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Western men seeking foreign wives.


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I keep hearing more and more about men going overseas to find women to marry because they don't like the way western women behave. The other day I spoke to my cousin and found out he's engaged to be get married to a girl from back home. I saw pics of her on facebook and she's very attractive. I've never dated a foreign simply because there aren't that many around, but I've worked with some guys who were happily married to foreign women. I've been to a couple places overseas and I noticed the women there are very approachable and easy to talk to.

 

Anybody have any experience with foreign women or married to eastern women?

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I'm English and my wife will definitely not be English, I hate the way English girls act.

 

I've never been to England or the UK other than the airport for a turnover, but from what I hear it's a lot like the US.

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I'm still in touch with a couple guys from the old days of RWL (the e-mail list at St. John's university) from back in the mid-90's and they're still married to their RW's. Myself, I dated a few ladies from Ukraine and Russia for awhile before meeting my now exW in 1999. In fact, the 'one who got away' was one I had considered for the K1 process before wimping out (my fault, not hers!) and she eventually did meet and marry a good guy from Minnesota.

 

Like here in the states, women vary widely in their personality. The main difference for myself was that I could meet and date women who were in fact single, something quite difficult to do at home.

 

Second, the women I met did not want to leave their family and friends, so ex-pat by myself was always on the table. Other women might indeed have wanted/ want to 'escape' the economic conditions there but the women I dated didn't. They lived quite comfortably and had their own apartments and one even had her own car, which was fairly rare back then. None were 'models'. One was a young lawyer who worked for the WHO (she had the car) and another (the K1 prospect) was a trauma doctor at a local hospital and a grandmother of two. Regular folks, with regular lives.

 

The main thing was, back then, my US wherewithal went a lot farther. I could rent a nice apartment for 100.00/mo and taking a lady on a nice date could cost less than 5.00. Nowadays, it's probably a bit different.

 

Only bad thing right now is the problems in Ukraine with the Russians. The doctor I dated had been a doctor in the communist military and she really hated 'freedom', at least CIS-style freedom, because it really threw her family into a cycle of poverty, relatively speaking, where she and her exH had lived a relatively upscale life as doctors in the military under communism.

 

I've visited Asia a number of times but not for dating so didn't evaluate it in that way. The only places I've been to are Japan, Thailand and Singapore.

 

Anyway, reading about experiences is nice, but the real way to know is to go. Rent an apartment for a few weeks and immerse. See how people are. Either it speaks to you or it doesn't. My ancestry is Russian so I felt right at home and felt more at home with each trip. YMMV on that. I would surmise the same could be applied to any 'foreign' country. People are people everywhere; it's simply a matter of getting to know them.

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One of my best friends married an Asian woman he met while he was overseas. He is the happiest married guy I know. According to her, her culture takes great pride in being a good wife. I have never known a wife who was so good to her husband.

 

Since that's all kinda vague, here are some examples. My buddy gets every meal prepared for him, and she does so happily. He works early, so she wakes up to make him breakfast, and packs his lunch before he goes. While he is at work, she starts preparing his dinner, which will be ready not long after he gets home. No Hamburger Helper crap, either. She learned the things he likes, and makes all of his favorite meals. This one is my absolute favorite. I helped them move into their new place, and when I got there, my buddy asked me to wait a moment before we could leave to pick up the things he was bringing back to his new place. He went into his bedroom and came out with a new shirt on. When I asked why he changed into a new T-shirt just for us to be moving furniture around, his wife said that her husband would NOT leave the house in a wrinkled shirt, so she was ironing it for him. I had to ask her why. She said that she would be a failure as a wife if she didn't do those things for her husband. She meant it.

 

That's the sort of dedication she has to her husband. According to her, it is part of her culture, and that most of the women in her country would do the same thing. I have never met a Western woman who is nearly as good to her man. Not even close.

 

Wow, that far exceeds my expectations.

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Ha, the previous poster's mention of fixing meals causes me to recall one marked 'lesson' I learned, that being to stay the heck out of a Russian woman's kitchen! I recall my first such lesson was, when trying to help out by clearing the table after a meal I got cussed out, in Russian!, and chased out of the kitchen. Lesson learned!

