I feel my husband is slowly drifting away from us..

[H0LL0W]

greetings to all,

 

i'm new in here and was hoping to get some helpful advice.

 

i'm so depressed about a recent issue in my marriage, i hope its ok if i tell how it goes in here.

 

i'm 28 and my husband is 30. weve been married for almost 6yrs and have a 3yrs old son. he is a faithful man who used to love me completely and i love him so much.

 

My husband and i basically apart due to work. He is working in diffirent place far from where we live. He just come home once a week during his off and spend a day with us for a family time.

 

My husband as i know him and everyone else is a very responsible and dedicated man, he is the kind of person that is dedicated to his work and family he is very hard working that is why he got his goals and dreams fullfilled i can say he is a very successful guy when it comes to work.

 

But then after he got promoted he has changed a lot as i feel it. He said, "He never changed he's just having a very stressful job going on right now, it makes him sensitive and moody".

 

i dont think so it is the only reason, i felt there is something else behind the work stressing him off... i observe him closely and so much things missing in our relationship that we used to have.

 

*Before - We used to talk about everything, about life and our future plans.

Now - He don't talk to me about those things anymore.

 

*Before - He used to share with me everything, talk about how his day went and things he do.

Now - We rarely talk on phone, most of the time he only sends me message telling his already in his room and his tired thats all.

 

*Before - He used to be very fun to be with, we never had a day without laughter he loves to make a joke just to make me laugh.

Now - whenever his home he either just sleep all day or watch football.

 

*Before - We used to have long hours of conversation talking about anything or just having a silly chat and laugh

Now - it only takes us few minutes of conversation or he just keep quiet even were in same room.

 

*Before - He used to be very intimate and loving

Now - hugs and kisses felt like he is only doing it coz he has to.

 

Though still we have a good relation when were together. We respect each other very much, We never fight, i can only count how many times we have disagreements and we always find a way to how to deal with it. Just the diffirence now is if ever we have something we disagree, he will just say "its up to you" or "ok". i want to ignore it coz i dont want to ruin our trust and marriage.

 

it hurts me a lot, i felt ignored and neglected.

tho i felt that way the other side of me dont want to our marriage to go to waste for our son's future.

 

So i chose to hide the pain inside me and act fine like nothings wrong but it really is killing me inside. i want to have a real conversation with him but i dont know how to open up the topic or just am afraid on how the conversation will go.

 

All i wanted is the truth and for him to be honest

 

I dont mind how painful it will be if ever he will tell me he dont love me anymore or he has someone else.

 

All i wanna know is the truth and the reason why.

Im so confused and depressed.

 

Sorry for the very long post...

i just felt i need to breath it out to clear my chest.

 

thanks a lot for reading...

a meaningful comment or advice is very much appreciated.

[jackslife]

I'm so sorry. You won't like to hear it and you will hear it on here from a lot of people on here. But I think your husband is having an affair. Every single thing you have described are all classic symptoms of a man cheating on his wife.

 

Go on to the infidelity section and start reading the other posts.

 

Don't shout at your husband or ask him straight out (he will lie and gaslight to cover his affair up). Gather evidence via a PI, key logger or other devices. You won't have to dig very deep.

 

Again I'm really sorry. Both in this section and the infidelity section you will find tale after tale of a spouse asking very similar questions, and then slowly discovering the painful truth.

 

I am sorry, you are being cheated on.

[Lisey9]

I do think it's possible that he is just tired and stressed out, but like the poster said above these are also classic signs of cheating.

 

 

Next time your husband is home just tell him that you don't feel close to him anymore, and give him concrete things he can do to make you feel more loved and secure.

 

 

Like the poster above though, I would not tell him that I think he might be cheating.

[oldshirt]

I disagree with asking him what is going on at this time. He will just lie and gaslight and rugsweep (look up those terms if you aren't familiar with them)

 

If you confront him without any cold,hard proof, he will just deny anything and go deeper underground and cover his tracks better.

 

I also reccommend doing your own investigation and find out for yourself what is going on. Get a key logger program for his computers, stash voice activated recorders in his car or suitcase and the place he is staying when he is gone. Get a GPS tracker program on his phone.

 

If he is spending this much time away from home, hiring a PI to watch him would be effective.

 

There is a good chance he either has a serious porn problem and is simply draining his tank by masturbating to porn every day, or he has someone on the side when he is away from home.

 

Have solid proof in your hand before you approach him about this or he will just deny it and cover his tracks better.

[jackslife]

If he does not suspect you suspect his guard will be down.

 

If he is having an affair, he may think he is covering his tracks well. The truth is finding evidence of an affair is very easy. A voice activated recorder is cheap to buy and install.

 

Key loggers on laptops are easy to install. If he is going away on business and seems to be looking forward to it, you can follow him yourself and check hotel.

 

If he is having an affair when out of town, his guard will be down so he'll be having drinks in a bar, going out for meals in public etc...

 

I'd recommend reading this thread...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/487354-husband-cheating-maybe

[winterpast]

I have an almost identical marriage as you, right down to the ages.

 

Although anything is possible, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion of an affair. If you want to investigate that part, then do so quietly but wait until you have concrete proof before jumping to those conclusions. Automatically jumping the gun with accusations will only make him more distant.

 

Honestly, based on what you have wrote, I think he is extremely stressed and probably depressed. I think some men are too embarrassed to admit things like that, especially to their wives.

