Seanie79 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 We've been married for 10 years, dating two years before that. I've always been the kind and caring partner in all of these years. Right from the start, I knew she had daddy issues, so I tried to be supportive and encourage her to stay in touch with her dad. Over the past couple of years, life has been hectic for both of us because we have found busy professional lives as well as have settled in a new country. Everything has been so wonderful. We've bought a house together, found fulfilling jobs and a few friends around us in the new country. However, she has often been not interested in sex or found it not enjoyable. Then she recovered from those feelings and told me she was enjoying sex again. I did experience a lot of frustration in the period of time (about two years) when our sex life was slow. I did voice my concern at least one time, but she didn't take it kindly. She used it as an excuse to ridicule me later for a long time, often citing my words and asking me how inconsiderate I was to ask her for sex when she was having a stressful time in terms of her job. I didn't argue. While she is quite interested in sex now, we have had two major arguments recently about sex. In both cases, she has used what I have confided her with in terms of my fantasies and kinks, to attack/humiliate me. She often uses the line "All you think about is sex" in arguments. I am a very romantic person. I plan trips for her, buy her gifts, and engage in conversations with her. I tell her she looks beautiful everyday and take care of her everyday. It is very disappointing to be treated this way, I feel emotionally betrayed, unfulfilled and generally very sad and depressed specially after the 2nd argument that we had last weekend which took place during intercourse. I feel like a part of my soul has been hurt and I just can't go on like this. I am ambivalent as to what I should do. I would very much like to engage in another conversation with her, tell her how I feel and ask her if she feels we can do something to remedy the situation. On the other hand. I feel like she might get defensive. I have been interacting with her since our last argument, but have not been really enthusiastic or loving. What is the best course of action for me? Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Strange I used that as a noun. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Sounds like the issue goes quite deep, if for no other reason than you had a two year dry spell and your negative feelings still linger from that. Also, I find it amazing that in two years of a dry spell you only brought it up once. Assuming she didn't bring it up at all? I dare say your communication isn't that great - at least when it comes to talking through troublesome issues. I know this is everyone answer to everything - but have you thought about a counselor? Just to get you talking to one another honestly. I can't stand the thought that you feel like your soul was wounded, and yet are afraid to raise that to her for fear of more wounding or it getting the situation worse somehow. Those sort of feelings you can't just push down inside as they'll rot in there and cause you more problems in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seanie79 Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 Sounds like the issue goes quite deep, if for no other reason than you had a two year dry spell and your negative feelings still linger from that. Also, I find it amazing that in two years of a dry spell you only brought it up once. Assuming she didn't bring it up at all? I dare say your communication isn't that great - at least when it comes to talking through troublesome issues. I know this is everyone answer to everything - but have you thought about a counselor? Just to get you talking to one another honestly. I can't stand the thought that you feel like your soul was wounded, and yet are afraid to raise that to her for fear of more wounding or it getting the situation worse somehow. Those sort of feelings you can't just push down inside as they'll rot in there and cause you more problems in the long run. I agree. A counselor could potentially be of help. I just don't feel that I should be the one to bring it up. She's been so abusive lately. Why do I have to take the initiative? This just doesn't sit right with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 I agree. A counselor could potentially be of help. I just don't feel that I should be the one to bring it up. She's been so abusive lately. Why do I have to take the initiative? This just doesn't sit right with me. Were I to look at it selfishly, I'd say you take the initiative because fixing the issue makes your life better. Unless you like things the way they are now ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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