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As someone who was born in a developing country and who was raised by an old school family, I can tell you that the thing these stories leave out is that the expectations go both ways. Yes, you might find an old school woman who will cook you dinner every day, but you'll be expected to be an old school man, and your worth as a man will be directly related to how well you provide for the family. Traditional-minded women from my country are experts at nagging and demanding that men pull their weight. I find it hilarious that men who complain about gold diggers find themselves eager to snatch up a "Third World bride."

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This thread on arranged marriages was started last year.

 

This was my post which I will just recopy here:

 

Be careful what you wish for....

 

I have a very good friend who did this mail-order bride thing. He went through the sites and found a Philipino girl. They Skyped for almost a year. He went and visited her to make sure there was a connection and that she was real.

 

He spent a lot of money setting up a household for her and brought her over. They had a lot in common and she was gorgeous. They would play video games and have lots of sex.

 

Then one day, I got the call at 3:00 a.m. because she was holding a knife to her neck and he couldn't get the knife away from her. Seemed he had had to hide all of the knives in the house because she was always threatening herself. We called 911 and had her hospitalized for three days.

 

Turned out her family had set her up on the sites to get her away from them and that she already had a three-old child they were taking care of and hoping the rich, white American would take with the bride. She was barely 20 and he is 35.

 

It took him almost two years to get divorced and they were only married for two months.

 

Again, be careful what you wish for...

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As someone who was born in a developing country and who was raised by an old school family, I can tell you that the thing these stories leave out is that the expectations go both ways. Yes, you might find an old school woman who will cook you dinner every day, but you'll be expected to be an old school man, and your worth as a man will be directly related to how well you provide for the family. Traditional-minded women from my country are experts at nagging and demanding that men pull their weight. I find it hilarious that men who complain about gold diggers find themselves eager to snatch up a "Third World bride."

 

A man's worth here is also about how well he provides for his family.

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I've never been to England or the UK other than the airport for a turnover, but from what I hear it's a lot like the US.

 

My mother is English, and she's the best. I am, too - half English, so watch it.

 

My father was congratulated by his Air Force buddies, on marrying an English woman, because she would be a work-horse, and wouldn't insist on things like a dishwasher. You know, things that would have made her life a bit easier, and helped her to get hubby's dishes done.

 

My father married her because he actually loved her, which seems to be an odd concept to some.

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A man's worth here is also about how well he provides for his family.

 

No, not really. Certainly not to the extent it is in the more traditional subcultures in the Old Country. I'm glad my mother backed off on some of that, especially as it concerned my husband, but most American men who don't have any connection to families like mine really have no idea how these old school gender roles really work and how much they can impact family life.

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This thread on arranged marriages was started last year.

 

This was my post which I will just recopy here:

 

Well people are likely to hear about something negative than something positive. For example the media portrays the middle east as this horrible place where they treat women like crap and dangerous, terrorism everywhere and that's really not how it is over there.

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I used to do everything for my ex (even running his bath water) while working a full-time job. Funny how I felt walked all over by a man who remained a child and was nowhere close to being a man. In a crisis, he could always be counted on to lose his cool, leaving me to take control and calm him down. He could not be depended on to be a strong person that I could depend on. But he had a penis so that made it ok. He's an ex for a reason.

 

Next relationship was a stingy husband who expected me to work full time and raise our son by myself. When I took off work for 10 mos to stay home with our newborn son, I withdrew the money from my 401k in order to do so. This was so that my husband could treat me like I was somehow inferior to him. Since he couldn't support his own family - yet wanted more kids - I offered to continue working full time so that he could go to college full time so that he could finish and take better care of his family (it would've only taken 2yrs). He refused this offer and failed to see it for what it was -- a cry for help from me saying, "If you want me to be a good wife and mother, I need for you to be a man." He is also an ex for a reason.

 

Guys, if you want a woman to do all those things for you, there's nothing wrong with that but be prepared to support her. Running a household, nurturing a husband and kids is a full time job and should be respected. But it isn't respected anymore and that disrespect mainly comes from men. From the things I read about on this site, the common thread is that men want a woman to have a career and divide up the money. They want her to split the cost of the meal and yet basically be his mommy. This is a recipe for disaster. Also, I don't think this is how these foreign women expect to be treated either. All those great stories you hear about men who have success with foreign women is because they probably treat her with tremendous respect and they provide for her. Sadly, a lot of foreign women get trapped into abusive relationships. When abusive men can't get an American woman to marry him, he turns to a foreign woman who doesn't know who he is until it's too late. I hear about these cases more often than I hear about any other type and I really feel for these poor women who find themselves alone in a foreign country with a horrible man. Very sad.

