blueberry13 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 married 17 years, 2 girls early teens. Husband is a yeller, curses and gets angry frequently and is disrespectful. Then he's nice for a little while. ANd the pattern continues. He also does not engage much emotionally. However, he's a good provider and is frequently physically affectionate. But forgive me if I happen to bring up his job or ask a question about work. He recently did well monetarily and had informed me his bosses promised to pay him an even better bonus next year and would know in a couple days. WHen I politely inquired about it he got very angry and said he's superstitious and not going to talk about it. As a married partner, I felt this wasn't right and I should be the one person he could share this information with. I made the mistake of inquiring one more time about it and he blew up, told me he's not telling me or I could divorce him, and said there's no such thing as a guy that is 100% honest with their wives and any guy that says he is, is a liar. He then proceeded to harshly say - "you want truth, do you really want to know about every hot girl I look at when I walk down the street or every woman I fantasize about when we're having sex?" He sure twisted the subject and got me to be quiet in addition to feeling very bad. 10 minutes later he'll act like nothing happened and ask if I want to go to a certain concert.. I have plenty of stories where he get's angry all the time and I feel it is unjustified. I just started a new part time job this week and he didn't even ask me how it went? Other friends and family members all called to wish me luck or asked how it went... I am truly living in a way where I work hard to find my own happiness.. Do I stay with someone who is so frequently unkind? It's so tough when you have children...He's a good father and close with kids. We did a few marriage counseling sessions last year but he has recently told me he would not do that again. He recently said ' If you are unhappy we shouldn't be together, he brings up divorce when he gets mad, saying I should leave if I'm not happy. I am left wondering if this is what he wants, yet wants me to do it..or if these are threats for control? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 We did a few marriage counseling sessions last year but he has recently told me he would not do that again. He recently said ' If you are unhappy we shouldn't be together, he brings up divorce when he gets mad, saying I should leave if I'm not happy. I am left wondering if this is what he wants, yet wants me to do it..or if these are threats for control? You'll find out shortly after he's served the divorce papers (and not one minute before). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 He recently said ' If you are unhappy we shouldn't be together, That is one thing that he is being completely honest about with you, and for which you can trust him absolutely. blueberry, what you've described is no way to live a life. Divorce sucks in every way imaginable...but the result is also relief and release and higher self-esteem. Either way, yes, there will be consequences also for your teen-aged daughters. On the plus/positive side, you will be role-modeling for them the lengths to which they may be called upon to go, to ensure their own happiness, self-respect, dignity, fulfillment and freedom from non-loving, hurtful, raged-filled people and bullies. Tell him thank-you for helping you see the light; that you now 100% agree with him and are ready to find your happiness on your own, without him. (With his attitude and perspective, it cannot be found with him in any case.) Big hugs. It is difficult. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Castlemate Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 This is hard to hear but end it for your sake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 He sounds irrational and borderline BPD. I'd be amazed if you were the only person with whom he has these outbursts, bet they're part of his job performance also. Could he be angry/defensive because he not being truthful about his positive performance and feedback? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 What a douche nozzle. And that's being nice to your husband, OP. How have you put up with him for so long? He ain't right, that's for sure. There's no way you should put up with him at all. His behavior is not good for you, and it's a deplorable model of how a man should be to your daughters. How can you say he's a good father when he's such a ****ing *******? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueberry13 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Share Posted September 11, 2014 Wondering if most others agree that that it is wrong to not share financial information as I stated above... And how hurtful his comments are.... Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 OP, before you jump on the D bandwagon. it appears he is very stressed. and with men, stress brings out emotion, and emotion results in saying or doing thing that are not intended. note: he was upset then shortly thereafter asked about a concert. you appear to have strong feelings for him and there are good times (and almost certainly many more in earlier times). i urge you to consider in a quiet moment, to sit him down, look him straight in the eyes and ask what is wrong. the shut up. almost guarantee he will say "nothing". then tell him his RECENT actions has created a huge amount of marital stress. you feel he is turning your back on you and the marriage. that WE need to fix this, or YOU will not continue as it is. it would be helpful if you set a timetable (say six months). you will get three results: 1 --- he will tell you what you already stated. then the other posters are correct. you know it will continue and time for you to consider D. 2 --- he will correct for a period of time then revert back. as soon as it starts to turn back, time for another talk. 3 --- he will correct is actions and you will have a better M. as the least you will know you made a VERY clear attempt to save the M. good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Yeah, his behavior toward you and finances is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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