want the D, it will not be easy and amicable. You just have to accept this. You will still see your kids if you want to and make sure that happens (thru the courts if necessary). Millions of other people go through this too when they D. You're not special or alone. It's just something you grit your teeth and get through. There is a rainbow on the other side, one that brings more peace and happiness, but you have to go through the storm first. There is no "right" time. You just have to decide how much more of your life are you willing to waste in a R that is not working.

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I have told her that it is like i'm living with my sister or a roommate. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I am very close to her dad and brother. He's like my dad and her brother is like my brother, the problem is that she is like my sister and not like my wife.

 

You say you don't fight, and that you have this family-roomate type of situation.

 

The parents who ought better to divorce are the ones who insist on high tension homes with a lot of fighting and/or abuse. For ones like yours, I understand it is better to stay together for the children.

 

Kids do not need to see you having some passionate relationship with your spouse. They just need to feel loved themselves, and have stability.

 

The idea that marriages need to be romantic, passionate, full of sex...all of these ideals...is not what marriage has to mean. There's no universal definition of marriage that even requires that the couple love each other. When people have kids in a marriage, it needs to become more about creating stability and raising the kids. When parents separate, it's standard for one or both to then start bringing romantic partners into their lives, and kids often do not fare well with this.

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You're going to have to accept some conflict, anger and difficult discussion as part of the process. In military terms, there will be some collateral damage.

 

I focused on three things:

 

1). Protecting my son and being there for him as much as possible.

2). Taking the high road and treating my soon-to-be ex with dignity and respect, regardless of how she responded. I took a long term view, we were going to be parenting together for years to come.

3). Tried to be a good person and the better person if required. I was only responsible for and in control of me so that was my focus. Her anger would not be an excuse for mine.

 

With some bumps, bruises and challenges, we got through it, our son is now a fine man with a family of his own. With the right attitude and approach, so can you...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Yes. Great post.

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Perhaps see if it's possible to have an open marriage, where you live like roommates who love each other and raise a child together, but get your romantic and sexual desires met elsewhere.

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Michelle ma Belle
You say you don't fight, and that you have this family-roomate type of situation.

 

The parents who ought better to divorce are the ones who insist on high tension homes with a lot of fighting and/or abuse. For ones like yours, I understand it is better to stay together for the children.

 

Kids do not need to see you having some passionate relationship with your spouse. They just need to feel loved themselves, and have stability.

 

The idea that marriages need to be romantic, passionate, full of sex...all of these ideals...is not what marriage has to mean. There's no universal definition of marriage that even requires that the couple love each other. When people have kids in a marriage, it needs to become more about creating stability and raising the kids. When parents separate, it's standard for one or both to then start bringing romantic partners into their lives, and kids often do not fare well with this.

 

I'm sorry but I respectfully disagree.

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