 

Men say that they get conflicting info from women, but have no idea how they're promoting the very thing that they say they don't want in a woman. If you can't make a living and support your wife and family - and do it happily without acting completely smug about it - then don't blame American women for that.

 

I knew a guy that always bragged about all the things his Japanese wife did for him, while he constantly cheated on her. When American women see this kind of thing, there's no motivation to be like this woman. American women don't work well with chauvinistic men but maybe the women from these other countries are used to men like this. I don't know. I was once with a man from the UK and he was extremely chauvinistic. But having an American gf, for him, was like having a trophy to show off. The latter was ok with me, the former was not.

 

If anyone wonders why American women are the way they are, it's because a couple of generations ago, women watched their mothers stay at home dealing with brats all day and a husband who went to work, cheated and then came home acting like he owned her. Your forefathers set that up for you, not to mention the current generation with their general idea of give nothing to a woman and make her pay her way; i.e. prove your worth. To a woman, this translate into "you have no real value to me". I understand the complexities between both sexes but it often boils down to this: men no longer make women feel safe, and women no longer feel nurturing because of that feeling of not being safe.

 

I raised a son to understand that if he wants a loving wife, he needs to provide for her and his family. I raised him to be ok with it if she chooses to stay home or not. Basically, I raised him to be a man and to treat his wife like someone he truly values, that he is fully willing to take care of her, that he is someone she can lean on and depend on. He expects respect from his partner, and he gives respect. Women love him because he treats them so incredibly well. His current gf is, amazingly enough, an American.

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Well people are likely to hear about something negative than something positive. For example the media portrays the middle east as this horrible place where they treat women like crap and dangerous, terrorism everywhere and that's really not how it is over there.

That's a good point, and the 'mail order' bride business was pretty well-known in local circles when I wandered off on my adventures. My mom thought I was nuts. It's interesting that she'd meet one of my dating partners a number of years later, actually having her over for Thanksgiving, and she changed her tune about 'Russian women'.

 

Were there some negative experiences? Sure! I ran into fakes, flakes, gold-diggers, you name it. That's where having a good driver/interpreter pays off. Someone who knows the culture, the language and the particular foibles of the local ladies. My driver was superlative in that regard and saved my bacon on more than one occasion, both with women and the police. I simply didn't dwell on those experiences because I was more focused on having positive ones, having had enough negative ones back home. It was choice. CarrieT is right though, there are disastrous outcomes sometimes and people do get hurt.

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That's a good point, and the 'mail order' bride business was pretty well-known in local circles when I wandered off on my adventures. My mom thought I was nuts. It's interesting that she'd meet one of my dating partners a number of years later, actually having her over for Thanksgiving, and she changed her tune about 'Russian women'.

 

Were there some negative experiences? Sure! I ran into fakes, flakes, gold-diggers, you name it. That's where having a good driver/interpreter pays off. Someone who knows the culture, the language and the particular foibles of the local ladies. My driver was superlative in that regard and saved my bacon on more than one occasion, both with women and the police. I simply didn't dwell on those experiences because I was more focused on having positive ones, having had enough negative ones back home. It was choice. CarrieT is right though, there are disastrous outcomes sometimes and people do get hurt.

 

Yeah I bet the story is probably true, I know that can and does happen. I actually wasn't leaning towards any kind of dating site or mail order thing, I was thinking.....IDK find some other way to do it. lol

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No, not really. Certainly not to the extent it is in the more traditional subcultures in the Old Country. I'm glad my mother backed off on some of that, especially as it concerned my husband, but most American men who don't have any connection to families like mine really have no idea how these old school gender roles really work and how much they can impact family life.

 

I'm from a developing country too. Yeah the man provides, but he's only obligated for food and shelter, not a mansion and fine clothes and stuff like that.

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This thread went into the direction of traditionalism. Really wasn't my intention to imply traditional roles. I'm more concerned with, well like carhill said find and dating singles which very hard here and after that the attitudes, princess syndrome, abusive behavior, stuff you read about on this forum.

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I'm from a developing country too. Yeah the man provides, but he's only obligated for food and shelter, not a mansion and fine clothes and stuff like that.