 

If you want to talk to him about things or to get him to open up, then do so slowly and gently. If you open up the flood gates on him all at once it will just shut him down and he won't even process what you are saying.

 

I know how you are feeling, I'm in the same boat.

[Mr. Lucky]

Although anything is possible, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion of an affair. If you want to investigate that part, then do so quietly but wait until you have concrete proof before jumping to those conclusions. Automatically jumping the gun with accusations will only make him more distant.

 

Honestly, based on what you have wrote, I think he is extremely stressed and probably depressed.

And maybe exhausted on top of that considering he's traveling home on his day off.

 

I worked in a similar situation, 80-100 hrs week away from home, traveling back on my day off. And despite my best intentions to reconnect, I was so brain-dead and tired I slept away much of my time there. Soon decided the effect on my marriage and family wasn't worth the advancement/income.

 

You may have a similar decision to make...

 

Mr. Lucky

[H0LL0W]

Thanks a lot i really do aprreciate the comments you've all given.

 

i had a deep conversation with my husband and we did talk about everything that is going on right now.

 

And he everything got clear for us.

my husband never had an affair with another woman

he felt bad and sorry for how his job causing trouble to our relationship and family. Take all of his time, he felt sorry for having such ambisius mind.

he wanted to give us the best of everything, yeah true financially we have more than enough for a small family like us,

he worked hard to earn and prepare for the better future, though his job is giving him stress he keeps going thinking its for the sake of us.

That if he just have a bit more patient soon enough he can be with us as much as he want stay with us and he can take us with him anywhere they assign him to work.

 

He did ask me to keep my patience and faith,

keep the trust coz thats the most important to keep our marriage.

jost think possitive, he knows its not that easy and he promised to do the best he can not to bring with him his work whenever he is with the family and ask me to remind him if ever his loosing it again.

he told me never want to loose us, coz everything he work hard for and all his sacrifices is for us.

 

I believed him i felt the sincerity of his words,

my husband is not a sentimental type of guy, he dont really open up himself to anyone, it is very rare for us to talk about feelings he is not the type of guy who would promise you the world in their words, but he is more on showing his feelings through actions he never promise something he knows he cant do, he is the man of honour. so whenever he speak up his thoughts and feelings i can feel the sincerity.

 

Am letting myself keep my marriage

i hope and pray that things work best for us.

thanks a lot for everyone who comment and give their views

i really do appreciate it all a lot.

 

please do wish me luck...

[DontStop]

Also symptoms of a drug addict hiding his addiction, just saying.

[Popsicle]

greetings to all,

 

i'm new in here and was hoping to get some helpful advice.

 

i'm so depressed about a recent issue in my marriage, i hope its ok if i tell how it goes in here.

 

i'm 28 and my husband is 30. weve been married for almost 6yrs and have a 3yrs old son. he is a faithful man who used to love me completely and i love him so much.

 

My husband and i basically apart due to work. He is working in diffirent place far from where we live. He just come home once a week during his off and spend a day with us for a family time.

 

My husband as i know him and everyone else is a very responsible and dedicated man, he is the kind of person that is dedicated to his work and family he is very hard working that is why he got his goals and dreams fullfilled i can say he is a very successful guy when it comes to work.

 

But then after he got promoted he has changed a lot as i feel it. He said, "He never changed he's just having a very stressful job going on right now, it makes him sensitive and moody".

 

i dont think so it is the only reason, i felt there is something else behind the work stressing him off... i observe him closely and so much things missing in our relationship that we used to have.

 

*Before - We used to talk about everything, about life and our future plans.

Now - He don't talk to me about those things anymore.

 

*Before - He used to share with me everything, talk about how his day went and things he do.

Now - We rarely talk on phone, most of the time he only sends me message telling his already in his room and his tired thats all.

 

*Before - He used to be very fun to be with, we never had a day without laughter he loves to make a joke just to make me laugh.

Now - whenever his home he either just sleep all day or watch football.

 

*Before - We used to have long hours of conversation talking about anything or just having a silly chat and laugh

Now - it only takes us few minutes of conversation or he just keep quiet even were in same room.

 

*Before - He used to be very intimate and loving

Now - hugs and kisses felt like he is only doing it coz he has to.

 

Though still we have a good relation when were together. We respect each other very much, We never fight, i can only count how many times we have disagreements and we always find a way to how to deal with it. Just the diffirence now is if ever we have something we disagree, he will just say "its up to you" or "ok". i want to ignore it coz i dont want to ruin our trust and marriage.

 

it hurts me a lot, i felt ignored and neglected.

tho i felt that way the other side of me dont want to our marriage to go to waste for our son's future.

 

So i chose to hide the pain inside me and act fine like nothings wrong but it really is killing me inside. i want to have a real conversation with him but i dont know how to open up the topic or just am afraid on how the conversation will go.

 

All i wanted is the truth and for him to be honest

 

I dont mind how painful it will be if ever he will tell me he dont love me anymore or he has someone else.

 

All i wanna know is the truth and the reason why.

Im so confused and depressed.

 

Sorry for the very long post...

i just felt i need to breath it out to clear my chest.

 

thanks a lot for reading...

a meaningful comment or advice is very much appreciated.

 

What? Are you kidding me? Men love being in this kind of marriage. Don't Worry, he'll never leave you or acknowledge that anything is wrong. He thinks he's "happily married" and "loves his wife". He can go on for a lifetime like that. None of this means he's cheating either.

Edited September 11, 2014 by Popsicle