 

Not in my family's culture. Food and shelter are basic minimums. My mom would no longer be foolish enough to say it to my face, but she thinks my husband is inadequate for not having bought me a house already, for not buying me a new car, and for not being able to take me on vacation every year. When she was my age, she had nicer clothes, jewelry, a house, a cleaning lady, etc., and she's disappointed that I'm not as well off as she was. She honestly believes I made a mistake in marrying a man who wasn't a doctor or engineer.

 

Arrangements like that work for some people, and if they work for you, great. It's just ridiculous to see the way some people describe it as a wife basically being a maid and sex toy and doing everything the husband wants with no obligations or responsibilities on his side. That's pure fantasy.

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That's because it's really hard to find a woman who can fit into the tradition gender roles over here. I've never dated a woman who could cook a good meal. Ever. I know a few that can put something edible together, but that's about it.

 

My mother and I both know how to cook, and like to put out nice spreads, but neither of us fit traditional gender roles, either. Mum used to run her own business, and brought more money in than my father, for a long time.

 

Dad knows how to cook, too - he's a great cook. He does laundry, does dishes, washes floors. He doesn't expect my mother to do everything, which is good, since she hasn't been very well. He learned how to take care of himself at a young age, because his father was an alcoholic and would spend all of their money on booze, so he got a job, bought his own stuff, and then joined the Air Force, where they taught him how to do all sorts of things for himself.

 

I was taught how to cook, clean, do laundry, etc, when I was a kid, as well. Not for a husband, but for myself, so that I wouldn't be totally helpless as an individual.

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Not in my family's culture. Food and shelter are basic minimums. My mom would no longer be foolish enough to say it to my face, but she thinks my husband is inadequate for not having bought me a house already, for not buying me a new car, and for not being able to take me on vacation every year. When she was my age, she had nicer clothes, jewelry, a house, a cleaning lady, etc., and she's disappointed that I'm not as well off as she was. She honestly believes I made a mistake in marrying a man who wasn't a doctor or engineer.

 

Arrangements like that work for some people, and if they work for you, great. It's just ridiculous to see the way some people describe it as a wife basically being a maid and sex toy and doing everything the husband wants with no obligations or responsibilities on his side. That's pure fantasy.

 

You seem like you come from a rich family.

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This thread went into the direction of traditionalism. Really wasn't my intention to imply traditional roles. I'm more concerned with, well like carhill said find and dating singles which very hard here and after that the attitudes, princess syndrome, abusive behavior, stuff you read about on this forum.

 

You say this as though women don't experience the very same things from men. There are a ton of drama kings out there, abusers, cheaters and a host of other things. We live in a culture where, unfortunately, a lot of people are very mentally and emotionally unstable - men and women.

 

What I'm tired of hearing is this implication that American women are the only ones who are flawed. The truth is, there is probably an equal number of idiots out there in both sexes. Please stop pointing the finger only at American women.

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You say this as though women don't experience the very same things from men. There are a ton of drama kings out there, abusers, cheaters and a host of other things. We live in a culture where, unfortunately, a lot of people are very mentally and emotionally unstable - men and women.

 

What I'm tired of hearing is this implication that American women are the only ones who are flawed. The truth is, there is probably an equal number of idiots out there in both sexes. Please stop pointing the finger only at American women.

 

Yes, if western women are having problems and looking for a solution, I support them.

 

I read your post and honestly, did you not see these problems before you married the guy.

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I'm from a developing country too. Yeah the man provides, but he's only obligated for food and shelter, not a mansion and fine clothes and stuff like that.

 

You know, while it's not necessary for a man to provide in such a way that they all live in a mansion, he does need to provide stability in whatever way that looks like to him and his wife. Hopefully, they're on the same page about that. A lot of men want the doting wife, etc but don't understand their role in that. I would've personally been happy to have my little home and a nice life. Apparently, I was expecting too much. My ex preferred to have me do it all and still pretend he was the man. This simply does not work.

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Yes, if western women are having problems and looking for a solution, I support them.

 

I read your post and honestly, did you not see these problems before you married the guy.

 

Whether I saw the problems before marriage or not, my point is that there's a plethora of men out there who want it all -- in the sense that they think they're entitled and superior to their wives.

 

And to answer your question, no, I didn't see it. I was perfectly happy to work and didn't understand all the complications that came with having children until our son was born. When I figured it out, that's when I made the offer to my husband to go to college full time and finish his degree (he had 120 hrs but they didn't add up to any particular degree). He wanted a big family but had no plan as to how to make that work. That wasn't the only problem between us but it caused me to lose a lot of respect for him.

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